Warmth, hugs, kisses. - Where did that all go?

Min Yoongi had been watching his boyfriend for quite a while now. He could see how his boyfriend was losing a lot of weight, not smiling as much as he used to, not loving him like he used to. 

Jimin had always been one to smile a lot, to bring happiness to everyone's lifes. He was the type to be playful and tease the other BTS members whenever he had the chance to. He was known of his bad jokes and cute laugh. And that's not all! He was known of his beautiful singing voice and his amazing dance skills. He was the one who laughed the most at all the interviews, making all the fans laugh. 

But also if you took a look at his appearance, Jimin was really handsome man with cute, chubby cheeks. He was a little bit shorter than the others and due to that he got teased a lot, playfully of course and the others never truly harmed him with teasin him about his height. They weren't like that and they would never be.

Yoongi had fallen in love with that Park Jimin. But where did that Park Jimin go?

 He knew everyone had bad times when nothing seemed to be good, but there was something else. Usually after a dance practice, he and Jimin went to a bubble tea shop or somewhere else to spend time together, but these days Jimin had always said 'I'm not feeling like going somewhere today, sorry, Yoongi'. When he first did that for like, what, two times, Yoongi didn't really mind and he just thought that maybe Jimin was tired and needed to rest, but when it started getting daily, he started getting worried of his boyfriend. Yoongi never really asked him about it, he thought that the younger one would tell him if there was something to worry about, they used to talk about everything to each other, after all and there wasn't a day when Jimin would be sad without Yoongi knowing about it. 

The older one always tried his best to make the younger feel better. And usually he succeeded, but these times Jimin didn't even let Yoongi try to make his mood better. And that sure was something that made Yoongi feel worried. He wanted to know what was wrong with the sweet-hearted Jimin he knew.

There was a day when it was raining and everyone was together in the living room, watching a movie, when all of sudden in the middle of the movie Jimin stood up and told them he needs to go somewhere. Yoongi had looked at everyone, watching how the others gave him questioning looks. The others were worried as well of course, and because they knew Jimin was Yoongi's boyfriend, they thought that Yoongi might know something they didn't. But that wasn't true. Yoongi knew just as much as they did. But he wanted, no, he needed to know more. 

That's when the older one stood up, putting his hands in the pockets of his over-sized hoodie and walked away, trying to achieve his goal: to know what was wrong with Jimin.

Jimin had gone to his room, usually he would listen to music or dance or sing or something like that, but this time no sound was heard. It sure made Yoongi feel worried, more worried than he had ever been. He took a deep breath, biting his lip and knocked on the door; "Jiminnie?"he questioned with a normal voice, hoping to get an answer. He had decided if he wouldn't hear an answer in five minutes, he would open the door. 

"I have no time to play hide-and-seek. If you won't come out of your room or even give me an answer, I will come in"

No answer was heard. 

Yoongi was just about to place his hand on the door handle when he saw how the door opened. It was Jimin. However, the expression Jimin was having on his face was completely new to Yoongi. He had known Jimin for a long, oh so long time and seen a lot of different kind of expressions, but this one he had never seen before. Jimin's eyes were red, looking like he would have cried for hours. But at the same time, Jimin looked little bit scared. Like he would have seen a ghost. 

"Yah, what's wrong with you, all of sudden leaving us all like that?"Yoongi questioned, already lifting an eyebrow as he waited for the younger's answer. 

"I wasn't feeling well so I went to rest, that's all, Yoongi, you don't have to worry, 'kay?"the black haired one said, flashing a cute smile on his face, hoping that smile would make Yoongi believe him. 

But it wasn't that easy to trick Yoongi.

"I don't need your fake smiles. If you can't give me a proper, real one, then don't smile at all,"he paused, looking at Jimin's face, when he suddenly noticed something. He moved his gaze at Jimin's hands. Jimin was covering his left arm with his right hand. He lifted his gaze again at Jimin, giving him a 'hm?'-look. "Does your left arm hurt?"he asked, already having a feeling of what could have happened. Though, he secretly hoped he would be wrong, this wasn't something Jimin would do and it was just one of the thousand possibilities. And it was also the worst one.

"... my left arm? No it--"Jimin couldn't finish his sentence when he felt how the older one moved his right hand away of his left arm. That's when the younger one felt how his heart stopped. Or at least skipped a beat. 

Yoongi didn't say a word, he kept silent, staring at the younger's arm. He felt disappointed. Not disappointed of Jimin, but disappointed of himself how he couldn't earlier see that things were being this serious. He should have noticed earlier. How did he knew that this had been happening for a long time? 

Because when he saw the other's arm, he could see scars. New and old ones. There were scars that were probably about a month old. Or older. 

There was also new cuts. That were still bleeding. 

Yoongi knew he was making the other feel uncomfortable now that he wasn't saying anything, but at the moment, he wasn't feeling like talking. He needed time to swallow this. He needed time to realize this wasn't some kind of a bad dream, but it was reality. 

Oh, so badly he wanted to hit himself for being this ing stupid and blind the whole time. He had failed his number one mission, to take care of his partner. 

Jimin was scared. Honestly so scared. He had no idea what the older one was thinking now that he knew his secret. He wanted to escape, to run away so badly, but he knew it was no use, Yoongi had already seen it. He had already seen it, and he wouldn't be able to forget it. He was afraid Yoongi would be angry. Afraid he would now leave him, wanting to break up. He knew Yoongi wasn't like that, but still something inside him told him that he shouldn't believe that 'Yoongi would be okay witht this'.

This was a bad habit of Jimin's that he had had for some time now. How that all started was a long story, too long to put into simple words. But to say it shortly; Jimin was having a hard time, trying to manage to stay happy. Trying to stay happy for the others, to stay happy for Yoongi. But because due to all this sadness Jimin had inside him, he sadly wasn't able to stay happy all the time and he hated himself for that. He hated himself for making Yoongi worry so much. That's when he had wanted to give himself a punishment, punishment for making his boyfriend feel down. That punishment included three words; a razor, blood, pain. 

"Yoongi, I'm so sorr--"

"No need to be sorry."

"It's my fault after all,"the taller one continued. "For not taking good care of you"

Yoongi wrapped his hands around the younger boy's body, squeezing him a little, feeling how small the other had gotten. The younger probably was still afraid that Yoongi would ask him why he did this, but he wasn't going to ask that. He wanted to make sure that Jimin understood he would be there for him. He would be there whenever Jimin would be feeling sad or just simply needed a shoulder to lean on. 

"Sorry"the red haired one whispered, closing his eyes and the younger's back. 

"I'm so sorry for not noticing how much pain you were feeling. Forgive me."

It was Jimin's first time hearing his boyfriend talking that way. He knew Yoongi could be really sweet at times, but these words just really touched him. He wasn't still sure should he say 'I'm sorry' or 'Thank you'. He wanted to thank Yoongi for not abandoning him for this, but he also wanted to apologize for making him feel sad once again. 

Sadly, Jimin was already so down with this and he knew he wouldn't be able to just forget everything and continue living on now that he had Yoongi on his side. 

He knew; Yoongi was sad once again so there was another thing to punish himself for. 

"S o r r y, Yoongi."

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So! That was the first chapter. A lot happened, right? I wanted to write more, but I decided to leave it just like that and write more in the next chapter. I hope you guys liked this and wait for more!

See you soon!

-lluhanniee-