Suho POV

 

Everything seemed off lately. And it didn’t have anything to do with me. Or most anyone in the group. But the group was missing something. The joy that once filled the studio during rehearsals seemed to be missing. And I suppose it had to do with Baekhyun and Chanyeol. The happy duo, as I liked to call them, seemed to be like zombies just dragging themselves along. It started with Baekhyun, and then Chanyeol, but I couldn’t let it go any further than it had already. It was like I had lost two member. I couldn’t lose any more and I desperately needed them back.

 

The happy duo weren’t happy lately and it was throwing everything off.

 

I had to do something about it now.

 

“Sehun!” I called for my boyfriend. I assumed he was either eating or playing a game. Or both.

 

“Yes?” he looked up from the video game he was currently involved in while shoving handfuls of puffcorn into his mouth. Just as I had guessed.

 

“I think I’m gonna invite everyone over to the house. We need to talk about Baekhyun and Chanyeol. I want all the members to help.”

 

“Sounds good to me. I’ll go get some snacks.”

 

“Sehun, we don’t need snacks.”

 

“We always need snacks.”

 

“Sehun,” I said, trying to convince him that we didn’t need snacks, even though I knew my convincing wouldn’t work.

 

“Suho,” he said, throwing me the classic Sehun sass that I couldn’t resist loving.

 

I smiled at him, “Fine. Go get snacks from the store. And don’t be too long,” I said and handed him my credit card as he grabbed the keys to drive to the convenience store. I knew the snacks were going to be more for him than anyone else and also that he would always take forever to at the store but I let him go anyways. Making him happy was what I cared about most in this world and snacks were one thing that I always knew would make him happy. I’d never known a boy who loved snacks as much as Sehun.

 

After Sehun left, I pulled out my phone to message the group, leaving Chanyeol and Baekhyun out of the group chat. Making group chats was never a good idea, but I never seemed to get the brains to not make them. It was just so much faster and easier, even when I did get about 100 annoying replies from the other group members.

 

I wanna see you all at my house in the next hour. We have to talk about some things.

 

If I’m being honest. My choice of wording sounded a bit like I was about to yell at them about something. I sent it anyway, hoping they wouldn’t be to scared to show up. Well, if they didn’t show up, I would make sure that they would feel Kyungsoo’s wrath. I was hopeless at scaring them, so Kyungsoo was my go to when I needed to really get something done.

 

A few minutes after I sent the text, my phone lit up with more replies. C’mon guys, I didn’t need replies.

 

Jongdae: K

 

Luhan: Who uses the word “K”?

 

Kris: @Luhan: what are you too much of a manly man to use the work “K”?
 

Xiumin: Hey, stop picking on Lu.

 

Jongin: And the boyfriend comes to save the day!

 

Luhan: Hey! I like girls!

 

Jongin: Just admit it we all know you two are a thing.

 

Luhan: What like you and Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin: Yes, like me and Kyungsoo.

 

Satansoo: JONGIN. I thought we weren’t telling the group.

 

Jongdae: Ooooooooooooooh, someone’s gonna get their beat. Get your popcorn, ladies. This’ll be a show.

 

Tao: Can you guys stop blowing up this group chat. I’m trying to take a nap.

 

Yixing: Wait what’s going on?

 

Kyungsoo: GUYS JUST SHUT UP AND GET TO SUHO’S

 

Ugh, they were so annoying sometimes. But, like I said, I can always trust Kyungsoo to get something done for me.

 

By the time Sehun got back from the store, everyone was already sitting in the living room at my house, and, not to my surprise, they had already made a mess of the place. Of course.

 

“What took you so long?” Luhan yelled as Sehun walked through the door.

 

“Snacks,” Sehun mumbled, arms full of bags of snacks. He had enough food to feed a small army; or maybe just Sehun for one evening. And he even had an open bag of potato chips hanging from his mouth.

 

“Of course,” Luhan replied, “Shouldn’t have even had to ask,” he said rolling his eyes.

 

“You couldn’t wait to get home before you started eating?” I asked him, trying to help him carry some of the food but he refused to let me.

 

“What do you want from me? I’m a hungry boy?”

 

“Even after all that eating, he still looks like a noodle,” Luhan said, smirking, causing Sehun to hit Luhan in the head with the bag of chips.

 

“But you’re a y noodle,” I whispered in his ear, and he slapped me for that one, too.

 

After a few minutes everyone had settled down a bit and we were all gathered in my living room.

 

“Why are we here anyways?” Jongdae asked.

 

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun.”

 

“What about ‘em?” Jongdae asked.

Kyungsoo facepalmed at his reply, “Did you even notice that they weren’t here?”

 

“Oh yeah,” Jongdae said, still looking slightly confused.

 

“It seemed like something was missing,” Yixing said.

 

“Yeah, I think we’ve all noticed a difference lately,” I said.

 

The group nodded looking slightly sad.

 

“Do any of you have any insight into what may be going on?” I asked, hoping someone would know something that I didn’t about Baekhyun’s situation.
 

Jongin spoke up, “I tried talking to Chanyeol the other day about Baek, but he didn’t say much. Actually, he didn’t really say anything at all. He seemed like he could handle dealing with it on his own. But I’m not so sure about it.”

 

“Should we do something about it?” asked Tao.

 

“Can you guys just make sure to keep an eye on them? Keep asking?” I said.

 

Everyone nodded.

 

----------

 

We had all ended up playing Monopoly until Kyungsoo ended up dominating everyone and Tao started whining because he was losing badly.

 

After everyone left, I speed cleaned the mess they left and Sehun and I collapsed on the couch.

 

“Heard anything from Chan or Baek lately?” Sehun asked.

 

“No. Usually Chanyeol texts me, but he hasn’t.”

 

Sehun wrapped his arms around me, trying to comfort me.

 

“You think they’ll be okay? I can’t help but feel a responsibility for their well-being,” I asked him.
 

“They’ll be okay Suho. You can’t worry too much or others will start worrying about you, too.”

 

“I just want the happy duo back.”

 

“We all do,” Sehun said, his head on my chest, “we all do.”
 

-----------------------

 

Chanyeol POV

 

Silence. That’s what I would use to describe the hours that followed leaving the studio. When things got bad for me, silence was the loudest thing I could experience. But my tongue couldn’t move to speak, so I let the silent scream of my own head overtake me. There was no point in trying to ignore it.

 

Sleep. That was a distant thought at this point, something that seemed like a fantasy I couldn’t quite grasp. My hours were spent with eyes open, head pounding, eyelids burning, throat dry. If I only could fall asleep, or if only sleep could fix anything.

 

Panic. That was what was wrenching my stomach. It wasn’t bad. No, it was bad. It was terrible and it wouldn’t go away. The thing is, panic makes sense when you have something to panic about. But when you didn’t, then it was like stepping off a building and not knowing whether the ground was there. And I was falling and falling and falling.

 

It was getting bad again. Everything.

 

The downward spiral was faster than ever before and I couldn’t help but imagine what would happen when I hit the pavement.

 

-------

 

Baekhyun POV

 

Every time I stood up, I couldn’t see for a minute. A fuzzy black screen covered my vision as my body begged for more energy.

 

No food in 2 days.

 

No Chanyeol in 3 days.

 

He hadn’t left his bedroom and I had barely left the outside of his door.

 

He didn’t answer when I spoke but I knew he was there. Sometimes I could hear his breathing quicken on the other side of the door.

 

I had seen him like this once before. Years ago. But it hadn’t happened so fast that time. But I should’ve known. I should’ve been looking for the warning signs.

 

I stood up, almost falling over, breathing slowly until my vision returned.

 

I knocked on his door, “Chanyeol.”

 

No reply.

 

“Chanyeol, are you there?”

 

No reply.

 

“Chanyeol, I’m going to rehearsal. See you there.”

 

But I didn’t really know if I would see him there.

 

I didn’t know what to do.

 

-----------

 

Chanyeol POV

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

My mouth wouldn’t move.

 

“Chanyeol.”

 

I wanted to answer him and let him know I was okay.

 

“Chanyeol, I’m going to rehearsal. See you there.”

 

But I wasn’t okay.

 

And he wouldn’t be seeing me at rehearsal.

 

I think he knew that, too.

 

I squeezed my eyes shut and listened to his footsteps around the house. I heard the front door close behind him.

 

I sat up in my bed, breathing out heavily.

 

I had almost forgot for a second.

 

The kiss.

 

Baekhyun kissed me. He said he loved me.

 

But how could I believe him?

 

It didn’t seem real to me.

 

Nothing seemed real right now.

 

Everything seemed like a dream.
 

Not a dream. A nightmare.

 

No matter how slowly I tried to breathe, what I did, it felt like I was in a state of constant agonizing unrest.

---------------------

 

Baekhyun POV

 

“Baek! How’s the duet with Chanyeol going?” Suho asked me as soon as I stepped into the studio, “....wait….where’s Chanyeol?”

 

“I drove by myself.”

 

“Is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” I lied, faking half a smile. Maybe I shouldn’t have lied.

 

“You look tired,” he said. And I realized I had forgotten the undereye concealer.

 

“Not anymore than usual,” I replied, fully knowing that undereye concealer wouldn’t have changed a thing.

 

-------

 

Rehearsal was finished for the day and I felt as if I was about to keel over.

 

“Baekhyun, don’t leave. I need to talk to you after the others leave.”

 

It was Kyungsoo.

 

“Yeah?” I said, hoping that this would be a short conversation.

 

“You know you can talk to your friends. You and Chanyeol seem very distant lately. He wasn’t even here today. Everyone has been making sure we all keep an eye on you two. Don’t think we don’t notice. I can’t let you two keep distancing yourselves,” he looked very worried, not a usual look for Kyungsoo. He made me almost want to tell him everything. The whole truth.

 

But I couldn’t. I didn’t. I just looked at the floor.

 

“Baek, please, talk to me,” he pleaded. But I couldn’t talk.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” I said. And I left the studio, not looking back for I might’ve cried.

 

---------------------

 

Chanyeol POV

 

Baekhyun would be home in 15 minutes. And I didn’t want to be in the apartment.

 

It seemed to take all my will to get up out of my bed and leave my bedroom, but I did it. I had to. I needed some air.

 

For the first time in a 3 days, I left the house. I brought nothing except my keys to the apartment.

 

When I stepped outside, the chill of the air hit me and I shivered. I was in only a short sleeve t-shirt and sweatpants. I probably should’ve brought a sweatshirt or a jacket but the pain of my freezing finger tips almost calmed me. It was a small pain to focus on that brought my thoughts away from the pain in my head.

 

I walked as slow as I ever had before, all by myself, taking short strides, my hands in my pocket. Nobody was outside because the day was dreary, and I liked it that way, nobody to bother me.

 

I passed the coffee shop that Sehun took me to once or twice, him always seeming practically ready to shove bubble tea down my throat, forcing me to like it as much as he did. But memories, even as simple and happy as those ones, seemed as cold as the air to me, like the memories weren’t real, but yet another thing all in my head.

 

I wanted to cry, but my body wouldn’t let me. My eyes were dry and my throat was heavy. My limbs seemed to drag me down. I needed a place to sit down and try not to think.

 

---------------

 

Baekhyun POV

 

Home was empty. Chanyeol’s door was open.

 

My stomach was empty. Not in the way that I hadn’t eaten for days, though I suppose that was true also, but in the way your stomach empties when something doesn’t feel right.

 

I had to go find him. I had to make it all okay. Everything was my fault and I had to fix it. I shouldn’t have kissed him but I had to. I wanted to.

 

I would’ve driven to look for Chanyeol but I figured he couldn’t have gone far and it would be easier to find him on foot. So, i grabbed my phone and jacket, and left the apartment as quickly as I had returned there moments ago.

 

---------------

 

I was planning on walking but I couldn’t help myself from running. Anything to find Chanyeol.

 

I passed all the familiar places around where we lived. A coffee shop where Sehun got his favorite bubble tea, the convenience store I used to stop at often, I even passed the building where Jongdae lived, about half a mile away. I hoped that Sehun had gone this way.

 

It hurt to run. My body simply didn’t have the energy and I felt as if I would pass out. But I wouldn’t let myself. There were more important things at the moment.

 

I had run about a mile already. Though I suppose that now I was down to a dragging jog, as fast as my body would currently allow. My energy was drained. I had just been at an intense dance rehearsal and I hadn’t eaten in days.

 

Just when I thought my body was about to give up on myself, I saw him.

 

Chanyeol was sitting on a bench in a park near our house we used to often go to in the summer. The bench was positioned near a rocky riverbank. The air near the water was cold and I noticed he didn’t have a jacket. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes open, he barely looked alive. He didn’t notice me standing at a distance either.

 

I ran to the bench, stopping a few feet away from him.

 

“Chanyeol?”
 

He looked up at me and his eyes looked sad, his gaze felt heavy and sullen.

 

“Are you okay?” I asked. But I knew the answer to that. He wasn’t okay.

 

“I don’t know,” I accepted the answer because even if it was vague, I knew what he meant.
 

I sat next to him and looked ahead where he was staring again.

 

“You’re getting sad again, aren’t you?”

 

“You could say that,” he replied, not moving.

 

I turned to him, “Would it feel better if I kissed you?”

 

“Maybe.”

So I kissed him. And I felt his tears roll onto my cheek.

 

-------------

 

I had been sitting on the bench near the river in the park. Miserably failing at not thinking.

 

And then he was there.

 

Baekhyun.

 

He said my name and I looked at him, but I didn’t know how to reply. He looked weak and drained of energy, like he had spent the last of his self running to find me.

 

And the tears were about to come. I tried to hold them back.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

 

“I don’t know,” I said, knowing that I should’ve said no.

 

“You’re getting sad again, aren’t you?” he asked me. I didn’t know what that meant but a small part of me knew entirely what that meant.    

So I replied vaguely again, “I guess you could say that.”

 

“Would it feel better if I kissed you?” he asked, looking up at me. And with his words, the memory of the night in the studio filled my head. It felt like a wonderful dream but a nightmare at the same time. And I did want him to kiss me right now. I really did.

 

“Maybe.”

 

And he did kiss me. And that’s when the tears came because it was worse than anything to not feel anything at all in his kiss. It felt cold. For the first time, kissing Baekhyun felt empty. And I decided that I couldn’t do this anymore.

 

--------

 

A/N

 

Well, was it too dramatic?

 

This was originally going to be two chapters but it’s less than 3k words so I just combined them.

 

Leave me comments about anything! Did you like it?

I have a lot more time to write now so get ready.