Title: My Disinfectant
Author: kyouya3/kyouya-sama
Length: Drabble
Pairing: HoMin
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Drama, Fluff

My Disinfectant

“Changmin,” I call the name I have known so long carefully,” Will you come closer?”

“Why?” he asks. I swear I never see Changmin like this. His eyes are unfocused and full of fear; it’s almost like he’s thinking twisted things I don’t want him to think about. I really didn’t mean to read his diary; I thought it’s a silly thing he writes on me. I really never thought I will discover things like this.

“Because I say so,” I try to remain calm,” I need to speak to you and I want you to listen.”

“You can speak…there, I’ll be here listening,” he says, still doesn’t move an inch. I decide to take a step closer, only to make him moves back. It happens again until I have enough of it. Changmin tries to escape but I lock him up with my move. We struggle on the floor until he eventually stops kicking and pushing me. I take my chance and sit on top of him, securing him. I don’t expect to see him crying when I turn his face. Changmin never cries, no matter what happens, I never see him crying in front of me.

“Please…” his voice breaks as he uses his arms to hide his face,” Let me go…I will leave and I won’t ever come back, just please don’t ask anything---“

I have it enough; I can’t possibly survive a day without Changmin now. I seal his trembling lips with mine and pull him closer into my arms. I make a circle around his back and whisper to him everything will be okay. Changmin cries even more for another few minutes before he falls quiet.

“I like you too, Minnie ah,” I say his childhood name,” No matter what happens, I’ll always like you. In fact, I think I’m in love with you since I just realized just now I can’t survive a day without you.”

“But…I’m not normal,” he murmurs softly, almost breaking up again.

“Shhh, you’re fine the way you’re. You should be puking on me now but you’re not. You can take my kiss and I’ll gladly give you more if you want. But right now, this will do,” I kiss his forehead and he looks at me with his mismatched eyes widely, clearly surprise.

“If I’m your gems, then you’re my disinfectant,” I continue,” You’re always there to clean my mess and I will do no good without you. In conclusion I need you in my life, Shim Changmin. So will you still try to run away from me again?”

He buries his head inside my chest and gives light shake. It’s enough. I know sometime there’s this feeling lingering around us but I can’t fathom what it’s until now. Yet, I never thought Changmin is struggling with this kind of problem. I hate myself for not realizing it till now.

“Yunho…You’re really okay with me?” he asks again. I nods and smiles to him.

“You know, Changmin ah. You’re actually a normal person,” I explain,” I haven’t taken a bath and reek of sweat but you are hugging me like there’s no tomorrow. So clearly, you don’t have that stupid phobia.”

“…Or maybe I just like you too much, no matter how many thousands of germs you have,” Changmin’s remark makes me laugh my off. I really love my snarky smart-mouth Shim Changmin.