It’s been four days. Four days since my confession, and four days since I’ve spoken or communicated with Jimin. Whenever we pass each other in the apartment, he tries to corner me, but I manage to escape every time. I’m such an idiot. I can see the pain that flashes in his eyes every time I ignore him, the way his lips turn downward in a frown. And yet he still tries, even when I continue to push him away, further and further.

I can still remember the day so vividly, see the colours flashing and hear the soft sound of my crying. I can still feel the brush of his shirt against my cheek and the way his fingers slipped into mine, curling around my hand. I can still hear his shocked words, still hear the sound of my disbelief, and I can still hear my haunting words. Because the I love you was never supposed to happen.

And last of all, I can still feel his body right beside me, arms wrapped around my shoulders, my neck buried in the crook of his neck awkwardly, as he tries to comfort me.

Now all that is gone, and all I feel is a hole in my heart, and the whispers of my empty words echoing all around me, reminding me of the lies I created. I shouldn’t have snapped. I shouldn’t have watched Jungkook spill my secrets and I shouldn’t have ignored it. And now all I can do is ignore it, like my heart isn’t actually burning and my brain isn’t actually numb. Because it sure as hell feels unavoidable, and one day I know I’ll have to face my problems.

But right now I’m okay with this painful hole, I’m okay with this bleeding wound across my heart. I’ve always been okay with it.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Jungkook asks me softly from the doorway, snapping me out of my musings. His arms are crossed in a questioning manner and his eyes are curious, peering at me through his bored stare. I know how he really feels, he feels scared for me and worried for Jimin, because he knows how much this hurts and he feels guilty. If he hadn’t said anything, would I be here?

Would I still be packing my bags and getting ready to leave?

“Yes, now stop asking me that,” I retort for the fifth time, spinning around and shooting a glare at Jungkook. “I need to do this,” I say again, much quieter.

Jungkook regards me with doubt and uncrosses his arms, running a hand through his hair in an anxious manner.

“Taehyung, I’m serious. Are you okay with this?” Jungkook’s voice is desperate and he steps forward, placing a hand on my elbow. His fingers grip my arm loosely, and his eyes stare into mine with uncertainty. I shrug off his arm with a snort and push him back with my left hand.

“You think I would be doing this if I wasn’t sure?” I ask him angrily, fearing my own hesitation and doubt. I can’t deny that I’m not going to back down, and that’s what scares me. But I have to do this, it’s all I can do. I shake my head and clear off my feelings and thoughts, trying to ignore the unease, and unwilling to deal with my thoughts.

“We should go now,” I remind Jungkook, my dry lips with resolution. Maybe I couldn’t do this, maybe I wasn’t strong enough. Jungkook sighs in defeat and backs up, nodding and rubbing his forehead with disappointment