"Drink does not drown Care, but waters it, and makes it grow faster." - Benjamin Franklin

Chapter 8

It wasn’t an easy decision for Yunho to stay far away from Jaejoong but he realized that he wasn’t the best man to pursue such a nice young man like Jaejoong. He already got too much in his hands, no need for another man like him, to babysit two drunken heads will be too much in Jaejoong’s plate, for the first time in a long time, Yunho want to be a better man, he want to at least deserve the attention Jaejoong has been giving him.

So he choose to go away from Jaejoong.

He asked his father to send him abroad to continue his study, he want to change, as much as he could. Yunho’s father was suspicious at first for the change of event in his only son, the rebel, the one who didn’t want to hear any good advices, but he is happy that his son want to at least try, so he gladly arrange everything for Yunho to be able to continue his study.

The fact is, Yunho didn’t even know himself if he could change, maybe he just want to run away again from his feeling, he didn’t know good anymore, so when it was in front of him, he got scared.

The road of change is not a joke, it require determination, it’s a 24/7 of works, full time jobs with a crystal clear goal but Yunho unfortunately doesn’t really has it.

So he tried and tried, living in New York was not much a fun thing to do if you have a load ton of tasks from your university but he tried to endure it, even though his drinking problem didn’t go away and disappear like magic, but this day he actually able to lessen the amount he consumes the liquor.

He doesn’t know if Jaejoong ever miss him, if he ever remember about him in his daily life, He just wish that someday he will has his pride back to face the man that stir the urge to change in him.

Everything almost looks promising but Yunho’s life, it just doesn’t suit him to be that bright and right, so he doesn’t feel so surprise when one day he feels the stark sharp pain in his chest when he was busy studying for his exam.

Suddenly the thing that he had built carefully, brick by brick start tumbling down again, he just doesn’t has strong foundation to begin with, he didn’t tell anyone, not even his father, in fact he doesn’t believe that he has someone who care deeply about him, he endures the pain for six months and laughs it off until he couldn’t take it anymore, all the liquor he had taken start to take a toll in his body.

*March 14th, 2017*

Yunho knocked at Jaejoong’s door, He practically takes flight from New york, thousands miles away from Seoul, He thought he could live away from Jaejoong, trying to be strong alone, but it becomes unbearable, after his doctor said that they couldn’t predict for sure for how long he still have time, probably have maximum 3 months left or less, he keep dreaming about Jaejoong drowning, like the vision will become reality if he didn’t come to his side.

He wasn’t so sure about how would Jaejoong welcome his return, all he could think when he fly back to seoul was he need to see Jaejoong and to make sure he is okay, he need to see him so he could fill the void inside his own heart, he needs Jaejoong for his selfish reason because he couldn’t bear anymore the thought of not able to see him for the last time before he leave this world for good, he doesn’t know when his illness will take him away, it will be any second, it depends on his will to survive, it depends on the miracle because the medication apparently not the best hope anymore, he was already at the worst stage when he discovered about his heart condition.

It was simple, he only need to see Jaejoong’s warm smile and he think he could live another day just from that gift, when he landed in seoul, after battling for a hundred times in his mind should he come to Jaejoong’s house or not, disturbing his peaceful life, whether he is worth even a handful of sand in Jaejoong’s eyes, whether he is worth anything at all.

So here he is in front of Jaejoong’s house, he knocks the door with mix feeling, Mr. Kim appeared at the door, the man still look the same the last time he saw the man, less drunk but the sadness in his eyes had weight up, so he feel sympathetic right away, it was the right decision for him to leave then because Mr.Kim look so much better now, if he stay here, he must had been standing in their way, in Mr. kim's recovery, he defininetly sure that he will be dependent on Jaejoong as well and both of them will make jaejoong's life much harder, but it seems both of them have find their motivation to be a better man at least for Jaejoong's sake.

Mr. Kim Had learnt his lesson the hard way, if want Jaejoong by his side, he need to change because apparently he couldn't afford  to lost another important person in his life, it was a scary thing to experience when Jaejoong suddenly disappeared from home without words, he thought he will never see him again, he promised himself if Jaejoong come back, he will do what ever it takes to make him stay.

it was obvious, he needs to try to quit drinking, with helps from doctor and therapist and of course Jaejoong support, he feels like he is much better now than he ever had, apparently, the only thing he need was a strong will and Jaejoong makes him realized it.

“Jung Yunho, isn’t it? What a surprise, it’s been a lon