10.

They say you never forget your first love.

They’re right, but Jongin wishes they were wrong, because the pain he feels right now is worse than the pain he felt when he realized how much of an he truly was to the love of his life.

When Jongin came to terms with his feelings for Yixing, when he realized that he was deeply in love with the man, he had never anticipated this. He spent so much time with Yixing, at work and outside of work, with his friends and alone together. Jongin had thought that he and Yixing were closed now, but -

This was unexpected.

Jongin had felt that maybe Yixing had returned his feelings, or at least liked him a little. He believed so much in his love for Yixing, that he could never have predicted something like this. Something like Yixing in the arms of another man.

“What’s wrong?” Sehun asks in a panic when Jongin slips into the car on the passenger side.

Jongin’s hair is a mess, mostly from the wind having picked up a bit and blowing it around, and his face is stained with tears. His eyes looks red and puffy and he’s sniffling, almost whimpering. Sehun notes that there’s no flowers in his hands and, but the looks of everything, this confession did not go exactly as planned.

“I’ll kill him,” Sehun decides as he reaches for the handle of his door, but Jongin’s hand shoots out to grab his friend’s arm and stop him.

“No,” he croaks, but he’s determined to get these words out at least, “Just drive. Take me away from here.” he requests before he’s crying into his hands again.

Sehun stares blankly at his best friend for a few seconds - his shoulders are shaking with every sob and he’s never really seen Jongin like this before - and then he sighs sadly, his heart breaking at the sight. He turns back to look at the steering wheel and start his car with the turn of a key. The engine revs and Sehun pulls out of the lot, leaving fresh tire tracks in his wake. Jongin cries the entire way home.

❦❦❦

They say that time apart can make two people become strangers.

They’re right, but Yixing knows that this is only partially true, because right now he’s in the arms of the one person that time hasn’t changed at all - the same man that took him under his wing and showed him love.

“Stranger,” Yixing’s voice cracks as he laughs through the tears, nuzzling his face into the crook of the man’s neck, “I thought I’d never see you again.”

The man laughs and sighs softly, quite enjoying the way his arms wrap around the younger, “Don’t be silly, Yixing.” he hums as he brushes his fingers through Yixing’s messy hair, “Of course I’d come see you again.”

Yixing laughs again, louder this time, as he sniffles and pulls away from the man long enough to take in all of his features. He really hasn’t changed much at all, not in Yixing’s eyes anyway. Maybe a little older looking, but his hair is still the same black shade and his eyes still sparkle the way they always did. The man smiles, laughs a bit, and then places a quick kiss at the top of Yixing’s head.

Nothing has changed at all and that makes Yixing smile.

Yixing leads the man into his apartment and shows him a place that he can sit. Embarrassingly enough, Yixing realizes what he’s wearing and excuses himself long enough to change into some nicer clothing. He panics when he notices that all of his laundry is heaped in one corner of the room - he hasn’t had any time to do it. He finds a pair of pants that look clean enough and then spots a shirt that doesn’t belong to him, but he pulls it over his head anyway. He hopes that Jongin won’t mind that he’s wearing the shirt he’d left behind after a dance rehearsal.

“Nice place you’ve got here,” the man muses when Yixing returns, “I like the shirt.”

“Ah, thanks,” Yixing scratches the back of his head awkwardly and plays with the hem of his - or Jongin’s - shirt, it’s oddly soft and Yixing’s thoughts start to wander just briefly to Jongin until Donghae interrupts.

“You’ve certainly made a name for yourself. The boys were telling me last night about how far you’ve come. I’m proud of you.”

Yixing blushes only a little bit, thoughts of sun-kissed skin and shy smiles falling away for those of messy hair and bright grins, “Thank you…” he coughs and shifts, “Donghae?”

Donghae beams, “Mhm?”

“I’m so happy to see you.” Yixing says and his entire face flushes making Donghae’s smile widen just a little more and his eyes turn into crescents.

“I’m happy to see you too, Yixing.”

The afternoon is filled with stories. Stories about life in New York and stories about life as a ballet dancer. Stories about studying dance in school and stories about evenings spent in coffee shops. Stories about a dance crew and stories about underground dance battles. Stories about becoming a dance teacher and stories about becoming the head dancer for a company. There are so many stories and Yixing delights in every single one that Donghae tells and Donghae laughs at all the ones that Yixing has.

Yixing remembers the day that Donghae had left and it wasn’t a sad memory. He had kissed the top of Yixing’s head and caressed his face, whispering a brief, ‘I’ll be back.’ before he walked out the door of the old apartment. Yixing’s heart had swelled with a burst of emotion, because Donghae would come back for him. They had kept in contact too, mostly, when they weren’t so busy. Just a simple text message every now and then, but their time zones were so different that it didn’t allow for a proper phone call or a decent response. The messages were sparse too, but Yixing still smiled at every single one he’d received, still receives.

Now that Donghae is here again, there’s a whirlwind of emotions spinning through Yixing. The way that Donghae laughs at Yixing’s awful jokes and the way that the elder lets the younger curl into his side as they speak is all the same. Everything is the same, like time had never passed between the two of them. And Yixing wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s one story that they haven’t quite touched on yet. Well, not really a story, but more of a reason. Yixing is dying to hear it, because there’s no way that Donghae travelled miles to be back in South Korea with absolutely no explanation behind it. He waits in excited anticipation for the words to come from Donghae’s mouth.

Sudden flashbacks of times past run through Yixing’s mind and he tries his best not to blush and smile to himself as the memories play like a movie before his dreaming eyes. Memories of white sheets, quiet whispers, airy gasps, pale moonlight, soft kisses, muffled moans and silent cuddles. They’re so vivid in Yixing’s mind and he wants to hear from Donghae that he still feels the same way that he did before he left. Because the old feelings locked away in Yixing’s heart are starting to resurface with familiar faces and conversations that bring him back to a time long gone.

Distant memories that make Yixing’s heart flutter when Donghae says,

“I actually came back for something very important. Or someone, rather.”

But distant memories are a dangerous thing and Yixing doesn’t realise that when he asks,

“You did?”

And sometimes those distant memories should remain distant - that’s what Yixing discovers when Donghae says,

“I’m engaged,” and he holds out his hand to show Yixing the gold band around his ring finger that Yixing had not seen there earlier when Donghae had entered the apartment, “I’m getting married next month.” he says with a grin that seems to mock the obliviousness and naivety that Yixing finally understands that he had.

“Engaged.” Yixing repeats, a little stunned.

Donghae laughs and nods, “God, you have no idea how in love I am, Yixing. I met him while I was in New York, his name is Hyukjae and he’s perfect, Xing. He’s perfect.” his voice sounds so light and far away as he speaks about his newfound love, but Yixing isn’t paying attention anyway.

Yixing is watching, instead, with tears threatening to fill up his eyes, blinking over and over again to force them away as Donghae continues to babble. He swallows thickly, something caught in his throat - words that he wants to say most probably.

Words that have been trapped there since he first met Donghae.

Thank you.

Words he thought that didn’t need to be spoken aloud when he and Donghae had slept together…

I like you, so much.

Words that he should’ve said before Donghae left.

Please, don’t go.

But instead, he sits here numb, speechless, and feeling like an idiot.

“So what do you think, Yixing?” Donghae asks and the mentioning of his name has the younger finally clueing back into their conversation, which seems to have gone mostly one-sided.

“What?” Yixing asks stupidly and Donghae laughs in response.

“This Friday night, I want you to meet Hyukjae. We’re going to be going out to dinner with all the guys from the dance team and I thought it would be nice to have a little reunion and announce our engagement to everyone.”

“They don’t all know yet?” Yixing asks, trying to sound politely and like he’s not irked suddenly.

Donghae shakes his head, “Of course I wanted to tell you first.”

“Of course,” Yixing sighs in almost exasperation, but it goes unnoticed.

“You will be there, right?” Donghae smiles and takes Yixing’s hand in his hand and for some reason, the touch feels colder to Yixing now.

“I guess,” Yixing says with a shrug, taking his hand away.

“Something wrong?” Donghae pouts, “You’re acting strange.”

“Oh,” Yixing says stupidly and goes through a plausible list of excuses in his mind before he decides on one, very lame one, “I just remembered something I have to do then, that’s all.”

“On Friday?” Donghae frowns and looks genuinely upset at that, “Are you sure?”

“Uh,” Yixing coughs and runs his fingers through his hair, “No, I mean, I can go. I can just… do the thing… earlier instead.” he nods, “Yeah, that shouldn’t be a problem.” he forces a smile, it’s weak, but it’s enough to convince Donghae.

“Great,” Donghae smiles and jumps to his feet, “I have a few errands to run,” he explains as he grabs his coat, “You can bring someone with you to the supper if you’d like. A friend or maybe-” he has the audacity to wink, “A date.”

Yixing wants to scoff, but he forces it down and settles for another pathetic excuse for a smile, “Just text me with the details.”

“I will,” Donghae grins as he turns the doorknob and opens the door just a crack before he looks back at Yixing, “And Xing?”

“Yeah?”

The smile that Donghae gives Yixing is one filled with warmth, but there’s a lingering sense of an apology behind it - one that goes unspoken like the feelings Yixing had obviously had for the elder, “It’s nice seeing you again.”

“Yeah,” Yixing nods, “You too.” he says half-heartedly and watches as Donghae closes the door behind him gently.

And maybe time doesn’t change people, but it does pull them apart.

❦❦❦

It’s Sunday evening and tears sting in Yixing’s eyes as his tongue burns from the sip of hot coffee he had hastily taken as soon as Minseok placed it down in front of him. At times like this, Yixing figures that most people would go out and drink their lives away in the nearest club, but he settles for caffeine and the company of friends. He skips the being angry, jealous part, because he’s not. Not really. Just a little taken aback. That’s what he tells himself anyway.

Luhan hums in disapproval at the way Yixing’s tears roll down his cheeks, figuring his best friend should probably be more careful of hot beverages. But he doesn’t even know the half of it yet. Not until Minseok comes to sit next to him, a hand placed on Luhan’s lap as the eldest leans forward to wipe some tears from Yixing’s face with a napkin. Minseok squeezes Luhan’s thigh as he sits back and Luhan squirms slightly, finally aware that something is wrong.

“He’s engaged,” Yixing sighs as he stares into his cup, there’s a blurry reflection of himself staring back at him from the black liquid in his cup amongst frothy bubbles.

Minseok tilts his head to the side in confusion and Yixing looks up at him with tears in his bloodshot eyes. A little ‘o’ shape forms on Minseok’s lips, because he gets it. He knows. He knows who Yixing is talking about and he knows that this is a sensitive topic for the trio to discuss. Especially since Luhan has no idea what’s going on having never met him.

“Who-?” Luhan starts, but Minseok jabs his elbow into his ribs to shut him up.

“Are you okay?” Minseok interrupts instead as Luhan tends to the pain in his ribcage by rubbing it and glaring daggers at Minseok.

Yixing sniffles, “I don’t know,” he sighs, “I feel… I don’t know how I feel to be honest,” he laughs to himself and his grip on the coffee cup only tightens, “I don’t feel anything, but I feel everything at the same time.”

Luhan raises and eyebrow and looks as lost as Yixing feels.

“Hyung,” Yixing’s voice is barely a whisper, “What’s wrong with me?”

“Nothing,” Minseok says quickly, “Yixing, don’t you dare for a second think that there’s something wrong with you.”

Yixing sighs and Luhan frowns, because he has no idea what they’re both talking about. However, there’s something wrong with seeing his best friend like this, something that makes his heart ache and fill with concern for the younger. He’s never seen him this numb before. It’s unnerving and Luhan feels awful.

“Yixing-ah,” Luhan says quietly and suddenly Yixing’s staring at him, “Yixing, I have no idea what this is all about, but please know that I’m here for you. We’re both here for you.” he gestures to Minseok, “And if there’s anything that I can do for you, I want to do it. Seeing you like this,” he frowns and bites his lip at the sight of the slight tremble in Yixing’s shoulders, “It’s not right. You deserve so much better than this.”

That’s when Yixing bursts into silent tears, chest heaving and body shaking. If the room were silent, then customers may have noticed the way that Yixing sobbed. If Yixing were the dramatic type, people would have known of this outburst. But he’s not. And so seeing him break down like this in public startles both Minseok and Luhan. It takes a few seconds for them to collect themselves, but once they do, Minseok and Luhan are escorting a crying Yixing to the back room.

Chanyeol notices and gives a sad smile to Minseok who just nods in his direction. Chanyeol gets the hint and calls Baekhyun from sweeping to join him at the counter in order for them to serve customers as the three friends disappear into the back.

Yixing’s story comes out then, between broken sobs and voice cracks. He tells Luhan everything about Donghae - the man who was his first love. He tries to explain as best he can, but bringing up happy memories like this is sort of like ripping off a bandaid or picking at an old scar. It’s painful, but getting it off of his chest feels better somehow, even if his heart physically pains as he speaks.

Minseok helps calm him with soothing circles rubbed into Yixing’s back and Luhan’s helps by handing over tissues when his friend needs one. Baekhyun sheepishly enters the back room with green tea that he and Chanyeol made together - it had taken a few tries before they succeeded - and gives it to Yixing who smiles appreciatively even as he cries, tears streaming down his face constantly even when he thinks he’s done crying. Baekhyun tells him that things will get better and wishes him all the best as he leaves the tea behind for Yixing to sip. The herbal taste is comforting and the floral scent of jasmine has Yixing’s body relaxing.

“And so, this Donghae guy, was your first love?” Luhan asks slowly, unsure if Yixing is okay yet.

Yixing sighs heavily and nods, “I was in love, so in love. I thought,” he swallows the lump in his throat, “I thought he would come back for me,” he laughs absurdly at himself, “Is that crazy?”

Minseok shakes his head, “It’s not crazy, Yixing, not at all. You’re in love.”

“In love,” Yixing scoffs, “I don’t know what I am anymore.”

“Would it have been better if you’d never seen him again though?” Luhan asks chewing on his lip, “At least now you can move on?”

Yixing shrugs, “If I had never seen him again, I could’ve moved on, maybe. I had someone in mind… But in the back of my mind, he was always there.”

“And now?” Luhan urges and Minseok sighs, placing a hand on Luhan’s shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“And now,” Yixing laughs again, cynically, and feels like he might cry more, but his tears are all dried up, “Now, I’m confused. When I saw him at the door, I thought he was here for me. I was so ready to take him back into my heart, I opened up so easily. It’s almost embarrassing, really.” his face flushes and he fidgets with the empty teacup, “Instead he tells me he’s engaged… I’m not sure how I feel anymore.”

Minseok shifts awkwardly, remembering suddenly the way that Jongin had come to him just that morning looking for advice on how to confess to Yixing, “Um, but, what about the other person?”

Yixing sighs softly and closes his eyes, “I like him. I like him a lot. I’m just hurting right now.”

Minseok sighs softly, “Understandable. You just need some time to heal.”

Luhan nods in agreement with Minseok, “It’ll get better,” he reassures as Yixing turns his attention to him, “It hurts now, but you’ll feel better soon. I promise. And when you do,” he smiles shyly, glancing at Minseok for a brief moment, “You might learn to open up again.” Minseok smiles timidly as he reaches out to pat Yixing’s head.

They say you never forget your first love and they’re right, but Yixing wishes they were wrong. 

This is the edited and new version of chapter 10. Please forgive the confusion!