My Diary,Topic 3

Date:The day after my mother died

Weather:Cloudy

Dear Diary,

The last night was tragic wasn't it?Let me tell you what happened that night.Although I have already slept for a while,and the others are already deep in their sleep,I suddenly remembered that Mum wasn't there to read storybooks or sing lullabies to me already.I already knew she wasn't there for me anymore,I already knew it,I didn't really react earlier but it just got sadder and sadder the more I think of it.It wasn't a dream,I was awake the moment I thought of Mom and the missing warm hug of hers she always gave me when I sleep.I miss her,just a few hours,I missed her so much.

Then I started to think.I was only 3 but I was clever.I started to think,What if I hadn't pestered Mum to bring me out?What if I didn't ask her to bring me to my father?What if I didn't show that I wanted the pink bear?What if Mum didn't push me?What if I had even considered about Mum's feelings for a bit?

All these questions keep revolving in my mind.I came out with a conclusion,if it wasn't for me Mum wouldn't have died.It wasn't entirely the drivers fault although I really wanted to kill him.It was raining,I can't blame him.But blame myself,for being so childish even though I'm still a child.Blame myself for my stupid idea of asking Mum to find father when I already knew it wasn't possible.Blame myself for not looking into Mum's eyes and consider about her feelings...Father...Father...I suddenly remembered.But if he was with us in the first place for a happy family,then all of these wouldn't have happened.

I blamed him,the driver,I blamed him,my father,I blamed her,my mother for being so silly to bring me out.When I have everyone to blame,I have everyone to hate.

"I hate him and I hate him and I hate her and I hate..." thats what I thought,I forgot about myself. "I hate her,myself,blame me for killing my own Mum" I thought.

I didn't want to,but I was already crying,waking up the boy on the bed beside me and the boy on the bed opposite of me.The boy beside me turned over to look at me,with his big round eyes.That was HyunJoong,he just stared at me blankly.So I turned to avoid his stare and continue crying,as quietly as possible so I don't wake others.I just don't want anyone to see me crying,its rather embarassing.2 boys looking at me is embarassing enough.The boy opposite me then walked towards me,holding his hankerchief towards me so I can dry my tears.That was KyuJong.

"Don't cry" he whispered and wiped away my tears since I refused to take his hankerchief.He held me my teddy that was on the floor and told me to hug it so I won't cry before going back to his bed.HyunJoong still staring at me with his big eyes gave me his teddy.I didn't know why but I just took it.Well,the two teddies did help as I hugged them tightly and slowly fell back into my sleep and stopped crying.I was lucky I didn't wake others up.I was really thankful that both of them helped me but I couldn't face them in the morning because I thought crying was embarassing.

In the morning,once I opened my eyes,the first person who approached me was no doubt,KyuJong.He asked me if I felt better and I if was okay.But I only nodded my head,not willing to talk.I guess the other children thinks that i'm a mute but I'm not.I just don't feel like talking so they just thought of me as a mysterious girl.The second one who approached me was HyunJoong,he wanted to take back his teddy but didn't know what to say to me.I just understood what he wants and gave him back the blue teddy.Well,I was surprised there was a third child who approached me.She was another caring girl,just like KyuJong and is close friends with KyuJong.She is HyoYeon.She didn't ask what was my name or what but she assured me that I would make good friends here and don't feel sad or uncomfortable.

During the evening,after we ate our dinner and others went out to play,leaving only me and HyunJoong alone.And there was the arrival of the Ahjumma from yesterday,her hands holding onto a big box while Sister Maria,the nun at the orphanage helped her.I didn't know why she was here but the minute she put down the box she was holding beside me,HyunJoong who was sitting beside me ran to her and hugged her.I guess HyunJoong missed her as she might very close to him but she doesn't seem like his mother though.

 That Ahjumma released herself from HyunJoong's hug and put the box she was holding beside me.I saw whats in the box.There wasn't really alot important things me and my mother had but she brought all of them.I didn't know how she took all our stuff but I was really thankful.But then again,when I wanted to thank her,something stopped me from speaking.I didn't know why,but I was afraid of speaking.The ahjumma smiled at me and hugged me before she left.I stared at the box,I wanted to see everything inside but I was at the same time,very afraid to do so.

In the end,I mustered up all my courage to explore the box.Sister Maria helped me moved the box closer to me so it was easier for me to reach.The box seemed heavy and big but there isn't much stuff in it.In there,was photos in photo frames.Photos of me and my mother mostly.But some of them are my mother, a man and a baby.I had no doubt,that man was my father and the baby was me.There were letters too,but they were too long for me to read or understand any word.I decided to read them when I get older.Then some of the things were my clothes and shoes,some soft toys.But the thing that caught my attention the most,our family picture.The one where I was in Mum's hand and father's hand over Mum's shoulder,both smiling happily.

"If this happiness was to be kept till now,Mom wouldn't have died." I thought.And the more I see the man in the picture,the more I hate him,the more I blame him for destroying my happiness,the angrier I got.I couldn't control it anymore and threw the photo frame on the ground,causing the glass part of it to break.Luckily my anger did not hurt anyone else,except for the unlucky one beside me,HyunJoong.He sure was strong.When one of the glass shatters bounced off the ground and scratched his ankle,he bled but didn't cry.I was so surprised by him.He just stared at me,shocked.And that was when KyuJong and Hyoyeon came back.I was sure they were shocked too.

Sister Maria understood me and didn't scold me.She cleared up the mess I made while KyuJong and HyoYeon helped the poor boy to clean his wound before Sister Maria helped him apply medicine.I hurt someone who wasn't supposed to be in pain.I wanted to say sorry,and again I didn't do so.I scolded myself for my timidness and for hurting him.Sister Maria tucked us in bed to sleep after all the mess were cleared and HyunJoong's wound was bandaged.Again,I didn't feel my Mum's warmth in bed,I missed her,I blamed and hated everyone,I remembered the picture Mum always hold and cry at it.I cried again.KyuJong and HyunJoong,now with Hyoyeon comfort me again.

Thank you,friends.I'm sorry I could only say here,but not with my mouth...

Your best friend,

SoMin

How was it again?Sorry for mistakes if you find them...and Thx for ur support.Please continue to SUBSCRIBE and COMMENT neh.:)Ive changed abit on the foreward,read it if u want:)