Yeah, had to divide this one into two parts. I was writing Seohyun’s part and just couldn’t stop and before I noticed it she took up the whole freakin’ chapter lmao. I think the music I was listening to made me get carried away a bit. Beware, slightly out of character maknae up ahead. After a long period of hiding in obscurity I decided to dig up Jessica from her angsty corner (lol).

Also, I received a few questions about the flashbacks from the previous chapters, so I just decided to indicate them clearly. Sorry for the confusion ^^;

------------

The Color of Our Memories:

Chapter 8 (Part 1) - Drowning in You

- Seohyun’s POV -

“Alright, aaaannnd... Action!” The clapper sounds and the scene commences.

Doojoon--or should I say Kyungmin--takes a hesitant step forward towards Hyoyeon unnie, his eyes pleading. For a few fleeting seconds he looks at unnie who throws a fiery glare at him, tears
visibly building up and threatening to fall. She takes a tentative step back, but her eyes never leave his.

The stare she holds... its intense, its filled with hate but at the same time filled with so much vulnerability and as her lips part, she bites onto her quivering bottom lip and her brows furrow. Her grip on the straps of her hand bag that she carries tightens so much that I wonder if she would rip it off, and finally, she swiftly turns around, a single tear dropping down to her chin in the process.

“Wait,” He grabs her by the wrist weakly, his voice faint, begging and his eyes telling her to stay, to listen to him.

Even though they were just acting, the boundary between reality and fantasy was definitely blurred, smeared together to become indefinable. I was completely captured and was on the edge of my seat. Somehow, my fingernails found their way to my mouth and before I realize it, I chew on them restlessly while waiting to see what unnie would do next.

As I watch the both of them, the two of them completely submerged into their characters, I begin to shake my leg impatiently in my seat. The tension the dragging silence creates make my palms sweaty and make me realize--

They look good together.

This scene wouldn’t be able to work so well if they didn’t have chemistry...
if unnie didn’t still have lingering feelings for him.
And if... maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her.

-----------Flashback---------

“Well? Do you still like him?” Sunny unnie repeats once more, maybe for the third time.

I look at Hyoyeon unnie intently. If eyes could burn holes, Hyoyeon unnie wouldn’t have a head right now.

“I--” She cuts off her own sentence and stares at her intertwined hands in her lap, “I...”

I get up from my seat.

My feet drag me from my seat to the floor, as if it was listening to the little voice in my head that told me not to listen, to walk away and not look back. I was curious, but curiosity kills the cat.

For some reason, everything had changed. Listening to my unnies gush about their love lives never bothered me. It made me feel somewhat left out at times, yes, but never uncomfortable. But here I am, walking away feeling... jealous? Hurt? No. it couldn’t have been that, but... it sure felt something like it.

I sigh. I don’t understand myself. Its probably because I hardly got any sleep last night with Hyoyeon unnie by my side or because I’m super nervous about today’s shoot. But why? Why would I be nervous?

“Seohyun-sshi. Is something wrong?” One of the staff members looks at me strangely and puts a hand on my shoulder. “Filming is about to start soon. Are you alright?”

I notice I’ve stopped walking and I realize... I’ve been standing in the same spot the whole time.

I don’t respond to his question and instead turn my head to look back at the two behind me. My curious side was winning.

I wasn’t far enough. I could still hear them talking.

“I don’t know.” Hyoyeon unnie responds. Cue Sunny unnie’s excited squealing.

I smile, a shallow and breathy laugh escaping through my nose.

I hear something shatter, something rip apart into two.  

Stupid Seohyun, why didn’t you just turn away? Why did you have to listen in?

----------End Flashback---------

Although unnie said before that she held no feelings for him anymore, that because of his cold attitude towards her that her feelings were quickly extinguished, seeing him today and thinking of sharing a kiss with him must have changed it all.

A rock hit me in the chest. It hurt.

“I don’t know.”  

How I wish I was wrong. That Hyoyeon unnie was wrong and didn’t know what she wanted.

I continue watching the scene unfold before me. Hyoyeon unnie yanks away her hand forcefully and more tears slide down her cheek, down to her chin to streak a wet line down onto her skin. She wipes it off with the back of her hand while still glaring at Doojoon who was at a loss for words and was unable to respond to the situation.

She backs away slowly and turns around. When Doojoon puts a hand on her shoulder she violently shrugs it off, an aura of malice radiating off of her back view.

“Stop.” She says firmly and coldly. It held no affect on Doojoon and soon enough he forcefully grabs both of her shoulders and turns her around to face him.  Hyoyeon unnie tries to push him off and hits him in the chest repeatedly, but it holds no effect. He just stands there standing his ground while trying to force her hands down to her sides.

“I said stop—!” Her sentence is cut off as he pushes his lips onto hers, their mouths clashing together and smothering. From where I sat, it all seemed a bit too deep, a bit too passionate for it to be merely acting.

My hands ball themselves up and I unknowingly sit up straight in full attention. The whole set was quiet, everyone’s mouths wide open and their breaths caught in their throats for fear that even breathing would take away from the brilliance of such a moment.

While everyone paid attention to the two however, my focus is completely locked onto Hyoyeon unnie.

She relaxes in his hold, her hand that hit him still up in midair and her previously tense shoulders slumping. Her wide open eyes came to a submissive close and she brings her hands up to his neck and places it on his collarbone. She leaves it there for less than a few seconds and then encircles his neck with her hand—

I turn away.

A lump of saliva slides down my startlingly dry throat. My chest caves in around my heart so deeply I wonder if it would swallow it whole. I try to catch my breath but begrudgingly, my eyes drag my head to look back at the scene again even though that little voice in my head begged for them not to. I wasn’t prepared yet.

Why isn’t the director yelling cut?

They break apart in the most dragging motion to create enough of a distance so that their lips were still hovering over one another, skin barely grazing. They both gaze at each other for a few measly seconds before he smirks and captures her plump lips once more, his hands moving to grab onto her waist.

My nostrils instantly flare up and air steamed from the openings. My jaw clenches and my hands twitch before balling up into hardened fists. That-- that smirk... there’s something about it I don’t like.

Why is no one stopping them?

I hear Sunny unnie mumble to herself beside me, completely engrossed in the scene playing out.

“Daaaaammmnn Hyo.”

And with that, more hot air blew out from my nose as I forced a smile--probably the most dishonest I’ve given.

Get off of her.

Stop smiling.

Stop kissing her.

You’re not supposed to kiss her.

I feel myself get up from the chair I sat in and my body float towards the two. Hyoyeon unnie came closer and closer and closer into view and at that moment nothing else mattered but for me to walk up to her...

To stop this.

“Seohyun!”

“AND CUT!” I hear a muffled voice yell out in the background. I think it was the director but I’m not sure. It wasn’t important right now. “Seohyun-sshi! Seohyun-sshi!”

“Seohyun what are you doing?!”

What am I doing?

I feel a small hand grab onto my wrist and pull me back in the opposite direction. I was standing. Standing on the set, in front of the camera, interrupting the shoot but Hyoyeon unnie isn’t even looking at me. She’s too busy looking and gazing a bit too sweetly... at him.

“Seohyun what’s gotten into you?!” Sunny whispers to me harshly once she had caught up with me.

What has gotten into me?

As if awoken from a daze, I try to form an explanation for exactly why I had interrupted the filming, my words coming out in a stammering mess. Reality was now in check and I turn around to skim over the disappointed faces of the director and staff and then back again at Hyoyeon unnie who was still staring at Doojoon.

My eyes open wide and my lips part.

I realize something. Something so shocking I walk briskly off the set and hurry to the nearest washroom.

I—

It can’t be.

I run a hand through my hair in frustration.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

She’s my closest friend. My group mate. My sister.

Since when did admiration become so tainted? How did it evolve into… into…

L-Lov--

I couldn’t finish the word. I can’t finish saying the word.

******************

- Jessica’s POV -

A group schedule for the first time in two weeks. Solo activities and a small vacation never made me feel so separated, so far from them. I guess living by myself doesn’t exactly help. At least when I lived with them I would be guaranteed to see them even if we had separate schedules.

I pace back and forth anxiously outside the waiting room where the rest of the members were.

Jessica... get yourself in that room right now! You’ve been standing here like an idiot forever!

My fingertips touch the cold silver door knob hesitantly. I exhale deeply and try to collect my thoughts, closing my eyes.

But what am I nervous about? It’s not seeing the girls. I want to see them and catch up, but what’s holding me back? What exactly is on the opposite side of that door that’s making me feel jumpy? Making me overly conscious? Making my breathing haggard? My chest gush over?

Its... its because she might be on the other side. How am I going to face her?

I guess... nothing changed. Nothing changed at all and here I am still acting like an idiot-- no, I did the right thing. I did the right thing by moving out. She won`t find out, they won`t find out and it makes killing these stupid feelings way easier.... right?

Right?

My grip on the door knob tightens and I exhale sharply.

Just open the damn door Jessica. Stop hoping. She won’t chase after you, she even helped you move out for pete’s sake and while smiling too. Haven’t you already learned? Haven’t you hurt enough? Nothing is going to change. You don’t have the right to feel this way. Its not right and its risky as hell--do you want to flush everything down the drain? No. You’re friends: good friends, best friends, sisters. Be satisfied with that. Now get in that room!

I twist the door knob and prepare myself to enter the room with a feeling of dread, but instead, it twists in the opposite direction. The door swings open suddenly.

Oh crap.

I don’t even look up to see who it is, pressing my handbag closer to the side of my body, and I hurriedly turn around in fear for the person being Hyoyeon. Run away Jessica. Just get your to the washroom or something or anywhere, just get ou--

“Sica?”

.

******************