i ' m  j u s t  a  f o o l . . .  j u s t  t a l k i n g  t o  m y s e l f . . . 

How long has it been? Has it been months? Perhaps years? 

Lots had happened in the past, and again, Jungkook reminds himself that it's a part of growing up. He should and would grow up, and still is. There's not choice of not growing up as everything goes through that phase. Everyone has to discard their childish desires. Everyone needs to stand up and climb their own way to adulthood. The road each and every individual is born in was meant to be full of holes, of curves, of up's and down's. 

Jungkook's twenty years old now and is now in college. Two years had already passed since he met one of the worst things he can have in his entire earthly existence: he lost three friends. Not like they died or anything, they just chose to take on a different route from then on. It was painful, yes, but he had to convince himself to move on. Things don't just take a stop there— it continues on. Those things shouldn't tie him down.

He should keep going.

Now that he's twenty, he learned and witnessed worse things. He learned and achieved more pain that made him break even more. If there's anything that he learned, nothing ever lasts forever. There's no such thing as "to infinity and beyond". It's just plain foolishness. Perhaps it's because Jungkook was growing bitter, but that's just how things were in his perspective. That's how the world had made its appeal to the twenty-year old male. 

Checking on how the others had been, Jungkook interpreted that they might be in a better standing compared to him. According to some SNS, Namjoon— yes, the same Namjoon he had been friends with— is making his debut a month from now. Lots were anticipating his debut, one reason was that the company he is training in holds such fame to the public. Lots know the company to produce great artists and to make extravagant songs anyone would be in favor of. Now that another idol would make a hot debut under that company, the public are on fire as they wait for Namjoon's debut. Jungkook heard that he was taking up the stage name "Rap Monster" so based on that, Namjoon's still probably keeping up his rapping image.

Jungkook never had any trace left when it came to Jimin or Hoseok. Since that time the two went their own paths, he was never able to see or talk to them again. If he thinks through it, perhaps the two are separately still going to college, pushing through their passion in dancing. Perhaps the two were in their own dance crews, going through competitions and throwing some dancing gigs up until now while they pursue college. 

Suga was now attending college in the U.S. After being offered for some scholarship of this particular university there, Suga's parents didn't hesitate and accepted it instantly, not considering their youngest son's decisions. It was too late for Suga to decide as he was already told to fly and stay there the next day. It was a hard decision, but they understood it. It was for Suga's long-lived dreams of making music and one way his parents could support him is if he goes through their likes, thus, Suga went off to the U.S for college, leaving his friends behind with a heavy heart. But hey, it's his dream. As friends, they should support him, right?

Taehyung stopped attending college. He lost his muse and became depressed one day. Jungkook learned this about a week since Taehyung stopped studying. He tried visiting him but alas, he was no longer there at the apartment he boarded in. Jungkook tried locating the older guy even in his hometown, but there were no trace of Taehyung.

All he had left was Jin but like him, Jin had his own problems. Jungkook knew about them and on how it was suffocating the older one. It's just him and Jin now, and all he's left is to be there by the older's side through his up's and down's. Most of his life now is full of down's and that what pushes Jungkook more to not leave the eldest's side. 

Apparently, Jin had made a terrible accident. His girlfriend of many years— Seo Ahyoung— has been discovered to be three months pregnant with their baby. By the word "their baby", it meant his and Ahyoung's. It was trouble, yes, especially because they were still too young to be together. Jungkook recalls how Jin narrated the fury of both his and Ahyoung's family towards the two of them, on how everything broke apart within minutes. Jungkook himself couldn't believe that the proper and matured Kim Seokjin could be in this kind of situation. 

Because of that, Ahyoung was forced to stop studying college and to be away from her furious parents. She and Jin now live together, not like it was some trouble or anything. Jin still studies college and soon enough, he might be dropping out. He vowed to support their family now, especially since Ahyoung is carrying their little bundle in her. Jungkook tries to help too, giving and sharing some of his pay from that part-time job he has. That was one of the reasons Jungkook took up a job— to help Jin and Ahyoung. 

Eventually, Jin did stop attending college. Being the caring younger he is, Jungkook would stop by and check on the two. He would see how Ahyoung's belly would a bit bigger by each passing day. Despite the situation they were in, Jungkook knew that the couple was happy. He could see how Jin would smile everytime he'd put his hands over Ahyoung's growing belly and on how Ahyoung would cry happy tears imagining that moment they would get to see their baby at last. 

"Isn't it scary?" Jungkook remembers asking. He got a reply that it was, but the fact that they'll be having a family and a baby the two of them had made makes all the fear go down the drain. It's amazing how strong the two were. Despite being young and literally financially unstable, they were happy and supportive of each other. Jin didn't mind if he had to throw away college— he can get them again soon. Ahyoung didn't mind that she's often in the house, observing a strict diet and carrying their bundle in her— it is how a mother becomes. The idea that Jin would be a father makes all the worries go away. It's unbelievable on how he could stay and think like that, Jungkook once thought. 

It was just Jungkook that knew this. Jin begged him to not say a word about his situation to Suga, whom they still have small contacts with. Surely, that guy would grow stressed and would force himself to fly back to Korea just to support Jin, and neither of them wanted that. 

So far, so good. Everything was going according to Jin's plan.

Then, fate played around again.

One night, Jungkook received a call. Hurriedly, he darted out of his place carrying nothing but his phone, his wallet and a jacket. Jin had called him to go to the hospital immediately as something horrifying had happened. At first, Jungkook thought that Ahyoung was going to labor, then again, why was it so early and why would Jin address it as "horrifying"? Jungkook swam through an ocean of "what if's" until he reached the hospital. Jin was crying, fallen weak on one corner. Jungkook felt panic and fear coarse through him as he walked towards the sobbing older. "What happened?" he tried asking as he knelt beside him, holding onto his shoulder. He wish he hadn't asked.

"They're gone, 'Kookie." he hears Jin croak out shakily as he continued bawling his eyes out. "Ahyoung and our baby... they're gone."

According to the doctors he had asked after simmering down, Ahyoung met a hit-and-run accident hours ago. She was instantly sent to the hospital in hopes that they could save her and the baby she carried, alas, the force was too strong, enough to take both of their lives. She was already pronounced dead on arrival upon getting to the hospital. She and their baby didn't make it. Jin arrived late and never witnessed his girlfriend alive anymore. He saw Ahyoung, all bloody and pale white, covered by a white cloth. She still looked beautiful despite all the bruises and scratches that painted her fair skin. Jungkook couldn't explain how he felt his heart tore when he saw Jin crumbling in front of him, his hands still holding Ahyoung's cold ones. He wanted to turn around and no longer see or hear Jin's painful cries echoing through the walls. He wanted to just hold the older guy, calm him down and whisper that things will be okay.

But as painful as it is, it never will be. 

Time went on slowly for the two of them. Jungkook witnessed how Jin looked lifeless during Ahyoung's burial. There was a resolution between him, his family and Ahyoung's, throwing all the blame aside that night. Everyone was just focused on the fact that they lost two people that time— Ahyoung and the baby in her. Jin was dazed most of the time and since then, Jungkook never saw Jin well again. The only guy he was left to lean on... gone and broken. All that was left there was a depressed shell that would cry as it drowns in his own sea of memories. No matter how hard Jungkook would try to comfort Jin, he never seemed to hear him. He was so lost.

Jin stopped hoping. Jin stopped seeing what tomorrow had. He stopped caring... and Jungkook didn't know what to do anymore. Jungkook remembered that one small thing Jin had told him before.

"If you can't hold onto me anymore, just let me go." Jungkook didn't want to, but the sincerity in Jin's eyes just made him to. Jungkook was forced to stop caring for the older and to take on a separate path from then on. Yet again, he lost his last friend. 

Taehyung never moved on. He got worse and worse by each passing day, and hope was something he can never achieve again. Not even his family can pull him out of this misery. Not even his siblings whom he used to be really close to. None could bring his past self back. Taehyung grew more broken as days passed. The number of empty bottles laying around his room, empty, increased. He barely doesn't even eat anymore and simply drank— soon morphing into nothing but a drunkard. He would simply sleep and get drunk everyday, to the point that it became his daily routine. 

He found a new spot just for himself to hang around. A place where he could drown in his own sea of thoughts and broken dreams. A place he can silently drink himself unconscious or a place where he can cry and let his tears drop without anyone knowing. Taehyung simply sat there, three or four empty bottles of some sort of alcoholic drink laying beside him. When he knew that he's all out of drinks and was contented on drowning yet again in his own thoughts, Taehyung stood up, wore his hoodie over his head and walked off aimlessly. He had no will of going home as his family would be worried sick again, bombarding him with questions on where he has been yet again. He didn't want his parents to grow worried of him whenever he went home so he chooses to simply walk around on his own. 

It's quite near dusk already, but that's the least of Taehyung's concerns for now. He didn't care if it was dawn or dusk or whatever, he just continued walking aimlessly for hours and hours. He didn't know how, but he found himself sneaking in some building of some sort near the area of his own hang-out spot. He was sure that he heard a familiar voice echoing and shouting inside one of the slightly-opened room. Two figures were in there— a female and a male obviously bigger and taller than her. Taehyung's not that drunk to not notice that the female struggling free was in trouble. He isn't that drunk to not notice that she was screaming with fury and fear. He isn't that blind to not see how the male was hurting her. His vision cleared as he figured who and what the two were. His eyes flew to his side where bottles of empty liquor were placed. Driven by adrenaline and this "thing" in him, he didn't hesitate to grab one of them before he darts in the scene, his other free hand grabbing the other male by his shirt before he smashes the bottle on his head, causing the other to fall back and the bottle to break. 

There was silence after that, then, screams of fear and fury. Taehyung had backed away for a split second as he eyed the other man, his eyes seeing nothing but red. Something in him took over and pushed his arm towards— the same arm that wielded the broken bottle. Something in him made him step forward and grab the bleeding man. Something made him angry, making him snap and burn with fury and hatred.

One. Two. Three times... then again and again. The bottle made its way towards the other's stomach, plunging through the skin, the muscles and finally, making the crimson blood seep out. It stained the latter's skin, soon making its way towards the other man's white shirt. Some of it stained Taehyung's arms, the bottle of course and his sweater. He can't hear anything, he could see anything but red. Repeatedly, he stabs the other until he feels the female tugging him from behind, making him snap back to reality. He sees the other man he was gripping and stabbing slowly losing his life as blood dripped from the corner of his mouth. Shock soon comes as Taehyung backs away, letting the bloody bottle drop on the floor like the latter's body. The other male fell limp and lifeless on the cold floor as screams of terror echoed through the wall. Ta