Prologue
The Color of Our Memories
Prologue
- Jessica's POV -
Snow. There was tons of it today and here I am standing outside our dorm building clad in winter clothing, watching it all fall down. Each speckle of white fell down slowly as if each were being lowered down on a piece of rope, swaying ever so slightly from side to side. There was no wind today, so it wasn't as cold as it should have been and as a result the flakes came down at their own pace.
It's strange. Strange because its only the first week of November and so much of it is coming down in such large flakes; well a lot for Seoul that is.
Stretching out my grey, woollen glove covered hand I attempted to try and catch a flake and observe it before it would melt away into the fabric of my glove. To no surprise the white piece of fluff had disappeared before I could even pull my hand back near my face.
There was no change in my expression, no traces of disappointment or annoyance. Nothing. Just indifference. Why would I have the need to change my expression? Why would I feel anything? The outcome was obvious to begin with. I squatted down, still observing the place on my hand the snowflake had buried itself into.
I sighed.
The story of my life.
Behind me I could hear footsteps approaching me, familiar footsteps. They sounded like any other set of feet walking along the grey concrete but I could always tell who they belonged to--when it came to her I always knew. Whether she wore heels or sneakers the sound of her feet coming against the floor in a specific rhythm was always different. What about them was different, I had no idea. They just were.
Pretending to be busy with the current snow fall I tried to act natural, trying as best as I could to fight the stiffness coming over my body. Then, in less than a few seconds a husky yet soothing voice called to me.
"Sica-yah what are you doing?" The voice increased in clarity as its owner approached me. By now none of my body parts could move as if any slight movement would shatter me into a billion tiny, fragile pieces.
Once more I sighed.
I hate this.
Mustering up my courage, I turned my head to look up at her and with great difficulty met her eyes. I didn't break surprisingly. She looked back into my dark brown orbs and smiled, squatting in a spot beside me. To anyone passing by I would have looked... well I wouldn't have looked like how I felt at the moment. It would have looked like two friends comfortably greeting each other. I seemed calm and mellow. Nothing out of the ordinary here.
"Playing with snow?" She repeated, maybe for the umpteenth time. "Yah, stop spacing out are you listening?"
Lifting my head, I looked at her as she rested her head on top of her palms. Slowly my nerves resided to a tolerable level. Tolerable enough for me to give her a small half smile as a response.
She lifted her elbows off her knees and reached up to the sky to try and catch a few snow flakes, a grin coming onto her face. Just like what happened to me, before even getting to see the flake up close it was gone. As if it was never there.
She scrunched up her eyebrows and pursed her lips to the left side of her face in slight annoyance at how such a simple task didn't end the way she wanted it to. Immediately I could feel my face becoming coated over with a red tint at the cute expression she had on.
She had her tongue out making faces at an invisible figure in front of her, this figure most likely being a giant snowflake. It was adorable. After she was done making faces she faced me and laughed, her lips forming a subtle 'v' shape as she showed her teeth.
...
Don't do that!
Almost instantly a rush of heat filled my face and the pink flush that were on my cheeks were now a nice hot pink color. The heat became so hot I had the urge to cover my face with my hands. Of course I didn't though, I couldn't tear my eyes away from staring on at her gleeful expression.
"Sica!" She laughed even harder, covering before continuing, "Are you angry at me or something? Why are you glaring? Your face is so red you look like you're about to explode!"
I faced forward embarrassed and shook my head rapidly in response to the comment she made, my shoulders meeting my ears. Slowly I felt a smile coming on and out of habit I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile.
While she was busy laughing I took the opportunity to observe her brightly lit up face, my smile dropping and my eyes filling with melancholy. As her laughing came to a halt, I felt it. The strange pangs of pain I've been feeling in my chest whenever I'm with her, whenever I feel her near me, whenever she shows me that smile.
I want to reach out to her and tuck away the stray hair that repeatedly stuck to her gloss coated lips... and those lips...
Stop this Jessica.
Before I can even relish in this happiness, its gone as soon as I realize the evident future ahead of me. Gone as soon as your lips curve upwards, gone as soon as your eyes mimic your lips radiating that same inviting warmth that drew me so close to you in the beginning. But never do I expect any other future than the one I know of, I don't need to. I'm content with this...
Once more, maybe for the hundredth time today, I sighed.
You have no idea how similar you are to a snowflake.
It's strange. Strange because its only the first week of November and so much of it is coming down in such large flakes; well a lot for Seoul that is.
Stretching out my grey, woollen glove covered hand I attempted to try and catch a flake and observe it before it would melt away into the fabric of my glove. To no surprise the white piece of fluff had disappeared before I could even pull my hand back near my face.
There was no change in my expression, no traces of disappointment or annoyance. Nothing. Just indifference. Why would I have the need to change my expression? Why would I feel anything? The outcome was obvious to begin with. I squatted down, still observing the place on my hand the snowflake had buried itself into.
I sighed.
The story of my life.
Behind me I could hear footsteps approaching me, familiar footsteps. They sounded like any other set of feet walking along the grey concrete but I could always tell who they belonged to--when it came to her I always knew. Whether she wore heels or sneakers the sound of her feet coming against the floor in a specific rhythm was always different. What about them was different, I had no idea. They just were.
Pretending to be busy with the current snow fall I tried to act natural, trying as best as I could to fight the stiffness coming over my body. Then, in less than a few seconds a husky yet soothing voice called to me.
"Sica-yah what are you doing?" The voice increased in clarity as its owner approached me. By now none of my body parts could move as if any slight movement would shatter me into a billion tiny, fragile pieces.
Once more I sighed.
I hate this.
Mustering up my courage, I turned my head to look up at her and with great difficulty met her eyes. I didn't break surprisingly. She looked back into my dark brown orbs and smiled, squatting in a spot beside me. To anyone passing by I would have looked... well I wouldn't have looked like how I felt at the moment. It would have looked like two friends comfortably greeting each other. I seemed calm and mellow. Nothing out of the ordinary here.
"Playing with snow?" She repeated, maybe for the umpteenth time. "Yah, stop spacing out are you listening?"
Lifting my head, I looked at her as she rested her head on top of her palms. Slowly my nerves resided to a tolerable level. Tolerable enough for me to give her a small half smile as a response.
She lifted her elbows off her knees and reached up to the sky to try and catch a few snow flakes, a grin coming onto her face. Just like what happened to me, before even getting to see the flake up close it was gone. As if it was never there.
She scrunched up her eyebrows and pursed her lips to the left side of her face in slight annoyance at how such a simple task didn't end the way she wanted it to. Immediately I could feel my face becoming coated over with a red tint at the cute expression she had on.
She had her tongue out making faces at an invisible figure in front of her, this figure most likely being a giant snowflake. It was adorable. After she was done making faces she faced me and laughed, her lips forming a subtle 'v' shape as she showed her teeth.
...
Don't do that!
Almost instantly a rush of heat filled my face and the pink flush that were on my cheeks were now a nice hot pink color. The heat became so hot I had the urge to cover my face with my hands. Of course I didn't though, I couldn't tear my eyes away from staring on at her gleeful expression.
"Sica!" She laughed even harder, covering before continuing, "Are you angry at me or something? Why are you glaring? Your face is so red you look like you're about to explode!"
I faced forward embarrassed and shook my head rapidly in response to the comment she made, my shoulders meeting my ears. Slowly I felt a smile coming on and out of habit I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile.
While she was busy laughing I took the opportunity to observe her brightly lit up face, my smile dropping and my eyes filling with melancholy. As her laughing came to a halt, I felt it. The strange pangs of pain I've been feeling in my chest whenever I'm with her, whenever I feel her near me, whenever she shows me that smile.
I want to reach out to her and tuck away the stray hair that repeatedly stuck to her gloss coated lips... and those lips...
Stop this Jessica.
Before I can even relish in this happiness, its gone as soon as I realize the evident future ahead of me. Gone as soon as your lips curve upwards, gone as soon as your eyes mimic your lips radiating that same inviting warmth that drew me so close to you in the beginning. But never do I expect any other future than the one I know of, I don't need to. I'm content with this...
Once more, maybe for the hundredth time today, I sighed.
You have no idea how similar you are to a snowflake.
Comments