part xii

countless twinkling dots hung over wonwoo that warm summer night as he laid on the hood of his car, falling into a repetitive lapse of closing his eyes and wishing that all of the negative thoughts that had claimed his mind would whisk away into the darkness above him and opening his eyes and realizing how much he regretted walking out of the door.

he could still envision seungcheol with his smug smile across his lips, knowing that he had plucked the very string of wonwoo’s that could easily transition him from fine and dandy to trying to control his temper. it wasn’t fair that wonwoo could be so easily agitated by the mere existence of seungcheol, but he did know that life was never perfect and that there had to be some downs in life to have greater ups.

choi seungcheol was the kind of down he wanted to stay down.

he could still see mingyu off to the side, etching every inch and curve of his worried expression that he showed at the situation. he couldn’t help but to be curious as to what was really running in his mind at the moment as he slowly started to let go of seungcheol’s blunt answer. mingyu couldn’t have possibly said that he was ‘thinking about it’. does he not remember the nights he spent crying because of him? does mingyu really not remember how stupid he felt for always coming back to seungcheol?

wonwoo groaned as he sat up, blankly taking in the view of the waves rolling onto the shore to a small rhythm. he couldn’t quite compose himself just yet. he was still trying to collect himself, trying to see what little of himself he could piece back together to form the formerly known jeon wonwoo that wasn’t feeling so much like at the moment. he hated when these kinds of things happened because it always took him a while for him to jump back into the game.

he glanced down at his watch, frowning for the nth time ever since he had left the apartment building. he had only realized it was an hour and twenty four minutes after midnight. that was time that he could have been back at home fooling around with mingyu as he finally turned twenty one, time that he could have probably been spending with jihoon and jeonghan as well and decide to start some now ritual of spending birthdays together, time to just have a good time after suffering the hell that was summer classes.

instead, here he was because of seungcheol, burdened to no end and sighing all over the place as all of the memories flooded back, slowly reaching out to grasp wonwoo by the neck with her long slender fingers to suffocate wonwoo and remind him of the pain he had to endure.

instead, wonwoo was chugging down on his sixth can of beer, completely intoxicated and falling into his own world of pessimism and disbelief as the only thoughts that could come up to bless him were full of daunting misconceptions that he willed himself not to think of positively.

instead, wonwoo was finding himself trying to clear the evidence of tears that streamed down his cheeks by can number seven, the boys head hanging between his knees as he could only succumb to the feeling eating at him this way.

he was a sad drunk, he remembered telling wonwoo that one time they were at the bar when he complained that he was going to be alone on valentine’s day, and the sadness kicked in tenfold though he had no one to vent to and nothing that was worth venting.

it was only then that he remembered mingyu again.

he thought he could feel the other male sitting on the hood next to him, an arm coming to round his neck as his hand would rub his shoulder. he thought he could hear mingyu’s soft voice cooing him, trying to soothe him with dumb memories and promises of bubble tea if he stopped crying. he lifted his head, lifting his hand to look at the palm of it littered with crescents from his nails digging into the skin.

he thought he could feel mingyu’s fingers lace through his own.

he thought he could feel the warmth surging through his body.

he just thought that mingyu was there.

there was nothing in the world that could pull wonwoo out of his reverie as he laid back on the pane of his windshield and connected the stars to form the constellations. he always thought that his life was a constellation, with one star equivalent to a happy memory as they were all connected to each other by one strong factor. he could connect two stars of memories and make a line, a third and make a triangle, fourth a square, and add more and more corresponding moments of his life into the picture and form a dazzling piece of work in the night sky.

the constellation in his mind, though, was an all too familiar face.

no matter how hard he tried to rearrange them in his mind, putting this memory here and that one there, the outcome was always the same.

 it wasn’t the fact that it was an unappealing sight, no, but wonwoo just.. wasn’t too sure of himself that he was creating this artwork by coincidence.

the dots in the sky seemed to move on their own in wonwoo’s mind, rearranging to his will until it came again: the face that made him sit up in realization, the face that had his eyes glued to the canvas above holding the only masterwork that had him hooked and intrigued from the very beginning.

he fumbled to pull his cellphone out, squinting at the brightness of the screen before adjusting to it and dialing the first number that he saw. he wasn’t completely coordinated, didn’t even take the time to see who the receiver of the call would be, but the words were capped in his throat and he just needed to get them out to someone before he swallowed them back.

“.. i.. oh my god i’m so drunk… where do i begin.. i just can’t get him out of my head right now and i don’t know why. he’s always there just smiling at me and making me feel all of these weird things and i could never bring it to myself to acknowledge them because.. he’s mingyu. he’s my bestfriend. he’s like my brother. we’ve done everything together and we’ve shared so many things and.. and.. i guess that can explain why he’s always on my mind lately but i feel like it’s so much d-deeper than that… it really can’t be just the fact that he’s on my mind that he’s making me feel this way. it.. it feels more than what i felt for jun… way more than that, and i just don’t know what it is or what to do about it and it’s ing eating me from the inside out and i just want to yell and scream… ugh! it’s happening again! his.. his smile and his nose and his chin and his nice skin and.. it’s all coming to me and he looks so perfect in my mind right now. i could just.. reach out.. and touch him.. kiss him.. just hold him and tell him he’s the most ing precious thing in the world to me. i just.. i don’t want him to be with seungcheol again. that. him. if he had to be with anyone, it would be me, right? right? it should be me, right? i.. i’ve been there for him since he was six.. i’ve practically been glued to his side ever since and i’m the only one that knows that he sleeps with a nightlight because of that one time i told him that he’d get dragged under the bed if he ever slept alone in the darkness.. i was the one who still cheered him on to date amber regardless of how much at loss i felt when he started to spend more time with her than me… , i think i figured it out. oh my god, i’m such a ing idiot.”

wonwoo could only breathlessly chuckle at himself, pressing his phone more against his ear as a lazy and dumbfounded smile etched his lips as the constellation he tried so hard to modify came into view again above him.

“i.. i think i like mingyu.”

with that being said, wonwoo slowly pulled his phone away from his ear and rested it on his thigh, his thoughts entirely consisting of kim mingyu, a surge of warmth coursing through his veins and painting his already tainted cheeks. his fingers laced through each other, the thought of mingyu’s fingers replacing his own also overpowering him. it was a tremendous feeling that he felt at this moment, and he wanted it to linger for as long as it could as the frowns and sighs that were present before slowly morphed into light exhales and foolish grins along his lips.

it felt so nice to get that off of his chest.

around the same time, mingyu had ended a call that he had received.

around the same time, jihoon ended a call as well.

the following week was an awkward time for mingyu and wonwoo.

at least, that’s what minghao and jihoon could say when they decided to pay the two boys a visit and a stay over the weekend. jihoon had needed minghao’s help with the showcase, and since jihoon’s apartment was a complete mess at the moment, he had charmed his way into staying at the apartment with mingyu’s cousin.

the two visitors were playing mario kart, half paying attention to the game and half paying attention at the definite awkwardness that had settled between the owners of the apartment. it was a cute kind of awkward, they thought, but nonetheless it was still what it looked like.

wonwoo would be cooking breakfast for them on that saturday morning and be met by a sleepy mingyu who could never know what a brush was at the early hours, and when they two made eye contact, there was just something so strong that was in the air that caused the heads of the gamers to turn and look at. it was a feeling that no one could describe, and quickly disappeared when mingyu decided that everything else in the kitchen was much more exciting than his bestfriend.

wonwoo did the same as he frowned at the burnt pancakes on the pan.

another instance happened when mingyu was washing the dishes from their meal, the other two witnesses sitting side by side facing the sink as if the scene was being projected in a theater. wonwoo came up next to him and murmured something about helping with the dishes, mingyu scooting over a little to make room for wonwoo to stand as they fell into a synchronized pattern of soaping, washing, rinsing and drying, neither one of them lifting their gazes from their sinks. it wasn’t until wonwoo’s head turned a little to look down toward mingyu’s arm that got the other curious boys frowning for they could not see what was going on. they had assumed that they brushed each other’s fingertips, and the hunch was anchored by the way they shyly looked away from each other, wonwoo’s pale cheeks suddenly gaining some color as mingyu’s ears slightly brightened.

there was definitely something going on between them, minghao affirmed himself.

“so how’s the progression of your showcase?” mingyu asked when the four of them decided to go out to a café that had recently opened up down the street. something seemed oddly familiar about the layout of the place and the aesthetics, and mingyu could of sworn he saw seungkwan behind the counter.

or maybe a twin of some sort.

“all i have left is the finishing touch!” jihoon excitedly gleamed after setting his macchiato down on the table, feeling happier to have received smiles in return form his own happiness. “the music is set, the stage and lighting and all of the fancy tweaks are done, and i finally finished printing the complementary shirts.”

“we’re so proud of you,” wonwoo chuckled as he the whipped cream from his upper lip, adjusting the spectacles that framed his eyes.

“guess who gets to feature in the showcase~,” minghao teased as he rocked from side to side in his seat, earning an eye roll from mingyu and a small pat on the head from wonwoo.

“it’s not like you have any talent to spare,” mingyu snorted.

“excuse you, you oblivious , but aunt hyoyeon has been taking me to dance classes for over fifteen years now. i’m pretty sure I dance better than your .”

“my god, where did you learn that sass?”

“from the sass master himself,” minghao simply grinned, not flinching from the threatening punch mingyu wanted to throw.

“anyway, you guys are going to come, right?” jihoon intervened from the children’s play as he looked between the three faces.

“i wouldn’t miss it,” wonwoo replied.

mingyu was about to say the same thing, but what came from him was a simple nod of his head instead as he busied himself by drinking his white chocolate mocha. he had stopped watching dramas for a while now, whatnot with what’s been happening to him during the past few weeks, but it was nice to know that he didn’t have to rely on them or such café scenes for happiness.

he was more content of his human form of happiness.

“oh , i have to go…” jihoon realized when he looked at the time, finishing his coffee in one giant gulp before scrambling up and tugging the confused minghao up with him, the younger looking at jihoon whose eyes said it all as he also bid wonwoo and mingyu goodbye, mumbling something about finishing up something he had forgotten in the studio.

“but you don’t need to do anything else in the studio,” minghao frowned when they stood on the sidewalk out of wonwoo and mingyu’s line of sight, the smaller of the two humming softly before turning to the blonde.

“yeah, but wonwoo and mingyu need time alone. they need to stop being so awkward already,” jihoon sighed.

“true… so then what do we do in the meantime?”

“we wait.”

jeon wonwoo had never felt so lost at words as he sat in front of mingyu with nothing to say, more focused on the design on the table and how well even the littlest of details pieced together the serenity and tranquil atmosphere of the café.

“so.. you broke up with amber?” was the one thing that he had been curious about after somehow finding out (from amber herself because even she was tired of waiting for mingyu to tell his own bestfriend).

mingyu slowly nodded his head. “amber really likes luna, and apparently she liked her too, so i.. let her go.” (which was a lie because it was her idea to break up with no hard feelings to begin with)

“oh…”

“have.. you found anyone of interest lately?” mingyu carefully asked, eyes set on the darker haired boy who returned the gaze.

“i.. i have.”

“really? for real?” mingyu’s eyes lit up but soon dulled at the fact that it might have been jun who triggered his heart once more, the small smile that was on his lips forced to stay in support of his bestfriend.

“really. i think.. i think he’s the one.” wonwoo slowly nodded, careful not to let mingyu know that he was talking about him.

“mind telling me about him?” mingyu said before thinking about it, trying not to cower from his slip of the tongue as he tilted his head in curiosity.

“he’s,” wonwoo began softly, trying to lace his words together and not sound too love-struck toward his mingyu, “he’s my definition of perfect. he’s honestly the only thing i see that can hold me down and keep me sane, you know? he’s.. well, what can i say? he’s the one for me, and i’m definitely sure about that.”

mingyu could only deliver a sad smile to his words, automatically ruling himself out since he believed that he didn’t fit under wonwoo’s ‘definition of perfection’ as he entered his teasing mode and poked the other’s shoulder with a more feigned than true expression of happiness for the other.

“aw, looks like wonnie’s finally found his prince charming, huh~.”

“shut up,” wonwoo almost growled, and it was as if the awkwardness that had been there from before dissipated at this moment as they fell back into their old selves full or teasing and laughter galore. it felt more comfortable to them, and they wouldn’t have it any other way.

“what about you?”

mingyu blinked.

“me?”

“yeah. is there someone that’s already grabbing at your dumb heart?” wonwoo grinned innocently as he laughed at the scoffing mingyu.

“there is,” mingyu shrugged as he looked outside of the window, causing wonwoo to snort at the way that he tried so hard to portray a drama scene though it did work what not with the mood and the lighting.

“oh really? what’s he like?”

“he’s an idiot,” mingyu deadpanned.

“oh,” wonwoo blinked, processing the sentence before replying. “well then he’s perfect for you, right?”

“YAH.”

wonwoo laughed harder at the outburst, and mingyu couldn’t lie when he felt his heart throb at how natural and genuine it sounded, at the way wonwoo looked so happy even if it was at the expense of his dignity, and just.. wonwoo.

at this point, it was killing him that he was living with unrequited love for wonwoo, but so long as it meant that he was by his side in the end, then he was perfectly okay with it.

one more chapter to goooooo. i didn't depress you guys this time, did i? i really tried not to. weeps. tell me what you think! OH BUT WHO GOT THE CALL FROM WONWOO THOUGH. WAS IT JIHOON? MINGYU? OR MAYBE IT WAS JUN OR SEUNGCHEOL. who knows? only i do. it's about time i wrap this up, hm? there will be a surprise in the last chapter as well so stay tuned, my loves! upvotes are cool too, right? chokes.