A/N: "-----" in the middle means the next section is a flashback.

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The Color of Our Memories:

Chapter 7 - Possible Impossibilities

Love, that's always too much -

I want to forget about it for a while, I want some rest

Today I am a lazy girl - please don't look for me

I am a lazy girl - I'm too lazy to even love...

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Hyoyeon laid flat on her stomach with a pillow pressed tightly on top of her head in hopes of getting the repetitive tune out of her head. Again, it was another sleepless night for the dancer, similar to the rest she’s had the past month since their group’s sleepy head had moved out.

It was now February, and the girls had gotten a bit of breathing space in their hectic schedule albeit a little. The workload was still the same, jam packed, but it was a lot more structured and had some sort of regularity in comparison to their schedule during the christmas season.

Now, when a good night’s sleep worth more than two hours was a well deserved reward, Hyoyeon laid in her bed, wasting it away. She tried to fight the images that stubbornly popped up, the song that constantly repeated, the memories that continuously nagged... it was unbearable.

It was unbearable what she was doing to her, what she was making her think of, what she was making her feel.

For a moment, just a moment, Hyoyeon stopped fighting what her conscience was throwing at her and took a look at the clock on top of the night stand that separated her and Seohyun’s beds.

4:39 am it read. A little under two and a half hours before they all needed to wake up.

The dancer threw the pillow to her feet and quickly covered herself with the blankets, sighing deeply. Slowly, she closed her eyes shut and thought that maybe if she stopped resisting what her mind tried to think of, that she would just fall asleep naturally.

Of course, she knew in the back of her mind that it was useless. She wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

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Light--bright light. Warmth. Chirping--birds.

And with that, like clockwork, Hyoyeon’s eyelids fluttered open. She caught sight of the bright light shining directly on her face and squinted. Groggy, she tried to get up, an arm ready to hoist herself up, but couldn’t. She laid her head back down onto her pillow and eyed Jessica’s hair covered, make up less, peaceful sleeping face in front of her with confusion.

“Since when did she get so close?” Hyoyeon thought as she fixed Jessica’s hair, sliding her hand down from the sleepy head’s forehead to cup her cheek. Jessica squirmed at the touch as she slept.

With her hair ruffled and the blanket that was supposed to cover her whole body barely over her right leg, Hyoyeon looked down and chuckled at the sight before her.

Jessica’s arms were outstretched over her upper chest, her hand on her neck, while her leg draped over Hyoyeon’s left leg, keeping the dancer close by. Hyoyeon tried to wiggle out of the girl’s grasp but whenever she did Jessica would tighten her embrace weakly and shuffle herself closer, groaning in disapproval.

Hyoyeon sighed in defeat. She didn’t mind Jessica clinging onto her while she slept or how she would mysteriously gravitate towards her side of their pushed beds throughout the night (which always somehow surprised Hyoyeon a little because of how frequently it was occurring). It wasn’t that, no. It was how lately, whenever Hyoyeon would try to get up, breaking contact, Jessica would tighten her embrace as if Hyoyeon would escape and never comeback.

That, Hyoyeon minded because once she woke up it was hard for her to fall back to sleep. And whenever she gave in to Jessica, she would just lay there watching the girl sleep peacefully not knowing she was actually awake, enjoying the feeling of being near her. At times she would actually fall asleep, while at other times she would get annoyed and throw Jessica’s arms off of her, not caring if the girl was sleeping or not.

Hyoyeon tried tilting her head up to look at the clock behind Jessica, but Jessica just continued to shuffle closer towards her and groan. Sighing deeply Hyoyeon gave up and sunk into the bed once more. She took the blankets, pulled it over the both of them and inched closer towards Jessica, soon after laying on her side and burying her head into the crook of Jessica’s neck. She slipped her arms under her roommate’s to return the loose embrace.

Today was their last day as roommates, so she decided to let Jessica receive a few more moments of sleep as a going away present (though really, she wasn’t going anywhere). It was a present that the secretly awake Jessica smiled happily at, her pulse quickening.

“Its your fault if we all oversleep.” Hyoyeon muttered against Jessica’s neck.

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“I always thought it was funny,” Hyoyeon opened her eyes, “how your pulse quickened whenever I held you before we went back to sleep, or how I would wake up to find you staring at me.”

She emerged from beneath the blankets and combed her hair backwards. “Was Sooyoung right? Maybe I knew this whole time. Well I always kind of thought that at times, but I didn’t really think much of it... until now.”

Hyoyeon jolted up and swung her feet to the side of the bed. She gripped onto the edges of the mattress and stared down at the wooden floor beneath her intently.

“That day during the radio station appearance. What did I say to make you cry? Y’know, the words that made us so distant.”

Three words came to mind, three sacred words, and then guilt. Hyoyeon felt a pang of guilt hit her in the chest. It wasn’t guilt that was because she felt that Jessica’s sadness was because of her, it was because she came across a startling possibility that she convinced herself was impossible for her.

I love you.

The dancer felt a heat rising from her stomach and her heart caving in. It felt like time had stopped in that instance she heard those words repeat and all she could picture were images from that morning a couple years ago.

...it only lasted for a few moments before the dancer spontaneously broke out into a laughing fit.

“I need to sleep. Seriously.” She whispered to herself, still laughing.

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- Seohyun’s POV -

“I need to sleep seriously.”

My eyes immediately open at the sound of Hyoyeon unnie’s voice. It kind of scared me how she was whispering and laughing to herself in the middle of the night.

I turn around to face her, my eyes closed, and exhale deeply through my nose. I adjust my pillow and bring it closer to the edge of the bed.

“You’re still awake...?” I ask her, my voice raspy. I was too tired to prod any further than that but I ask her anyway, not really caring about the response.
“Whoa! You’re awake? You scared me.” She responds, her voiced laced with a hint of surprise.

I open my eyes half way to look up at her sitting at the edge of her bed in the dark. “Don’t tell me unnie, that you were going to wander off into the living room again?”

My eyelids flutter furiously as I try to keep myself awake.

“I was just sitting up. Sometimes I think you’re my mom or baby sitter or something. You’re the maknae, not me.”

I fail in keeping my eyes open and let them come to a shut. I was still awake but barely. I hear her feet touching the ground and the bed rustle in correspondence. Once again, my eyelids shoot open and I weakly grab her by the wrist.

“If you go into the living room unnie, I won’t be able to fall asleep. Stay here. You can keep talking to yourself, though I wish you would sleep, but please stay here. I worry about you.” I look up at her, “...is something on your mind? I keep asking but you never tell me.”

I see her brown eyes sparkle under the moonlight peeping in through the blinds. She looks at me in thought, probably debating over whether to go into the living room or to stay here. Finally, she lets out an exasperated sigh and combs her blond hair back before replying,

“Move over.”

“W-What?”

“Move over.” She repeats once more before motioning me to move. I reluctantly comply and shuffle over in the single bed, while she makes her way beside me. She pulls the sheets over the both of us and moves closer towards me. I freeze in my spot. I was wide awake now.

“U-Unnie, what are you doing?” I ask, nervous.

“I can’t sleep in my bed. I thought maybe I could fall asleep in yours.” She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around my waist, her face a few inches away from mine. She was too close for comfort.

She opens her eyes suddenly to see me staring at her. I turn away in embarrassment at the sudden eye contact and move backwards. She moves in closer as she looks at me curiously.

“There’s not enough space. Stop moving backwards or you’ll fall off the bed. Come closer.”
She tightens her hold around my waist, bringing my body closer towards hers. I feel my face instantly becoming hot.

“Unnie...” I say quietly under my breath. She closes her eyes again and makes herself comfortable in her spot.

“Tomorrow let’s push our beds together. Your bed is way more comfortable.”

I can only mumble a ‘yes’ while I look at Hyoyeon unnie. I could feel my cheeks becoming redder by the minute. Since when did it become so uncomfortable being this near to Hyoyeon unnie?

*******************

I sat in the chair provided by the staff that was right in front of the set. I hope the the make up artists hid the dark circles under my eyes well.

Today me, Sunny and Hyoyeon unnie are filming for a sitcom we’ve been appearing in for the past couple of episodes. The director is speaking to all three of us as we sit in our chairs, briefing us on how today’s shoot is going to progress.

“And so we’ve made a few improvements in the script,” He flips over the stapled wad of papers in his hand to the page he wants to show us, “Ah, here, at this part where Hyoyeon-sshi is supposed to push away Kyungmin--”

“Um, excuse me, but I’m just wondering... who exactly is playing Kyungmin?” Sunny unnie asks, interrupting the director. She had been wondering about that this the past week ever since the director mentioned Hyoyeon unnie’s character would have a former love interest introduced in this week’s episode. I admit, I too am interested and maybe slightly jealous, but it is just acting.

But I wonder, who is it I’m jealous of? It can’t be Hyoyeon unnie...

“Oh, um...” He raises up another stack of papers in his other hand and adjusts his glasses to look at the name written more closely, “Ah, Its... oh, yes it’s Yoon Doojoon-sshi.”

Doojoon...?

“Doojoon?!” Sunny exclaims in surprise, nearly jumping out of her seat. Hyoyeon unnie chokes on the water she was drinking.
“Ah, nae. Is something wrong with that?” The director asks as he pushes his glasses up his nose bridge.
“A-Aniya.”Sunny unnie replies nervously while trying to make herself calm. She sits back in her chair and relaxes. “Please continue.”

“As I was saying, during the part where you--Hyoyeon-sshi--pushes away Kyungmin, he’ll forcefully pull you back and kiss you. Don’t you think that’s much more exciting?” The director says excitedly while he grins at us, tucking the papers under his arm.

My heart sinks.

Hyoyeon unnie chokes on her water again and begins to cough harshly. Sunny unnie pats her on the back, gaping open.

“Are you okay Hyoyeon-sshi?” He asks and takes a step forward. Hyoyeon unnie waves a hand in front of her indicating that she was alright.

She wipes at before speaking, “I-I’m alright. I just think that the plot twist is brilliant is all. Haha...” she finishes her sentence and begins to laugh awkwardly.

“So you’re okay with it?”
“Yeah... “ Hyoyeon unnie nods a little too quickly and smiles before continuing, “Yeah. Just dandy.”

The director nods approvingly and with a hint of suspicion, leaves us to tend to the rest of the actors. Once he was out of sight, Hyoyeon unnie immediately drops the smile she had been holding and slumps down into her seat with a frown. She puts a hand to her face and slides it down.

“Doojoon. Of all people Doojoon!” She covers and eyes the man of the hour who had just arrived at the set, her dark brown eyes becoming glazed.

“Well, its not like you still like him right?” Sunny unnie inquired with a low voice, a grin plastered onto her face. My ears perked up at the question.

It felt like an eternity as I waited for an answer, my heart beating furiously against my ribcage. I tried to look as calm as possible and as enthusiastic about this as Sunny unnie was, but for some reason I could only dread the response Hyoyeon unnie would give. Hyoyeon unnie said--even broad casted it on national television--that she didn’t have any interest for him anymoe but... I’m not so sure.

Why am I so anxious about this?

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Quickest update I've done. EVER lol.

Comments are always appreciated!

Thank you to the peeps that comment yo~ 

and to you silent readers... I will find you. 

lol jks thanks for reading.