Leeteuk never felt such nervousness before in any of his life, except when being nominated every awards night. He couldn’t think properly and he couldn’t think of how he could defend himself. He was presented with much evidence that he could not even deny that it took place. The copied photographs he saw on his manager’s hands are real. A shot of him and taeyeon in bungee jumping, even if those where the only photos, it produced a weighted evidence that they were out together. He was glad that they hadn’t been followed on some of the locations though. At least taeyeon wouldn’t really be disappointed at him.

Or would she? He knew taeyeon would be really devastated even with one photograph not concerning with the management activities. Taeyeon once ignored him before because of the same accessories incident that coincided with their almost intimate moments at the radio show. And the same accessories incident weren’t even a much of an evidence and yet she really took it seriously. He didn’t want to happen that again. he didn’t want to be ignored for another couple of months. Not now when they are starting to rekindle their closeness.

Leeteuk sighed. It was his fault. He shouldn’t have invited her out due to the risks it would cause. But he was really careful and he even rented the places just so no one could see. Even the bungee jump place was hidden. The one who captured the picture must have cared for them less.  He really wished the unknown photographer confided to him first before turning over the shots to their management. If it was all about money, he could have closed the deal.

The manager scolded him for being negligent. He couldn’t defend himself for that because of the evidence. The manager understood him fairly enough that he let him talk about what really happened. Leeteuk told him everything, starting from the snsd raid to their dorm and how he managed to let taeyeon go out with him. The manager scolded him again and said that he wasn’t thinking properly that time, even letting girls inside the place. Leeteuk took all the responsibilities accused at him.

Manager hyung told him that the management needed a word with him because of the pictures. How could leeteuk explain everything even if his own manager, who supported him through various sj activities, cannot even think of counterattacking the management? He was obviously caught in something that he must be liable enough to take the faults as his own.

He cannot let taeyeon immerse in this. He cared so much for her career.

Leeteuk took out a few deep breaths as he and his manager reached the board room at the top floor of the sm building. He went inside to find the head of the artist center seated at the central part of the long table, the assistant vice presidents at the sides, and a nervous girl on the other, who leeteuk was very much shocked to see.

taeyeon was with them.

------------------------

“let me see. Bungee jumping. How nice being out with a co-talent of the same agency?” the artist center head blurted, in which leeteuk didn’t know how to respond to the overflowing sarcasm. “I presume that this picture is true? Are you really together at that moment of time?”

He crossed his arms, not avoiding his eyes to leeteuk and taeyeon.

“yes.” The suju leader responded. He can see taeyeon nodding her head too and he was sorry for her being entangled in the situation.

“I see.” The artist head concluded. “and I presume that you are aware of the management’s policy that both artists of the same agency are not allowed to date together?”

“we weren’t dating.” Taeyeon defended.

That’s really true, leeteuk thought.

“weren’t dating.” The artist head repeated. He stood up from his seat and started walking around the boardroom like a prosecutor.

“weren’t dating.” He said again.  “Suppose that someone sees you two together, like the unknown photographer who by a nick of time captured both of you smiling and enjoying in a provincial area. do you think he or she will just conclude that you are just hanging out like typical friends?”

“we were really just hanging out.” Leeteuk said, upon seeing taeyeon at loss for words. He should protect her all the way. “I asked her to be with me as a punishment, I made her agreed on that. Its my fault and I will take responsibility for this.”

“glad to know that you know the boundaries well mr. park.” The artist head beamed. “and sad that you risk that boundaries too. I am so disappointed with your ignorance of the agency’s policy.”

leeteuk couldn't believe that he could change expressions so easily.

the suju leader bit his lip. He knew that his statement would go nowhere.

“sir, I’m sorry but I really was careful. I chose the province to avoid people who can notice us so I practically led her there.”

 “how is super junior popular throughout asia mr. manager?” the artist head asked leeteuk’s handler.

“they are very popular in various asian countries, not just in asia but also in some other continents.” Manager hyung replied.

The artist head smiled and eyed leeteuk with a threat.

“so how come super junior leader cannot be noticed in korea?” he asked sarcastically. “I conclude that park jungsu is not aware of his responsibilities as a model to the other artists, I am so devastated.”

Leeteuk sighed. He can see at the corner of his eyes that taeyeon was trying to hold back her nervousness. what was instilled in his mind is the goal to protect her.

“sir, please if there’s anything you want to say more, let ms. kim out of this.” He pleaded.

the artist head was not pleased.

“miss kim taeyeon, are you dating park jungsu?” he asked.

“no, were just friends.” taeyeon was firm in her stand.

“hmm.. that’s a very Hollywood like answer.” The artist head said, pointing a finger to the snsd leader. “lets try a very personal question.”

He paced to and fro, and halted as if seeing a very bright light.

“miss kim, do you like mr. park?”

Leeteuk froze. That was too much of a personal question.

“is it necessary?” taeyeon asked, thinking of the question as a joke.

“do you like mr. park?” the head artist asked again. “miss  kim, all you have to do is just say yes or no, is that too hard for you?”

“no, its just. Its just too personal.” Taeyeon replied. She began to ponder on herself too if she has feelings for leeteuk.

Does she really feel the same way, like leeteuk? She was always thinking of it as a big no. it cant be that she likes him, but whenever she thinks of that, it seemed really vague. It seemed that she always has the wrong answer.

“it seems like kim taeyeon cannot answer my question.” The artist head said, taking a seat. “and because of that, I’ll take the answer as a ye---“

“no, I don’t like him.” Taeyeon replied.

“are you sure? That looks like a forced answer. I find this topic quite interesting.” The artist head goggled.

“I don’t have any feelings for mr. park.” Taeyeon repeated, looking at leeteuk straight in the eyes.

“very well, I’ll take that as a true statement.”

Leeteuk looked up the ceiling to stop his eyes from welling.

“mister park jungsu, do you like miss kim?” the artist head asked.

Leeteuk looked at taeyeon who was giving him a signal to deny his feelings. He shook his head in disappointment.

“don’t say it.” taeyeon mouthed.

“I love her.” he said, much to her surprise.

The artist head viciously smiled, resting the weight of his head to his hand.

“it seems like we already have a solution.” He said while looking at the assistant vice presidents witnessing the meeting.

“mister park, hear your final verdict.”

Leeteuk sighed. He cannot listen anymore but he has to.

“since mister park jungsu is responsible for violating the company policy of being with co-talents, and for admitting openly his affection to miss kim, he will be put to a suspension from super junior activities and a temporary restraining order of at least ten meters away from the snsd leader. Mister kim heechul will temporarily be the leader of super junior unless we put some matters into consideration. Mister park, you will still be resuming your activities with miss park kahi because you are still under a contract with we got married.”

“and as to miss kim, you will still be the snsd leader and will continue doing your activities. I find suspension unnecessary to you.” He continued.

Leeteuk sighed.

“sir, I would be very much willing to be held responsible for this incident.” He said. “but a restraining order?”

“do you have any problems with the restraining order miss kim?” the head artist asked taeyeon instead.

She shook her head, trying to avoid leeteuk’s gaze.

“taeyeon, you cant do this to me.” Leeteuk pleaded, reaching out for her hand.

Taeyeon put her hand away from him.

“its for the best.” She said in a low voice.

“taeng, please.” Leeteuk said.

“mister park, the more you talk about this, the more im willing to hand out another sanction.” The artist head rolled his eyes.

“sir, please.” Leeteuk was dropping on his knees, ready to bow.

“mister park, you could have ask anyone to go out with you except our family talents. Its so simple as that, were not putting any restrain to your lovelife. a policy is a policy.” The artist head said. “you may have escaped the intrigue before but you cannot now, even if the management will do its best not to have the photos circulate. This is all for the protection of other artists and for discipline. Think of this as a lesson, mister park. Someday you’ll going to thank us for raising you like this.”

“the temporary restraining order starts tomorrow.” He continued. “you are dismissed.”

---------------------

 leeteuk ran after taeyeon heading to the snsd practice area.

“taeng!” he called out.

“aish, I thought you’re going to ignore me.” Leeteuk smiled as he tried to catch up with her pace with few deep breaths.

Taeyeon sighed.

“oppa.”

“why? What’s the problem?” asked leeteuk.

“you’re not supposed to talk to me remember?” taeyeon said rather uneasily, looking at her surroundings.

“I have some hours left before tomorrow, taeng.” Leeteuk said, trying to sound positive. “we have to talk about everything before they start putting the restr---“

“there’s nothing to talk about.” The snsd leader said, walking out.

“taeng!” leeteuk stopped her by blocking her way. “taeng, please talk to me. I really need to know one thing.”

“what one thing?” taeyeon asked.

“I need to know why it took you a couple of seconds before saying the answer about you liking me.” Leeteuk said.

He was really hoping to hear a good answer from her, even if she denied it. but taeyeon just laughed, as if he was kidding.

“I was pretty preoccupied that time, I don’t mean anything else.” She said. “don’t take it as if there was really something, oppa.”

“oh.” Leeteuk looked like he was physically drained from all aspects.

“but don’t you want to hear my side?”he asked, referring to the incident.”taeng, im really sorry if I brought you out there, but im telling you, I’ll do what I can to get you out of this.”

“oppa, there’s nothing we can do, all we have to do is to respect the company’s policy.” Taeyeon said.

“to get hold on to our lives? Taeng, I’m okay with the policy, I know that I violated some terms technically but don’t you know what it means to have a restraining order?” leeteuk asked.

He was getting simultaneous negative feedbacks from her, killing his hopes.

“it means as if I was criminal stalking you, as if I have done really wrong.” He sighed, looking at her. “taeng, is it wrong to love you? To put my affections on you?”

Taeyeon opened to respond but she can’t think of words.

“oppa.” She said. “we both know the policy, you should have put that to your mind in the first place.”

“I’m sorry, but I have to go.” She turned her back on him, leaving him helpless.

“I didn’t know how it happened!” he called out, following her. “i just woke up one day realizing that im inlove with you.”

Taeyeon stopped in her tracks.

“oh great, so its my fault?” she asked, rolling her eyes. “its my fault that you fell for me?”

“no.” leeteuk said. “what I mean is, I don’t expect this kind of feeling to take place. And you know what? I realized that this is one of the greatest feelings I have, it’s a great feeling falling inlove with you, taeng.”

Taeyeon shook her head.

“I’m sorry oppa.” She said. “but you have to stop that from now on. Were both protecting our careers. You are five years with super junior already, you cant destroy the years that you put up together with your group. And I have snsd with me, were so young, we want to explore everything in our lives. The success, you know, everything!”

“its all just glitter and glam.” Leeteuk understood well that taeyeon was too young and would really want success as a goal. “what is success when you don’t have any inspiration, taeng? Someone who keeps you going when you think that the world is against you?”

“that’s the problem with you, you just think of love as the most powerful thing in the world.” Taeyeon said. “how can you be so selfish not thinking of your members and my group? Don’t you know that what you did almost destroy super junior and snsd?”

Leeteuk closed his eyes to think.

“I didn’t mean to harm the reputation of any group.” He told her back, opening his eyes. “I always put superjunior before me, I know that your career is the most important for you in the moment. I just want you to know what I really feel, you know that I was always careful when with you around just as so people wouldn’t suspect anything going on,even if there is really nothing. I respect your decision and everything, taeng. I just want to clear things before the agency starts prohibiting me to get near you.”

“and I don’t really  like the restraining order, so im hoping that you’ll help to at least clear that suspicion but I guess you wouldn’t do something about it.” leeteuk added.

“its for the best, oppa.” Taeyeon said.

Leeteuk heave out a deep breath.

“so you really think that prohibiting me to get near you is the best solution for your career?” he asked.

he knew what she was thinking, he just didn’t want to believe it til she says something.

“oppa, its for the best, i dont want to repeat this anymore.” Taeyeon said, firm in her words.

“just as I thought.” leeteuk mumbled. He looked up to the metal lights hanging at the ceiling, trying not to cry.

“oppa.”

Leeteuk stared at her. is she going to say something that will contradict what she just said?

“please, just leave things the way it is supposed to be.” Taeyeon said.

He felt crushed.

“okay? Then let it be as you wish… okay… araso.”

And he walked out.

--------------------------

“what’s for dinner?”

Kahi turned around to see leeteuk at the front door, leaving his shoes. He looked really tired and uncomfortable. But what surprised her was that he was still smiling as he approached her. She didn’t know what happened exactly the moment his manager called and she wanted to. All those questions that lodged in her brain want some disclosure. Kahi just hoped that leeteuk will at least share some information.

Leeteuk was looking at her when he took a seat at the table. He retrieved some utensils and poured himself some water on both cups she prepared. Kahi took a seat too. She would have expected him to be messy or at least drunk, but smiling? What was the management’s meeting anyway? Was it even good news? It can’t be good news since leeteuk somewhat got caught in a picture with taeyeon. But the smile, oh my god, kahi thought. something was definitely behind that smile. Leeteuk maybe the cheerful type of guy but today was really different.

 “how was your day?” she asked. What a question, Kahi thought. she already knew that there was something that happened.

“fine.” He replied which surprised her. “you?”

“just a couple of dance practice, I’m experimenting new routines.” Kahi said.

She wanted to tell him about her day but it seemed that he won’t be able to catch up with her.

“that was a good one, Kahi.” Leeteuk said, cheering her.

“yah.” Kahi took a deep breath and stared directly at his eyes. “I don’t want to beat around the bush anymore, I want to know what happened. Are you okay?? Smiling is creepy, please stop that.”

Leeteuk didn’t blink.

“its okay, I just don’t want you to be entangled with this sort of stuff and plus I’m fine.”

“jungsu.” Kahi said. “you are not fine. You always keep problems to yourself. Its not like were acquaintances or something.”

“it worries me when you’re being like that.” She added, touching his shoulder.

leeteuk’s face was expressionless.

“cmon, tell me. Maybe I can help.” Kahi encouraged.

Leeteuk smiled again.

“its okay kahi.” He assured her.

Kahi sighed.

“I want to know.” She stared at him.

Leeteuk ran his fingers through his bangs, cooling himself.

 “okay, since you really want to know” he said. “I got suspended.”

“you mean super junior activities??” kahi asked. She was in a deep shock.

“yup yup.”

“for what reason?” kahi asked. She really can’t understand the sudden action of his agency. “just because of those pictures?”

“you got it.” leeteuk winked.

“oh my gosh, jungsu.” Kahi shook her head and went to sat with leeteuk at his side.

“don’t tell me there’s more punishment, there can’t be something worse than that right?” she asked.

Leeteuk leaned his head on his right hand, facing her.

“I got a restraining order.”

“what? Wait, from taeyeon?”

“yes.” Leeteuk replied. “for openly admitting my feelings, I got a punishment like that.”

Kahi didn’t know how to comfort the leader. His idea of taking things lightly with a smile really creep her out. He cant always be like that.

Leeteuk stared at her with a look that almost says that its going to be alright.

“jungsu..” kahi could only say his name, not knowing what comfort she can do.

She stared at him too, only that her eyes contradict the way he was looking at her. she was ready to be a shoulder to cry on.

“I’m sorry but I cant handle this anymore.”

Leeteuk’s smile faltered. He bent down his head to avoid her seeing his eyes.

"aish, i really at lying don't i?"

And He cried.

Kahi didn’t know what to do but to follow her instinct.

“just let it all out.” She whispered, embracing him.

------------------------

“we’re bringing him to the dorm.”

Kahi gaped at kim heechul’s sudden command to bring leeteuk back at the super junior dormitory. He was with ryeowook at the front porch, another super junior member willing to go out in the middle of the night just to get his hyung.

“I’d love to bring him to you guys but I think his suspension does not allow him to go back to your dorm either.” Kahi said.

“no one will know.” Said ryeowook.

“his manager will know.” Kahi said.

Heechul thought for a minute.

“maybe he can disguise, eh?”

Kahi lightly poked the 83 liner in the ribs.

“what are you talking about?” she laughed. “yah, I know you guys want to comfort him at the moment but I think his presence to your dorm will just aggravate his thoughts. He’ll blame all the things to himself.”

“noona has a point.” Ryeowook looked at heechul with concern.

“aish, always keeping problems to himself.” Heechul mumbled. “anyways, if there’s something we can help, just contact us okay? Im giving you my cellphone number.”

Kahi let heechul type his contact information on her phone.

“how’s teukie hyung?” ryeowook asked.

“he’s fine. He just cried a while ago but he slept after that.”

“aww.. hyung.” Ryeowook stared at the floor. “but did he eat? He might be hungry now.”
“don’t worry, he ate his dinner.” Kahi assured him.

“did he tell you anything about what happened?” heechul asked.

Kahi nodded. “told me everything, suspension, the restraining order, how the management gave the sanction, how taeyeon reacted to the situation.”

She sighed. All that had happened to leeteuk was a complete disaster.

“I don’t like the restraining order thing if you ask me.” Heechul blurted. “its too below the belt. I wish taengoo should have helped him with that.”

“ne. “kahi agreed.

“when leeteuk hyung shared the story, we all cried except him.” Ryeowook mentioned. “I guess he was being strong that time so the members won’t fall out.”

The maknae looked away from everyone’s view, wiping away his tears.

“aish, its okay, I promise to take care of super junior for the mean time.” Heechul put his arm around ryeowook’s shoulder.

“do that, please.” Kahi said. “I’ll also take care of your leader to cope up with this stuff. Anyways we still have taping days left before we got married ends so I have pretty much time to comfort him.”

“kamsamnida noona.” Ryeowook bowed.

“ne, we’ll be going, send our regards.” Heechul tugged ryeowook with him.

“I’ll tell him you brought ramen.” Kahi winked.

“ne, kaseyo.”