*
I fell in love with the morning, how you stumbled out of bed
when you first woke up and how your eyes groaned with exhaustion.
The way your hands grasped my hipbones, while your lips
stole the endings of my sentences.
*

 

When Yoona stumbles out of bed in disarray and yawns in the morning light, Jiyong thinks it's definitely a blessing because Yoona has never looked better bare-faced – with messy clothes and messier hair. Albeit, Yoona would whine and groan from her stool on the counter, eyes still closed as she hurries Jiyong into making her breakfast, Jiyong thinks mornings with Yoona are the best.

 

"Thank you for breakfast." Yoona giggles into Jiyong's neck, where she has her head buried, happy after a nice breakfast.

 

Jiyong wraps his arms loosely around her. "Thank you for not throwing pots at me." Jiyong stifles a laugh as he feels Yoona's mouth turning into a pout against his neck. "Shouldn't I get a paid for making you breakfast?" Jiyong says cheekily.

 

Yoona hums and brings her hands to lightly grip Jiyong's hipbones, head still resting in the crook of his neck. "What kind of payment do you want?" 

 

"Hm, maybe – " 

 

Yoona cuts him off with a kiss on his lips, stealing the ending of his sentences. Jiyong smiles through the kiss and tightens his hold on Yoona's petite waist.

 

Jiyong's in love with mornings whenever Yoona's around.

 

*
Yesterday with you felt like a month of Sunday mornings, with white bed sheets and lazy smiles.
*

 

It's a Monday, but Jiyong feels too content right now to get out of bed. He's tangled among the bed sheets, and it feels too stuffy but he can't bring himself to move, in case he wakes up the sleepy beauty beside him.

 

Jiyong traces the contours of Yoona's eyes, to her petite nose and lastly to her thin lips that are drawn into a lazy smile. It takes a few seconds for Yoona to flutter her eyes open, and Jiyong takes in a breath when he finally sees her beautiful brown eyes, warm and saturated. 

 

"Morning," Yoona says softly, voice still laced with sleep and a faraway dream.

 

Every day with Yoona feels like a month of Sunday mornings, with white bed sheets and lazy smiles.

 

*
That same morning, I fell in love with the coffee shop down the street.
The way you asked for two sugars, but really meant three.
*

 

That morning, after struggling to get out of bed, the two decides to have breakfast at a newly opened coffee shop down the street. Coffees and croissants for breakfast. 

 

"Okay, I'll go order," Jiyong says the moment they enter the coffee shop. There weren't many people since everyone has probably left for work, and those left are students studying and people reading their novels. 

 

"Kay, I'll go find a place." Yoona chirps. "I want coffee caramel and two sugars." Then she starts bouncing off to find a place to seat, already heading towards those by the large windows. 

 

Jiyong chuckles and heads towards the counter. "Two caramel coffee please, and also –" he looks up at the menu, glazing over the food section, "- five croissants and two strawberry cupcakes. Thank you." 

 

After paying, Jiyong waits for a few minutes and grabs the tray of food once his name was called. He stops to grab three sugars for Yoona and makes his way towards Yoona, careful not to bump into people. 

 

"Here you go." Jiyong places the tray on the table. "A caramel coffee, five croissants and one strawberry cupcake just for you princess. Oh and also three packs of sugar." He adds.

 

Yoona claps her hands gleefully at the sight of food. She grabs the packets of sugars and starts dumping them into her coffee. "I asked for two sugars by the way." She pouts, but already emptying the last packet of sugar into her coffee.

 

Jiyong snorts and proceeds to stir his coffee. "Oh Yoong, we both know you meant three packets of sugar." 

 

Yoona ignores him, mouth already busy sipping her caramel coffee and munching down the croissants. The ends of Jiyong's mouth tugs into a small smile watching Yoona eat. 

 

"The coffee is so good! I'm in love with this place already."

 

Jiyong agrees. As he continues to stare at Yoona, he feels himself falling in love with the place – although not because of the coffee.

 

*
Somewhere in between, I fell in love with our midnight conversations
that were through cigarette breaths and interrupted by coffee stains.
I am in love with the presence of your words and the feel of your existence.
*

 

Jiyong's surprise to see Yoona standing on the balcony at 3 AM, a coffee in one hand and the city lights illuminating her silhouette. 

 

"It's late," Jiyong says, hands hanging off the rail of the balcony beside Yoona. "Whar are you doing up?" 

 

Yoona hums a quiet response. "I couldn't sleep." Yoona turns to look at Jiyong and nudges her chin up. "You?"

 

"Needed a cigarette." Yoona frowns but Jiyong turns a blind eye. "The room is ing cold." Jiyong shrugs, an excuse for Yoona to stop lecturing him about the harms of smoking, but Yoona doesn't say anything. Just lips marred into a frown but other than that she stays silent.

 

"Just don't get any smoke in my hair." Yoona sigh, bringing the mug of coffee to her lips. 

 

Jiyong smiles cheekily. "Yes your highness." He lights up a cigarette, making sure to hold it as far away from Yoona as possible. 

 

They settle into a comfortable silence, just the occasional sound of cars wheezing past below and the intake of cigarette smoke every few seconds.

 

Jiyong sees Yoona's half empty mug of coffee on top of the balcony railing. "Hey, are you done with that?" 

 

Yoona turns to look at him and raises one smooth eyebrow, knowing fully well what he's implying. "Don't ing think about it Ji. Go dump your cigarette somewhere else." 

 

"But Yoong, I'm too lazy. You don't want me to throw it here do you?"

 

Jiyong chuckles when he hears Yoona grunts about being a lazy , but passes him the almost empty mug of coffee.

 

Jiyong squeezes in one last intake of cigarette smoke into his lungs and kills off the burnt end into the coffee mug.

 

"Hey look." 

 

Jiyong looks up to where Yoona is pointing a sees a shooting star passing by. 

 

"Make a wish Ji."

 

Jiyong scoffs, of ing course Yoona would still believe in things like wishes and shooting stars, but he makes a wish anyway to stop the elbow persistently nudging his ribs.

 

The shooting star pass by in front of them, and Jiyong ends his wish with being in love with the presence of Yoona.

 

* 

But I am not in love with you.
*

 

Jiyong's in love with breakfast mornings with Yoona. Jiyong's in love with mornings still tangled among the bed sheets with Yoona. Jiyong's in love with coffee dates with Yoona and how she munches on her food. Jiyong's in love with late night conversations with Yoona, between cigarette breath and coffee stains. Jiyong's in love with the presence of Yoona.

 

But…

 

Jiyong's not in love with Yoona herself.

 

Yoona asks him one day, what they were, what their relationship is and Jiyong only replies with a, "Best friends." Because it's true, he loves Yoona, loves her with all his heart.

 

Yoona frowns as if she tasted something bitter. She tells him to explain because she doesn't understand – doesn't want to understand what he meant. Jiyong stares at her and he doesn't think explaining will do any good, not when Yoona's already crumbling before his eyes, tears threatening to fall down.

 

"I love you Yoona." Jiyong starts because Yoona needs to understand this. The moment he says it, he can feel the seams of their relationship torn apart bit by bit, along with Yoona. "But I'm not in love with you."

 

"I-I thought yo-you -" And Yoona's sobbing now, shoulders heaving up and down, shaking her petite figure, and Jiyong feels guilty because he doesn't want this for her – she deserves the world. "- felt th-the same."

 

Then Yoona starts screaming – a broken moan – strangling , desperate to release. She shouts at him, a string of curses and profanities leaving her pretty mouth, throwing anything her hands can grab. 

 

It was a mess of shattered glass and broken hearts and Jiyong makes no move to stop her. He just stands there, a distance from Yoona as he watches her unravel.

 

Yoona starts to break down, collapsing on the floor as she covers her face, harsh tears falling like a waterfall. Jiyong tries not to think of how pretty she looks, even with her makeup sliding down her face like paintworks – Yoona's always been an angel.

 

But now she's a fallen angel, and Jiyong feels guilty for making her that way. One more glance towards her bloodshot eyes and he knows he has to leave.

 

"I love you." Jiyong pauses, but making no move to go towards Yoona. "But I need to go now."

 

"Why?" There's a crack in Yoona's voice and it's not the same one where Yoona sings on weekends with too high pitched voices and broken notes. It's a sad one.

 

Seeing the sad look on her face, Jiyong knows he's broken her.

 

"Because I'm going to ruin you."

 

I already have.

 

---

a/n: as ya'll probably know, i have a thing for angst... (sorry not sorry!)