The trip back to my parents' house, although short and quite unexpected, marked a new period of my life; a new stage of my existence I was terrified to find myself at and too ashamed to admit. Despite the constant reminders, the unstoppable sights of the hurt awaiting if the line was crossed even so little, I turned out to be the dumbest girl walking on the planet and put a blind eye to all of it. Like a fool ignorant to her surroundings, I developed feelings for the troublemaker that was bound to break my heart in two and trample on my shattered feelings with a smile plastered to his face.

Yesterday's night at the pub was my brutal wake-up call; a bucket of cold water thrown at me without any warning that sent shivers of realization down my freezing body everytime my mind tortured me with the harash replay of Baekhyun's rejection.

I still remembered Jongdae's and Sooyoung's confused expressions when I had informed them that Baekhyun had gone home. But their surprise couldn't even compete with my bafflement when I realized how many expectations I had towards Baekhyun at this stage of our relationship.

We weren't friends but I expected him to confide in me.

We weren't dating but I expected him to spend his time with me only.

We weren't a couple, yet I wanted him to have his eyes only on me.

The dull ache in my chest grew sharper, more unrelenting, as all my desires, one by one, came into light. It was bashful to admit it but, at that moment in front of the club when Baekhyun looked me in the eye, I had wanted him to kiss me. I was curious how his lips would've felt; if they were as soft as they seemed. At that time I have never wanted anyone as bad as I wanted Byun Baekhyun.

But at that very moment, Baekhyun's desires hadn't matched mine.

„Any plans for the evening?” Sooyoung's sudden voice cut through the thick mess of my thoughts, and I looked up to greet her with a smile.

She looked horrible with the dark circles under her eyes, reminding me how I had held her awake half of the night after we had come back to Seoul, trying to get a grasp of my own feelings. It had been a long, messy talk with me stuttering and backtracking everytime the admission to my unexpected feelings toward Baekhyun had rolled off my tongue but she hadn't complained even once.

„Sleeping?” I said, gathering my books. „I think you would use some, too.”

„Life is too short to just sleep.”

„And it's gonna be even shorter if you pass out due to lack of it.” I quickly added when she tried to be the smart one. Sooyoung only stuck her tongue at me in retort, probably too tired to argue further.

I threw my backpack on one arm and followed her to exit the classroom. Although I tried to stay calm, my heart tousled in my chest like a frightened bird at the bare thought of what was awaiting me. After all, my next class was English literature; a class I shared with Byun Baekhyun – the last person I wanted to see now.

The long talk with Sooyoung, despite its disastrous length which caused the enormous lack of concentration and tiredness for the both of us, helped me clarify one thing. I wasn't in love with Baekhyun - thankfully. It was a dangerous mixture of desire and attraction towards him that filled me in whenever I crossed paths with that guy. And, even though I was happy that I didn't fall deep into the bottomless pit of unrequited love, I still had to watch my back and keep a safe distance from Baekhyun if I wanted to keep those forbidden feelings forever locked within the depths of my heart.

The English literature didn't quite help with that plan.

„Relax,” Sooyoung whispered, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder when she noticed the uneasiness I walked with. She tilted her head, giving me the most encouraging smile I had ever witnessed from her.

„I am relaxed,” I lied, forcing a broken grin in return as my hands darted to hold onto my backpack's strap.

Sooyoung chuckled, taking in my expression with too much delight, „Seriously, you look like a cat that's about to take a bath.”

„I would very much prefer the bath–”

The rest of the sentence got stuck in my throat as I was shoved to the left before I managed to reach the classroom door. Surprised at the unexpected hit, I looked at the person who just pushed me out of their way and locks of dark blonde hair flashed before my face.

„Sorry,” Jihyun smiled at me with eyes so cold as if the real apology didn't even cross her mind. She dusted her left arm ostentatiously, the same that touched me just a moment ago, and her cold grin melted into a sly smirk. „I'm a little dizzy since I didn't get much sleep last night.”

„It's okay”, almost automatically, I sent her a forced smile, wishing she wouldn't go into more details about her busy nightlife.

To my growing dismay, our company grew bigger when a few of Jihyun's friends spotted us in front of the classroom. Before I could escape, they flanked us, having me and Sooyoung awkwardly trapped in between their group.

„Hey, Jihyun! How could you ditch us yesterday?” One of her friends marched forward, throwing an arm around Jihyun with a scowl twisting her lips. „It was a guy I've heard on the phone yesterday, wasn't it?”

The sleazy smile was back gracing Jihyun's face as she spared me a short glance before looking apologetically at her friend. „Sorry, I had a special guest come over. I couldn't leave him alone when he was begging me to stay with him.”

As if on cue, the girls giggled, covering their mouths as if in fake embarrassment.

„Judging from that satisfied look on your face, was it–”

„Sorry guys, but can we pass?” I interjected the girl excitedly speaking about Jihyun's unexpected night guest before she could reveal his name. Not like she needed to – Jihyun's proud posture and the way she relished the situation were enough for me to realize who she had spent the night with. She wanted me to know, for reasons I couldn't yet comprehend, but I wasn't going to just stand and let her have it her way.

As the friends and Jihyun herself went quiet after my interruption, I sent them a faint smile, and fled the scene going right through their small crowd to enter the classroom.

„Just ignore her,” Sooyoung finally whispered when we sat at the front row, waiting for the lecture to begin. She inspected my face with concern but I dismissed her with a smile, telling her that everything was perfectly fine.

Because it didn't bother me.

Because I didn't give a damn about what that guy did at nights.

Because I couldn't... no, I didn't want to get invested in that relationship more than I already had. I had no right to feel any of those ugly emotions. Jealousy, anger or frustration... I wouldn't let those dictate my choices and decisions.

In the corner of my eye, I saw Jihyun and her friends walk inside, heading to the back of the classroom to take their seats as they continued giggling excitedly at whatever Jihyun was telling them. I didn't want to know what they were chatting about but, no matter how indifferent I tried to stay, my mind kept focusing on every bit of their conversation, trying to distinguish the real words from their hushed chatting. But they were too far, forcing my imagination go wild.

My stomach was chu