"Hanbin are you crazy for real?!" I accidentally raised my voice into a few decibels. I never expected it, that my best friend has fallen for me. At first, I thought it was a joke— which he knows it clearly, if it would be the lamest and baddest joke ever, for the rest of my life. However, by the way he was staring intently at me, I could conclude that; all is true. He loves me and he is my best friend.

He chuckles, "yes, I am crazy and it's all because of you."

I took two step forward closer to him, seeing through his deepest soul— once again, making sure about what he said or maybe what he felt about me.
"You know that it was ridiculous for us to date each other, I told you so many time and I don't even—"

He cuts my words, "love me," then he added, "I know it very clearly."

"Then why do on earth, out of the people of this entire universe, you have to fall in love with me?!" I intentionally exclaimed.

He rubbed his hair back and forth, feeling upset and frustrated, "As if I had to do that in purpose! Falling in love with you is just something that out of my control," he whispered with his raspy voice, I could had seen a tears in the corner of his small eyes, slowly he touched my wrist, with those clouded eyes he told me, "I didn't have much option, if I could, I really wished if you weren't my best friend, if we didn't met before but today, so I could shown you my love for you and loving you as your lover not your best friend."

His words sounded so true rather than such a lamest pranks or old-fashioned april fools— considering that the weather feels so acidly hot as if it would turned out to be summer rain in any second and most of the leaves has begun to fall teradily— April seems impossible because now is October, and If I could, I wished that it was just a nightmare on my summer time.

I swallowed my guts before I finally able to come at this unexpected reality, "I should asked you for the first time why did you told this , Hanbin?!" I looked away, I can't bear seeing him cry.

Hanbin my cheeks down to my chin, slowly and such a gentle touch, "hey look at me," he said, asking me to look at him in the eyes. Eyes on eyes, heart to heart.

"I know you must be surprised about my sudden confession, I did feel the same. I am glad that finally I could be able to tell you what is my true feeling for over these past 10 years. But at the same time, I know that I couldn't take you as a whole— mine, and I know it quite clearly that you don't love me back. The reason why am I doing this, all because for the sake of us," his eyes never left mine, hearing all he was saying, it just make me feel become so dizzy and getting dizzier in each second that happened and for a nanosecond to a millisecond of my heartbeat, I could sense it something bad might be happen on us— on our friendship, obviously. He rested his forehead on mine, exhaled some air, then continued, "I know you love someone else, no matter how much I told you that he didn't love you back, you never give up, you tried again and again. Otherwise, it just got me realized one thing, that I can't fight you because the more I fight for it, the more I will lose you completely and you know I don't want it. So, I don't have any other choices except giving up on you."

I tried to grasp all of his words, my eyes are still wondering through his darkest eyes, into his deepest soul. At that moment, my heart clenched because of his sudden movement of those soft lips of him, he kissed my forehead— such a long and sweet kiss. No matter how much I've prevented myself for not crying, it just happened.

"Wh-what do you mean giving up?" My voice cracked.

"I won't see you in a while, I am quit from your life."

I parted my lips in disbelief as soon as I heard those words came from his mouth, "What?! You can't leave me." I suddenly yelled and pushed him away. I can't accept this truth about leaving, about walking out from my life.

"I don't want it but I don't have any other option! I need a time for myself, Hayi." said Hanbin breathlessly.

"Until when? Tell me the exact time and how long!"

"Till, I can get over you and you know I can't even predicted that because I am so incontestably in love with you." His eyes were saying like he was feeling sorry and ashamed.

"Sure, get out from my life then." I blurted that words impetuously because I was feeling so upset and frustrated at the same time. I can't keep a calm side of mine again as it keep getting my head so much dizzier for every little happened today. Hanbin is falling for me, and the worst thing is; he falls hard already, which is got me really terrifying. I can't blame him for loving me but I felt so sick at myself too, because I can't even sense it earlier so I can give him a straight punch before he screwed everything, just like today. He screwed it; the bond of our friendship and I can't help but feeling upset at myself.

I head off and leave him alone, both of us are crying. It felt awfully painful rather than losing a boyfriend because Hanbin is such a precious friend among my other friends— he knows me better than anyone, at first I thought, because he was care for me and love me as his best friend but now I've realized it was different; he cares because he loved me that bad.

I ran out from that basketball court, my breathe are too heavy as I sobbed hysterically hard. I felt shattered, so I leaned my back against the brick wall behind the basketball court. I didn't hear Hanbin footstep as the sign of his movement or his wills to leave that place. Five minutes passed with a soundless motion, until I heard his raspy voice as it turned to be a loud sobbing.

"Noona, help me... I am going to give up all my feeling towards her." He said.

And for a brief moment, I felt a prick in my heart.

* * *

Morning has come and day passed quite fast today. I took my cellphone from my blazer pocket and slide my finger through the screen to unlock it. October, 22nd today is Hanbin's birthday and as his best friend I felt so bad because I barely said anything or congratulate him. Hanbin had started to avoiding me since this morning, he didn't pick me up, causing me almost head off to the Incheon and of course I was late this morning. I laid my head on the table as my eyes wonder through the window. I am very certain about Hanbin was avoiding me, and at any rate I started to feel scared about losing something.

"Hey, did you fought with Hanbin?" Jisoo asked me in such a concern tone.

I turned at her direction, but my head still laying on the table, "it's more complicated than our usual fight." I said wryly.

"You can tell me anytime, if you don't mind it of course. Maybe, I can help you a bit such as giving him one or three slaps on his almighty face back and forth." Jisoo laughed at her sarcastic jokes, honestly I really want to laugh but I can't even laugh.

She shut up right after she saw my dispassionately responses, "You looks so ed up—"

"We are definitely so ed up." I cuts her words. She arched her eyebrows, I know she wants me to tell her what's going on.

I sighed and lifted my head to face her, "Hanbin has been in love with me..."

Jisoo blinked her eyes repeatedly, slowly is open wide and more wider, "no way," she continued, then covered her own mouth with both her hands. I gave her my if-you-don't-believe-it-its-none-of-my-ing-business kind of stare and she finally came to believe it.

"So, it was you? The mysterious girl of Kim Hanbin's forever has a crush on?! No way!" Jisoo went overly shocked, so she didn't realized it if her voice was increasing in a few decibels in the middle of our math class. I turned my head down just in case my math teacher, Ms. Choi would be calling me out.

"Kim Jisoo! Can you please behave and listen to every single things that I said for the sake of your mid test?" Ms. Choi said coldly as she put her glasses down.

"I am sorry Ms. Choi." Said Jisoo with her head down, probably just an acting to escape from Ms. Choi's fangs. This time, Ms. Choi let it pass easily and she started to explaining some of these complicated sign of number and alphabetic letter means and how to calculate it; which is surely, I don't care about that.

Jisoo leaning back at her seat, I leaned forward because she seemed to speak something.

"How come you know that Hanbin has a crush on you?" She asked, half whispered.

"He told me."

"Oh my god. So, basically the reason why he never dated a girl last than three months is because of you." She sighed and drawn her small face on her own hands.

I kicked her seat, which placed right in front of me, "what do you mean? Its not because he was creepy annoying, so he got dumped?"

Jisoo steal a glance at Ms. Choi before she swiveled over and facing me, "Hanbin never got dumped by any of his ex-girlfriends. He dumped them first, and he