I have many things I want to point out,

First things first. I am getting used to your sarcastic ways (no need to worry about that), but that doesn’t mean that it will always be like that. I’m not always strong so please be mindful of the words you say sometimes. Please and thank you.

Secondly, I’m analyzing it because it makes me feel as if it’ll lead me to some type of clue in resolving the mystery that is Choi Youngjae. I’ve been honest so far, and I’ll continue to be, so believe me when I say that is it purely curiosity. Nothing more. I haven’t been feeling anything at all so feel free to skip this part. I don’t mind. I’m basically rambling at this point. Sometimes I write before I think.

Please skip that part. I wasted seven lines trying to justify something that you probably haven’t even thought of. Just let me be happy, okay. Thanks. 

Anyways, as for the question, I feel as if you were lying. As I stated before, it’s weird for someone to even take a photograph of an oath and again, you are picky with certain things. Precisely because you are picky with certain things, you wouldn’t do it.

(Well, to me it is a big thing since I’m trying my best to get to know you. Though I guess you don’t really care when you learn something about me, do you? It’s happening again…)

Here comes what caught my attention the most. Thirdly, I don’t know what to say to that because I haven’t gone through anything like it. I’ve had many moments of doubt before, but it’s not really similar as to what you go through from time to time. I’m guessing it has to do more with the fact that I’m not always writing or doing something constantly. At the moment, I’m not doing anything. I used to play basketball (as I’ve mentioned before) and maybe back then, I would’ve totally understood you. It’s been years since I last played, so I’m afraid that I can’t say much.

It worries me that you aren’t getting enough rest, and maybe that’s just what you need at the moment? Rest? Another excellent question. Have you been resting properly? I mean, it’s wonderful when you’re working and you’re on fire, but rest is just as important as working on your story.

I also wanted to point out that I am impressed with your ambition. Believe me when I say that hardly anyone I know is working hard for their dreams. Most of my classmates are barely getting by, and it worries me up to some extent what they’re trying to achieve with failing exams. I mean, exams aren’t everything, but the least you could do is try and graduate from high school.

(Now I’m wondering if I’ll ever be as passionate as you are about writing; that I won’t stop no matter, that I’ll get frustrated to the point of getting depressed about it… that doesn’t sound as pretty as I vision it, but there’s nothing more attractive than someone that knows what they want to do with their life.)    

I guess that what I said might’ve been careless without knowing the full context. For that, I am sorry.

Though if it serves of consolation, this is probably the most humane you have sound during all of our conversation through these letters. Besides that other time when you decided that you wanted to be civil, of course. This change isn’t bad. Please continue not wanting to be a mystery anymore. You’re actually quite interesting to talk to.

1. Somehow this isn’t hard to believe. I’ll continue thinking that your parts were the best anyways.
2. Oh, do you also watch HGTV?
3. Will I be the first to read it since I was also the first to know about it?
4. Hmm. Hmm. Tell me.

I can’t. I’m really curious about what you look like.

Figures. Everything about you is top secret.

From a rather sulky,

Mark Tuan

ಠ_ಠ

Hmm,

There are several things I want to point out too:

1. I’ll continue as I always have, and you’ll continue as you always have. I’ll take consideration into my words when I feel like it. Which is, like, never. :’)
2. I skipped it as soon as I saw the warning. Thanks, by the way.
3. Are you sure? Are you absolutely sure that I’m lying? Are you absolutely sure that I’m lying that you’re even willing to bet on something on the line? Think wisely. I mean, who knows. Maybe I wasn’t lying after all. Maybe I did take a picture of that oath and I have it somewhere in my room as I’m writing this letter at this very moment. I’ll ask once more; was I lying or not?
4. You’re right. It’s happening again. :’)
5. I’m guessing you’re hoping for some type of sympathy where you think I’m opening up to you and we bond over it, that I’d explain to you my love for writing, that I’d be touched that you’re worrying about my health instead, that I’d tell you that you’ll eventually find it, blah blah, all that bull, but I’ll spare you of it. One, because I didn’t tell you any of that with the intention of getting along with you. I only revealed it to guilt trip you. Yes, I’m such a horrible human being. Surprise, surprise. Two, you must be wondering what’s with this sudden rude behavior, well, I’d suggest read over your letter again and search for any possible insults. (Hint: It’s something you’ve said over and over again.) 
6. Whether I watch HGTV or not is none of your concern as always.
7. No. And no. And no again. 

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae.

(╹◡╹)凸

Oh God,

Don’t tell me I screwed up again. It hasn’t even been a while since we last fought… I re-read my last letter over and over again, and as embarrassing as it is, I’m afraid I’m not quite sure what I said wrong? Please give me another hint.

For now, I’ll just answer the rest of the letter (sorry in advance for my lack of usual interest/peppiness):

• Okay. Fine. You win… again. I’ll just deal with it somehow.
• Should I always do it like this then? Warn you in advance what to skip and what not to skip? Am I boring you?
• Yes, I’m absolutely sure. Now spill it.
• Yeah, I kinda noticed.
• ??????????????????????????????????????
• Of course….

You know, I’m glad you agreed to be friends with me, but this feels so one way somehow. Where’s the equality in this situation? You don’t need to tell me every single thing, but at least try and respect me as another person, yeah?

From,

Mark Tuan

(╯︵╰,)

I’ll tell you another hint,

Fill in the blank. “This is probably the most (_____) you have sound during all of our conversation through these letters.”

I probably really shouldn’t talk and it really shouldn’t bother me, considering my words from before, but it does, so what can you do? I’m starting to understand what you might’ve be feeling every once in a while, but that doesn’t really mean much. I like making sarcastic and sassy comments; it’s who I am. It’s literally in my nature. I won’t stop now, so I’ll apologize in advance if I ever make you feel as ty as I feel at the moment because apparently, I’m not human enough to have feelings and insecurities.

But it’s fine, really. I let you create this image of me inside your tiny brain, so it’s partly my fault that you can’t comprehend that huge fact about me. I brought this upon myself. Save your apologies to yourself.

I also feel as if I should clear something out. It’s not that I find you boring. If you were truly boring, then I wouldn’t have bothered sending you letters after the first one. I’ve said this before haven’t I? You’re an interesting person to talk to as well, and I suppose that I might’ve been projecting something else entirely. As you’re aware, I do have a close friend but apart from them, I’m not close to anyone at all. It even happens sometimes when I’m talking to them…

(It’s annoying when I have to clear out to them that no, I’m not bored, you’re interesting, yes, you’re my best friend for a reason.)

If you want to tell me in advance what parts to skip, then feel free to do so. However, only do it when you are at peace with what you’re writing. This, right now, gives me the impression that you wrote it when you were sulking. I don’t want to put you in that situation again.

As for the last meaningful bullet, the truth shall be finally revealed at long last. I’ll include the picture that I took of the oath along with the letter when I’ll mail it to you. That should serve more than enough as the answer to that. :’)

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae.

(P.S. I’ll keep what you said at the end in mind. I asked my close friend about Bambam, and he told me (ing finally) that he’s been sending him letters. Bambam won’t answer them. What’s up with that?)

(◡︿◡✿)

You’re right,

You shouldn’t be complaining about it. That’s how I felt every time you said a comment that was either rude/sassy/sarcastic… but you’ve analyzed it enough that it makes okay for you to feel that way. You’re forgiven for everything you’ said before and will say in the future. Even though you said I should keep my apologies to myself, I won’t, because that would be an thing to do.

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for disregarding your feelings and thoughts, and for saying those thoughtless things about you. Of course, you have insecurities as well… it would be idiotic to think otherwise. In which case, I did, so that would make me an A-plus idiot.

I’m honestly really glad to know that I’m not boring you out… even though I have plenty of friends, I always have that worry at the back of my head. No matter how much I try to push it away, to will it be gone, it sticks like gum, and I worry. I worry for no reason because I know for a fact that people like talking to me. It’s just me…

Am I also crazy for finding that cute though?

Also… I think that was the sweetest thing you’ve said to me? Maybe it’s guilt or something that’s making you try and comfort me, but I really do appreciate it nevertheless. It makes me feel like you actually do care about me… so I’ll do that. I’ll only tell you in advance which parts to skip when I’m at peace with it.

I still can’t believe you legit took a picture of it though. Like, seriously, I’m laughing my off. You’re unbelievable.

From,

Mark Tuan

(P.S. Bambam’s been thinking a lot these past days… he’ll just sit in a corner and daze off. I tried talking to him, but he kind of shut me off. I’ll try to talk to him again tomorrow when I have the chance. Can you at least give me your friend’s name?)

(☉‿☉✿)

So I know it’s your turn to send a letter,

But this is important. In the last letter, I mentioned that I would try and talk to Bambam about his behavior lately. Maybe he could tell me the reason why he won’t answer his pen pal anymore, or the reason why he’s so depressed lately. The way Bambam had been rejected talking about it made me have low expectations. I was prepared for the “worse”.

Bambam surpassed my expectations. (Ignore how odd that sounds right now.)

But, yes, he’s surpassed my expectations, and surprised me when he started crying out of nowhere. I mean, literally, out of nowhere. I was accompanying him to his lunch spot; Bambam had been abnormally quiet the whole trip, but that’s how he’s usually been these past days. I didn’t think much of it. When we reached there, I turned around to see him hugging his legs to his chest as he cried out his heart. My heart dropped at the scene.

It was hard getting Bambam to calm down, but once I did, he looked everywhere but at me. Understandable, considering what had happened. Eventually, Bambam whispered what happened between them, “I confessed to my pen pal, and got shut down. There’s someone else he likes.”

I’d like to punch once this guy, no offense. I’ll respect the fact that your close friend is interested in someone else, but to reject Bambam without giving him the opportunity to saying it to his face infuriates me. This guy’s a coward.

Also, for some reason, Bambam asked to meet up with you.

From,

Mark Tuan

╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮

Oh dear,

I must say, I’m shocked… I didn’t know he had gotten confessed to, and even then, he hadn’t mentioned it to me. At all. It makes me wonder what else he hasn’t told me…

I’m aware everyone has secrets, even you must have some, and I’m aware that they don’t need to tell me all of their secrets either. This hurts me not because of that, but because I know we haven’t really been talking lately. I haven’t sat down to talk with him for a while now. I’ve been so self-absorbed that it disgusts me… if it hadn’t been because you commented about Bambam, I probably wouldn’t have noticed.

Because that’s the type of person he is.

He’d rather keep it to himself even though he knows that I wouldn’t judge him or anything. I could’ve gave him advice, maybe, even though it wouldn’t have been the best, but it would’ve been something, right? Anything would’ve been better than finding it out from someone else…

I’m sorry, your friend Bambam is the one that’s supposed to be hurt. I shouldn’t be like this right now. Tell him that I’d like to meet him… see what kind of person Jinyoung was to him, that made him see him that way.

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae.

(P.S. What was it that you found cute though…? I’m curious.)

ಥ⌣ಥ

It’s okay to feel that way,

In this situation. I don’t think it’s completely uncalled for; Jinyoung, I’m assuming that’s his name, is your best friend. It’d be somewhat odd if you didn’t feel anything about the fact that your distancing from your best friend. Thankfully, the solution’s simple…

Just talk to him. I’m sure he wouldn’t find it out of place if you were to sit him down. I’m sure that you can talk to him about anything.

As for your question, what I had found cute was that your face displays one thing, but you’re feeling something else. Don’t get offended, because it’s not my intention, but maybe you have a resting face? You even have to explain yourself to Jinyoung, who should know that by now. It’s cute. Kind of like a gap-moe, yeah?

Here’s Bambam’s number: XXX-XXX-XXX, so you can plan and meet up.

(Side note: Thinking about it now, I’m surprised you said yes to this? You, Choi Youngjae, possibly one of the most anti-social people I have met, agreed to meet someone new? Something’s off.)  

From,

Mark Tuan

┏(＾0＾)┛┗(＾0＾) ┓

Can’t believe I’m saying this,

But thank you for that piece of advice. It actually made me feel better.

Before texting Bambam, I had approached Jinyoung when we were leaving school today. We talked on our way home, and when I had the opportunity, I asked him about Bambam. He looked nervous when I brought it up, but he eventually told me a bit about it. That’s a start, I guess. Better than nothing at all…

Took me off guard there. I don’t know why you find that cute, but whatever floats your boat. I don’t find that cute at all, but I suppose that’s because I’m the one with the resting face. I might be saying the opposite if it weren’t me. :’) #WhenLife’sA

I texted Bambam and he’s surprisingly… cheery? He talks to me like he’s known me all of his life, which is nice in a way, but at the same time I’m not sure how to feel about it. It’s quite conflicting, really. Though Bambam’s taken care of all the details about our little hang out; he’s the one that’s set up a time and place for us to meet.

Strangely enough, I’m excited to meet him. Don’t know why. Perhaps it’s my mood today that’s affecting my perspective.

(Side note: It’s an illusion. Don’t be fooled by it.)

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae.

(⊙‿⊙✿)

Well, ,

You’re welcome. I’m glad to have been of help to you for once. This must be a step forward to our friendship. This calls for a celebration of some sort, yes? How about the three of us (Bambam, you, and me) meeting up instead of just you two?

That is a start. It shouldn’t matter how insignificant or small it might seem, it’s still a start, so I suggest just have patience with him. He’ll open up to you… I know so.

It’s still cute. This is the one thing I’m certain of, and the one thing you won’t be able to change my mind of. The fact that you have a resting face is cute. Period.

Also, yeah. Bambam’s actually a really friendly person. Though it’s true he doesn’t have many friends, he talks to people openly. Bambam’s honest with everyone he talks to, he talks openly about his thoughts and feelings in a manner that won’t offend anyone, and he’s generally cute. Perhaps it’s that. People let his rude comments pass because of his appearance, almost as if they don’t really care because of it. Bambam could probably get away with murder thanks to that. (Not that I think he would commit murder, but it’s just an observation…)

That’s probably the reason why Bambam’s so open with you. There’s no reason to overthink that. Besides, all of the other reasons as to why he talks like that to you, make him sound like a creep and he’s definitely not one. Bambam needs more credit than that. Although I will admit that I’m surprised he’s the one organizing the event; I had been in a group project with him once, and I was the one who organized the project. Bambam didn’t really bother helping me out.

I’m hoping you’ll agree to meet up with me then. I know it’s a long shot since I’ve asked before, and you’ve rejected my offer repeatedly. What will make this any different? I have no idea, but I’m crossing fingers. Say yes.

(Side note: It doesn’t seem to be an illusion. I need a new set of eyes then.)

From,

Mark Tuan

(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

How about no?

We’ve been over this already. I don’t want to meet up with you, and I don’t want you to see my face. If you do, the whole point of this project, of being strangers, of sharing secrets is thrown out of the window. I can’t let that happen no matter what, and not any time soon. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, and if I hurt your feelings. That wasn’t my intention, I hope you realize that.

I feel as if Jinyoung’s been avoiding me. Today when we left for school, he’s usually going on about something I don’t care about, but he wasn’t. Jinyoung seemed thoughtful as he walked next to me, nodding every once in a while, when I initiated conversation for once. If this had been my normal best friend, he would’ve freaked that I brought up a topic (and that is something to be happy about. Character growth, woot, woot).

But Jinyoung didn’t. He didn’t even smile at me for trying to talk to me, and I felt like a toy that had been pushed to the side by a child. Then I wondered if this was how Jinyoung felt whenever I did it to him… but after I stopped hurting and started thinking rationally, I remembered the Bambam situation. Honestly, I don’t want to think it has something to do with Bambam, but I’m starting to feel like it does. Is there by any chance something else I’m missing out on?

I’m glad the resting face topic is dropped. It was starting to make me feel a bit uncomfortable, to be honest.

Bambam and I agreed on meeting tomorrow. I won’t brief you the details of where it’ll be since I don’t want any “coincidences”. I trust Bambam not to mention anything to you, even though we’ve only talked a bit since we started texting.

(Side note: There’s no real reason for this side note.)

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae

(☉‿☉✿)

I should’ve expected this,

But I won’t deny the disappointment I feel. It was a long shot, I knew, I explained to you that I knew this, but I can’t help it. Everything you said makes sense, and yet the words you’ve written seem alien to me. I can read them, make sense of them, but I feel like they were written by someone else… which is completely ridiculous, and not to mention, overdramatic because who else could’ve written it except for you?

I guess I had gotten cocky, just because we got along better, because we hadn’t been in a fight for a while now. Now I know better than to get ahead of myself… I want to clear out that I’m not mad at you for not wanting to meet up with me. I’m mad at myself for getting my hopes up. That’s all.

As for the JinBam situation (that’s how I’m going to call it from now on. It’s much easier than writing their names, heh), maybe Jinyoung’s just feeling awkward after being honest with you? I don’t think it’s worrisome… what’s worrisome is that you were hurt by his actions. Call him out on it, you know. If Jinyoung lashes back at you, then he’s the one being unfair to you because you’ve done nothing wrong.

I don’t know if Bambam’s hiding something or not. I can always try and find out for you, even though I think he told me everything there was to say. Maybe when you meet up with Bambam, he’ll say something else?

Uncomfortable in a bad way, you mean? I’m sorry, if so…

I hope everything goes well then.

(Side note: “… My mom might be right, because when I see you, my heart gets hot, because rather than fear, my attraction to you is bigger…” Playing with fire by BLACKPINK)

From,

Mark Tuan

(◡﹏◡✿)

You say that you’re not mad at me,

But I still feel bad about it. I feel like this entire part was a massive guilt trip, that wasn’t supposed to be on purpose, but that kinda was anyways. It’s working. I feel like a jerk for having my reasons for not wanting to meet you.

Update on JinBam situation: Jinyoung’s being a by avoiding me, and I met up with Bambam. It was overwhelming because even though I had been given specifications by him (lock of pink hair, short height, and his school uniform), he hugged me when he saw me. I hadn’t register him immediately, so I freaked out because a stranger was hugging me. I pushed him away, and before I opened my mouth to lash out at him, Bambam laughed at me, saying that Jinyoung had described me perfectly, that he recognized me instantly. I’m slow as I processed this, and we sat down at café nearby so we could properly talk.

Bambam then told me about Jinyoung and how he pretty much, always talked about me (that’s how he recognized me). Jinyoung had described to him in the most recent letters; they started exchanging letters again. While I’m glad about that, I’m surprised at how much Jinyoung had mentioned me in his letters. I mentioned this to Bambam, and he looked conflicted for a moment, as if unsure whether to say something or not.  

In the end he didn’t, and we ended up talking about everything else except what mattered most. I didn’t push it; we had just met each other, after all. I should respect Bambam’s privacy.

Mark, you didn’t make me uncomfortable in a bad way. It was uncomfortable in a weird way because I hadn’t expected it, because I had felt had something that I hadn’t felt before. I don’t know about you, but I find that pretty scary. Overwhelming, even. :’)

(Side note: What are you trying to say with that side note?)

Sinceramente de,

Choi Youngjae

★~(◠︿◕✿)

Oh my God,

Youngjae! I’m sorry to have made you feel that way, but I can’t do anything about it when it’s a fact. It’s a fact that you didn’t want to meet me, for all of the reasons you listed before, and that you rejected me. It’s also a fact that I’m disappointed and hurt, and that you must deal with it one way or another. I can’t say much without sounding like an , so for now, get over it.

Update on the JinBam situation: Thanks for filling me in. Not much to report.

Please explain to me what that means. If you don’t, how do you expect me to understand you and not to take it personally?

(Side note: Do you want me to say something about it?)

From,

Mark Tuan

A/N: /sweats nervously/ Hi... so it's been a year since the last update, but, uh, surprise? :') I'm still alive, who knew /laughs nervously/ 

I'm sorry for the lack of update... Last year definitely has been one of the busiest years in a while. In admist everything, I sincerely forgot this story existed. I remembered very little of it; I just remembered being stuck on a part for a while. I got back to it during these days after looking through the outline of this story, and I noticed that I'm half way through it already. I figured that I should end it at least. 

It's not like other stories of mine that I barely have any chapters written. This story has already began, and is waiting for its end. These characters need to be put back to rest, and it's my duty as the author to do so. No matter what, I will finish this story this year. I give you guys, the readers, permission to harass me to update, if you must. I need some type of pressure, clearly, and what better way to feel pressured than by the readers? :') 

So, as for this chapter, forgive me if the characters sound different. I tried my best getting back into them, but it was hard distinguishing them from each other, since from what I re-read from previous chapters, they both write pretty formally to each other. Youngjae's looser, in the sense that he ocassionally uses an emoji, somewhat ironically. I tried to do that as much as possible. Mark's friendly, but it's more of a middle ground, between nice & serious. I don't know... I'm kind of glad Jinyoung & Bambam didn't appear lol. 

But basically, here's the chapter summed up: MarkJae fight hella lot, but Mark's starting to fall, Youngjae's being vague, & JinBam are currently in an awkward situation. The next chapter should be another compilations of JinBam... I haven't started writing it, so I might be slow with it, especially since classes start next Tuesday. Woo.

I hope this chapter was worth the wait :') thank you for the 100 + subscribers... didn't think this story would get that much attention. Feel free to leave a comment, upvote, & subcribe. Until then!