A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I've been busy with school and I didn't really had the time to write. But I hope to finish the last chapter next week and have it posted on the first week of September so I can move on with my life. LOL. Without further ado, here's chapter 20.

- Bluekimchi

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"Five, four, three, two, one. Now the other leg." 

Seulgi lazily folds her right leg up, balances herself on the other leg as she waits for Sulli to finish the counts.

"Aww, c'mon, Seulgi. Cheer up! Exercise is good for you." Sulli says, starts jumping in place as if doing so would help Seulgi become more enthusiastic. 

"I hate stretching." It doesn't.

"If you don't do this now, how will you do it when you're in Japan?" Sulli adds, whispers in a low voice so only Seulgi can hear. "Besides, you're leaving in two days. Can't you spend your remaining time with me doing this?"

Seulgi wants to say that she has no intentions of exercising there and that there are other things they can do to spend time together but a voice cuts her off.

"Who's leaving?"

Seulgi looks up as Joy steps up next to her, dressed in a track suit and holding a water bottle in her hand. She waves at Sulli and Sulli waves back.

"No one. No one's leaving." Seulgi replies quickly. She clears seeing the look on Joy's face and decides to change the subject.

"Are you running with us?" She asks.

"I organized this morning jog, dummy." Joy replies, starts stretching.

"Oh." She says no more. 

Seulgi and Sulli wait for Joy to finish warming up before they start running. All three of them run side by side in silence, mostly because it's hard to talk while running and each of them have earphones on anyway. 

For the first five minutes, they run smoothly. Joy and Sulli are both in good shape and they have no trouble finding their pace but Seulgi hasn't run since last month. It doesn't help that the two girls have huge strides. She has to put in more effort to keep up. 

After ten minutes, Seulgi has to stop. She clutches her side and groans as she watches her two running buddies disappear on the corner. She finds a bench and sits on it, takes her time to catch her breath. She can't go on anymore so she decides that she'll just wait for them to find her once they finish this lap but something unexpected happens.

Joy comes running back. Seulgi just looks at her as she runs to where she sits. She flinches hard when she grabs her by the collar to get her to stand.

"You're not stopping. You're going to run with me." She rips off her earphones aggresively and does the same to Seulgi.

"But-"

"No buts. C'mon." Joy lets her set the pace and runs by her side, watching her in the corner of her eye and Seulgi becomes nervous. She wonders where Sulli is, silently prays for rescue.

"Wendy unnie wants me to deliver a message to you." Joy says picks up speed and Seulgi is left with no choice but to keep up because she wants to know what Wendy's message is.

"What... what is it?" She pants.

"She says you shouldn't waste anymore time. She says you shouldn't run away if that's what you're thinking." Joy looks at her and she knows she's being judged. 

"She says, I quote, 'I know you, Seulgi. You'll find ways to run away. Don't do it.'."

Her face falls. She wasn't sure of what she was hoping to hear but she knows this isn't it. Was she hoping to hear that Wendy will take her and tell her to say no to Irene? Maybe yes, maybe no. Seulgi's a horrible person and she's aware of it.

"You know what I think?" She looks at Joy, realizes that they're slowing down. "I think you should stop being a coward and a selfish ." Joy narrows her eyes at her, kinda wants to hit her at the moment.

"Choose one over the other! It's unavoidable. You're afraid of hurting them? You're all hurting already! Cut the crap and just pick one." Seulgi feels small but she doesn't say anything so Joy continues.

"And stop expecting people to make the decision for you because it's clear that the ing ball is in your ing court, alright? Jesus." Joy is so worked up now so she runs ahead of Seulgi, feels like exploding if she stays a minute longer next to her.

Seulgi drops her gaze to her shoes. Joy is right and because she knows this well, she doesn't defend herself. She has no right to. 

She's a coward, afraid of doing anything because she doesn't understand a thing so she just gives up on everything. She gave up on art, she gave up on music and now, she feels like giving up on this too. 

Maybe she isn't meant to be with either of the two. Maybe she's meant to live a miserable life for her stupidity, for her selfishness. Maybe she'll go to Japan and never come back. 

But she can't. She can't run away and leave people behind like this. What will happen to her mom? Or Soojung and Sulli? And more importantly, Irene and Wendy? She can't bear to hurt the both of them more than she's already doing.

There's so much truth to what Joy said, especially the part where she has to pick one of the two. So the question now is, how, how will she choose? 

--

Joy feels like a hypocrite. No, she doesn't feel like it. She knows it. She's a hypocrite. She's a hypocrite for saying those things to Seulgi when she knows she should be saying those things to herself.

She's a coward too, for not telling Yeri the truth just because she lost that stupid bet. She's a coward for not fighting for Yeri. She's no different from Seulgi.

Joy walks in her room and flops face down on her bed. She closes her eyes and listens to her own breathing. She tries to lose herself and empty her mind but finds that she can't when she hears footsteps coming closer. She turns her head to the side and when she opens her eyes, Yeri is standing by her bed, smiling at her.

"Whatcha doin'?" She asks, shoves her off to make room for her as she settles on the bed too.

"Nothing. Just thinking." She replies, starts chewing on her lips. 

"Hmm, 'kay." Yeri mumbles, slides down the bed so that she's lying next to Joy.

"Yerim?" 

She can practically hear her own heartbeat. This is it. She has to do it now. She doesn't want to be a coward like Seulgi.

"Yes?" Yeri looks at her and it's as if she's transparent and Yeri can see right through her - all of her flaws, all of her insecurities and-

"N-nothing." 

She can't do it and she hates herself for it. Yeri's too pure, too perfect. Something she'll never deserve.

The younger girl starts to hum as she closes her eyes. Minutes pass them by and her breathing becomes uneven. Joy thinks she's fallen asleep so she lies on her side and watches her.

"I know I always make you feel like you're some twelve year old that knows nothing and has to be protected. I also know how much you hate it when I do that." She pauses, eyes looking intently at her, like she would disappear if she even looks away for a second.

"But I want you to know that I'm only doing that because it's my own ed up way of saying I love you. I love you, Kim Yerim." Joy whispers.

"I'm sorry I'm not brave enough to say this to you, face to face, when you're awake. I'm a coward like that."

"You know what they say, you are what you eat. I'm a chicken. I just I don't know how you'll take it." She frowns, sighs deeply. She moves closer to Yeri, carefully drapes an arm around her to hold her. 

"I guess what I'm really saying if I am saying anything is... please wait for me and I will wait for you."

She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, completely missing the moment when Yeri's eyes flutter open and the way she smiles after hearing Joy's confession.

--

"Are you done packing?" Seulgi doesn't respond, just keeps her eyes glued to the wall. "I guess you are. Then, don't you have a date to get ready for?"

Seulgi finally turns her chair around to face her mom who's leaning against the doorway of her bedroom.

"How did you know?" 

"Soojung and Sulli." Her mom says as if it's self-explanatory, and it kind of is. "They said you have to say your goodbyes."

Seulgi nods, turns back to her desk.

"Aigoo, my baby's awfully quiet these days. I wonder what's going on." Her mom says in a gentle voice. She steps into her room and sits on her bed, waits for Seulgi to face her again.

"Mom, can I ask you something?" She asks, voice unsure. Her mom nods and she finds the will to continue.

"This is going to sound weird..." She mutters, tries to think of a way to make things less awkward because it's uncomfortable asking one's mother for dating advice. 

"Say, there's two, uh, berries you really like. A blueberry and a strawberry." She says, gauges her mom's response. She continues, seeing her smile.

"One you've liked your whole life for a lot of reasons and the other one you've recently grown fond of for a lot of reasons too." Seulgi pauses, takes a deep breath.

"But there's no way for you to keep both without hurting the other's feelings and you're left with no choice but to pick just one. Which one would you pick?"

"Berries don't have feelings, dear, but I'm pretty sure we're talking about people here." Seulgi nods,  smiles at her shyly.

"Hmm." Her mom muses for a bit. "I have a question for you too. For one, what does the strawberry mean to you?"

Seulgi becomes silent, thinks carefully.

"She's nice. She makes my heart flutter. She makes me smile a lot and makes me feel really good about myself." She smiles at the thought.

"What about the blueberry?"

"She's..." Seulgi wants to say 'she's my bestfriend' but she knows that's not just it. "She's..."

Wendy is not just her bestfriend anymore. She's not the chubby kid she used to play house with and shared her darkest fears and her wildest dreams with at a young age. Wendy is so much more and she doesn't need to scrounge for the answers as to what Wendy is to her because it all comes heavy and real like she's been hit by a speeding train and it leaves her breathless.

Wendy is every of line she's ever drawn. Wendy is every starry night she's ever painted. Wendy is each line of every song she's ever written. Wendy is the violin solo of her favorite musical piece. Wendy is every tear she shed when it got too lonely. Wendy is what she sees when she closes her eyes when it's time for her to blow her candles every year on her birthday. Wendy is interwoven into every fibre of her existence. Wendy is everywhere  Wendy is everything. She has become everything. She's everything.

Her jaw drops in amazement. She looks at her mom and she understands everything. It all makes sense now, how hurt she was when Wendy said she doesn't want to see her anymore, how guilty she was when she first went out with Irene. Everything finally falls into place. She's in love with Wendy and she didn't even know it.

She's not sure if it's funny that this is the first time she thought so hard about something or if it's sad because she's wasted so much time not thinking. 

"Do you get it now?" Her mom asks. Seulgi nods slowly. "Well, whoever it is, I hope she doesn't mind you leaving." She mutters.

Seulgi gets up from her chair and kisses her mom on the cheek. She mutters a quick thanks and runs to get her jacket.