hiii chopsticks :-) how are you? I keep writing woogyu instead of writing my bachelor thesis /sniff/ it's just so much more fun than writing 40 pages of scientific blah blah haha...
this chapter is a little longer than usual (don't get used to it!!!) because i kept writing and writing and then i noticed i was at 7 pages without woohyun appearing, so i wrote a bit more for you guys :3 since you all can't wait for him to appear lmao! appreciate my hard work! >3<

thank you for subscribing, upvoting and leaving comments so dillgently. please keep it up

Sunggyu looked at the papers in his hands again and sighed for the nth time. “I know I asked you for some kind of sign, Seungah, but there was no need to be so…direct about it.”

His words were not more than a quiet mutter. His eyes traveled down to the paragraph that had shocked him a few minutes ago: […]In case I die before my son comes of age, I want my brother, Kim Sunggyu, to receive full custody of my son, Kim Haneul. My apartment, including all of-[…]

He sighed again and put the paper down. Sunggyu could feel his eyes burning and he tried to blink the tears away. He wondered why his sister had even written a will already. She had still been young after all. Who thought about their death at such a young age and decided how to split their belongings to family members or friends? The notary told him that she had written the will about three months ago because she had wanted to make sure that her child would have a secure future. She had been alone after all and wanted someone to be there for her son if she left suddenly. Of course it had been a good idea but Sunggyu couldn’t read her will without feeling depressed and angry at the same time. Why did she have to die?

“Sunggyu-ssi.” He looked up at the notary again.

“Sorry, what did you say?”

The old man fixed his glasses and gave him a neutral look. “Although she has declared you as Haneul’s guardian, you do not have to accept the responsibility. It concerns the life of a little child after all. If you do not feel ready to assume full responsibility, you can give Haneul up for adoption. I want you to think about this very carefully. I also have to inform you that even if you decide to become his guardian, it’s possible for a judge to revoke your rights for custody in court, should they deem you not able to take care of a little child.”

He blinked. “They can do that?”

“Of course, you are supposed to take care of another human being and not a plant, Sunggyu-ssi. The procedures are similar to when a family wants to adopt a child. A social worker will check your background. Things like what your job is, the state of your apartment or if you have any records with the police. From what I can tell those things should not be the problem for you, but it’s still possible that the court will let social workers check up on you regularly to make sure that you are raising Haneul properly. That is, if you decide to accept your sister’s will.”

Sunggyu swallowed. He looked at the – slightly crumbled – piece of paper in his hands. Ever since that night in the hospital with Haneul in his arms, he had wondered what would be the right decision. Sunggyu didn’t want to do anything that could affect Haneul’s future negatively after all. He had sent silent prayers to his sister to ask for a sign from her. His decision had continuously swayed between stepping forward as his legal guardian or allowing Haneul to grow up with a proper mother and father. But then he had kept imagining how Haneul would maybe never find out the truth about his mother then. He might not remember her when he’s all grown up and his new family would not have any stories to tell, even if he did become curious one day. Sunggyu would have tons of stories to tell about Seungah. He would tell him who his mother was and how much she had loved him. Could a new family offer him that?

“I want to raise him.” He spoke up confidently after thinking over his decision once more. “It’s my sister’s wish and I was thinking about it even before I read her will. Haneul needs family, not strangers.”

The notary nodded. “What about her apartment? She left it to you, as well as all of her belongings that are in it. You will have to decide if you’re going to sell it or use it, maybe you even want to rent it out to someone else.”

He felt a headache coming. And possibly more tears. There were so many things to decide, so many responsibilities suddenly weighing down his shoulder. Sunggyu already had an apartment in Seoul, as well as a job. It would make no sense to keep the place, but he wasn’t sure if he had the guts to actually sell it or let someone else live there. They had put so much work into making the apartment into something decent for Haneul to grow up in, plus the beautiful nursery. Sunggyu wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to live with a child in his apartment in Seoul. There was not even a room free for a kid there. He’d need to look for a new apartment.

Sunggyu groaned and buried his face in his hands. “You don’t have to decide immediately, Sunggyu-ssi. I understand that this is all a lot to process right now with the planning of the funeral and all. You should take your time with deciding on the next steps. Do you have any more questions? I can summarize all the important points for you and send them to you in an email if you want.”

He straightened his back again and looked at the notary. “Yeah…that would be good. Thank you. I can’t think of anything else. Right now I’m just-”

Sunggyu motioned with his hands helplessly. The old man nodded. “Like I said, that is understandable. I will send you an email later. Go home for now, Sunggyu-ssi, and try to rest a bit. You look like you haven’t rested at all.”

He stood up and shook the notary’s hand. How was he supposed to sleep after everything that had happened? He could not close his eyes for a second without drowning in memories. “I’ll do that. Thank you for your help.”

With heavy steps, he left the notary’s office again. Sunggyu stuffed his hands deep into his pockets as he stepped outside. He swayed a little but quickly caught himself. He couldn’t collapse now. There was still an appointment with the funeral parlor that he had to keep. He also had to visit Haneul at the little clinic of their hometown. The baby was still being taken care of there while his fate wasn’t clear yet. His visits to the hospital were about the only ray of hope in his life right now. Whenever he managed to make Haneul smile, it seemed to give him new strength to go on.

Sunggyu glanced at his watch. He still had about an hour left until he had to be at the funeral parlor. Should he go and visit Haneul for a few minutes? The ringing of his cellphone ripped Sunggyu from his pondering. He stopped to fish the device from his pocket. “Hello?”

“Hyung, it’s me, Minho. You haven’t called since I dropped you off at your hometown two days ago.”

He frowned and rubbed his temple with his free hand. “I wrote an email to the boss. I said that I’ll be busy with…stuff. I will call again when I have time. I’m busy you know.”

Sunggyu really didn’t want to be like that but his head was aching and he didn’t have the nerve to talk to anyone right now. His life was a mess and he was struggling to get it under control again. His whole family was gone suddenly and Sunggyu was walking around like a lifeless zombie from one appointment to the next, just trying to keep on going and never stop. He was afraid of breaking down again as soon as he stopped being busy.

“I wasn’t calling because of work. I’m worried about you as your friend, hyung. Are you eating and sleeping properly? I know it’s hard but you need to take care of yourself. If you need me, I could ask Jungyeop-ssi and maybe come over for a few days.”

He sighed. Sunggyu couldn’t remember the last time he had eaten something. He was sure that instant coffee didn’t count. “No...no , don’t come here. I’m eating properly. Don’t worry.”

“Really? What did you have for breakfast?”

“Cornflakes…with milk.” He lied.

Minho snorted. “Hyung, you hate cornflakes, especially when they are soaked in milk. Please buy yourself something to eat. Do you want Haneul to lose his uncle as well?”

“No! Of course not!” He replied with a raised voice. The other pedestrians gave him weird looks for his shout and Sunggyu ducked his head. “I’ll eat something, okay? Stop worrying about me. I’ll hang up now.”

“Sunggyu-“

He pressed the red phone symbol on his screen and then tucked his phone in his front pocket again. Sunggyu sighed. He didn’t want to be rude to Minho but the other man should stop worrying about him. Minho had a life to live, a job to do. He couldn’t spend his day worrying over a friend. They weren’t more than that after all. Sunggyu didn’t want to drag another life down with his. He was thankful to have a friend that cared for his wellbeing, but right now Sunggyu needed to make it through this alone.

With a sigh, he continued his way down the street. Sunggyu didn’t walk very far, though. His gaze went to the Korean restaurant across the street. He really didn’t feel hungry at all but Minho’s words were still ringing in his ears. Maybe it was better to eat something after all. He couldn’t risk fainting and missing the appointment. Or possibly fall asleep during his time with Haneul.



The funeral was normal. It was nothing big or fancy, even though Sunggyu’s money could have bought him some extras here and there. But he hadn’t wanted anything special and grand. His family wouldn’t have wanted it. His parents had never liked his money much and Seungah would have wanted him to use his money for Haneul instead. Only their closest relatives came to the funeral, though Sunggyu didn’t really feel close to any of them. But it had been sort of a must. His mother would’ve been mad, had he not invited them. It was funny how she was gone and yet Sunggyu still imagined what she would say or do.

None of the guests stayed for very long after the ceremony was over. They bid farewell to Sunggyu’s dead parents and sister, snatched a bit from the buffet and then took off. Only when the last guest was gone, did he allow himself to let go of the tears. He knelt in front of his family’s portraits and lowered his head. Sunggyu wept quietly. Big drops fell from his eyes and onto the balled fists on his lap. They were gone for real now – only their ashes remaining – and it had seemed like no one cared. Sure, some people had shed a tear here and there and uttered their condolences to him, but no one had genuinely asked how he was or what was going to happen to Haneul. Sunggyu wondered who would even come if he died now. Would anyone care at all?

He didn’t know for how long he actually knelt on the ground and wept, but eventually the tear stopped. Sunggyu grabbed another tissue and blew his nose. He wiped it clean and folded the tissue tidily afterwards. He stood up and swayed for a second because his legs had become numb from sitting for too long. Sunggyu stretched his limbs shortly and then looked at the three pictures cleanly lined up in front of him.

“Mom. Dad. I hope you’re at a better place now. I know things between us were never too good…you were stubborn and so was I. But no matter how much mom’s nagging annoyed me…now I kind of miss it. You must be worried how I’m going to care for Haneul. I worry too, but I’ll try my best to make you proud of me. Look after Seungah for me, okay? And thank you for caring so much for Haneul. You didn’t really show it but you never wanted him to be adopted by someone else, right? I wish Seungah would’ve known the contents of your will. She would have been happy to know that you cared so much.”

His parents’ will had him surprised a lot. They wanted their house to be sold and the money was supposed to be divided between Seungah, Sunggyu and Haneul. Their grandson was supposed to get 50% of the money, while the siblings shared the other 50% evenly. How surprised Seungah would have been, had she known about it.  Their parents, especially their mother, had always seemed a bit distant to their grandson, but it seemed like they had fully accepted him as part of their family. His parents had never been the best at expressing their feelings. Regarding Seungah and his share, he had told the notary to transfer all the money to Haneul’s account once the house was sold. He had enough money and would rather invest the money from the house sale in Haneul’s future.

Sunggyu glanced at his sister’s portrait. He took a shaky breath and gave her a short smile. “I wish you were here, noona. Haneul misses you a lot. He hasn’t really talked yet but he cries a lot. I think he knows you’re gone. He always calms down when I put some old sweater or scarf from you into the crib next to him. You should see him snuggle into them. It’s really cute. He’s a wonderful child, just like his mother.”

He made a short pause to blow his nose once more. Sunggyu blinked the tears away. “I’ll do my best to raise him properly. He will know all about you. I’ll make sure that he knows who his mother was. I will make him visit your grave every year as long as I live. Those are my promises to you, so you must promise me something in return: watch over him. And me. If you see me messing up, please don’t hesitate to send me a sign. A brick or a lightning strike…I don’t know.”

Sunggyu laughed shortly. “Sorry…I shouldn’t joke around. I love you, noona. I miss you a lot. Watch over us, okay?”



The day after the funeral, he was finally allowed to take Haneul home with him. Social workers would still check up on him regularly for a while, especially once he found another apartment. For now Sunggyu had decided to use Seungah’s apartment. It had the necessary equipment to take care of a child and Haneul would return to the surroundings he knew. Sunggyu didn’t want to shock him by bringing him to the chaotic world of Seoul all of a sudden. The poor child had gone through enough.

His boss had allowed him to work from his hometown for now. Not until forever, of course, but Jungyeop had sympathized with him. Losing all of your family was nothing easy to overcome. Sunggyu was glad that his boss didn’t fire him for taking so many days off work and then declaring that he couldn’t return to Seoul any time soon. He could not imagine finding a new job in this town – not as an architect. Working from here was not a long-time solution, though. There were meetings that he had to attend in Seoul, people to meet and places to visit.

Sunggyu parked his car in front of the apartment complex and glanced at the sleeping baby in the backseat. He was quite relieved that Haneul hadn’t woken up even once during the drive. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to drive while a baby cried in the back. Sunggyu unbuckled his seatbelt with a small smile and got out of the car. He closed the door slowly, careful not to wake his nephew up. Then he opened the other door and unbuckled Haneul’s seatbelt. He lifted the baby seat along with Haneul out of the car and closed the door again. After locking his car, Sunggyu carried the baby over to the building.

On the second floor, he almost ran into one of the tenants. Her huge dog lunged at him, just trying to give him a friendly hug probably, but Sunggyu got scared and almost fell down the stairs because of the shock. The dog barked at him. “Oh, sorry. He isn’t normally like that. He just likes babies a lot.”

For breakfast? Sunggyu strai