Chapter Five: Blanket Kick

“I’m so sorry, Hyesoo. I’m so sorry for being the most stupid jerk to leave you broken. I’m so sorry but I still love you. I still want to keep you with me.”

Opening the fridge, I learned that Jungkook cleaned a few things in my apartment—including the fridge that only has few bottles of water and the containers of kimchi he brought.. He wasn’t really the type to clean, but it has been a hobby that the two us has been doing before. Since this apartment would only be visited by us a few times and will be left, we decided to have a day where we would clean the place, and we do it even in our own homes. I almost want to cry from all the things from the past that has been abruptly crashing our minds right at this moment. I sighed as I grabbed a bottle of water and head back to the living room where I struggled to push Jungkook. He cried for at least five long minutes as he just stood and hugged me when I thought I should make him sit down, because I know that we need to talk after what he just told me.

He had his arms leaned on his lap as he rakes his hair with his hands. I sat beside him and extended my hand holding the bottle of water. “Have you always been here?” I asked.

He did not dare look at me with his blood shot eyes. Instead, he only took the bottle of water and muttered a ‘thank you’ and sit up to drink from the bottle. Looking at his eyes which were avoiding mine, I asked, “How long have you been crying?”

“You always have a lot of questions to ask, Hyesoo.” He said, pressing the cold bottle of water on his forehead. He must have headache from crying.

“Yes, and you have a lot of questions to answer.” I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “If you just answer them, then you wouldn’t have a lot of questions piled up.”

“I missed that tone.” He spoke, heat creeping up my cheeks.

I shifted a bit to get a better view of Jungkook, our knees touched accidentally and I saw how Jungkook reacted to it. I let out a sigh before I repeated my question, “Have you always been here?”

“I’ve two answers.”

“Go on.” I crossed my arms.

“I’ve always been here just like we would always do.” He told me, “That is why I wasn’t surprised when you saw me. I was surprised to see you getting in this apartment when I was supposed to come back. I only visit the building ever since and never went here. How could you not know I always come back here?”

I fidgeted with my fingers. I would’ve met him the day I decided to move my things back but he didn’t even try to reveal himself to me.

“I saw that you’ve changed a lot about yourself, and I knew it was for the better.” He continued, “You grew even more beautiful than I ever imagined. Your smile has never been this bright before. Your laughter has never been this amazing before. You were much better now than before. I wondered if that was because you realized that you can be better without me.” He said, starting to fight back all the tears again.

I grew worried for him, why was he suddenly emotional? Was it really because of me or was looking for someone to lean on? “Jungkook, are you alright?”

“I’m never alright since I ended things up with you.” He said, finally looking at me. “I was a jerk, I’m sorry.”

“Then why did you do that?” I answered right away. “Why do you have to break up with me?”

“I was afraid I could only hurt you. Well, I did.” He said. “Breaking up with you was never my choice. I just had to do it for you and the others.”

“The others? What do they have to do with us?” I had the urge to ask more and more questions. What does our friends had to with this? I thought that this was just between us, but why do they have to be involved? “Jungkook, you have to answer me.”

“I am in no position to tell you, but you have to know I never did that because I grew out of love. I never did that because I no longer love you. It was a choice I made as a son.”

“So you’re going to get married to some girl who’s richer than me? Or whose name is more popular than mine will ever be? What kind of joke are you trying to pull off this time?” I was furious, I can’t believe that Jungkook’s going to be married to someone else and that is the reason why he broke up with me. But then I remembered one time when the two of us just met, how controlling his father that he’ll manipulate everything to be able to get his son in his control. Aside from his mother, did he even threat to harm us? To harm me and our friends?

“My father owes someone the business he started. Three years ago, the outsourcing company was in the verge of bankruptcy and he needed to act fast. He had to ask for his creditor’s help, but is still unable to pay her his previous debt. Instead of paying for his debt, he bargained to get me marry his creditor’s daughter—to which she agreed. I had to break up with you because that woman can be very manipulating, just like my father.” he sounded so disheartened with everything that he told me tonight. I myself, felt like all this time, Jungkook is being forced to do things that he wasn’t really supposed to do in the first place. Jungkook has been in a mess that he wants to fix on his own, because he wants us to stay unharmed.

“It has been three years, why aren’t you married yet?” I asked him, sounding as if I was asking him to get married in a joking manner.

He only looked at me and smiled weakly, “She’s not even 20 yet. We can’t marry until we are 21.”

“Who…” I asked, looking at my hands that are now placed on my lap. “Who is she? So are you two going out? Watching movies together? The two of you must have been through a lot, since you have been with her way longer than we were.”

“Seolhyun.” He said curtly. “She’s the daughter of that woman.”

“We were never the same, she’s so childish and likes to cling on me. I can’t talk to her, she is never comfortable to be with. I just… don’t feel the way I felt with you. She’s never going to be the girl I like, she’s never going to be you.”

The next minutes were filled with silence. Jungkook and I were only in the living room of my apartment, quietly still as we sat beside each other, hearing only Jungkook’s ragged breathing due to crying, and mine, which was trying its best to be calm.

I want to give Jungkook a chance, I want us to work this relationship together. But is he willing to get me into his situation? Is he willing to be with me and conquer this problem together? Am I willing to get hurt again just to be happy with Jungkook?

“Do you still love me, Hyesoo?” he asked, still fiddling with his fingers.

I looked at him and watched him beside me, being the child that he was. All this time, I was blinded with the pain the pain he gave me, but never have I tried to reach out to him. Maybe because he was always like this, maybe because he always tried to push me away from this deep, personal life of his. But either way, shouldn’t I have to think about it carefully and tried to reach out to him? Shouldn’t I have become the generous one and understand him? If I were still here three years ago, maybe if I talked to his father, maybe if I helped, maybe tears weren’t falling down, maybe we were here, cuddling, thinking of very serious things or maybe counting sheep together, or maybe thinking of the best things in life.

But we weren’t.

We made the decisions that we only regret in the end.

“You should stay here tonight.” I told him. “I’m going to get a pillow and a blanket—”

“—I still love you, can’t you really forgive me?” he asked, holding onto my arm before I could even leave the living room. I did not turn his way, I don’t want him to see the urgency in my eyes. I don’t want him to see how badly I want to hug him, and tell him all the things that can make him smile, how I badly want to tell him that I still love him and that I’d keep h