Chapter One: Reunion

“Mom, how do I look?”

Looking at myself at the rear view mirror, I fixed my hair for the ninth time since I got in the car as if the wind has created thousands of tangles. “Hyesoo, you have been fixing your hair since we got in the car. You’re pretty as ever.” My mom laughed.

“I haven’t seen them for three long years.” I looked at her, “But I’m also scared, what would they do when they see me? I don’t look like the girl they knew before- at least physically. Will they even talk to me? Maybe they are mad at me.”

“You will be fine.” Mom looked at me, “They contacted you because they haven’t seen you for three long years and they missed you. It’s time that you go back and tell them you’re doing fine.”

“Thanks mom.” I smiled, “I’ll call you when I’m going home.” I kissed her cheek and left the car. I watched my mom’s car leave before I finally headed inside Grill5, the place where we always eat together as a group. I don’t know, American fast food has fascinated our group so much.

Three years. It has been that long since I left South Korea to be with my mother in Switzerland. Everything went well for the two of us- just me and my mom. My parents has finally divorced three years ago, something that has deeply hurt the both of us, but is also something that gave us a peace of mind. We managed to get through it, we even had a tighter relationship than before. She did not remarry, nor met anyone who would potentially be my father. She focused on her career, becoming a teacher in a day care was what she wanted to do the most but has been forgotten when she married my father. My father then married the woman she had been with since I was two years old, how amazing is that? Cheating from my mom all those years. Amazingly painful. But I had to accept the truth because at least that was where both of them are happy. He calls me as often as thrice a week and still gives us financial support, not that we were asking him that, his new wife was telling him to still give us what we need as his first family.

It was never my plan to come back. I planned that the moment I leave in South Korea, I will never come back again. After breaking up with Jungkook, I cried my heart out to In Hye and Eun Mi. No, none of the boys knew we broke up. Jungkook didn’t tell them and I’m glad he didn’t. Having six more shoulders to give their support will only make it harder for me to leave. They only knew about it, as far as I knew from my mom, when we finally arrived in Switzerland. They still contact my mom because I closed every door that can make them find me. I deleted all the accounts I have online and only kept my email. I left my phone in our house, and changed everything about me. Cut my hair short, coloured it with different hues to make other think I’m as happy as the colours on my hair, but stayed indoors and always cry myself to sleep.

Everything was harder than I thought at first. I thought moving in a new place will give me peace. New environment, new adjustments, new people- it was like I was back as the Cha Hyesoo, the transferee in Bangtan High School, without all the happy people that has surrounded me, with the pain the Jungkook has left me. There was never a night that I don’t cry myself to sleep and think of just dying than trying my hardest to cope up. I missed him so much despite loathing on him to universe’s extent, and that made me hate myself as well.

I was so wrecked, even more wrecked than Jungkook would ever be. Because of it, I wasn’t able to attend my first two years of college. I was so depressed that I even thought of killing myself. I thought someone who kills himself for love is totally pathetic, but when I was the one who experienced all of it, it made sense. When you’re all sad and in pain, you would end up killing yourself to stop everything that keeps your mind worried.

But then my mother, she was the only who stood for me. She never gave up on me and showed me that rather than keeping all the pain to yourself, you have to cope up and convert it into a positive energy. She showed me the brighter side of life. During those years when I wasn’t studying, all we did was roam around the foreign country. Watch English movies, learn English together, bond like the best of friends that we could ever be. I also learnt to open up to her and tell her everything that keeps bugging of my mind. Everything that happened to me there has taught me to accept the reality, that is, Jungkook and I might not really be for each other in the end. Even if until now, I love him.

On our third year, I went to a university and pursued Creative Writing. I don’t know, writing has made me feel calmer than I usually was. It’s like talking to my mother. I can let out all the emotions that I am keeping inside of me. When I graduate, I would like to be an author and write books of hope from all the hardships, trials and challenges that tried to drag you down.

Because of my love for writing, I joined a blogging site and created my blog. It’s pretty much like my online diary with anything that I can share to most people. My mom, my cat- Macy, a gift from Jungkook on our first Christmas together, my university, and the group of friends that I got back in Switzerland. Because of that blog, Jimin was able to get me. Originally, it was my mom that they would always contact but I begged her to cut all ties with them. But now, I guess it was the right time for me to show up again.

Now, I am slowly making my way towards the empty diner. Jimin told me Grill5 is not as famous as it was before, so it usually only have a few customers a day, miraculously surviving as a business day by day. But he doubt, sooner, Grill5 will be closed, and we all will be sad about it.

My hands were totally trembling. Seeing them laughing and playing around made me almost tear up. I missed them so much, I could probably hug them one by one. What would they think of me? What were they thinking of me? Will they be happy, happier than they are right now when they see me? Will they welcome me warmly and give me their tightest hugs? Will they forgive me for leaving just like that?

Will I be okay when I see Jungkook?

“Oh my…” In Hye was the first one to see me coming towards them. Then, the rest followed their gazes towards mine and everyone was astonished.

“Hi?” I spoke. Getting past a man who has been cleaning the floor with… I don’t know, was it oil on the floor?

There was a short minute of silence until everyone stood up and shout. I must add that Jungkook is not around. They were all around me and are trying to hug me to bits. I couldn’t help but cry. They are still the people that I have cherished the most but regretted to leave behind. They are here with me and they are so happy to see me.

“Hyesoo! You’re fawn and short