YUJIN

I’m being punished. This is what I get for being a selfish brat. And for not thinking of how Chen must have felt. He has every right to be angry at me. He’s just way too nice to let it show but I can feel it. I behaved poorly as his bestfriend.

Actually I have no right to be his bestfriend. Or any level of friend for that matter. He doesn’t deserve someone like me. He is so nice and funny, so easygoing that everyone likes him. And he takes care of everyone. No wonder girls like Krystal like him. It’s exactly the reason why I like him.

I can feel my chest tightening, good thing the day is almost over. Seonsaengnim told us that we get to deliver our letters ourselves. I would’ve been happy about this hours ago but everything has changed now. It’s not Luhan that I like, it’s Chen. I want him to be my Valentine.

Ugh, why didn’t I realize it sooner? Now my chance is gone.

“See you next week, Yujin.” Chen’s voice interrupts my thoughts and next thing I know, class has ended and he’s off from his chair.

“Chen…wait…” My words just died on my lips when he approaches Krystal, all smiles and nodding his head at whatever she’s saying. I guess that’s it. That’s my answer.

My paper heart is still blank. Save for that hasty scrawl of Luhan's name which I tried to erase completely. And I know I still want to give the heart to Chen. But I know it’s no use.

I’m sorry.

Somehow writing those two words made me feel better. I still feel rotten…but slightly better. All I want is to get out of the classroom. So that I won’t see the way Chen smiles at Krystal, knowing that he’ll never smile that way to me again.

I just walked home because I need to think about what I did today. I know for sure that I shouldn’t have snapped at Krystal during recess, even if I was jealous over her. Fine, I was SO jealous. And I’m too stupid not to recognize the cause of my jealousy from the start.

What I didn’t count on was Chen sitting at my doorstep, the sight of his face making my heart beat faster. “Chen, wha—what are you doing here?”

He stands from his former sitting position, his hand digging in his pocket. “You weren’t in the bus stop earlier. I think you forgot something.” He shows the paper heart that I have written earlier. I can’t remember leaving it in the first place.

“Oh yeah. I didn’t know I left it.” I mumble, still looking down in embarrassment. “It’s for you, Chen.”

“For me?” His head tilts at his question, “but why?”

“Because I know you’re mad at me. Earlier at recess.”

He just stared at me for a long time, and I’m growing more uncomfortable. “I’m not mad at you, Yujin.”

“You are! Don’t deny it!” My tears as starting to blur my eyes. “I know you. I know you’re mad at me.”

“Hey, don’t cry.” Chen walks closer to me. “I’m really not mad. Sad, maybe. But not mad.”

He’s smiling again, his lips curling at each corner. And here I am looking like a mess. “I’m sorry I was being a brat.”

“It’s fine. I talked to Krystal too. I hope you apologize to her on Monday.”

The image of him talking to Krystal is just making my heart my twist. I can’t speak anymore so I just nodded. His hand starts patting my head and it just made me cry harder.

“Hey, c’mon Yujin! Stop crying! If your mother sees you she’ll think I’m the one who made you cry.” The panic in his voice is now forcing me to fight back the tears. “Did…um…Luhan give you his heart? I know it’s what you wanted—“

“It’s not what I wanted.” I cut him off, and he seems surprised at my outburst. “I mean, I thought it was what I wanted. But not anymore. I don’t love him. I love…” Oh no. I can’t say it. I don’t want him to feel guilty when he likes Krystal instead of me.

“You love…?” Chen lets his sentence hang, and I can tell he’s really curious.

“Umm…I can’t say it. He likes someone else.”

“Hmmm, I have the same problem.”

“What?” Did Krystal reject him? “Why would Krystal reject you? You’re the smartest, funniest, cutest boy in class! She’s blind not to like you!”

Chen’s mouth slowly forms to a grin. Ugh, why does he have to be this cute? “Did you just say I’m the smartest, funniest and CUTEST boy in school?”

Oops. “I meant—I said in class okay? No need to get cocky.” I stammered. This is embarrassing. If Chen had no idea I’m in love with him earlier, there’s no doubt he would’ve figured it out by now.

“Still…” He starts to walk in circles, and I know I’m already going to get cornered in this discussion. “…I didn’t know you view me that way, Yujin.”

“I…I just want to say that any girl will find it easy to like and love you, Chen.”

“Any girl? I doubt it. You don’t love me. In that way I mean.” His eyes are starting to get serious and I’m definitely cornered.

“But I do. I love you in that way. I mean I had a crush on Luhan but I didn’t realize until now that it’s you I like...more than a bestfriend” Oh god Yujin stop embarrassing yourself any further. “But I know you like Krystal so—I’m okay. I hope we can still be friends even if I shouted at her earlier. And I’ll apologize to her. I promise. And—why are you not saying anything?” Chen is just staring at me in pure shock. Now I’ve done it. “Okay, just forget I ever said anything, I—”

Next thing I knew, Chen is hovering so close to me, his lips lightly brushing my cheek. “There.” He says, and red is starting to creep up his cheeks. “I hope that clears up things.”

“Wait—what?” I can still feel my cheek tingling. It took all of my effort not to touch where his kiss had been.

He softly smiles, “Krystal is coaching me on how you’ll get to notice me and not Luhan. That I won’t be viewed as just a friend. She wants to know if you have feelings for me by making you jealous.” He shrugs. “I thought it wouldn’t work, but…”

What the—? “So you wanted to…test me? Oh my god. And I’m the one who said I love you first!”

“I’m sorry!” He grins again. “I know it’s not right, but I was desperate.” He kisses my other cheek. Oh man, my heart is already bursting out of my chest. “Will that make you forgive me?”

“Maybe.”

“How about this?” He fishes his heart out of his pocket, placing it on my hand.

Oh my. But now I cannot even look at the heart because he’ll know I caved in. “Possibly.” I narrow my eyes at him but I know I couldn’t be mad at him for long.

He chuckles. “Okay, baby steps it is. I’ll make my bestfriend love me as much as I love her.”  

I just smiled at him. He can try all he want but his bestfriend loves him more than he could ever imagine.