An empty silence stretched between them.

Jihoon sat in the sand to the left, knees pulled up to his chest and jacket tucked tight around his shoulders. Kwon Soonyoung sat a couple of feet away from him, staring out at the vast stretch of ocean with a cold breeze ruffling his dark brown hair.

After a long pause Jihoon leaned to the side and punched him harshly in the arm.

“What was that for?” The look of surprise on his face was comical. His windswept hair made him look softer, and the stars in the dark sky made his wide eyes sparkle in the night. Soonyoung looked younger than he had in the past weeks of school; still tired and stressed but maybe freer than he had been before.

Jihoon stared at him blankly, head tipped to the side. His eyebrows slowly furrowed and his shoulders tensed up. “Ah… So, you're real.”

The other boy’s corners of his mouth quirked upward, almost teasing. However, there was still a sense of hesitance around him, like he was talking to a cornered animal who may bolt at any moment. “What, did you think I was a fragment of your imagination or something?”

Jihoon looked away, turning back toward the ocean. “I thought I was dreaming.”

Soonyoung went quiet, taken aback, before he cautiously leaned over to put his hand on top of Jihoon’s. “I’m real,” he said softly.

Jihoon exhaled, like all the fight had escaped him. He buried the bottom of his face into arms, pale pink hair falling in front of his eyes as he looked out across the water. “Soonyoung… Why are you here?”

The brown-haired boy chuckled again, sitting back in the sand. “I’m in Busan for business with my father. We arrived yesterday.”

“No, Soonyoung,” Jihoon said a bit more forcefully, teeth clenched. He couldn’t even look him in the eye. “Why did you come here? To this beach.” To me.

A small, nostalgic smile slipped onto his face. “You want the truth?” He joked, lightheartedly.

“That’s all I’ve ever asked for,” Jihoon snapped back, unable to rein in the venom in his voice.

Soonyoung glanced at him warily before running his hands through the sand. “I came on a whim.” He said honestly. “All I remember is that I was lying in my bed, staring out onto the beach, at the stars and the sky, and I thought about the time I spent in Busan… And then suddenly I was here.” He chuckled lightly, reaching up to rub his arms where goosebumps had formed. “You can tell I didn’t really think it through. Didn’t even grab a jacket.”

Jihoon looked at him for a few moments, before he slowly took off his jacket and held it out. “Here.”

Soonyoung turned flustered. “No, Jihoon it’s fine-”

“Just take it… You city folk aren’t used to the cold anyway.”

The brown-haired boy hesitated before he reached out and gently took the jacket. There was a soft smile on his face. “Thanks.”

The two drifted back into silence, each staring resolutely at waves as they crashed against the beach. Jihoon knew he looked calm, but on the inside his mind was reeling. The last person he had ever expected to appear had shown up before him. And Soonyoung seemed… Genuinely like himself. He wasn’t tense and controlled like he acted at school, but at the same time he wasn’t like Hoshi who had been bright and easy going. He seemed more mature, in tune with himself and his emotions, with an almost fragile sensitivity that seemed to be fraying at the seams. Jihoon hadn’t thought that Soonyoung had a side like that at all, but maybe Soonyoung had been like that all along and Jihoon hadn’t known him as well as he’d thought he had.

“Are you okay?” Jihoon finally asked, breaking the silence. At a glance Soonyoung seemed calm and content, but he could finally see the exhaustion in his bones and the weariness and stress in his gaze. Jihoon couldn’t help but find him hard to look at. He didn’t like seeing Soonyoung practically killing himself.

Soonyoung exhaled with a laugh, like he was finally saying something he had wanted to say for weeks. “Actually… I’m not. It’s been hard lately. Suffocating, really.” His gaze was glazed over and faraway, almost like he didn’t want to say. “I feel like an actor cast in a bunch of different plays, but no matter which part I perform, the directors are never happy with the results. So, it’s just take after take after take, with no break in between, that I’m finding I’m forgetting who I really am.”

He then chuckled, almost ironically. “I bet it must be hard to listen to this. You probably think I’m just a spoiled rich kid whining about my privileges. I am pretty pathetic, aren’t I?”

Jihoon wasn’t quite sure how to respond. For the past few weeks he had hated everything that the Golden Boys were; wealthy, stuck up, spoiled, self-centered. He wanted nothing to do with them, and yet he had never once considered the extreme standards that the Golden Boys were expected to meet. Maybe in the games that were played at Pledis, Soonyoung was a game piece just as much as Jihoon was.

“I guess the reason I came here was because I remembered the times we spent on this beach, and I wanted to feel that way again. I don’t think I remember a time that I was that happy, honestly,” Soonyoung chuckled. “Those three days here with you in Busan… I felt free. Like I could finally do the things that I wanted to do and be the person I had always wanted to be. I thought that for just a few days, I could be me.”

He let out a long sigh, tracing scribbles into the sand. “But I was being selfish, I know that now. I was doing whatever I wanted, without thinking about the costs to others. I didn’t think about my responsibilities or my future, or the people that I affected. I thought that I could escape for a few days and later forget everything that had happened and it would all go back to normal.”

A particular cold breeze ruffled their hair and their gazes met. Jihoon felt like it was the first time he had ever really looked Soonyoung in the eyes.

“But I learned that everything has a price. And that price… Was you. And it wasn’t fair of me to do that to you,” Soonyoung whispered.

Carefully, Soonyoung slid closer in the sand and reached out to grab Jihoon’s hand. His skin was chilled in the cold evening and Soonyoung held his hands in between his to warm them up. He absentmindedly played with his fingers, unable to look him in the eye. “Jihoon… I’m so sorry that I lied to you. I didn’t tell you who I really was, and then I just disappeared…”

“You didn’t even say goodbye,” Jihoon whispered.

“I know,” Soonyoung said quickly, gripping his hands.” And I can’t apologize enough for you to ever forgive me… Everything after that one night happened so quickly, and I couldn’t force myself to see you again after that. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to leave if I saw you again.”

Jihoon didn’t know what to say. “You didn’t have to leave,” he finally said, unable to find his words.

Soonyoung just smiled. “But I did. Because no matter how much I wanted to forget who I was, I was still Kwon Soonyoung. I had responsibilities, and I couldn’t run away from them. And even now, there’s still some things I’ll never escape.”

Jihoon could feel his heart racing in his chest. There were so many things he wanted to ask, but he couldn’t seem to find the words. “Did you really mean the things you said at school?” He asked, hesitantly because he almost wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

Soonyoung’s smile was sad, but his grip didn’t loosen on his hands. “I said a lot of things to you, and none of it was true. Pledis… Is a jungle. The hunters hunt and the prey gets eaten. Being involved with a Golden Boy and being a Bronze is a death wish. I acted like that because I didn’t want you to get involved with me, because I knew you’d get hurt.”

A sudden look of determination flashed in his eyes. “But I’ve decided that I can’t do that to you anymore. You’re too important to me, and I can’t pretend anymore that you don’t matter to me,” he said, so genuine and honest that Jihoon was stunned into silence.

“Jihoon… I want to be your friend. And I don’t want to hide it anymore.”

Jihoon’s mind went blank. Soonyoung was still talking but he couldn’t seem to focus on anything that he was saying. It was like a line had suddenly been drawn clearly in the sand. Soonyoung wanted to be friends, just like they had been before. But nothing more.

Jihoon felt like he was being torn in two directions, and he couldn’t control the sudden pain that was like a stab to the heart. Jihoon realized that once again, he had been a fool to think anything differently. And he felt sudden guilt, for Soonyoung had been so honest and open with him and it had been Jihoon who had been the one to assume anything more.

“I don’t want to drive you away anymore. I want to become strong enough to protect you so that I won’t have to push you away.” Soonyoung’s smile was so blindingly bright that Jihoon couldn’t help but feel like it burned to look at. The boy turned hesitant, releasing Jihoon’s hand until only their pinky fingers were connecting them. “Will you be my friend… Jihoon?”

Jihoon couldn’t breathe. In that split second, it was like the world stopped and it was just Soonyoung and Jihoon in the entire world. And for once Jihoon didn’t know what to say.

All Jihoon had ever wanted from Soonyoung was to be friends. But then his heart had wanted more, and too late he realized he had fallen too deep to escape from.

A selfish part of him wanted to say no. A dark part of his consciousness reminded him of all the things that Soonyoung had said, everything that he had done, and all the lies and secrets he had kept. And Jihoon couldn’t help but wonder, was it worth it to forgive him? Soonyoung had done all those things and just expected him to go back to how things were, even if they’d never be the same.

But another part of Jihoon knew that it would be the right thing to do. That Soonyoung had finally overcome his own fears and realized what he had done wrong. Soonyoung was trying so hard to become friends with Jihoon again and begin building their trust, and it would be cruel of Jihoon to abandon him like so many others had done before.

And although Jihoon truly wanted to be friends with him again, he couldn’t help the ache in his heart that wouldn’t go away. Soonyoung clearly didn’t want to be anything more, but Jihoon wasn’t sure if he would be able to control his feelings for long. But maybe that was how things were supposed to be.

Because as much as Jihoon would be in pain watching Soonyoung’s life on the sidelines as a friend, at least Soonyoung would be happy. And that was all that Jihoon wanted for him. To see a true smile on his face like he had always dreamed of.

Jihoon smiled and this time it was him that reached out across the rift and grabbed Soonyoung’s hand. “Of course, I want to be friends… Always.”

Soonyoung’s smile was so blinding it distracted Jihoon from the stake being shoved into his heart.

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(A/N: angst angst angst angst

Soonyoung done ed up.... But please don't kill him, the poor bub has lots to learn TT^TT

How do I tag this as slow burn because this fic gonna burn like hell.

Lol pls don't kill me.)