Taehyung P.O.V

Sitting up on the bed, I looked over. Yoongi lay there, sleeping peacefully and my heart tore. The kiss on the beach still burnt my lips and all to be felt now was guilt. A slight gleam of light reflected off his face and I could feel my breathing hitch. Back in the bar, when I saw him come in each night, I thought he looked fragile. But right now he looks most vulnerable. Untangling my shaking limbs from the sheets, I could feel the gripping in my heart. I had only wanted a reason to start again. But I ended up with a love that could never flourish. Another pain to suffer.

Stumbling into the lounge room, I the TV. Tiny letters read me the time. 2:03 in the morning and I couldn't help but smile wearily at no one. Casting myself onto the couch, I hugged myself close. Would Yoongi still keep me here if he knew the truth? If he knew I was a monster? That overwhelming pain in my heart flared up again, the squeezing pain. The burning. Everytime I smiled I could feel my lied burning a hole through my heart. I shouldn't be able to smile, my brother cannot. Now my sister cannot ever smile.

The screaming in my head wouldn't stop. It never stops.

Clutching my skull with both hands, the shadows began to sing. They sung of agony, or misguided tears. The TV was only background noise, a way to drown out my sobs. Looking up at the screen, I tried to focus. How does a good person behave? Watching as the mother in the show cooked pancakes, a knowing smile broke across my face. Pancakes show affection. I know this. This is why I make pancakes. Late night television taught me this.

Watching further into the show, realization crept in. I knew why I was woken by the crying in my head. To ease the demons screaming, I had to cut it out. It made me feel alive. It shook me from this state of sleepwalking. Staring at my scarred wrists, my contorted mind now saw canvases. A place to carve a pretty picture for the screaming. Standing up, I felt determined. A new found grasp of purpose. Time stood still, like it always does. It never flows smoothly anymore. It stopped the moment I saw their lifeless faces on the ground.

Walking towards the shower, I knew what I had to do. I finally knew what my siblings wanted. They wanted me to bleed like they did. Turning on the water, I listening to it echo in the quiet apartment. Stipping off my clothing I grabbed a razor. Stepping under the water, I let my muscles relax. Sobbing louder, I knew what I had to do. I have been doing this since everything was taken from me. I inflicted pain.

Digging the razor into my skin, I tore it sideways. Watching the neat cuts grow red, blood washed away too quickly to find satisfaction. So again I tore at my flesh, over and over. I watched as the agony stained the water red. My worries washed down the drain for the moment. As the pain seared through my arms, I finally felt it. I finally felt alive. Awake.

Dropping the razor, it clattered on the grounf. Awake. No longer sleepwalking through this existence. Breathing grew increasingly difficult as my hands grew warm. I could still feel it. I could feel my sins burning my hands. The water could never wash away this dirty aspect of me. Nothing ever washed away the blood of my father. Before all the breathe could escape from my lungs, I shut off the water. I could hear Yoongi knock on the door, demanding why I was awake at this hour.

Drying myself, I stoof in front of the mirror knowing Yoongi was on the other side of the door for me. Stupidly enough, I did not bring in a change of clothes, and my short sleeved shirt was too revealing at this moment. Fixing on a smile, I bundled my clothes between my arms, covering the raw wounds.

Opening the door, I showed Yoongi the smile I was just working on. He smiled a gummy smile back and I felt a new kind of sensation latch hold of my burnt out heart. Only Yoongi changed how my heart felt. Only he could change the way it burnt.

"So why are you awake so late?" He asked, leaning against the doorframe, trapping me withing the bathroom.

"Ah, I couldn't sleep. To busy thinking about you." I joked and I saw his face flush red.

"No, seriously, why?" He asked again and I bit my lip. I couldn't tell him the truth. Then he would look at me like I was a monster.

"First can I put on some clothes? I have always wanted to be with you, but it is no fun when I am the only one being ." I teased and he instantly ducked out of my way.

I could never tell him the truth. I could never let him know. I could never deal with the pain his leaving would bring because of the truth. And once again, the fire ignited in my chest. Burning my bones and searing my heart. Pushing past him, I walked into the bedroom. Glancing back at Yoongi, I was dragged into his bottomless eyes. His eyes were smothering me, trying to put out the fire inside. But it didn't work, it couldn't work. I would betray my siblings if I did.

I let them die, so I deserve to feel dead.

Putting on clothes, I still did not want to face Yoongi. My confession at the beach was a lapse of insanity. I could never love another. It was not possible. No matter how much I wanted to, I could never give Yoongi my heart. It was all I had left. Just a damaged mess in my chest. So even if it hurt, even if it crushed my soul, I had to push Yoongi away. Push him back to Hoseok. Because Yoongi only deserved honest love. Pure love. Not the heartless love only a monster like myself could give him.

Leaning against the door, I knew Yoongi would want to get back inside the bedroom but I didn't want to see his face. I couldn't joke anymore. And for the second time that morning, I realised something. The only reason why I was alive, the only reason why I clung onto this pathetic life so desperately was gone. Now, I could join them.

The voices screaming in my head agreed.

I let them die, so I deserve to die

A/N

Hello everyone ^-^

Sorry if putting in Taehyung's P.O.V messed with the story...but I felt like it. So meh...please like it...