"I knew you'd come."

"Did you?" Wendy asks as she walks towards her. She stops right in front of her, dares herself to look her in the eye.

"Not really. But I was willing to wait up all night for you." Seulgi replies in all honesty.

She sits on one of the swings and Wendy takes the other. She pulls out a plastic bag and produces cartons of strawberry milk, gives one to Wendy and takes one for herself. She's smiling really wide, unable to take her eyes off her.

Seulgi's happiness is drawing Wendy in. She looks so much like a giddy five year old right now, sipping on her flavored milk. She wonders if it's really because of her and it makes her heart skip beats.

"I'm really glad you came." Seulgi says to her, smiles even more and it's the one that reaches her eyes. 

Wendy keeps quiet, just nods. She gathers all her feelings, thinks hard on what to say.

"You said you wanted to catch up?" She says when the silence had dragged on too long. "So how have you been, Seulgi?"

"Ah. It's been so long! I don't know where to start." Seulgi exclaims, eyes sparkling.

"You mentioned that you met your dad?" Wendy plays with her straw, keeps her hands busy because there's a very strong urge to hold Seulgi's hand or just touch her or whatever.

"Yeah. Met him when I was ten. Mom introduced me to him." Seulgi answers, calms down a little.

"How was it?" Wendy has her eyes locked on her, watching her carefully.

"I don't know. He was alright, I guess. He didn't really know about me. He told me if he did, he would have married mom." She pauses to sip off her drink. She takes a deep breath before continuing.

"But it was too late then. He has a family of his own. I've two half-siblings from him. He's friends with mom now. He keeps in contact with us so it's all good." Wendy nods.

"What about you? What happened to your parents?" It's Seulgi's turn to ask.  

She braces herself for the answer because she remembers how Seungwan cried on her shoulder that time. She never forgot how worried and scared she was for Seungwan that day because they both knew that she could be sharing her pain if things turn out for the worst.

"They separated for a while when we moved away." Seulgi holds her breath.

"I had to stay with mom for a year. But we all flew off to Canada after that and they got back together. It's all good." Wendy copies Seulgi's choice of words and she gives her a small smile.

"So you lived in Canada ?" Seulgi takes a deep breath, relieved that her worst fears had not come true.

"Mhmm, I moved back to Seoul some three years ago. Then I started training for this. What about you? Why'd you drop out of school?" 

Wendy puts her milk carton on top of her knee, keeps it steady because her hands are shaking. It's getting harder and harder to keep her emotions under control with each passing minute.

"There's just not much fun in what I do anymore." Seulgi answers with a shrug.

"What is it that you do?"

"Art. I've been doing it ever since you said I was good at it." Seulgi smiles at her and she blushes.

"Really? Just because I said that?" Wendy allows herself to ask, to hope.

"Yeah. You helped me figure out that it's what I love to do." Seulgi nods. "It's the same thing with music. I studied guitar because I remembered how good you were at it."

Wendy doesn't bother stopping herself from smiling. How could she when Seulgi's telling her that all she's been doing all these years was because of her or had some connection to her? 

Seulgi never forgot her like how she didn't forget Seulgi. Could it be that Seulgi feels something for her too?

No. 

She shouldn't get her hopes up. There's no point in it. She promised Irene. She shakes her head free of these thoughts, thinks straight again.

"So, why don't you find it fun anymore?"  

When Wendy asks, Seulgi doesn't hesitate to answer. She holds nothing back and speaks the truth.

"I feel like I lost something. I mean, I've been doing it for all my life and suddenly, there's no meaning to it. I'm sick of it but I can't let go of it so I'm still trying to make things work but I only end up tired and burnt out." 

She looks defeated and discouraged and Wendy's fighting the urge to hold her and to cheer her up.

But Seulgi scoots closer to her and it startles her. 

"So I've been trying to find it, whatever it is, and you know what? I think I found it." She's smiling at her and it's all too much for her poor heart to handle.

Wendy swallows hard. She's been doing a good job of sweeping her feelings aside but, damn, it hurts when Seulgi talks about Irene like that. She backs away from her as it is getting hard to breath. 

"S-Seulgi, I don't think we should be meeting like this anymore." She stammers, starts to break.

"What?" Seulgi looks at her, alarmed this time.

"It's not right. You're with Irene unnie now and I promised her-" 

"Promised her?" Seulgi repeats as if doing so will help her understand what Wendy is saying.

"-that I would back off. I'm supposed to be taking care of my feelings for you!" Wendy gets up from the swing, attempts to leave but Seulgi stops her by grasping her wrist.

"What? Who told you to?" She asks, anger building up inside of her.

"Nobody told me to. I made that decision on my own. It's getting in the way of you and Irene unnie, me and her, and the group." Wendy replies, keeps her head down because Seulgi's reaction is scaring her.

"And what? You're just gonna throw away our friendship in the process? That wasn't something for you to decide on, Wendy! What does that make me? Am I just some toy to you? Something to discard when it's no longer convenient to keep?" She's shouting now and her grip on her tightens. 

"Seulgi! That's not true." Wendy says, looks away but Seulgi's eyes follow hers and , everything feels like a break up and it hurts. 

"Then why are you throwing me away?" Seulgi demands the answer, holds onto Wendy's shoulders and shakes her.

"I'm doing this for you. Because I want you to be happy." Wendy replies, remains firm on her promise to Irene.

"And do you really think that I'll be happy if you're not next to me?" She wants to hear Wendy take it all back because she's falling apart right in front of her.

"You have to. This is the last time we are meeting like this. I'm sorry, Seulgi." It takes all of her to hold in her tears but she pulls it off. She pulls her hand away and takes a step away from Seulgi.

"You're unbelievable." Seulgi shakes her head as tears start to fall from her eyes. "All this time... I was really hoping that we could meet again. But now, I regret ever meeting you, Son Seungwan." She turns her back on her and runs away.

Wendy's heart breaks into a million pieces. Could Seulgi really mean what she said? And even though it hurts like hell, she has to take it and deal with it because it's the weight that comes with the promise she has to keep.

--

Soojung and Sulli have been standing outside Seulgi's room for almost ten minutes, trying to coax the girl into coming out.

"Seulgi... Auntie says you should eat breakfast." Soojung calls softly.

"Not hungry." They hear her muffled answer from the other side.

They share a worried look. Sulli pats Soojung on the shoulder and nods at her as if saying 'leave it to me'.

"Yah, Kang Seulgi. You know that we have better things to do than get you to come out, right?" Sulli tries another approach. "We have school work to do. So stop being a brat-"

"Leave me alone." Sulli is shocked.

"Leave you alone?! How dare you!" She bangs on Seulgi's door twice, thinks of breaking it down when Soojung stops her.

"Seulgi, what we're trying to say is, please come out. We're worried about you, eo? Whatever it is that's bothering you, we're here to help. Please let us in." Soojung says.

The door clicks and they lunge for it at the same time, fighting to be the first to enter the room that they end up stumbling to get inside. They fall to the carpet with a thud. Soojung is the first to get up.

"You want to help?" Seulgi asks. She nods. "Help me with this." She points to an empty box, starts putting things in it.

Soojung watches her for a moment. Sulli joins her, wonders what Seulgi is doing.

"I thought you said you we're going to help?" Seulgi asks. 

They spring into action, grab things - sketchbooks, music sheets, old envelopes - off the shelf and throw it in the box. A particularly large sketchbook falls from the top shelf and lands on Sulli's feet.

"Oh my god!" Soojung exclaims, runs to Sulli and the girl expects her to ask if she was okay but she picks up the fallen sketchbook instead.

"Wow, thanks for the concern, Jung Soojung. I'm fine, by the way." She says as she rubs her foot gingerly.

Sulli scoffs because Soojung still hasn't paid her any attention but curiosity gets the best of her and she hops over to her to look at the sketchbook that has her too intrigued to care about anything else.

"Is that..." Sulli starts, can't bring herself to finish her sentence.

"Seulgi's first sketchbook? Yeah, I think so." Soojung turns page after page and it's all drawings of peas, snowmen, furry little creatures, and a girl - the same girl in different places - in a classroom, a playground, a strawberry field, a garden, a hilltop, and even in front of what looks like Seulgi's house.

"Is that Wendy?" Sulli asks. Soojung nods. 

Seulgi finally takes notice of them, marches to them and grabs the sketchbook, closes it with so much force that the dust stirs. She throws it in the box, on top of everything. She lifts the box in her arms and walks out the door.

"After her!" Soojung yells, pushes Sulli forward to get her to move.

The two burst out the front door just in time to see Seulgi set the box down next to the garbage bin. She steps away from it and pulls out a lighter from her pocket. 

"Nooooo!" Soojung yells.

It's as if everything is in slow motion. Sulli runs, jumps the last few steps and lunges, tackles Seulgi to the ground, knocking the lighter off her hands.

"Get off me!" Seulgi yells.

"No! Seulgi! You can't do this." Sulli restrains her, keeps her pinned on the ground.

"No, it's over for me! My dreams will end in fire!" She says, almost dramatically.

"Your dreams? Oh, you mean everything in that box?"

"No, you can't give up!" Soojung walks up to her and Sulli eases off but Seulgi is stubborn. She seizes the opportunity and dives for the unguarded lighter.

"Yah!"

"Ouch!"

"Give it up, Kang. We're not letting you do this." 

Seulgi looks up at her friends who piled up on top of her like she was some wrestling mat. She narrows her eyes at them, thinks of names to call them but what comes out of is a wail, like a dying animal's. Tears spill down her cheeks and she's crying like a child. 

Soojung and Sulli get off her, makes her sit up, and consoles her. They share worried looks as they rub her back.

"Seul, what happened?" Soojung asks. 

"Did Irene break up with you?" Sulli takes a guess. Seulgi shakes her head.

"Did she cheat on you?" She shakes her head again.

"What is it then?"

"Wendy..." She was only able to say that name before she starts crying even louder, bangs her fists on the ground and flails her legs in the air.

"I don't get it." Sulli mutters. Soojung elbows her in the stomach to shut her up. 

Sulli didn't need to know because Soojung knows, understands with just one word. Seulgi is having her first heartbreak. 

"But you're dating Irene not Wendy..." Soojung slaps before she turns to Seulgi again.

"Seul, stop. C'mon." She gently pulls her up, lets her hug her very tight as she cries into her shirt.

"It hurts like ." Seulgi cries into her ear, hiccups.

"I know, Seulgi. I know." She rubs her back, calms her down. "But you know, you're going to regret this later so we better not set fire to anything, alright?"

Seulgi nods slowly, wipes her tears even though they won't stop coming.

"Aigoo. So violent." Sulli mutters, rubs the sore spot where Soojung slapped her. She goes to pick up the box and sighs.

"I'll take care of this. You get our baby bear some ice cream." She says to Soojung.

"Ice cream?" Seulgi asks, shoulders rising as she's out of breath.

"Hmm. And Pringles. Now stop crying." Soojung puts an arm around her and leads her inside the house.

--

It's late night when Sulli and Soojung finally deemed Seulgi to be calm enough. They leave her alone in her room and went home to their families because they actually have those.

Seulgi picks up a pencil and a sketchbook. She wonders how it came to her that setting fire to her art materials earlier was a good idea. Thank god she has friends to stop her. 

She twirls the pencil in her fingers for a while until she gets the feeling that she wants to start sketching. And so she does, draws lines blindly on a page, softly at first then with burning passion, almost close to anger. Her pencil snaps in two and she wakes up from her trance. She looks at what she made, satisfied but frustrated too - for breaking her pencil because she liked that pencil.

A knock comes upon her door and she turns to it, sees her mother leaning against the doorframe.

"You okay now, sweetie?" She asks, voice gentle. 

Seulgi just nods, trains her eyes on the floor.

"I talked to your father on the phone." Her mom says. She looks up at her curiously. "He asked me how you were doing and..."

"And?"

"He wants to know if you want to come and live with him. You know, in Japan. Just for the time being." She finishes.

"What?" 

"He's worried about you. We're both worried about you. Didn't you always say you wanted to meet your dongsaengs? He says he can get you an apartment and you can enroll in the university there."

"But umma..."

"This is your chance to start afresh! Forget about your breakup-"

"Umma, I didn't break up with anybody. Why do people keep on asking me that?"

"You didn't? Then what was that all about?" She looks at her confused.

"It's complicated." She replies, slouches against her swivel chair.

"Everything with you is." Her mom sighs. "Just think about it first, okay?" She's looking at her with pleading eyes. 

Seulgi rarely sees her like that and it pains her to see how much her mom's worried about her.

"Okay." She just couldn't say no.