Do I really need to suffer like this?

I've been asking myself, I'm still young but not a minor anymore. But I don't know how is the feeling of being happy, and how a normal kid feel while they growing. It's because that those feels and emotions were taken away from me. Those times when I'am looking for a genuine love from the others, I'am a person who does not know how to love and to be loved, so I'am trying to be a good person to everyone. Because I know the struggles and the obstacles in life. Everyone has their own weakness and strength. It's just on what level it is and how far can they survive on this ruthless society. 

I'm walking at the street I'm trying to foret what happened last night, my encounter with Seunghyun was unforgettable I'm starting to got scared of him and his presence bt there is something on my body that I'am safe on his arms. I shook my head on my thoughts as I looked forward on the way. I'am searching for work, I want to find a job, since I'm lonely and alone in the house when Seunghyun is going to his work. It's just that the maids are my only companion in the house. I'am applying at the Shinhan Financial Group. I'm hoping that this company won't let me down, after a few minutes I reached the company and went inside. I didn't eat any food this morning, because I'm practicing on what I'm going to say on the interview.