DAE IN

I’m stupid. I’m the stupidest girl in class. I’m the stupidest girl in the planet.

Why didn’t I say anything?!?! I was just…surprised, that’s why. I would never have known that Kyungsoo will even think of writing my name…I was surprised okay? That’s why I didn’t say anything.

I’ve been staring at Kyungsoo’s back the whole time until the bell rang for recess. So now what? I can’t face him anymore. Not when he looked so disappointed and left my side earlier before I even got a chance to say anything. I’m afraid that now we would even be more awkward with each other.

Because we were awkward then…well, not really awkward, but I don’t know how to approach him. And this is me we’re talking about—I get along with everyone in class. Kyungsoo makes me nervous, like I have to think really hard before I have to speak to him. Because I have to make it count.

What happened this morning was different. Because he’s the one who came to me first, not I. I can’t talk to him first—

Ugh, what’s wrong with me? Why am I being shy all of a sudden? Do I like him? I can’t forget the weird feeling when he asked me if he can write my name...

Oh god, I like Do Kyungsoo!!! I am still staring at him and I realize my jaw was hanging. Why did I only realize this now?

Well what’s the use? He’s never going to talk to me now—maybe ever. Even after gazillion years from graduation. He hates me. He thought I rejected him.

Okay, Dae In. This is it. I have to do something or else he would think I don’t like him. I can do this. I am friendly right? I talk to people. I can even talk my way out of detention. That takes skill. And look, Luhan is distributing chocolates, so no one would notice if I embarrass myself in front of Kyungsoo and tell him to (please) write my name in his heart cut-out. Somehow, I know Kyungsoo would not laugh at me if I say that to him.

I hesitate about a foot away from Kyungsoo, my tongue in a twist. How do I start? Oh crap, he’s sees me. And those eyes! He’s really cute!

“Dae In?” Kyungsoo asks, his head tilted to one side.

Dae In, please speak now. C’mon. Move it. “Kyungsoo..I…I…” I can feel my cheeks heating up and my palms getting sweaty. Oh my god what do I do?

Kyungsoo wrinkles his brows. “Are you okay Dae In? Are you sick?” He moves to put his hand on my forehead but that brief touch just sent me panicking.

I back away from him. Is this what happens when you have a crush on someone? Why do I feel I have to be carried to the school nurse? “I’m sorry!” I bowed to him, rushing off outside the classroom.

I didn’t go far past the door because a hand grasped my wrist and it’s her—Luna—my friend from Classroom 4 who has a crush on Kyungsoo.

“Dae In…were you talking to Kyungsoo?” Luna’s lips twitch in nervousness.

Oh no, what did she see? “Ummm, yes, Luna. Is something wrong?”

“Oh! Nothing!” She laughs shakily. “I’m glad you guys are talking now! Wasn’t he shy? So he’s going to be your friend? I’m happy when Kyungsoo becomes a friend of my friend.”

“Ah…I’m not sure if we’re really friends right now.” Because Kyungsoo hates me. At least I know he won’t hate Luna. She’s nice and calm, just like him. Unlike me, the—hmm…..the un-Luna one.

“But…” She moves in to whisper in my ear. “Can you talk to him again? I bought chocolates for him.”

I look at her in surprise. So she really likes Kyungsoo. “Why do I need to talk to him?”

“Because, he doesn’t know me, Dae In. I want YOU to give them to him.”

“What! No! You can go in and give it! It’s still recess!” I want to go to the toilet. Or any place where I won’t see Luna giving the chocolates to Kyungsoo. And him smiling at her.

“Puhleeasseee Dae In! I can’t do it!” Luna’s eyes are filled with tears. “It’s okay if he doesn’t like me. I just…I just want him to get chocolates on Valentine’s day. So it doesn’t matter.” She forces the chocolate into my hands and runs to her classroom before I can say anything. Really, what is it with people leaving before I even get to say anything?

The chocolates somehow weigh like a rock on my hand, and I don’t know what came over me but I managed to calmly walk balk to Kyungsoo’s seat. Maybe because I have this chocolate with me. A prop. A barrier. Something between us that can hide what I feel about him.

“Kyungsoo, this is for you.” I mumble. I wasn’t so calm after all because the chocolate shook from my fingers before I place it on his desk.

His eyes rounded in surprise and his cheeks reddened. Why didn’t I notice that he’s this adorable? “For me? Th—thanks, Dae In! I—I thought you were mad at me.” His lips form a small smile.

“Oh it’s not from me!” I can feel my tongue tripping at my words. His face fell at once so I blurt the rest out so that he won’t feel bad. “It’s from a girl in Classroom 4…her name’s Luna. She wants you to have them.”

“Oh.” He looks at the chocolate again, then back to my face. “Okay. I’ll find her later to say thanks.”

That’s Kyungsoo, he really is kind to everyone. “Yeah. She’ll be happy. And, I’m not angry at you Kyungsoo.” I try my best to still smile even if the thought of Kyungsoo seeking out Luna later makes me want to cry. I go to my seat before he answered me (at least now I get to be the one who leaves first!).

What I didn’t count on was Kyungsoo going back to standing before my seat just like this morning. “Dae In, I’m sorry about this morning. You’re really cool and have a lot of friends. So I shouldn’t have asked you if I can write your name.” He his lips, his foot shuffling on the floor again. “Because then you thought that you should write my name too because you had to. But you shouldn’t, you know. Especially when you’re already running out of hearts as it is.” He smiles brightly while I stare at him at shock. What is he saying?!?!

“So,” he continues. “don’t write my name. It’s okay!” He grins at me and just then the bell rang to signal the next period. My eyes follow him as he goes back to his seat, holding Luna’s chocolate and placing it inside his bag.

How can he ask me not to write his name, when all I can think about now is him?