A/N: Hello everyone. It’s been quite a while hasn’t it? A lot of things have happened in my life in the past few years. I’m just glad I’ve managed to update this fanfiction even though Jessica’s departure still hurts.

I was originally going to put chapter 15 and 14 into one single chapter (simply chapter 14) but it would’ve been way too long for a single update. Hopefully I can put chapter 15 out in a few weeks.

I hope you enjoy this new chapter ^^

The Colour of Our Memories:

    Chapter 14 – Terminus    

“Hyung, this seems awfully few for a group blind date.” Jinwoon pulled up a chair for Hyoyeon and waited for her to take a seat before slipping into a free chair beside her comfortably. He pursed his lips to the side, “You didn’t even bring a date.”

“Or…” Hyoyeon gulped, lifting her eyes up as if to untie them from the anchor attached to the table. “Is Jessica your date?”

Doojoon his lips hard and gave a lopsided smile in response to Hyoyeon’s query. The buzzing pain emanating from the probably bruised spot on his thigh where Jessica pinched was giving him great difficulty in even keeping himself upright. He rubbed at the place discretely using his hand and shakily took in a deep breath, only to wince once more in response to another deathly pinch. That girl sure was strong.

“You said something about Jessica. She’s here?” Hyoyeon asked, her voice clear and confident but the slight quivering in her words knocking at her poorly guised enthusiasm.

“Um why don’t we all just you know, order something to eat?” Doojoon chuckled briefly, barely finishing his sentence before he received yet another painful pinch to the thigh, “I-I mean—!” he cleared his throat to readjust the risen pitch of his voice, his eyes darting back and forth between Jinwoon and Hyoyeon, “Uhm....”

His eyes stopped at Hyoyeon where his gaze wandered to where her hands were, eyebrows slowly beginning to knit together at the sight. Her hands were clamped around Jinwoon’s arm loosely. Somehow he thought that her hands looked nicer by her sides.

Hyoyeon looked at Doojoon expectantly for an answer and gripped Jinwoon’s arm tighter.

Doojoon grit his teeth a little before a small puff of air huffed out of his nose at the sight. This really isn't what he was expecting for the night. He didn't expect Hyoyeon to be here to drag out his old feelings and he certainly didn't expect Jessica's presence.

He was never completely acquainted with Hyoyeon’s friends, especially not Jessica. If glaring and sarcastic compliments counted towards friendship progress, he and Jessica would at least be good friends by now. Whenever he had the chance to be alone with Jessica—moments he could count on his fingers—the experience was never pleasant in the least.

Doojoon considered himself to be a friendly person. Making friends never seemed to be a particularly challenging feat for him, however the ice princess proved to be quite an exception to the rule. Every attempt at a friendly, mentally stimulating conversation would be shot down with some sort of glare. At the very most that was what it seemed to Doojoon. Many say that Jessica’s expressions should be told apart from her personality - a sweet and lovable one they say. The experience of being Hyoyeon’s former lover made those words hard to believe.

The demand to uphold the standard for so nyuh shi dae boyfriend material was overwhelming and not in a particularly good way. Reassessing yourself, and going through leaps and bounds to maintain good relations with the members of the nation’s most beloved girl group was the only way to meet such a rigorous standard. The unsaid standards that needed to be followed weren’t the ones upheld by the whole of Korea, for none of that hardly mattered when dating in secrecy. The opinions of loved ones was all that mattered and because of this, to Doojoon a smile from any of the SNSD members would encase the same meaning as a frown.

It was one of the many reasons why he and Hyoyeon just couldn’t work out. From the experience, he developed an anxiety around the SNSD members, one that his group members often laughed at.

And so meeting Jessica in a personal setting such as this was enough for Doojoon to motion himself into bolting away from the restaurant and back home almost as quickly as Jessica herself wanted. The temptation to simply walk away was immense and making excuses to leave was quick and easy. There was just one problem: Hyoyeon.

Jessica was as much of a problem for Doojoon as meeting Hyoyeon here was, but a hurt ego couldn’t be easily cured by running away. He wanted to stay, he had to stay. The kiss he shared with Hyoyeon changed a lot of things, it changed his thoughts about the definition of the word ‘over.’ So many memories did that kiss bring back and so vivid were they that playing Hyoyeon’s opposite became as simple as breathing: effortless.

Why else would he be here but to find those similar feelings? To find something similar to what he thought he had let go of. He just didn't expect that what he would find is exactly what he wanted.

Seeing the blonde haired girl sitting so comfortably close to Jinwoon and looking so beautiful at that, somehow lit a fire within him. The anxiety he held from even being around Jessica became nonexistent in that moment. Why was Hyoyeon with Jinwoon?

He stared longer at the slender hand resting on the table, knuckles brushing ever so slightly against the collar of Jinwoon’s sleeve.

That was all he needed.

Swallowing down his remaining thoughts, he gently grabbed Jessica’s hand from under the table without hesitation and lifted it up, ignoring the impressive amount of strength Jessica exerted in resisting.

“What are you doing?!” Jessica whispered harshly through a seemingly cheery grin as Doojoon pulled her up. A smile always helped in avoiding making a scene though a girl emerging from under a linen clad wooden table was already a strange sight to begin with - not to mention scandalous.

Jessica flattened the ends of her skirt and parked her bottom onto the velvet cushioned wooden chair opposite of Hyoyeon. She mustered up the strength to give a crooked smile and with great unease, took off her sunglasses. She cleared before speaking, her voice cracking slightly.

“H-Hey. Didn’t know you’d be here.”

The eyebrow Hyoyeon had raised begun to knit as she tilted her head in curiosity, vividly portraying her conflicted state of mind. How on earth is a person supposed to react in this situation?

Best-friends-but-current-object-of-my-affections on one side. Ex-boyfriend on the other.

What did they say about dating your best friend’s exes again? Was that something you shouldn’t do? It wasn’t. Does that change if you realize you’ve been in love with your best friend this whole time?

“This is…” Hyoyeon chuckled incredulously, her head finding its way into the cradle of her hands. She took in a sharp breath of air before continuing, “This is some sort of joke right? Why would Jessica date you she hates your guts.” Jinwoon quickly nodded in agreement, lips pursed into a thin line and hands clasped together at the table mimicking the appearance of some goofy assistant.

Hyoyeon should have been mad at Jessica for breaking the cardinal rule among women, but the dull fire gathering fuel from within her didn’t feel right. It didn’t simmer fiercely enough and it didn’t have the startling burn that both anger and betrayal would usually carry for any normal person in this situation.

The way Hyoyeon knew was how just staring at Doojoon caused a tide of bubbling anger to rise far greater than when she looked at Jessica. One shade of monotonous anger was all Doojoon brought to Hyoyeon, one that she couldn’t quite trace its origins to.

But Jessica? The sight of the ice princess at that moment brought about a complex mix of sadness and misplaced betrayal.

You were wrong.

She fooled you.

And you fell right in..

Hyoyeon swallowed hard, dry all of a sudden.

Could Hyoyeon have been wrong about Jessica? Well she couldn’t afford to be wrong. The events that ensued in the soshi dorm hallway should have been enough of a confirmation for the blonde, but chances could not be taken. She had to be absolutely sure. It didn’t matter if Hyoyeon intended to never act on what she felt to be true within her for her best friend. She had to have someone to blame for this troublesome storm that had been brewing within her heart for the past few weeks.

Hyoyeon came here tonight to regain what she knew about herself. Not this.

She had to be sure she at least had her friend.

Seeing Doojoon here with Jessica sprouted new ideas and theories within Hyoyeon’s already cluttered mind. They were laughable like how Hyoyeon postulated that perhaps Jessica had the hots for Doojoon the whole time and the brunette’s anger towards the her was because of the sitcom she had been appearing with Doojoon side by side. Hyoyeon shook her head and scoffed, staring at Jinwoon head on as if to blame the younger for this whole mental ordeal she was having.

Jinwoon laughed nervously as he met Hyoyeon’s flat stare and nudged an elbow into Doojoon’s side, whispering harshly into the taller man’s ear, “You didn’t tell me your date was your exes best friend.”

Doojoon slapped the back of Jinwoon’s head and whispered into the shorter’s ear, saliva practically raining over the his earlobe, “Says the ever so considerate Jinwoon who has my ex as their date. My EX.”

“I thought you were bringing more people.” Jinwoon retorted defensively as Doojoon sunk into his seat. All he really wanted was to have fun and maybe even meet someone new.

Jessica sighed. There wasn’t much she could do. Leaving now would totally be obvious and she didn’t want to pull any more people into her and Hyoyeon’s situation. She stared at Hyoyeon. The blonde had her head in her hands, fingers laced into her blonde locks as she stared down on the table before her, eyes completely shut. The longer she stared at Hyoyeon, the more she felt her shoulders slump and the softer her gaze became.

Jessica brushed her bangs away from her face, hanging onto the ends lightly while looking away from Hyoyeon. She her lips in thought, “This is too much for her.”

Jessica crossed her arms snugly over her chest and swung one leg over the other, shaking it impatiently, “Well we may as well just call this a friendly hang because I wouldn’t be caught dead dating Doojoon even if it were for publicity.”

Hyoyeon breathed out silently in relief, her body slightly slumping in her seat. The flood of impossible scenarios that filled her head was steadily pouring themselves into a black hole. A strange mixture of security and anxiety began to fill her. There was nothing happening between Doojoon and Jessica but Hyoyeon didn’t know if that was a good thing or not now. What exactly was she relieved for? That was an entirely different topic on its own. It didn’t matter what she felt for Jessica anymore. All she knew was that she was going to put a stop to it anyway and there was no more need to dwell on said feelings.

Jessica placed her sunglasses on the table, “Besides Doojoon what the hell are you even doing here if you’re dating Hyoyeon?”

Doojoon almost fell out of his seat, “You mean in the sitcom we’re filming right? That’s the only way we’d be dating.”

Hyoyeon felt her hand twitching, opening slightly. She didn’t know what to say, but she had the urge to hold Jessica’s hand to even give it a gentle squeeze in defiance to the comment. That little action would have been enough for Hyoyeon but it was a troubling action all on its own.

Jessica cocked an eyebrow, her heart feeling a little lighter than it had all evening but she couldn’t bring herself to completely believe what Doojoon told her, especially from all the turmoil her suspicions brought. She glanced back and forth between Doojoon and Hyoyeon, quickly scanning the two for any signs of a lie. Squinting her eyes briefly as she stared at Doojoon, Jessica breathed out slowly and ran her fingers through her hair.

Thinking - what good did that ever do for Jessica the past few months.

“What does it matter to me anyway.” She smiled and patted Doojoon on the back earning a confused look from the latter.

A few minutes passed by without a word being exchanged between any of them. The only words being uttered in the stiff silence was of thanks to the waiter that had been passing out the menus.

Jinwoon’s eyes wandered around the table and surveyed each person. He had never seen so many people find a table so interesting in that moment.

Jinwoon groaned, “Noraebang.”

“What?” Hyoyeon looked up at Jinwoon in confusion as the younger began to stand up, towering over the table.

“I could kill someone on this table right now and all of you wouldn’t say anything.” Jinwoon chuckled while slipping his arms into his coat. “We might as well enjoy this night in the company of loud music and soju.”

Doojoon stood up and began to put on his coat, “You’re buying.”

“Anything to make this night not a complete waste."  Jinwoon began buttoning up the black buttons of his coat and proceeded in wrapping his scarf around his neck before leading the group out of the restaurant.

************

Merely two hours into the night and three bottles of soju, three bags of honey butter chips, two bowls of bibimbap and two bowls of ramyun had all but been devoured. The numbing sounds of early 2000s korean pop hits accompanied by the slurred, off-key singing voices of two korean pop idols rang throughout the room.

Jessica swung her hips to the thumping beats that ricocheted off the glass walls of the noraebang, the lyrics of the song flowing out of her lips in a mess of alcohol laden speech drool. She took Jinwoon by the hand and began leading him around the room, absentmindedly hopping about as she did, to which the equally intoxicated man happily obliged to join in.

Doojoon shoved a few honey butter chips into his mouth and took a shot of soju, a few drops trickling out down the corner of his mouth as the half eaten potato bits swirled around in alcohol. He gulped down the fluid, and stared at the two singing rather passionately before him.

He laughed as Jinwoon stumbled over his own foot and fell onto the ground with a loud thud right before he could sing the bridge of the song. Jessica cackled loudly as the 2AM member rolled around the floor laughing and hugging his knee that he had hit on the corner of the table on the way down.

Doojoon smiled, chuckling to himself as he took the soju bottle and poured another shot for himself only for Hyoyeon to slip her fingers around the glass and slowly pull it towards her. Looking at the troubled expression on the blonde, his eyebrows furrowed. Hyoyeon pensively stared at the cup in her hand before placing it back on the glass top table, a huff of air blowing out of her nose.

“Are you okay?” he asked, eyebrow raising. In the months that Doojoon dated Hyoyeon, one thing he knew well about her was that she wasn’t one to refuse herself alcohol when out on the town.

Hyoyeon inhaled a sharp breath of air and breathed it out through her nostrils, her teeth gritting together briefly as she thought of an answer.

The word okay embodied a bunch of different meanings in many different contexts. Hyoyeon was okay in the sense that blood was flowing through her veins, and air flowed into and out of her. What she couldn’t quite say out loud was that her being okay involved so much more. It involved things like being emotionally content and secure in her thoughts — a state of mind that couldn’t be maintained by being with Jessica and Doojoon at that moment.

Prolonging the fixed stare she had on the shot glass inched Hyoyeon closer into just gulping the whole damn thing down and then some. Alcohol had a funny way of making time fly and not to mention that if one drank enough, a sizeable amount of memory could be lost. Trading the ability to recollect the evenings incidences for a day with a little less over thinking about her interactions with Jessica seemed like a great deal to Hyoyeon.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” Doojoon leaned in to look at her carefully, a brief sign of worry coming over his facial features.

She lifted her head up to look at the dancing ice princess and remembered that there were enough drunk people in the room at the moment. Adding herself to that number would remove the only person to keep Jessica from getting into a car and driving herself home.

Just then, Hyoyeon remembered that old saying — some things are just better left unsaid, so she settled for giving Doojoon a shorter response.

Hyoyeon rubbed her thumb over the rim of the shot glass and shook her head, “Yeah, it’s just… I don’t know how Sica is going to get home safely.”

Gently pulling the shot glass away from her, Doojoon quickly downed the drink. A guttural groan rumbled up from the base of his throat once the alcohol lightly burned past his pharynx. He chuckled while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, “Well, right now it seems like none of your business.”

Hyoyeon quickly whipped her head to glare at the short haired man, her voice stern, “Excuse me?”

He shoved more potato chips into his mouth, not bothering to swallow first before talking, “Well for one,” He lifted a finger into the air to signal Hyoyeon to give him a moment to swallow the lump of predigested food before continuing, “What’s with the surprise in seeing Jessica here tonight?”

“ ‘Right now it seems like none of your business’,” Hyoyeon said, her voice low and mocking. Her patience when it came to Doojoon that night was already low. Seeing him with Jessica tonight had been a big blow to her ability to hold in her temper. For the boy to further test her with vaguely insulting sentences was pushing it.

Doojoon scoffed and crossed his arms lazily over his chest. The soju had begun to sink in, making even lifting his arms a tiny bit more of a task.  

Moments passed between them, the sounds of the bass booming against the walls in tandem with the instrumentals, and Jessica and Jinwoon’s cracking voices substituting for the lack of words.

Hyoyeon smoothed her skirt over her thighs, lightly clenching onto the the ends of the fabric and rubbing her thumbs over the leather. Doojoon observed Hyoyeon carefully, taking note of how her previously on guard demeanor relaxed and how she began to smile softly at the sight of her friend making a drunken fool of herself. She crossed her legs as she sat on the fabric sofa and swayed her upper body from side to side to the tune of the song. She was visibly enjoying the melody of the song, humming softly as she mumbled the lyrics under her breath.

A smile begun to appear on Doojoon’s previously neutral face, the smile growing wider as Hyoyeon begun to clap along to the song.

Closer. Doojoon wanted her closer in that moment even if it was clear that he had just offended Hyoyeon in some indirect manner.

Thoughts of the kiss they shared sent a light tingling sensation to his lips. So he moved closer, his hand gravitating towards Hyoyeon’s hand, itching to just lace their fingers together.

But he remembered what had happened. He remembered how the light in Hyoyeon’s eyes dimmed when he uttered the end and simply waltzed away from her in a fit of frustration. His lips parted, hand sitting squarely on his thigh.

He stared at Jessica, his hand forming a ball.

His eyelids flickered under the dim lights of the room, the corner of his lips curling into a wry smile. This night wasn’t as much of a nightmare as he thought but it did bring its fair share of questions. It seemed funny to Doojoon how he was sitting in this very spot beside a woman he thought he would never have any personal relations of any sort with.

When they were together he never quite questioned what he felt for her. He liked her ever since she first talked to him as she gave out her group's album, simple as that. Sitting in this glass walled room side by side with her, seeing how she smiled, how she enjoyed herself, even just holding a rather dull conversation with her made it seem like it wasn’t just a flight of infatuation that he experienced with her. Words like love were ones Doojoon never liked to throw around, but in the back of his mind he hypothesized that perhaps it might be a fitting word for how he viewed Hyoyeon; or was that the soju talking?

Hyoyeon changed since they had parted ways and that change Doojoon noticed — she was different without him. He wondered what would have become of them if he hadn’t given into the expectations and pressures of idol life.  Was it all a waste? If only he had been more gung ho.

You’re too difficult to be with.

I can’t do this, whatever this is.

One shot.

Then another.

Doojoon blinked hard and wiped the drops of soju off of the corner of his mouth. That wasn’t the ending he wanted. Well, not one that he wanted now. He was beginning to feel bit frustrated at the turn in events.

“What happened between us?” Doojoon asked without hesitation, his voice barely loud enough to overcome the blaring string of melodies coming from the noraebang machine.

But it was loud enough. Loud enough for Hyoyeon to catch wind of, stop humming along to the song playing and sit slumped over her crossed legs.

She combed her fingers through her hair and her lips firmly while shaking her head, her incredulous grin showcasing her disbelief at the irony in such a question. Hyoyeon turned her head to look at Doojoon, and chuckled lightly.

She laid a soft punch to the taller man’s shoulder, the latter swaying a little, and scoffed while rolling her eyes. “We’re friends now. That’s what happened.”

Hyoyeon grabbed a free bottle of soju and began to fill a shot glass. She was about to down the clear liquid fast, figuring that she now needed its memory erasing qualities to get through this ordeal. As she lifted the glass to her lips, from the corner of her eyes she caught sight of Jessica chugging down a whole bottle of soju. Hyoyeon reluctantly set the glass back onto the table and sighed heavily. This night could not just end sooner.

“To put it in your words we were just ‘in the wrong place and time.’” Hyoyeon said through a grin, her voice heavy with blame. She shuffled a few inches away from Doojoon and smiled.

“Then maybe now would be the right time and place?” Doojoon gently took Hyoyeon’s hand in his and closed the distance between them, “For us.”

Hyoyeon’s lips parted, her eyes growing unnoticeably wide.

What.

This night had to be some sort of weird joke.

“HYUNG!” Just then, Jinwoon clumsily walked over to Doojoon pushing the glass table to the side in the process, resulting in him stumbling into the older’s lap head first. Jessica laughed in the background with her head throwing back and a half finished bottle of soju in hand, the outro of the song they had chosen now coming to a close.

“Siiing? Sing arasso? Such a loserrr...” Jinwoon said in his best english, his hands somehow attaching themselves to Doojoon’s face like magnets, squishing his cheeks together and shaking his face lightly. He groaned and held his stomach as he sluggishly draped his upper body over Doojoon, his breath pungent with the creative mixture of the aromas of soju and ramyun. Doojoon covered his mouth and coughed, his face contorting as if he had just on a lemon.

Jinwoon laughed loudly and hugged Doojoon as he leaned his body weight on him. “Whyyyy… where were the hot girrlllls the heelllll…”

Doojoon sighed and helped Jinwoon onto the space on the couch between him and Hyoyeon. Hyoyeon pulled her hand away quickly and wiped it on her skirt. She smiled faintly with emotionless eyes, eternally thankful that Jinwoon chose to play the idiot drunk at the right moment.

Cutting through the ending notes of the song playing, the shrill ringing springing from Jinwoon’s pocket loudly radiated throughout the room. Jinwoon giggled and buried his head into Doojoon’s neck, “Answer it pabo, answer it~”

Doojoon lightly nudged Jinwoon off of him and fished the rectangular communication device out of Jinwoon’s pants pocket, the alarming sound of the ring tone coming to a halt. He stared at the screen and read the text message that shortly came onto the display from Jinwoon’s manager, before slipping the phone back into Jinwoon’s pocket

“This damn idiot has a taping to do in an hour.”

Hyoyeon blinked, wondering how irresponsible Jinwoon could be by getting himself into such a predicament.

“Duty calls right?” Hyoyeon shrugged her shoulders and chuckled softly, her eyes wandering away from Doojoon’s whenever they met and onto Jessica.

Doojoon’s lips formed a thin line as he watched Hyoyeon practically brush him off and  mentally cursed at Jinwoon for ruining such an important moment. In seeing the way Hyoyeon avoided or perhaps didn’t even care to pay attention to him he knew that there really wasn’t much for the younger man to ruin.

Doojoon sighed as he wrapped his arms around Jinwoon and with a little effort hoisted him up. He stumbled a little as he held Jinwoon in place, “Mind handing me our stuff?”

Hyoyeon gathered their coats and handed them to Doojoon without bothering to look at him.

Seeing this, Doojoon chuckled with a tinge of disappointment and began to walk off with Jinwoon in tow, brushing shoulders past Hyoyeon.

He stopped at the doorway for a few moments and turned his head to look back at Hyoyeon. He opened his mouth and tried to speak but finding the right words were difficult when knowing what’s okay to say is hard.

But he knew he couldn’t leave it like this. Not when he had so much more to say right in this moment.

Tightening the grip around Jinwoon’s waist, he swiftly looked up with determination, “That kiss…” He paused, making sure that Hyoyeon could hear him clearly and spoke louder, his voice dripping with sincerity, “To me it wasn’t just for show. It wasn’t for a ‘friend’. Just.. think about giving us another try.”

And with that he was gone with Jinwoon in tow, leaving his words to seep into Hyoyeon well after he had exited the building.

Hyoyeon remained glued to the black fabric sofa she sat in, her eyes lingering in the same spot Doojoon was standing in just a few seconds ago. Her mind was having trouble processing the chain of events that just took place. Scratch that, it had trouble processing this whole evening and what just happened added another layer of intricacy into this convoluted mess.

Yeah this had to be some sort of prank.

Hyoyeon burst into boisterous laughter and collapsed onto the now extremely vacant leather sofa. Laughing about things was something she learned to be better than thinking when it came to people in her life like Doojoon.

“What the hell was that?” She wiped the tears from the corner of her eyes from laughing as the intercom beside the door began to buzz, signalling the end of their session.

Hyoyeon laid sprawled over the couch with her legs hanging over the edge loosely as she idly stared at the intricate tessellations on the ceiling’s crown moulding. Her eyelids were beginning to feel heavy. It was a feeling that was happening much too early into the night;  the last time Hyoyeon checked the time it was only 9:47pm.

Lifting her wrist over her head to check the time once more, something slowly dawned upon her. She was alone with...

“Hyoyeonnie…” Jessica dragged herself closer to Hyoyeon from her homey spot she had made for herself on the marble floor. With her energy completely zapped from belting her heart out, she laid her head on Hyoyeon’s thigh that was hanging from the sofa.

Jessica.

A drunk Jessica.

Hyoyeon immediately began to tense up, her thigh muscles tightening as she began to feel Jessica's index finger draw circles on her exposed skin just above her knee.

Jessica burped, covering lazily, "'Sup.”

Jessica stared up into Hyoyeon’s chocolate brown orbs blankly, not budging one bit as Hyoyeon shifted in her seat, visibly uncomfortable at her unexpected actions. Jessica leaned in closer towards Hyoyeon’s reddening face as the girl before her leaned back, gulping.

Jessica lunged forward suddenly and yelled, “Rawr!”

Hyoyeon jumped in her seat with a loud yelp to which Jessica responded by laughing loudly. Placing a hand over her heart and gripping at her shirt lightly, Hyoyeon panted lightly as she felt her quickening pulse try to go back to normal.

Jessica slowly tried to stand up and once (somewhat) upright she took a step forward, swaying dangerously to the far left but soon caught herself by leaning onto a nearby wall for support. However the act was in vain - her legs weakened causing her to slide towards the floor.

Seeing this, Hyoyeon calmed herself almost instantly and bolted up from the sofa towards Jessica. She wrapped an arm around Jessica’s small waist while her free hand brushed away the stray strands of hair sticking to her lip. In that moment Hyoyeon forgot whatever problems were between them. Being around her best friend felt natural again and all it took was some alcohol... well a lot of alcohol.

“Sica its time for us to go—”

“You want some Hyoyeon-ah? Here…” Jessica reached out to grab the nearest soju bottle on the table and brought it closer to Hyoyeon’s lips as if to feed her, all the while giggling, “D-Don’t be shy, h-here — yah, don’t move away. You'll die.”

Jessica lifted a hand up to smack Hyoyeon in the chest, but Hyoyeon caught her hand in the process, holding it gently. She took the bottle and laid it on the table, “You’re totally wasted. We need to get you home—”

It happened as quick as it lasted.

Jessica pressed her soft, dewy lips moist with alcohol against Hyoyeon’s cheek almost sloppily but nonetheless tenderly.

The already quiet room instantaneously became starkingly devoid of any sound, Hyoyeon’s sense of time turning into an elaborate blur and her body becoming something she had lost awareness of. Her breathing came to a slow, the only sensation in her body that could be felt being the ever so slight drop of alcohol on her cheek where Jessica had kissed now evaporating.

A gently placed kiss on the cheek from the ice princess had turned hyoyeon's body into a pillar of frost-bitten tissue. Jessica did all of this, all the while simultaneously melting Hyoyeon to the very core.

Jessica tiredly nuzzled her head into the crook of Hyoyeon’s neck and lightly poked at the spot she had just kissed on her cheek. Lightly brushing her nose back and forth at the patch of skin where the Hyoyeon's pulse point laid, she whispered quietly as she slurred her words together.

“What were you talking about with that... Tall person..." Jessica began slipping her arms around Hyoyeon’s waist, not minding how the latter was practically a puddle. She hugged the girl and swayed from side to side as she practically squeezed Hyoyeon’s soul out of her, "He try to pull anything on ya?”

Hyoyeon swallowed as she felt Jessica hold onto her tightly almost possessively, the butterflies in her stomach now being shot down with pangs of guilt.

Guilt, as Hyoyeon remembered it, was an emotion people feel when they've committed an action that has implied offense. Hyoyeon scrunched her eyebrows in thought; did she do anything to Jessica that would fit that definition? She couldn't quite pinpoint why she felt this way but what did it matter in the swing of things. Jessica would probably forget everything tomorrow and they would go back to how they were the past few weeks.

Hyoyeon scanned the room cursorily to think up some sort of appropriate response. It didn't really matter much to Jessica if Doojoon did try something on Hyoyeon or at least that's what Hyoyeon would have liked to believe.

Remembering the argument that took place at the dorms before, Hyoyeon decided to take the safe route. She relied on soju to erase Jessica's memory but she still had her reservations. After all, a hot topic like Doojoon wasn't one to be easily forgotten.

Hyoyeon felt a little like they were lovers in that way but she quickly shook the thought away.

"No he didn't Sica. Now let's get you hom—”

Jessica cackled loudly and abruptly pushed Hyoyeon away, the latter crashing onto the floor at an odd angle on her hips.

“You're funny Hyoyeonnie! But bad at lying." Jessica said in a sing song voice, waggling her finger at Hyoyeon.

Hyoyeon rubbed at her hips and looked up at Jessica with a puzzled expression on her face.

“Sica what the hell are you talk—Just what are you doing? Hey, hey, hey wait, no wait— “ Hyoyeon bolted up and snatched Jessica’s next green bottled victim away from said girl’s clutches, just before the rim of the bottle could meet her lips.

“Sica that is enough…” Hyoyeon wrapped an arm around Jessica’s shoulders in an effort to help her to stand up but Jessica shrugged her hand away, giggling as her body swayed while she sat.

“Just lemme be Yonyeon-ah… Easy for you to do right? I no see you,” Jessica made a peace sign with her index and middle fingers, and pointed them in the direction of Hyoyeon’s eyes, “You no see me arasso? Ayyy, perfect right? You have your Doojoonie right?"

Jessica enveloped her arms around her upper torso and began to stick her lips out like a duck. She wiggled her upper body in her seat and loudly began to make smooching noises reminiscent of a wet kiss.

Hyoyeon sighed and began helping Jessica up to the older girl’s defiance, “God, come on. Let’s get you home— "

Jessica roughly yanked her arm away, and covered her eyes with it, rubbing over them to catch the salty tears, “Why do you care? You have Doojoon. Leave me be.”

Hyoyeon rested her arm by her side and sat still, completely taken aback.

"You love Doojoon,” Jessica smiled bitterly through trembling lips, “And you hate me."

Hyoyeon felt the floor beneath her weld themselves into the soles of her shoes, her body becoming a complete mass of stone homogeneous with the marble flooring she sat upon. She looked at Jessica in desperation, her gut violently nudging at her to just vault up and yell at the top of her lungs just how she really felt; to simply proclaim fervently with utter opposition just how mistaken Jessica was.

Hyoyeon opened wide and took in a sharp deep breath of air.

She huffed and pushed her voice out, “Sica I-I…! I lov— ”

She couldn’t.

The words weren’t coming.

What came instead was fear.

And boy, was fear one heck of a thief.

So Hyoyeon sighed, completely exasperated and her lips hard, trying hard to find the remaining resolve to even continue speaking.

Hyoyeon flashed Jessica a weak smile, “We… We really need to get you home.”

A drunk Jessica certainly had wild cards that Hyoyeon had never expected nor could she draw against.

What could Hyoyeon have said? What could she have said that wouldn't openly expose the true state of her already taken heart in front of the girl she couldn't quite afford to let know the truth. .

“Home?” Jessica hoisted a bottle into the air and took one swig of soju straight from the bottle. She stretched her arms wide, her tears drying on her cheeks, and motioned to the space of the quiet noraebang, “This is my home!”

Seeing Jessica’s reaction to her almost but not really heartfelt confession made Hyoyeon relieved that she didn’t finish her sentence. There was no point in spilling your heart to someone who would throw up their memories the following morning, and with it Hyoyeon’s feelings.

And that's the excuse Hyoyeon accepted

“Yonyeon-ah! Mon amour, my phone please.” Jessica stretched a hand out and opened and closed it impatiently until Hyoyeon warily placed her smartphone flatly onto the palm of her hand.

Hyoyeon watched Jessica carefully, waiting for the girl to dial the one person people don’t usually think of calling while drunk. She had known Jessica long enough to know that one should never debate with Jessica while she was drunk. The girl had a bad habit of being blunt in the sharpest manner and going along with Jessica while monitoring her usually played out for the best  

“Umma…” Jessica whined into her phone, resting her head on Hyoyeon’s shoulder, “Hyoyeon is being mean.”

Hyoyeon could hear the warm, breathy chuckle of Jessica’s mother on the other line.

“Sica… Can I talk to her for a minute?”

“Ah? Sure…” Jessica tossed her phone into Hyoyeon’s lap and took another chug of soju. Hyoyeon clicked her tongue and snatched the bottle away before placing the cap back on the lip and hiding it under a sofa cushion. Jessica bit the blonde’s shoulder lightly in protest, causing Hyoyeon to wince lightly as she exchanged goodbyes with Jessica’s mother. Jessica then buried her head back onto the crook of Hyoyeon’s neck, whining about how lame Hyoyeon was being.

Hyoyeon looked at the time on Jessica’s phone as she tried not to mind the butterflies swimming around her stomach as Jessica began to fall asleep in her arms.

10:15 pm.

It was very unlike Hyoyeon to end the night while it was still young but the indoors is where her body craved to be at for once.

She stared at the sleeping ice princess and felt a soft smile creeping up on her.

This night was just a complete rollercoaster ride of surprises, yet this quiet moment between them made the whole ride seem not as convoluted, not seem as confusing as it did. Just not thinking at all and accepting what was happening was a way of thinking Hyoyeon could see as being some sort of solution to everything.

As the dancer carefully shook the ice princess awake in an effort to get her home, she felt that peace slowly come to a close but what she found that night was her newly found resolution now residing within her quietly.

Perhaps peace for Hyoyeon came with accepting her reality first and with that who she really was.

************

The light dinging of the doorbell resonated through the quiet house, beckoning for someone to come answer the door.

Mrs. Jung slowly rose from her spot in front of the tv, her eyes leaving the screen reluctantly, not wanting to miss a second of the drama she had been marathoning. She laughed heartily as the male lead of the drama cracked a witty joke and walked off in her fluffy slippers to answer the door.

Wrapping her wool cardigan tighter around her body, she opened the door and became surprised at what she saw.

“Hyoyeon-ah what brings you he— oh my goodness what happened to Sooyeon? Come in, come in.” Mrs. Jung made way for the two and waited for Hyoyeon and Jessica to come inside before closing the door and locking it.

With her arm around a half conscious Jessica, Hyoyeon dragged the girl with her as she went towards a free seat at the wooden kitchen table. Once close to a seat, Hyoyeon carefully helped Jessica to sit onto the wooden chair, not sitting down in front of her until Jessica had safely done so.

“No wonder Sooyeon sounded so strange over the phone..” Mrs.Jung chuckled. She approached her daughter with a gentle smile as she tried to hide her worry and knelt down before her, “I know you two are adults now, but seeing Sooyeon in this state always makes me worry.”

“Good thing she’s not into doing this kind of thing usually.” Hyoyeon said as she helped Jessica sit up straight, “Sica is usually a responsible drinker but man, she threw up quite a bit before we came here.”

"Is that supposed to make me feel less worried?" Mrs.Jung chuckled with unease as Hyoyeon apologized, and looked at Jessica worriedly, softly cupping her daughter's cheek. She stood up and went towards the cupboard to fetch two clean, tall glasses, “She didn’t tell me that she brought you along to the date.”

“She didn’t bring me along actually.” Hyoyeon replied, unsure about how to explain the rest.

Mrs. Jung scrunched her eyebrows, now curious, “That’s strange. You didn’t tell each other about today?”

Hyoyeon shook her head, “It uh.. It kind of slipped our minds. We’ve been so busy lately.”

Jessica’s mother approached the stainless steal fridge opposite of the cupboards and pressed each glass against the ice dispenser, “Well it seems like you two had a lot of fun. But Sooyeon here…” Mrs. Jung sighed before pulling the glass away and pressing them against the water dispenser, filling each cup with clear liquid, “I wonder what her date thought of her; getting yourself drunk on a first date isn’t exactly… charming.”

“Actually it was kind of strange to see Jessica bring my ex as a date.”

Mrs. Jung’s eyes widened as her jaw dropped, “Oh my goodness I am so, so sorry Hyoyeon-ah. I didn’t know...” she covered in disbelief as she walked towards the two and chuckled awkwardly, “I just asked a friend of mine to contact whoever she knew was nice. Mianhe.”

Hyoyeon chuckled, her voice husky as usual, “It’s really alright umma. We just ditched the restaurant and made the whole thing like a hang out between friends, noraebang style.”

“Ah really? I guess in a way it’s really my fault that Sooyeon is in this state,” Mrs. Jung chuckled and  handed the glass filled with cool water to Jessica and Hyoyeon, watching as her daughter sluggishly drank the clear liquid. She Jessica’s hair with care before letting Hyoyeon do the rest.

“Umma, don’t take all the blame. Jessica can be a reckless person sometimes.” Hyoyeon said before taking a few gulps of water and setting the glass down on the table.

Hyoyeon looked at Jessica and chuckled softly as a trail of drool rolled down the corner of . She took a tissue from the tissue box on the kitchen table and gently wiped away the drool that was making its way down Jessica’s chin, completely unaware that Mrs. Jung had been observing the two.

Mrs. Jung crossed her arms over her chest and leaned her back on the counter behind her, observing Hyoyeon as she took care of her daughter. There was something different between the two of them that she couldn’t quite put a finger on. She had known the two since they were young, remembering how Hyoyeon’s hair color changed almost every week and how Jessica would brag about how great of a dancer her friend was. She also remembered how Hyoyeon had been one of the first to approach her daughter when making friends back then was something Jessica had difficulty with - the girl’s resting face was always easily mistaken for anger. Mrs. Jung was glad that in addition to having eight great girls as her daughter’s best friends, that she also had Hyoyeon who she could trust Jessica with.

She just couldn’t figure out what seemed so different about these pair of friends specifically.

Mrs.Jung smiled and went into the cupboards to fetch some tea,  “Thank you for always being there for my troublesome daughter here. I don’t know what I would do without you girls.”

Hyoyeon smiled as she took the now empty glass from Jessica. She stood up and walked to the fridge to refill the glass again, “Umma, you should pay me then.”

“Ah is that so?” Mrs. Jung cocked an eyebrow looking very much like her daughter when she jokingly pretended to be annoyed, and went into the cupboards to fetch two mugs, “Yah, did your parents teach you to talk to your elders like that?”

Hyoyeon grinned widely and laughed out loud heartily, “It’s a joke, its a joke umma.”

“Listen why don’t you help Jessica upstairs into her room. You can stay the night too.” Mrs.Jung placed the mugs on the counter and took the jug of an electric water boiler to the sink to fill it with tap water, “Would you like some tea? It’s instant but I figure it’s good enough.”

“It’s not that late umma, I can go home by myself.” Hyoyeon walked over to Jessica and handed her more water to drink, “And I’m fine, thank you.”

“No I insist. Think of it as thanks for taking such good care of Sooyeon here.”

“But— “

Mrs. Jung placed a firm hand on Hyoyeon’s shoulder, giving it a good squeeze, “No buts. Now let’s get the both of you upstairs. Sooyeon looks like she’s about to fall asleep any moment.”

Hyoyeon’s lips thinned into a straight line. She now knew where Jessica got some of her stubbornness from.

Hyoyeon stood up from her seat, bent down and wrapped Jessica’s limp arm around the back of her neck. She slipped an arm around the back of Jessica’s waist securely, “Sica hold on.”

“I would love to Hyoyeonnie.” Jessica grinned widely channeling through her Tiffany’s signature totoro smile, and used whatever strength she could muster to tighten her grip on Hyoyeon’s shoulder.

Filling each mug with water, Mrs. Jung continued to observe the two carefully through her peripheral vision. She smiled softly as she stirred the tea with a spoon, “What a great pair of friends.”

************

Hyoyeon held onto Jessica’s waist securely as she tried to maneuver herself and Jessica into the moonlight illuminated bedroom. She kicked away a few articles of clothing in her path, her eyes fixed on the bed, completely determined on getting Jessica to her bed quickly so she could make her escape. Once at the bed, Hyoyeon shook her head, “Why make the bed if you’re not gonna clean the rest of the room.”

Using her free hand, Hyoyeon peeled away the baby blue comforter and gently lowered Jessica onto the bed while making sure not to lose her balance. The sensation of the cool, soft surface against Jessica's back caused her to instinctively kick her feet in an attempt to take off her boots, not minding if Hyoyeon was in the way or not.

Hyoyeon winced as Jessica’s foot lightly struck against her groin, her body spontaneously lurching forward, and held her stomach, “Aish…”

While grimacing at the stinging pain gradually relieving itself within her abdomen, she held Jessica’s foot carefully and ped each boot slowly, making sure not to cause Jessica to move suddenly. Once having pulled each ankle boot off, she bent down and placed them on the floor. Hyoyeon dragged each of Jessica’s legs that were dangling off the bed and carefully onto the the mattress.

Pulling the sheets over Jessica, Hyoyeon stared at her, her gaze softening as a comforting calm swarmed through her body. The sight of the moonlight glow softly illuminating the ice princess' tranquil sleeping face lured her in closer. It was as if an unsaid spell had been cast on Hyoyeon, inviting her to join Jessica in the comfort of the covers and yet bidding her to admire the quiet of the moment.

Hyoyeon’s breath hitched before abruptly coming to a shaky slow, her eyelids flickering briefly. She hesitantly reached out a hand and tucked a few stray strands of hair away from Jessica's face behind her ear.

"Yeppeuda." Hyoyeon whispered into the silent room, her voice quivering lightly with emotion.

Hyoyeon's hands began tremor lightly as her fingertips brushed briefly against the plush skin on Jessica's cheek and immediately pulled her hand away.

Deciding to accept her feelings as they were was still a concept that scared Hyoyeon, and allowing herself to be any closer to Jessica than that was still frightening.

She looked at the sleeping ice princess once more.

But wouldn't it be more frightening to deny what she felt?

Spilling your heart to someone who would throw up their memories the following morning was an action that Hyoyeon thought would relieve her greatly of the burden she felt. Now, under the comforting light of the moon, and with the object of her self-deemed forbidden love unconscious, Hyoyeon thought to lay her heart out on the table and leave it there.

Leave it there and never come back for it.

Hyoyeon gulped and gripped the ends of her skirt lightly.

She inhaled sharply as she eyed the floor in search of her words and momentarily held her breath as she prepared herself for what could be one of the most dangerous things she had ever said. And with trembling lips—

“I love you.”

Hyoyeon froze.

That certainly was not her voice.

Jessica.

She quickly whipped her head up to look at Jessica, mouth completely ajar.

If Hyoyeon could be sure about anything she was sure about seeing a sleeping Jessica when she saw one. The characteristic way the ice princess’ plush lips would purse together in a brief chewing motion before parting just enough so that her teeth would show was a definite indication that Jessica was in fact, sleeping.

But another thing Hyoyeon was sure about was what Jessica’s voice sounded like.

And what she heard just now?

That certainly was not some apparition that had come to haunt her. It was four months too late for that.

Hyoyeon stared at Jessica firmly now, waiting for her to just suddenly wake up. But the longer she watched her the more she noticed how Jessica’s chest rose and fell softly and rhythmically.

Sleep talking.

And with such vocal clarity.

Hyoyeon placed a hand over , dragging it down towards under chin as she pondered deeply about Jessica’s spontaneous bout in sleep talking.

Hyoyeon was most definitely right. She couldn’t have mistaken it for someone else.

She stared once more at Jessica, her eyebrow now raised. Who could it have been that Jessica was seemingly dreaming so vividly about?

Hyoyeon hoped it was her.

Her heart wanted it to be her so badly.

Cupping the brunette’s supple cheek gently in her palm, Hyoyeon leaned in slowly and closed the distance between them, the red drum within her chest thumping louder in her ears for her to hear. She held her breath and moistened her lips to place a tender kiss gently against the middle of Jessica’s exposed forehead.

"If only you knew..." Hyoyeon whispered quietly as she began to Jessica’s cheek with her thumb carefully and lightly as if she were cradling paper thin glass in her palm, not noticing the redness appearing on Jessica's cheek, "If only you knew how much I love you too."

Hyoyeon smiled briefly, the sharp pain that flashed through her heart as she whispered those words making her wish she was anywhere but there at the moment; it made her wish that those words didn’t remind her of the reality of her situation or make her realize the complete disparity in what she wanted and what she could actually afford to have. This kind of love had a higher price than Hyoyeon could ever hope to spend on if she wanted to live in security.

And for Mrs. Jung who had been listening in behind the door with a fresh cup of tea in hand?

Well, now she knew what had been so different between her daughter and her daughter’s best friend.

They weren’t just best friends anymore.

A concept Mrs.Jung didn’t know if she could accept.

************

A/N: Uhh so I hoped that was enough to make up for the hiatus.

This chapter sets the ground for chapter 15 and onwards, so I'm sorry if it was

kind of grueling to read about Doojoon but its necessary lol.

See y'all later! Hopefully in two weeks. :D