Chanyeol’s POV

As expected, the other members were wondering what had happened to Baekhyun. My phone was in a constant state of buzzing and lighting up. This was slightly annoying but understandable. For the first day, I ignored my phone, promising myself that I would only focus on Baekhyun. He was the most important thing and our friends could wait a little while. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t die of suspense.

I was the only one here for Baekhyun. He did have parents, I think, but I had never met them and it was pretty clear that Baekhyun had lost connection with them. During our trainee days, everyone was always getting calls from their parents, skyping them and talking on the phone. The other members talked about how much they missed home. Baekhyun didn’t though. He was always unusually quiet whenever anyone started talking about home or their family. He didn’t mention them and never went home for holidays like the others. I had asked him about it once. He told me he had parents but he didn’t want to delve any more into the subject. I left it alone ever since then.

It had been a day since the rehearsal when he collapsed. I figured that it was time to at least text the other members back so they wouldn’t be too worried. If I waited any longer, they would probably show up to the hospital and be their annoying selves. And I’m pretty sure the last thing Baekhyun wanted at this moment was 11 people crowding around him asking him a million questions.

I left Baekhyun’s room,  my phone in my hand, looking back at him, “We gotta let them know you’re okay,” I explained, “or they will show up here and do you really want Sehun jumping all over you?” I asked him trying to cheer up the situation by joking around. Unfortunately, my joking manner didn’t seem to be working. He still had lots of worry in his eyes, “Don’t worry, I won’t tell them the whole truth.” Relief washed over his face. I left the room, looking at the missed messages and calls on my phone.

Suho seemed to be the most worried, judging by the abundance of text messages and missed calls from him. This seemed typical. He always wanted to make sure we were okay. I was surprised he didn’t come to the hospital and murder me yet for not replying to his messages right away. I searched through my other text messages, not bothering to read all of them because they probably all said the same thing, looking for the group chat that the 12 of us shared. I didn’t feel like calling all of them as I had originally planned. It seemed like too much effort. A group text would do. Finding the chat I typed, No need to fret any longer boys, we’re okay. :) I pressed send and placed my phone in my back pocket, strolling back towards Baekhyun.

I was taking Baekhyun back home today. He wasn’t going to a treatment center. That’s what he had decided and I decided to respect his decision. Everyone had their reasons. I just hoped his reasons were the right ones. Even if he was just going home with me, he was going to get better. He said that he was prepared to take the steps to get better. It worried me. Of course it did. How could it not? Damn that boy and the way he worried me. However, we did live together and I would be there for him. I knew how to cook. I knew what he liked. I wouldn’t dare let him relapse.

The doctor had talked to Baekhyun, asking him lots of questions and set him up for appointments and with a nutritionist. The doctor also talked to me. I would be making sure the followed the meal plan and went to his appointments. I could tell that Baekhyun hated it like this. He didn’t want anyone to police his life. He was a grown adult, he wanted to manage himself. But he would have to let me help him. I couldn’t let him destroy himself.

Later that day, I was to take him home. My car was still at the dance studio down the road so we decided it would be a good idea to walk there together. We both needed some fresh air anyways. The hospital is not a fun place to be stuffed up for a long time. I could understand why he wanted to go home. It was a pretty day outside. It was cloudy but not cold and gloomy. There was a slight breeze, just enough that you might need a jacket. Baekhyun’s hair was messy in the wind. I loved the way the wind blew his hair. Soft, blonde strands flying in the breeze yet always seeming to fall messily back into place when he shook his head a bit.

I glanced at his pale hands, hanging at his sides, his thin fingers curled slightly around the end of his t-shirt. I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted to reach for it and feel the way it fit perfectly in mine. But I figured that he wouldn’t want to. I had been hovering over him for a while, paying all my attention to him, and he probably wanted to be left alone for a little bit. I tried to walk as close to his side a possible though, longing to feel closer to him. Our walk to the car was silent and calming, the kind of quiet that I found relaxing in his presence.

When we got to my vehicle he stopped before getting in, “Chanyeol.” My name barely left his lips, so quietly, though I loved the way my name rolled off his tongue.

“Baekhyun,” I replied, us both getting into the car. I know, that wasn’t the right reply, but I just wanted to say his name, to feel the syllables roll of my lips.

He continued anyways, “Chanyeol, please don’t let me burden you. You don’t have to feel obligated to do anything for me.”

I started the car and looked over at him. He was perfect. His skin flawlessly pale, lips soft and slightly pink, eyes shaped perfect to match his cheeks. His hair hung in such a way, falling seamlessly over his forehead. His jawline was soft and his arms were the kind of arms I longed to feel wrapped around me. He sat, staring at his hands in his lap, slightly slouched. His pale blue shirt was slightly oversized, showing his collarbone. The way his collar bone stuck out of his skin, sharp like pieces of glass, made me worry, but I still found beauty in it. He saw me staring at his collarbone and he pulled up his shirt to mask it.

“Baek.”

“Yeah?” he said, looking up in my eyes, his brow slightly furrowed. I saw more color in his face than I had seen in awhile. There was a slight pink brushing his cheeks, making him look more alive. I wanted to kiss his cheeks, they looked so soft but I could see him waiting for my response, so I shook the thought out of my head.

“You know you mean the world to me right?” He didn’t respond, he just glanced away, looking out the window, his eyes lay on nothing in particular, only trying to avoid my gaze.

“Baekhyun. Listen to me.” He turned his head back towards me, letting his hair cover his face as if he were hiding, hesitating to look me directly in the eyes. “I need you just as much, maybe even more, than you need me. I’ve been worrying about you for months, Baek. But it doesn’t matter because I would worry about you no matter what. That what happens when you care about someone, you worry about them, even when they’re perfectly fine. It’s because I care about you Baekhyun. So much.”

I could see my words processing in his face. He was staring at his hands. He didn’t respond to what I said. I understood. I didn’t expect him to. So, I started to speak again, “You have to try, Baek. For me?” I looked away for a moment, thoughts filling my head. Even though this had little to with me, I couldn’t help but feel guilty. If I’d have tried harder to save him….
 

My thoughts were interrupted when Baekhyun replied, myself looking up to meet his eyes. I noticed he was finally looking me directly in the eyes instead of being afraid, “For you.”

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That night I cooked Baekhyun dinner. I knew he loved pasta so I made spaghetti. Pasta was one of the few things I usually made. My diet was pretty boring, actually. I usually ate pasta, rice, or potatoes. Baekhyun used to make fun of me for it but I knew that I made a d*mn good bowl of spaghetti. I knew he might not want to eat it but he willingly sat down at the table with me. I had made the whole box of pasta, knowing it would all be eaten but I was to lazy to guess how much we needed. Does anyone really know how to measure a proper amount of pasta? I had put a lot in his bowl, more than enough, hoping it would will him to eat more, looking at him and waiting for him to take the first bite.

“You can stop staring,” he said, noticing my obvious stares at him, watching him to see if he would eat and how much he would eat.

“Sorry,” I said, a bit embarrassed that I was making this awkward for him. I looked away but I was still trying to watch him out of the corner of my eye. I noticed he tossed the noodles with his fork a lot, playing with his food rather than eating it. When he did finally pick up a forkful to eat, it was barely a forkful and he only nibbled on it, taking the smallest bites probably possible. I thought about saying something, thought about willing him to eat more and take bigger bites, but at least he was eating something, and that made me happy for now.

I started to relax a bit, actually trying to eat my own bowl of pasta instead of focusing all of my attention on Baekhyun. While I had been watching him, my pasta had started to get cold so it wasn’t exactly the most appetizing but I ate in anyways. I had barely eaten anything before Baekhyun got up from his chair. I looked up to him, noodles still hanging out of my mouth.

“I’m tired,” he said, “I’m going to take a shower,” he sighed.

“O-okay,” I replied, moving my eyes to his bowl. He hadn’t even eaten half of it. But it was something. A small step in the right direction, I suppose. I didn’t want to force him. He was an adult so I shouldn’t baby him.

I cleaned up the table quickly, seeing how his pasta was significantly chopped up from him messing with it more than actually eating it. I cleaned up, rinsing out the bowls, leaving them to was later, and made my way to my bedroom. As I passed by the bathroom door, I stopped, thinking I should see if he was okay. What if he had made himself throw up? I didn’t think he had ever done that before but I didn’t know for sure. I leaned sideways, my ear touching the wooden door, door handle pressing into my side, trying not to make a sound and give away that I was there. All I heard was the shower. A wave of relief washed over me. That was good right? He would be okay, right? I did have to give him some privacy. He wasn’t going to actually get better if he didn’t want to himself.

I heard the shower turn off and I rushed to my room. I didn’t want him to know that I was basically spying on him. Although, I suppose he probably expected it.

I flopped on my bed and realized I was tired. Very tired. My bed felt so soft and warm, the pillows so fluffy. I was so ready to fall asleep.  It hadn’t crossed my mind until now, but I hadn’t slept in a long time. I was too worried about Baekhyun to take any short naps at the hospital. I almost fell asleep right there on my pillow but I heard footsteps coming down the hallway. I glanced towards my open door, and waited for Baekhyun to pass by. I saw a flash of him, towel around his waist, ribs poking out a little, skinnier than he should be. I sighed stressfully when I knew he couldn’t hear. Why can’t he see he’s so beautiful?

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I awoke the next morning. My clothes were still on. I must’ve fallen asleep without realizing it after dinner. It was okay though. I needed the sleep anyways.

I squinted at the sunlight peeking through the crack in my white curtains across the room, trying to find my phone to check the phone. 9:27 a.m. It was Saturday.

My thoughts immediately traveled to Baekhyun.

Breakfast. He needed to eat breakfast.

I reluctantly dragged myself out of my bed, pajamas still on, hair a mess, and trudged to the kitchen, opening the fridge, a blast of cold air hitting me. We had barely anything left to eat, unsurprisingly. We would have to go grocery shopping today. Baekhyun hadn’t been grocery shopping in months. He always made me do the shopping. But I was going to drag his cute to the store today whether he liked it or not.

The only thing we really had for breakfast was cereal so it would have to do. Even though I wasn’t a huge cereal fan, I knew Baekhyun liked Cinnamon Toast Crunch a lot. Or he used to at least. He used to get cravings for it back in our trainee days and he would leave the house at midnight just to go to the convenience store down the street to buy Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I think the only reason that store started stocking Cinnamon Toast Crunch was because of Baekhyun. He probably used to keep them in business just by the amount of Cinnamon Toast Crunch he would buy back in those days. I would wake up in the middle of the night, wondering who was making noise, and I would find Baekhyun in the kitchen shoving spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth. I remember Jongdae tried to sneak some of his cereal to eat one day and Baekhyun nearly killed him before Suho had to pull Baekhyun off of him. That was the last time anyone tried to touch Baekhyun’s Cinnamon Toast Crunch. The last time Baekhyun had eaten the cereal had to be months ago. I longed to see his joy for something as simple as Cinnamon Toast Crunch again.

A few minutes later, Baek came out of his room, still wearing blue and green plaid pajama pants and a baggy white t-shirt. His hair was such a mess, blonde strands sticking out in every direction. It was adorable. I longed to run my fingers through his mop of hair and wrap my arms around him. I quickly shook the thought out of my mind and brought my head back to the important thing here. Cereal.

“We have Cinnamon Toast Crunch,” I said, he didn’t reply. But he did sit down at the table. And he did pour himself a bowl of the cereal, which brought a small smile to my face.

He looked around. “Milk?” he asked, looking confused.

“Oh. Yeah,” I said, a dash to the fridge, pulling out a carton of almond milk and smelling it, “This is still good,” I stated, practically pushing the carton into his hands.

“A little eager there?” He asked, laughing a bit. There it was, the smile I loved, slightly square shaped, lighting up his eyes and forcing my cheeks into a smile as well.

His bowl was a normal serving, with an about equal ratio of cereal to milk, as he always had it. I couldn’t help but smile again as I poured myself a bowl because I figured if he had poured his own, he would be eating it all. I hoped he would be eating it all.

“We’re going to the grocery store today,” I told him, not knowing what to expect back.

“Ok, have fun,” I was pretty sure he had heard the ‘we’ in my sentence and was choosing to ignore it.

I sighed, “No, Baek. You’re coming with me.”

“What, why? Can’t I just stay here. You know what I like and I hate the grocery store anyways.” He started getting a little defensive about it.

“I think you know why you have to come with me. Please, Baekhyun.”

I remember months ago when we would always go grocery shopping together, Baekhyun throwing sugary snacks into the cart when I wasn’t looking and me taking them out of the cart and placing them back on the shelves when he had his back turned. I was glad he lived with me because I don’t think he would’ve eaten anything besides Twinkies, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Twix Bars if he lived on his own. We balanced each other out in a way. I made sure he ate like a normal human being and he made sure we weren’t eating completely boring foods. Of course, that had changed. I went back to my boring foods and he started to eat less. But with time, I think we can get that balance back.

I brought my focus back to a frustrated looking Baekhyun, “Fine,” he snapped, clearly not happy with me forcing him on a trip to the grocery store later. I wanted to try and fix things, not wanting to leave the conversation unhappy, but I don’t think there was much I could say to make it better. I had to accept that there were going to be times like these if he was going to get better. It couldn’t always be happy happy joy joy. That’s not how life worked no matter how hard I tried to be the happy virus, sometimes it wasn’t always the time for a happy virus.

Baekhyun used to be a happy virus just as much as I am. He was my light, everyone’s light. He was obnoxiously loud and hilarious, but in a way that made everyone happy and pushed everyone to have fun. He was never annoying to me. He was just a ball of sunshine.  But I guess an eating disorder took away his light and he got lost in the darkness. I found it hard to see in the dark, too.

While I was thinking, he had gotten up to go to his room and get dressed, putting his bowl by the sink. I had barely noticed him leave. I went to the sink and I saw that his bowl was empty except for a many little crumbs of cinnamon floating in the almond milk. I rinsed out the bowl, happily. Small steps.

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Baekhyun’s POV

Chanyeol had dragged me to the grocery store. Well, reluctantly, I came here on my own will, mostly wanting to make Chanyeol happy, even though I would much rather be at home watching a drama. But making Chanyeol happy was much more important that watching dramas, so here I was at the grocery store, pushing the cart while Chanyeol was picking up every apple, checking for imperfections.

“Do you want red apples or green apples?” Chanyeol asked, tossing an apple back and forth between his hands.

“Red, of course. Ew, who eats green apples?” Even though I hadn’t eaten an apple in while, I still had a very strong opinion on the right kind of apple.

“I like green apples,” Chanyeol replied.

“Are you serious, why? I don’t think I can be friends with you anymore after this apple dilemma.”

“What do you mean, why? They’re delicious and tart,” he was very confident in his answer. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who felt strongly about the right color of apples one should be eating.

“They taste like a rat’s a**hole.”

“And how would you know what that tastes like?”

“You don’t know me.”

“Ha,” he said, obviously laughing at my reply, and pulling his arms around my waist, hitting me playfully with the bag of red apples. We both started laughing. He did know me and he knew me well. I had to admit I missed this, laughing together with Chanyeol. Maybe there was some substance to the saying, ‘Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.’ I felt ultimately better.

Seconds later I heard a voice, “Of course you two would be the ones to cause so much ruckus in a grocery store. I see Baekhyun must be okay because you seem to be beating him with a bag of fruit.”
 

It was Sehun, Suho trailing behind him. I saw they were holding hands. I would have to tease them about that later.

“Oh please, Sehun,” I replied, “Like you’re a quiet little goody two shoes in public.”

“I’ll have you know that I have never been arrested for making too much noise in public.” Sehun said, a haughty smirk on his face.

“Oh, wow, how accomplished you are Oh Sehun.” I said, bowing to him as if he were royalty.

“Well, there was that one time…” Suho piped up, looking up at Sehun, teasingly, a smirk spreading across his face.

“We promised never to speak of that,” Sehun said, “Now wipe that grin off your face.” Sehun slapped Suho’s a**.

“Sehun, I’ll get you back for that,” Suho said pointing a finger at Sehun.

“I guess we shouldn’t ask about ‘that one time’,” Chanyeol said, playfully rolling his eyes at their obvious romance.

“Anyways, you guys should come to our house tonight. We’re watching some movies. There’ll be snacks,” Suho said invitingly.

“See you there,” Chanyeol confirmed, before I could decide.

“Great,” Suho smiled, “Now let’s go Sehun. We need to buy some oreos be cause someone ate all of mine,” and Suho practically stomped away, Sehun trailing behind him like a puppy dog, us laughing at them.

I wanted what they had. They wouldn’t really admit it, but everyone knew they were a thing. I hoped someday I could deserve a relationship like that.

I glanced at Chanyeol and he gave me that smile of his, nothing in the world looked happier than that smile, or reassured me more than his smile

“C’mon, let’s finish shopping,” I said, taking Chanyeol’s hand in mine.

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A/N

So I’m hoping this is better because it’s a little bit longer than the past chapter. I’m a little proud of myself. I think I know where the story is going, at least for the next couple chapters or so. I don’t have a complete outline though because I didn’t originally plan on this being a chaptered fic.

Thanks to everyone who read this! (Also, I love comments and suggestions.) <3