So, I noticed a little something,

   And that little something was that you sent me a blank letter. 

   Why? 

   I know that you suggested sending blank letters as a way to continue the conversation, without actually stopping. However, I clearly stated in the previous letter that I wouldn’t do so because I wanted to be friends with you. The only way you could’ve misunderstood it is by either skimming through the contents, or by ignoring it altogether. Knowing you, you probably did either of these actions and discarded the letter afterward without a second thought. 

   And I’m trying to understand why this might be difficult for you by going over possible reasons. I really am, but I’m lost. First of all, why can’t you seem to comprehend that I’m being sincere about this and that I genuinely want to be friends with you? I promise it’s nothing more than that, and it’s certainly nothing less than that. 

   Secondly, why are you trying to cut off our conversations when you said that they interested you? Don’t you want to have more of them, or is it something else? Judging from what you told me, I believe that you do have a small interest in this and that you actually want to continue our conversations. You simply realized that this wasn’t the “usual” you, and for whatever reason, you pulled back. It might sound like a bunch of bull crap, but I think that it’s part of it. Why else would you have continued writing me back? If you really didn’t have an interest in this, you would’ve sent a blank letter from the very beginning. You and I know well that you would’ve done that. 

   I’ll also be terribly honest with you, but it hurt when I received the blank letter. At first, I was just as excited about this project as my English teacher was. Hearing them talk about it so enthusiastically as they shared personal memories, made me want to do it as well. To me, it meant that I would be creating new memories that I could share with my family and friends. It also meant that I could connect with others by using a different method, or I guess a less used one nowadays. In fact, just the thought alone was exciting for me, so when I received your first letter, I was surprised but ready for a challenge. 

  But you know, it got to a point, that it just felt like no matter what I wrote to you, you wouldn’t even bother on really reading my letters. It was all for naught. That realization, at least for me, was tough to swallow… but the reality is what it is, and there’s not much I can do. You’re the first person ever to treat me in such a way, and although the change is nice, it hurts sometimes.

   You probably won’t even check this letter either, and you’re going to send another blank letter to me… so here’s my piece of advice for you: 

   Actions speak louder than words ever will.

   I don’t think I have to explain this, right? This is just friendly advice from a friend who has been there too. Take care of yourself. 

From 
Mark Tuan

(￣(エ)￣)

I was right (again),

   You sent me another blank letter. 

   And I must admit, that I’m impressed by your commitment and determination of not communicating with me. Despite that, I’m also in disbelief by it, and I’m wondering just how long this silence will last. There’s nothing I can do, and in the end, it’s up to you whether you decide to make a move or not… But would it be asking too much to know if you’re reading these letters? You could draw like a happy face or something in the corner of the letter, and I’ll be satisfied with just that. I promise. 

   Anyways, now that you’ve stopped writing back, it’s up to me to make some conversation, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to write. Nothing really comes to mind; do you suppose that my English teacher took that into consideration when they planned this project? I don’t think so, otherwise, the least they could’ve done was give out a list of topics that we could talk about. Even though it sounds like a terrible idea, it’s much better than not knowing what to write about. It’s awkward, but I guess I’ve been in worse situations than this. 

   I guess I’ll just write whatever comes to mind then. 

   For some reason, I keep thinking about a writing prompt that our English teacher assigned us to do once. They had explained to us that if we did it every day for at least 10 minutes, then it would expand our imagination. At the time, I wasn’t so curious about it, but since I don’t know what to write and I keep thinking about it, I’ll do that instead. I even put on a timer exactly for 10 minutes. Feel free to also try it out yourself: 

I am…
I dream…
Today…
Deep down I know…  

   I am the so-called psychopath that Youngjae seems to dislike for some reason unknown to me. I still don’t know why he acts like that towards me, or what I did to offend him (except being friendly and offering him my friendship), but he dislikes me very much.   

   And I dream of the day when we finally become friends. It might take a while until then, but I’m waiting for Youngjae to open up these letters and read them. Surely, something will change if he does. I put in so much effort into all of them (okay, maybe that was a white lie), and Youngjae doesn’t even seem to bat an eye! He compares me to this person I don’t know, and honestly, it pisses me off. I wish Youngjae would realize that everyone is different and that we all have diverse ways of doing things (such as befriending people).

   Today, that will change. The moment he opens up these letters, he will know for sure that I am not a psychopath that’s after him. Youngjae will know that I’m an average high school student that wants to be friends with him… It’s funny; talking like this makes Youngjae seem like some kind of scared animal (and I think that’s on point) … Would that make me the hunter? (I hope not.) 

   Deep down I know that this is selfish of me and that I shouldn’t be imposing my friendship on someone else like this… but how else am I supposed to befriend him if he won’t open up to me? 

   The 10 minutes are up! After reviewing what I wrote, I realized that it was… sentimental, maybe? And that wasn’t my intention. I’ll try to write something better next time. 

   Did you also do it? If you did, then draw another happy face in the other corner of the letter. I think I’ll finish this for today and hope for a reply. Take care of yourself.

From 
Mark Tuan 

(✿◠‿◠)

Hey,

   There’s still no reply from you. I shouldn’t be surprised that you have sent me another blank letter, but here I am, writing my complaints as usual. Really, I should get used to it, but I can’t seem to adjust to it as I would like. When will you take responsibility for the misery that you’re putting me through? It’s silly, but I’m already torn between giving up on your reply or persisting some more and get you to reply. What do you think? 

   School was boring today, even though it’s usually the opposite of that. There’s always something going on; whether it’s a class activity or a fight between classmates, there’s no time to time to daydream. Normally, I would want some time to do so, but for once, today? I preferred the mess that the school offered daily, and I don’t even know why. All I know is that the “most exciting event that happened today” wasn’t even that fulfilling, and it didn’t even happen to me. It happened to a classmate of mine, Park Chanyeol, who found out that his pen pal is an idol (which is cool, I’ll admit that). The only reason why I know this was because Chanyeol was making a fuss about it during lunch. It had been difficult to ignore, especially when he had been insistent on shoving the magazine where his pen pal appeared.  

   This is more or less what happened: 

   “Dude, check this out!” Chanyeol told me as he hurriedly pushed the magazine towards me. He took little notice of the fact that I had been eating lunch up until then, of the glare I sent him for almost making my food fall from the table. I was going to give him a piece of my mind, but after I took one look at Chanyeol, I relented and stopped eating my lunch (even though I was hungry as heck).  

   I looked it over, and sure enough, it was an article about a rising idol named Byun Baekhyun. He was answering a variety of random questions submitted by fans, that were selected by the interviewers. From what I had read, Byun Baekhyun seemed like a nice person, and I could understand why Chanyeol had been ecstatic to have him as his pen pal. Also, he was cute when he smiled, which is an added bonus (but don’t tell Chanyeol I mentioned that though). 

   After that, he spazzed about Byun Baekhyun for a couple of minutes, which was… heartwarming, I suppose. But more than that, this matter got me thinking about how you look, and I even tried imagining you like Byun Baekhyun. And for some reason, the image just didn’t seem right, like something was lacking or wasn’t quite there yet. Maybe it’s because Byun Baekhyun seemed nicer than you... 

   I’m half-joking about that last bit, don’t take it to heart.  

   However, I’m serious about everything else I mentioned. The image just didn’t click, you know? Then I began to ask myself: is Youngjae taller than me, or is he shorter than me? Is his hair dark chocolate, or is it more of a chestnut? Do Youngjae’s eyes disappear when he smiles like Byun Baekhyun’s, or do they remain visible? Now that I think about it, these questions sound so weird, so do us both a favor and don’t answer them. Well… it’s not like you were going to anyway. 

   I’ll do that writing prompt again just like last time. I’ve set up the 10 minutes already, so just like last time, draw a circle in a corner if you did it too.

I am…
I dream…
Today…
Deep down I know…

   I am a colorful fish that’s unlike the others. Most of the fishes from the ocean I come from are black and white, but that’s because they haven’t met “the one”. There’s an ancient myth that promises a vibrant life, in which you meet “the one” and everything around you will gain a new color scheme, even yourself… then there’s me. From the moment I was given existence by my parents, I was a colorful fish. 

   Of course, no one knew why I was born this way. Not even my parents. So then, what was wrong with me? 

   I dream to be like everyone else, to be gray and normal, and to find “the one”. I don’t like being the only one that stands out amongst a monochromatic crowd of fishes. It’s off-putting. Since I was little, I was isolated from the rest of the fishes around my age because of it. It was especially awful when they played hide and seek, and I could only watch as they had fun without me. Luckily for me, I have one friend that always stood next to me no matter what!

   Ever since I was young, he was next to me and because of it, my life was b with colors. In fact, there was a time I thought he was just like me, but it turns out he wasn’t (which was disappointing). He was just like everyone else, ashen and dreary, but for some reason, we were always together… and maybe it was because we were always together, but he made me feel warm and fuzzy when we were alone with each other. He made me happy, to the extent I found it ridiculous how much he affected me. 

   Today I will approach him and tell him about these weird feelings I’ve been harboring for a while now. He’s right there in front of me, looking at me with those big eyes of his, and I can’t breathe for a moment. But it’s not because I’m too nervous or anything of the like… It takes me a while to compose myself because he isn’t alone. There he is, accompanied by another female fish, bursting with colors. Both of them.  

   A part of me died. 

   Deep down, I knew….

   Time is up! Whoa, this certainly turned out differently than what I intended (lol). What was yours about? 

   I’ll stop writing for today since I have homework to do. Take care of yourself. 

From 
Mark Tuan  

(∩︵∩)

Dear Youngjae,

   No offense, but that sounds so weird and cringe-worthy to say and to write. Can you imagine someone actually composing a letter like that? They have got to be lovesick and share an affinity with cheese if they start the message like that. Otherwise, I can’t imagine another scenario in which this greeting is justified. In any case, I’m lacking these characteristics, so fear not, I’ll spare you of this nonsense and continue with my usual “straight-to-the-point” attitude. 

   How are you today? Good, I hope. I’ve noticed that you’re still not writing me a letter and that there aren’t any happy faces on blank papers either. This must be because you still haven’t read my letter (because why else would you ignore me?)! If I’m being sincere though, I’m really starting to question myself if this is worth it or not… but screw it. Might as well go all the way, am I right?

   Today was unlike any other day, but not for the reasons you might be thinking of. For some reason, we watched movies all day instead of taking proper classes. I’m unclear as to why this was done (and I’m certainly not complaining), but I suppose that maybe my teachers felt lazy today… which is valid, considering all the work they might be going through because of us. It was just strange. They didn’t even scold us for talking during the movies, or for not taking notes even after they clearly told us to do so. The only class I “actually” had today was English, and it was because there was material that needed to be explained no matter what (it was for an exam). Not that I was really paying attention since a classmate of mine kept talking to me.

   But anyway, that wasn’t even what I wanted to talk to you about. Or at least, it’s not the main focus of this letter. 

   I was able to meet up with Jackson and Jaebum after school today for the first time in a while, and it was great. More than great, actually. It was the most fun I’ve had in a long time, and I wish it hadn’t ended so soon… but you know what? I’m alright with that. The time we spent together didn’t go to waste; we played basketball for hours, nonstop, and we caught up with each other’s lives. For instance, Jackson got himself a girlfriend (which is no surprise, considering how sweet he can be towards girls). You should’ve seen him though; he was beaming sunrays whenever he talked about his girlfriend. Jackson still has a couple of family issues going on, but he promised that he’ll be able to visit more often than before. 

   As for Jaebum, he decided to focus more on school than before by involving himself in the community and studying profusely. From what he told us, he’s doing an exceptional job and I’m proud of him for it, but I worry he’s overdoing it (or that there’s something else bothering him). Jaebum looked paler than he did before, and even though when he was with us, he was joyful, there were still moments he seemed thoughtful. I didn’t bring it up at the time since I figured it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, but it’s concerning me.

   Regardless of that detail, and as silly as it may sound, hanging out with them still made my day. There’s nothing better than meeting up with your best friends and getting back on track with each other as if you’re picked up where you left off. I wonder if you’ve ever experienced something like that… 

   Also, Jackson decided to stay the night at my house while Jaebum had to leave (which was disappointing, not going to lie). It’s been a while since he last stayed over, so my parents were surprised when they saw him again. Nevertheless, they kept him preoccupied for a while by asking him questions about his life. Meanwhile, I decided to sneak off to my room, to write this letter to you. I needed to share about my day with someone, and what better person to share it with other than you? 

   Sorry, it looks like Jackson finished talking with my parents. The only reason why I know this is because I can hear him excitedly running up the stairs, all the while calling out my name. Jackson doesn’t know what privacy is, so I’ll stop writing to you for today. No writing prompt either. 

   Take care of yourself.

From
Mark Tuan

｡◕ ‿ ◕｡

Today was pretty ty,

   Because a couple of classmates of mine wouldn’t shut up during History class. As a result, my History teacher decided to give us a pop quiz, to see if whether we were studying or not. It was particularly challenging for me to complete because I hardly study for that class… and before you judge me for this, our History teacher barely gives exams, claiming to not believe in the grading system of it. I suppose I got too used it and I dug my own grave, so that’s my fault. 

   But anyway, as if the pop quiz wasn’t enough, our History teacher gave us a lot of homework to complete for the next class. It’s so unfair and frustrating, but honestly, I can’t even blame them for it. My classmates just don’t know when it’s appropriate to shut up, and because of it, all of us pay for a mistake committed by someone else. It’s ridiculous.

   Here’s another piece of advice: 

   Study. Every. Single. Thing. In. Your. Notebook.  

   It doesn’t matter if you think it’s useless, or if you think it won’t be part of the pop quiz. Just study everything because then it’ll bite you in the and what you didn’t study will come in the exam. I learned this the hard way today (as you can see). And there will be no writing prompt today either because I’m not in the mood. 

From a stressed out
Mark Tuan

щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

Still no answer? 

   Why am I not surprised? I’m running out of patience so I advise you to write soon unless you want me to get desperate and take drastic measures. I know people, Youngjae, and I can easily ask around for your house address whenever I feel like it.

   This is making me sound like an actual psychopath, so I’ll stop, but if I ever do it, you brought it upon yourself. Just saying. 

From 
Mark Tuan 

ಠ_ಠ

I’ll get to the point, 

   Please answer already. I’m sorry for being a smartass and for being sassy, and if I’ve hurt your feelings, I never really intended to. Please just write me back. I’m tired of checking the mailbox only to see another blank letter. If you have any dissatisfaction with me, write it down and I’ll take it no matter how rude it is. Just write back.

From 
Mark Tuan 

(╯︵╰,)

☺                                                                                     ☻

Sinceramente de
Choi Youngjae.                                                                                                                                                

A/N: No double update today bc I'm a little & my inspiration comes & goes like that ;;;;;;;;

Tbh, I was a little bit insecure abt this chapter. I wasn't sure if I should make it like this with Mark sending lots of letters to Youngjae & Youngjae being a lil' by not answering, but lol whatever I'm winging this anyways

Also, did the flow of the letters feel right? I mean, Mark started off unsure of how to do it but then eventually gets the hang of it & half threatens Youngjae into answering him xD Also, I got the writing prompt thing from the book Seize the Story by Victoria Hanley. 

I was actually about to drop a bomb in this chapter but it's so soon >3 Next chapter will be JinBam centered that's for sure! ;) Feel free to comment, subscribe & upvote! So, uh, I hope this was worth the wait? Enjoy!                                       

(UPDATE [8/27/19]: Yes, I roasted one of my stories in this chapter. Lol. Let's see if you notice it!)