Chapter Seven: Somber Life

“It’s pretty hard to believe but, I’m so happy to know that you are my sister!”

Seolhyun was not able to hide her joy the moment she knew it was me, but for sure, even if it wasn’t me, she would still be delighted to know her sister. The sparkle in her eyes tells me so. She grew up faster than I have expected. She’s already taller than me, wearing a pastel yellow sundress and a pair of white heels- without our heels she would still be taller than me. She’s slimmer and fair-skinned—and she looked more like dad. She’s so unlike me, you would doubt from the first look that we really are sisters. We maybe half-sisters.

Also, it came to my realization that this girl in front of me is Jungkook’s ideal type, from all the things I have mentioned above, those were what he likes as what he previously confessed before. He originally like girls who are tall, who are slim and are typical fair-skinned Koreans. I am 159cm in height, almost 132 lbs in weight, and is not the typical fair-skinned Korean female—I am near to being the sun-kissed type. He said he liked me because I was brave enough to stick to him through good and bad. But what about Seolhyun? I guess, he will end up liking her because no matter what the situation may be, she will stick with him.

“You remember me, right?” the girl asked like a kid.

I don’t really know what to say, I couldn’t even move a muscle. I was just standing in front of my gleeful half-sister, who is beside Jungkook, guilt evidently painted on his expression.

“You met before?” my father asked, to which Seolhyun eagerly nodded, “Yes dad, she’s Jungkook oppa’s friend!”

“You know each other?” dad looked at Jungkook accusingly to which the boy flinched.

My mouth twitched at the scene, I walked past my dad and sat on the chair beside him, across Jungkook as I spoke, “You know everything, dad. Let’s not waste time with introductions, we all know each other.” I may have sounded like a brat, but I don’t have energy to be the good daughter right now, not in front of the man whom I promised to love until lifetime, but is now beside my loving sister.

From the looks of it, Seolhyun is merely a victim too. She’s totally innocent about everything. “What do you mean, unnie?” she asked as dad motioned them to take their seats. For Seolhyun, I will stay in my seat and enjoy this dinner while I can. I smiled at her and said, “You see, dad is trying to scare your boyfriend. He knows that Jungkook and I were classmates at Bangtan High.”

The appetizer was being served that time and Seolhyun laughed at me as she looked at our dad sadly, “She’s right, dad. Don’t do that to my boyfriend!” she turned her attention back to me and said, “The past few weeks dad would always call him whenever we eat lunch together. He would ask questions a lot and that’s so mean. Agh, you’re very mean to my Jungkook.”

My fork almost fell out of my grasp, making it fall down the floor when I heard Seolhyun. All this time Jungkook has been lying to me? His obligatory video calls were not video calls at all– they were obligatory lunch dates and dates that requires them to get out of the office. Was Jungkook working as an employee for real? Or was he just doing his responsibility to woo Seolhyun, so that it wouldn’t look like a fixed marriage at all?

But don’t get me wrong, at this very moment I don’t really have something against Jungkook. The only thing that has been bothering me is the mere fact that he wants me to trust him, and I do, I really do. But how can I trust him when all he has been telling me are lies? Are lies supposed to keep me safe? Because right now, I feel like a fool. I don’t know how to act, should I get jealous that Jungkook is being so close to my sister? Or should I act normal even if Jungkook is currently wiping off a dirt on my sister’s face?

Two hours has passed and we all have finished the course of food, Seolhyun is still not finished with talking about how happy she was to meet me, and that this night was also the night that Jungkook had his first dinner with dad– which is true, and a lot more things. Did she ask me about my mom? Did she ask me about the life I have in SUA? Did she ask me questions? Because I am in the middle of not focusing at all. I only have my eyes on the table, casually glancing and smiling whenever I could. My mind is off somewhere, thinking of where I should go because I can no longer take the sight in front of me. Jungkook wasn’t smiling at all, he was struggling to act as if everything’s fine, just like me. I wanted to cry, I wanted to say sorry because things is so hard for the two of us. But all the lies he told me can’t get out of my head. These lies only made it hard for me to believe who, and to fix what.

While my dad started to talk about work, my phone vibrated again. Whoever sent me a message is a gift from the heavens because I swear I will have to make this an excuse for leaving early. My eyes are this eager to cry any second now.

Hey, um. I’m not sure of where you are right now, but everyone knows you and Jungkook needs us. If you feel like leaving the place, you can make me as an excuse for you to leave.

Hyesoo, are you okay? Everyone’s worried. Jungkook is not answering his phone.

Should I come and get you?

I hope you’re doing fine right now. Really, I’m worried.

Send me a message when you got home.

All the messages were from Jimin, and yes, I would ditch this dinner now to meet him right away. I abruptly sent him a message to meet me in front of the restaurant or I’ll just go wherever he is. After that, I looked at Seolhyun then to my father, “Dad, I have to go.”

“But unnie,” Seolhyun pouted, which looked really cute, “You didn’t talk a lot tonight, are you okay?”

“I feel sick, honestly. I’m sorry Seolhyun. Also, unnie had to meet someone tonight.” I told her as I grabbed my purse and stood up. My father did not say anything more. He only looked at me as if he was pleading for me to stay, but I made my choice, and he should respect it, knowing all the circumstances. “I’ll see you next time.” I told him.

Seolhyun stood as I walked by her seat. She looked so lonely that I have to go, but what she said surprised me, “If you’re going, then Jungkook oppa should bring you home. He’ll drive the car, that way I’d feel relieved.”

“He doesn’t really have to.” I insist. But Jungkook stood up, walked towards me and said, “Don’t make your sister worried, I’ll take you home.”

“I don’t need you.” I said firmly. Jungkook must be taken aback but that didn’t stop him from his recent actions. He bowed at my father and smiled at Seolhyun saying, “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

Seolhyun only smiled and said, “Be careful. Take good care of my sister or I’ll kill you.”

Jungkook gave her a faint smile before we finally left the room. We walked in silence, passing by the sea of people eating and chatting. I walked as fast as I could even though Jungkook has been keeping up with my pace. The moment we went out of the restaurant, cold wind washed over our faces and that was when I ran. I ran towards the parking lot as I hurriedly looked for my phone. If there is anyone I am talking too right now, it will not be Jungkook. I don’t want to talk to him, I wouldn’t even know if I’d say the right things. Once I got my phone and the car key, I dialed Jimin’s number and head towards the car I brought with me. I was planning to lock myself inside the car in case Jungkook finds me, or hide anywhere until Jimin arrives. But damn the heels because Jungkook caught my wrist. I struggled to pry him off but he was too strong.

“Let go of me.” I groaned, my voice already trembling from the tears that has been dying to roll down my cheeks.

“Please, we need to talk about this.” Jungkook begged. He was already holding both my wrists as I still push him away, pulling my arms but he pulled and hugged me. He was crying. Just like me he sounded as if he was torn into pieces.

“How long will you be lying to me, Jungkook? For how long?” I sobbed, still struggling to get away from his hold. “How am I supposed to trust you?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know you’ll be hurt when you knew about this.” He replied, voice trembling as he tried to calm me by caressing the back of my head, but all sorts of comforting will never make me feel better.

“Stay away from me, you’ll hurt me more.” I cried as I finally pushed him away. I looked at Jungkook, his white button up wrinkled from all the struggles I made, it was even smeared by the lip tint I had. I did not run. I just stared at him as I hugged myself, crying. His eyes were equally bloodshot as mine and this is something I shouldn’t look at. A crying Jungkook will always bring out the weak Hyesoo inside me.

“It was never my intention to lie to you, I was fixing this. All. This. Time.” He said, trying to go near me.

I shook my head vigorously. “No, no. You don’t lie multiple times to fix something. Because when you do that, you break another thing to be able to fix another.” I whimpered, “I trusted you.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He kneeled down on his knees in front of me and I only stared at him, sobbing.

“Why do you always say sorry? Why are you crying? Why?!” I shouted as I wiped the tears from my cheeks, “Why do you always say sorry and never give me an explanation? Do you expect me to wait for another three years to hear you out?”

“You won’t understand—”

“—I will try to understand!” I said, “How many times have I told you that when you have problems, tell me and no matter how complicated it will be, I’ll try my hardest to understand. You know how important you are to me, right? I will understand you even if it would cost me so much of everything. I’d do anything to keep you with me.” My tears fell down my cheeks as Jungkook held my hands as he stood up. He kissed them and pressed them together against his lips.

“I’m a coward.” He said, “I was afraid to tell you because it’s your father I am in talks with. I was afraid you’d turn to hate him, I don’t want that to happen.”

“Why would I hate him? Just like what I’m doing to you I’d try to understand him, I’d have to make him tell me everything.” I cried. “Why are you making it so hard for yourself Jungkook? Why do you always carry the world on your shoulders? I was waiting for you to ask for my help, but why did you lie?”

“I’m sorry.” He kissed my knuckles one more, “Please, trust me.” He leaned his forehead towards mine as we cried together, holding each other’s hands. It was so heartbreaking for the two of us. For Jungkook who has tried to do things on his own, and for me who is afraid to give in to him again. I am afraid of getting hurt like this, yet I always end up running back to him.

“How can I?” I whispered. “Look at us now, hopeless and wrecked. What would this make us now? What will you be to me now? We’re definitely going to be siblings by law in no time.”

“I love you.” He said.

“I love you too.” I told him as I felt calmer than a while ago. I closed my eyes, relishing the moment where our foreheads are against each other, because this might be the last time that we’d be able to do it. “But loving each other is not enough for us to survive this world. We need many other things, and we should start with trust.”

I pulled my hands away from his hold. I looked at him as he looked down his hands as if his hands did some crime he did not intend to do. I closed my eyes as tears roll down my cheek. It was the hardest decision to do but I guess for the second time around, destiny had made me realize that the two of us weren’t really meant for each other. It is not because one hates the other, but because one still cannot learn to rely on the other, and that would always create chaos between them, it will only hurt them more than they expect. If we continue to be like this we will never grow, we will continue to give the worst love we could ever give, and that’s something that we should never do.

I took off the necklace around my neck, it was the necklace that has a heart-shape and key pendant that he gave me on my birthday last year. Holding his right hand, I placed the necklace on his palm. That was when the two of us cried even more.

“Don’t do this to me, Soo.” He sobbed. “Don’t leave me.”

I shook my head. “I don’t want to do this to you.” I couldn’t stop my voice from being hitched as I tell him the words that signified him that I am slowly giving up o