notes: i gave up on capitalization LOL

this is bad. like real bad.

((and why did they break the news today? on soonyoung hyung's bday??))

wonwoo hyung won't participate in album promotion. it's just that bad. yeah. it's an acute gastritis. the name itself already sounds so bad right? actually it was last week when hyung was rushed to the hospital cz of sudden stomachache. jeonghan hyung cried a lot. i couldn't even look at wonwoo hyung. his expression was.... too painful to look at. i've never seen him like that before.

actually, hyung is recovering. he writes his lyrics on his bed, comfortably. and still has to be forced to eat his meal by mingyu hyung who seems to accompany him most of the time.

but there is something in the company that i haven't yet to know. you expect me, as a seventeen member, to know everything that is happening in the group? no. it doesn't work like that. i guess. it's only normal for us to be clueless abt sometimes.

ok shoot. let's not talk about this. apparently this topic is kinda sensitive so.....ya

btw i saw the hashtags from our carats today on twitter. thanks guys for the support ♡

*

i just showered. ohhhh it's refreshing.

now that i reread my writings, i sounded more and more serious? usually i'm so wild with a lot of nonsense and capslock and emoticons and typos but now........

it's the stress. ok.

i got reminded of something.

yea. i saw them. jihoon hyung and seungcheol hyung.

OHMYGOOOODDDDD

WJY DID I SOUND SO CALM ON MY WRITINGS??

i'm not calm! not calm at all!!

so yesterday, around 3 am, i was about to go to jihoon hyung's studio to copy something from his computer.

oh i forgot to copy it!!

ugh ok back to the story

the building was almost empty, members were dismissed earlier yesterday. i only met jun hyung who made himself a coffee, then he went home. so i went upstairs and headed straight to hyung's studio and noticed that the door was opened slightly. strange. i know. they would never let the door left open like that. i walked closer then i saw them. they were

OHMYGOD I COULDN'T VRING MYSELF TO TYPE IT OHMYGODDDD

MOM

HELP

okay. calm down hansol vernon chwe you can do this

they were kissing. yea. i couldn't see seungcheol hyung's face since jihoon hyung was

on top of him

UGH! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT

those two are close. always been close! yes! but

holy crap seungcheol hyung just entered my room holy crap!

not my room 'my room' but you know

im glad i'm sitting on the top bunk right now. he cannot peek on my laptop.

im safe

again. this is a LIVE report.

right now i have headphone on my head, so i'll just pretend like i'm super immersed on my laptop. when in reality is.....lol i'm writing a freaking diary!

but ofc that would be super rude of me

"oi hyung. wyd?"

"looking for chan's flashdisk"

"it's in the drawer"

"thanks!"

"yo!"

oh good. seems like hyung is busy.

actually i'm surprised i still can look at those hyungs normally. i thought i would've looked like a criminal after that incident but i'm a natural actor i guess

lol jk

oh damn i need to go to jihoon hyung's studio :-( to copy the draft so i can write the lyrics asap :-( hhm if only they weren't kissing ytd

hey the emoticons are back lolol

*

we stayed up all night in the studio. everybody looked like a zombie.

"let's take a selca" cheol hyung said. oh good, the filter makes us look like a doll. how unrealistic.

then i saw a familiar fox doll with glasses on top of the keyboard. i grabbed it

"look, it's wonwoo hyung" i said. mingyu hyung looked up from his laptop

"yeah. not as cute as him, tho"

i was like....okayyyyy hyung whatever you say :"D

it's one of those days again. when everyone is busy and can't even go back to the dorm to shower or even change clothes. the only sleep we get is a short nap on the couch. or the practice room's floor. or the table.

(i'm serious. jeonghan hyung fell asleep on top of the table. on top of it!)

the life we choose, man.

i look at chan who's discussing something with soonyoung hyung. that kid...... ah he is at the age to play with his same-age friends. happily

but he's a senior now, no way he would get the joy he wants. i'm home-schooled but i always heard that it's super stressful for high school senior, going to school and hagwon til night. still have to study at home, too. and saturday classes too! at least, here, he's working with his hyungs who care about him and make him feel like home. at least he is doing what he loves. at least he's happy.

OHMYGOD

he is my only younger bro in this group that's why im this emotional

ah i miss my little sophia

sigh

did I just type sigh

sigh

for real though

*

I was downstairs, doing some research on youtube with seokmin hyung. then manager hyung asked us to call seungcheol hyung and jihoon hyung, it's something urgent. both of their phones were turned off, he said.

for some REASON i don't wanna go upstairs. i looked at seokmin hyung, and i was kinda surprised he looked at me, too. his eyes were saying the obvious.

he didn't wanna go there, too.

probably he's just lazy. yeah.

"where are they, hyung?" i asked. just in case. manager hyung answered casually.

"jihoon's studio. where else?"

WHERE ELSE HE SAID. HAHAHAH RIGHT

"seokmin hyung-"

"you go upstairs"

"let's go together then"

"whyyy the lights are on, hansol. are you scared?" he grinned awkwardly.

"no. it's just...."

it's just that i'm afraid if i have to witness another scandalous act from those two.

"i just don't want to interrupt something"

seokmin hyung raised his eyebrows.

"interrupt...what?

i gulped

"you know, they're kinda scary when working"

"ahhhh hahaha yeah i got your point"

even the way hyung laughed was awkward

"YAH! you two just go upstairs!" manager was frustrated so we ended up going there together. when we were there, the door was closed just like usual.

"hansol, knock on the door first"

i was about, too.

"why?"

"just in case they don't want to get interrupted"

"Right"

i knocked and called both of them. not too long after that seungcheol hyung opened the door and asked what's the matter. i just said that the manager looked for both of them. then they left.

i was so relieved cz nothing looked suspicious nor strange. but LOL WHO KNOWS

btw seokmin hyung was so quiet. i'm not sure if he's just sleepy or smth.

he sighed. and i asked why.

"nothing. im just......glad"

what? what nonsense...

hyung you need to take a nap or smth

but what if im not the only person in the group who knows about this 'secret'?

*