it's been 84 years...almost. welps, sorry for the late update. i seriously have too many ongoing fics compared to the little time i got for writing XD anyone wants to work for me while i write woogyu fanfics? kkk~

The Eye promotions have ended and I miss the boys already ;u; but they need the rest, especially Dongwoo! 

Have fun with the update - i hope you'll like it >.<

disclaimer: sunggyu eye jokes are not funny at all.

Sunggyu stayed in the nursery for a while. Woohyun didn’t return with Haneul but the older man knew they hadn’t left the apartment. He was worried about Haneul but he didn’t dare to leave the room. His mistake still weighed heavily on his shoulders. After all the accusations he had thrown at Woohyun for being irresponsible and unable to help raise a child, how could he have snapped at Haneul like that? Sunggyu wondered if Seungah had ever felt like he did now. Did she ever lose her cool alone with Haneul? It seemed impossible to do this alone, especially when you had to work as well. How did she do it? Haneul needed attention almost 24/7. There were so many things to pay attention to that Sunggyu’s head was swimming. He knew he couldn’t do this alone but was Sunggyu ready to admit that to Woohyun?

The younger man only entered the room once while Sunggyu was sulking. He just got some supplies and then left again without a word leaving his lips. Woohyun didn’t even look at him or acknowledge his presence. When he was gone, Sunggyu grabbed his laptop and tried his best to save whatever he could. It without a problem when he tried it again. Sunggyu stared at the screen while the system booted. Maybe he had pressed the wrong button earlier in his state of shock? The laptop asked for his password and he quickly entered it, waiting for all the programs to load afterwards. Sunggyu opened his project again and to his utmost relief the program had auto-saved the last changes. He recovered the file and then saved it once more, before putting the laptop away again. Sunggyu brought it back to the desk in Seungah’s old room and then stood there awkwardly. Was he ready to face Haneul again?

Still not feeling ready, Sunggyu stopped by the bathroom first to wash his face. Woohyun didn’t need to know he had cried. His eyes were still red and puffy afterwards, but Sunggyu felt a bit better. The cold water had cleared the fog in his mind a bit. He reluctantly left the bathroom again and shuffled towards the living room. Woohyun threw him a glare when he entered. Sunggyu flinched slightly in guilt. He knew he was in the wrong this time. The older man came closer nevertheless. Woohyun was sitting on the couch with Haneul in his arms. The baby was awake and obviously still very distressed even if he wasn’t crying out loud. When Sunggyu was close enough, Haneul looked at him. The man silently wished the boy would hold out his hands and ask to enter his arms, but instead Haneul suddenly whined and turned away, curling deeper into Woohyun’s chest.

The rejection felt like a punch in his guts. Sunggyu bit his lower lip. It was probably obvious how crushed he felt because Woohyun tried to comfort him suddenly. “Haneul will forgive you, just give him some time. He’s still scared because you shouted at him.”

He was scared to meet Woohyun’s eyes, so Sunggyu just nodded shortly and walked away again. Woohyun called after him. “Can you check on the food in the kitchen? The soup still has to cook for about 15 minutes, you just need to stir it from time to time.”

“Sure.” Had his voice always sounded this weak and broken?





While he took care of lunch, Sunggyu looked for information on his smartphone. He looked up why babies would throw up suddenly. There were a lot of reasons apparently, two being stress and anxiousness. Someone also wrote that toddlers were very empathic. They could tell if their parents were sick, angry or stressed out and sometimes that affected the baby in return. They could get anxious and sick simply because their mother wasn’t feeling well. Had Haneul been distressed because of him? Sunggyu knew his body wasn’t doing well. The constant headaches that sometimes spiked out of nowhere and made his vision blur. The weak feeling in his limbs and the exhaustion. Sunggyu had ignored the signs all along but he was hopelessly overworked. His family’s death, the funeral, his work, Haneul, Woohyun, this apartment and the future – so many things had happened and many still weighed on his mind. Haneul was oblivious to all of this and Sunggyu felt a little jealous of him.

He heard steps behind himself and turned his head. Woohyun entered the kitchen without Haneul. “I’ve put him back into the crib. He’s fallen asleep again.”

Sunggyu avoided meeting his gaze. “Is he okay? Did he throw up again?”

“No, he didn’t. I’m not a doctor but Haneul seems to be okay for now.”

The older man nodded and withdrew back to his thoughts. He stared at a distant spot and silence engulfed them again until Woohyun decided he had enough. “What was that back there? What happened?”

Sunggyu pursed his lips. “I don’t know. Haneul wanted to see the laptop so badly, so I showed it to him, but then he threw up all of a sudden and I thought my laptop was done for. I need to get this project done so my boss won’t get mad. I know it wasn’t Haneul’s fault but I... I was just so angry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Yeah, you sure as hell weren’t thinking.” Woohyun replied dryly. Sunggyu’s shoulders slumped. “Do you want to know what I’m thinking?”

He glanced at the younger man questioningly. “That I’m an who shouts at little children and takes his anger out on them?”

Woohyun snorted. “No. I think you need a good meal and a long rest in bed. You’re stressed out, Sunggyu. I’d need to be blind not to notice. You don’t sleep or eat much, but you constantly care for Haneul or work on your project. You’re not a robot, you know. It’s human to snap eventually. You’ve gone through a lot and no one expects you to just be fine. Your boss will understand if you can’t make it in time or he’s an .”

Sunggyu was surprised by the younger man’s words. He had expected Woohyun to shout at him, maybe grab his collar and punch him for treating Haneul like that. He hadn’t expected understanding. Sunggyu wanted to reply “I’m fine!” but honestly, he wasn’t fine. He was very far from it. Knowing that and admitting it out loud were two different things. Sunggyu felt incredible broken but could he afford to let weakness show when he had to take care of a child? He had to be strong for Haneul – right?

“Did you even take the time to properly mourn for Seungah and your parents?” Woohyun asked suddenly.

He opened his mouth to speak but hesitated. Did he mourn? Sunggyu had cried a lot the night he sat by Seungah’s bed and he had cried at the funeral, but after that? He had tried to avoid reality. Whenever Sunggyu felt close to tears because memories overwhelmed him, he usually pushed them far away and hid behind his walls. “I...I was busy. I went to the funeral.”

As if that were a justification. “You’ve lost your whole family. You don’t just overcome that overnight.”

Tears welled up in his eyes and Sunggyu struggled to fight them. “I can’t sit around in a corner and cry when Haneul needs someone. He needs me so I...need to move on. I need to be responsible.”

“It’s true but...you don’t have to do this alone. I’m not saying you should immediately trust strangers like me, but there are people who can help in these situations.”

“And make the social workers think I’m unable to care for Haneul? They’ll take him away.” He didn’t want to disappoint Seungah like that. “I won’t let that happen.”

“I think scenes like the one in the nursery would shock them much more.” Woohyun retorted. He stepped closer and Sunggyu flinched slightly, but the younger man just went for the pot with the soup in it. Woohyun stirred it. “I know I said I won’t fight you for custody but if I have to... I will protect my son.”

Sunggyu swallowed hard. He turned away slightly to wipe away the traitorous tears breaking free.  “I’m surprised you didn’t immediately call the child protective services.”

“You just snapped once, so what? I’ve told you before...I don’t deserve to be Haneul’s father. I’m too late for that...” Woohyun sighed. “Besides, I wouldn’t be able to do this alone either. I’m ready to admit it. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help. We didn’t have the best start but we have a common interest – Haneul. We should work together and not against each other.”

“If only Seungah were still here...” Sunggyu muttered weakly.

“But she’s not coming back. You know that, right?”

“I know...” But somehow it still felt like she could walk into the apartment again at any moment. This was her home after all. Sometimes it was easy to lose himself in the fantasy of her being still alive. Sometimes when the phone started ringing, he expected a call from his parents. They were comforting thoughts when he felt all alone.

“Maybe it’s a good idea to move back to Seoul. To leave all of this behind...” Woohyun suddenly said.

Sunggyu stayed silent and the younger man cleared his throat after a moment. “Let’s eat. Haneul’s asleep, so no better time than now and you look like you really need that energy.”

Woohyun grabbed a ladle and scooped some of the soup into a bowl. Sunggyu wiped his eyes one last time and took a deep breath. “I’ll eat in S- my room. Thanks for the food.”

The older man took the full bowl and a spoon before heading out of the kitchen. Woohyun didn’t argue though Sunggyu could feel the other man’s heavy gaze on his back. It wasn’t personal. Sunggyu just wanted to be alone right now. He needed to think and Woohyun was far too distracting. With the hot bowl in his hands, Sunggyu entered Seungah’s old room. He set it down on the desk. For a moment, he wondered if he should check on Haneul or not, but Sunggyu was afraid of waking the toddler up. Besides, he wasn’t sure if he could take another rejection. The memory of Haneul turning away from him still hurt.

As Sunggyu ate the soup – which tasted amazing, damn that Nam Woohyun! – he went through the messages on his phone. Mostly Seungah’s. Sunggyu read their past conversations while his heart ached. The last message was from the day of the accident and it seemed kind of unreal. Sunggyu wondered what her last thoughts had been. Had she noticed him in the hospital? Had she left this world knowing how much she had meant to her younger brother? Sunggyu wasn’t sure when he told her ‘I love you’ last time. It hadn’t seemed necessary. She was always there after all. The thought of losing her had never crossed his mind. Sunggyu took her presence for granted and now there were so many things about the past he wished to change.

You only know what you had when you lose it – wasn’t that what people always said? It was true, Sunggyu thought. He found himself writing a short message (‘I miss you, noona. Come back home.’) but then he laughed at his own silliness. The anger returned afterwards and Sunggyu ended up deleting all the messages between the