Last Goodbye

Yoongi needed time. Time to swallow the bitterness and accept everything. He couldn't cry out loud like Taehyung, or cry to himself like Seokjin. He cannot cry; he feels too dry.

His head aches as he gives more thought about it. Partly from the injury, and partly because he had given too much thought about it.

And he shouldn't cry, because he has never. Yoongi wasn't like your normal human; he rarely cries, and steels his heart to almost anything emotional.

Because he, unlike the rest, had a very rough life.

He didn't even know how it felt to be taken care by someone. He was so used to doing things on his own that needing help was such a foreign concept to him. Asking for help was something he'd consider an 'alien gesture', because he had never did that for sixteen years of life.

And now, when he recieves help without asking for it, he feels strange. As if he's begging, for some odd reason.

He eyes Taehyung looking far away at something, eyes filled with sorrow, and feels so suffocated by it that he needs to get out as soon as possible.

He doesn't know how, but he finds himself out of the building in a few minutes, looking at the swarm of people walking right and left. He takes a deep breath, deciding to join along them and let his legs take him to wherever it decided to.

Being outside helps him. It's like a breath of fresh air, away from the chaos that is his life.

As his legs go to somewhere familiar, climb into the bus going to that familiar place, so does his memory.

Being a kid, Min Yoongi never had any normal friends. He grew up to be rather distant from his Father's profession, trying hard to not let it find his back and pull him in. A ten year old, not wanting his be like his Father? That was rare. But Yoongi had a reason. He had a very strong reason to run away from his home and almost die on the streets, if not for the connections his Father had and somehow found him shivering and starved in the cold.

Min Yoongi was never happy.

He stops, looking down at the gravestone with a smile. He could never forget this place. Even if he was a thousand miles away, he would still remember the way to this place. He can never forget it because this place had given him more solace than his own family could.

"It's been so long, Mom" He sighs, sitting on the ground. Right now, he just wants to pour everything out. "I hope... you're doing well up there"

He is amused at how awkward he feels doing that, because he had done it for as long as he can remember. His memory isn't that good, or he had purposefully wished to forget it. He doesn't remember that either.

A heavy silence hangs in the air, cutting its way through his conscience. Cry, it demands him. Cry like it's the last day of the Earth. Cry like you lost yourself.

It wasn't wrong, though. He had lost himself somewhere between the pain of growing up and breaking away. Somewhere in the corner of his rotten memories, the Min Yoongi he wished to be, he wishes to be like, exists. And that is the only thing which keeps him moving on. Someday, he wishes to touch that far-away and almost impossible wish of his.

"I-I don't know, Mom" He chokes on something, which he realizes later as tears. "I don't know if anything I did was right. Am I right? Did I do anything wrong?"

He hopes for an answer, but it doesn't come to him. It never does. Let it be in exam halls, or here, answers don't come to him right away.

"Promise me one thing, Yoongi" Yoongi heard a voice, but it rather lulled him into sleep than keep him awake. He needed to stay awake.

"Y-Yes, Mom. I'll promise you anything" He managed to mutter, the pain on his head slowly subsiding. His vision was getting blurry with every passing second; he wondered why no one could find them.

"Don't... become like... Dad, hm?" He nodded fervently. "Live. Live for me, for you, for everyone else, but not... like your Dad. Will you, Yoongi-ah?"

He wasn't awake to reply to that, nor did he get another chance to reply to that.

"In the end... I'm slowly becoming like Dad, right?" He laughs bitterly, but his eyes don't display that. They're filled with a void so big it could not be filled with anything in the world. "I guess... It does happen at a time"

He wishes someone would answer him. He looks at the swarms of people walking right and left, and wonders to himself: everyone are running, but why am I still here?

"Where is she?" He yelled, trying to get up but a sharp pain shooting up his spine. "Where is Mom!?"

"Shut up, Min Yoongi. She isn't coming back"

"Where the hell is she!?"

His questions go unanswered as the door shuts before him, locking him tightly in place.

He could still somewhat remember her soft smiles to him, her kind words which were such a contradiction to his father's character, her strength to endure everything.

"Let me out," He slid down the door, exhausted from struggling to get out from here.

He almost gave up. Almost.

"Get him out of here; take him somewhere he cannot be found" He barely listened to his father anymore. His eyes strayed over the messy floor as he heard his father talk to one of those in the room; he didn't bother knowing who it is. "No one should get him. And you, Min Yoongi," He looked up at the mention of his name. "You don't tell a soul about anything that had happened here, and you know what will happen if you say it"

He nodded. That was all he can do. He was at the brink of breaking down, but kept himself, pulling at every last bit of strength he had. "Mother?" He asked, finally mustering up the will to word it out.

"She's no more. Don't tell anyone, or--"

"I know" He walked back inside, firmly locking the door so that no one would ever get inside, and finally, finally he let it all out.

"I-I just wish you were here, y'know, to scold me for being bothered over everything" He laughs, and feels to be genuine for the first time in days.

He doesn't bid goodbye; he never does. He believes saying goodbye means letting them go. And the last time he farewelled someone was his Dad. He doesn't have any regrets about it, though. He wants to let him go; be far away from him and his near-happy life.

On the headstone, he grazes a hand over the name engraved on it, smiling one last time before walking away. 

I'll live, because I cannot die. Because I have people who want me to live.

Goodbye.

a/n: so! someone commented below on how they were curious about yoongi's life, and honestly that line was written in the spur of a moment but still! it stands as an inspiration to write a short backstory for yoongi. and everyone personized here are fictional characters so please do not come at me c: even yoongi, to a large extent, is a fictional character :D

hope you like this short backstory! and do comment on how this was!

(p.s: also please love akmu a lot they're cutie pies who give GREAT music pls love them)