22

THE OTHER SIDE

Jinyoung is selfish, Gongchan believes, as there is no other explanations for his actions. Jinyoung did something wrong, he didn't consider Gongchan's opinion whatsoever, but that didn't mean that he had to go to such lengths, did it? Was that really the best resolve Jinyoung could come up with?

Gongchan shakes his head furiously and wipes away his tears with the palms of his hands. He hates himself for feeling this way -- for depending so much on Jinyoung despite what the other did. He should be angry and upset, and able to walk up to the other and demand a solid answer, but he won't. He felt his blood boil the last time they talked, but now he can barely manage a slight feeling of betrayal.

It's not like what Jinyoung did was any less wrong, but he can no longer think straight. It's as if the moment Jinyoung said those last words, he's been lost in a world of confusion.

He lays back on his bed, and covers his eyes with his arm as tears continue to stream down his face.

Gongchan wonders if Jinyoung actually meant everything he said about being sorry, about leaving, about everything. Even though Jinyoung wasn't the type to either say things without meaning them or play a cruel joke, he couldn't help but doubt his intentions. Jinyoung had already fooled him once, when he had "imprinted" on him by "accident." Whether or not that was the case, it didn't matter. He had been lied to before. That's what made his mind wander and spin around in circles in a path of confusion, until he couldn't help but think: how many times had Jinyoung lied?

He didn't want to think about the question because it was unanswerable. It was the type of question that would have no end, and that would consume him and eat him whole until he became paranoid and irrational. He shouldn't think about it, not now, not ever.

No matter how many minutes pass, he can't shake out Jinyoung's words from his head. Leaving. Was he really leaving? He can't accept those words. He just can't.

He buries his face into his pillow, and drowns out his pain.

He can't think; his head hurts.

--

A couple of weeks pass by, unnoticed by most, but to Gongchan it was pure torture. As the leaves began to change colours, so did his life, and everything he knew was gone and buried underneath the dirt and dead grass.

Nothing lasts forever, he knew that, but whenever he sees Jinyoung he feels a pain in his chest.

Every day became more of a chore. He wasn't living. He wasn't there. He detested coming home to the empty silence of the house, where no one was home except for himself. Jinyoung hadn't moved out yet, but it seemed like he already had.

They always saw each other in the morning because it was unavoidable. They both had school, and they didn't really have the option to skip it just because they didn't want to see each other -- or at least Gongchan didn't want to see him. When they saw each other, Gongchan would keep quiet and look away. He would usually