“I don’t know, I was thinking, maybe we could get married or something.”

Sandara felt his hand on hers stiffen, and, stealing a look, she could see Seung hyun visibly clench his jaw, his throat bobs at a very hard, very forced hard swallow. The light from the silver screen dance on his face, the darkness was his background.

Sandara sighs and tries to relax and enjoy the movie. Of course, that reaction was a little… you know… weird… but it wasn’t unexpected. She has not been dating Seung hyun all this three years in a blind fold. She knew he had a debilitating fear of commitment. The mere mention of the M-word makes him cringe. He’d prefer a “ you” any day over “when do you think you’d marry, Dara?”

Sandara sighs again. He was holding her hand, and she closes her eyes to feel it, to feel him. To remember that this was what she wants, not a ring, not a wedding gown, not a marriage. Him. She wants him, and this is enough. So she would never get to stand in front of the altar and tell the world I do, I do want this man forever and ever, I do want him to be the father of my children,  I do want him as my husband and the countless meanings in that single breath of a promise. But that’s his lost, isn’t it?

It’s his ing lost.

Again, she sighs and calms herself. All she needs was him. Him to hold her hand, him to kiss her, him to tell her 'I love you' in the  mornings when she wakes up. That was all she wants. He was better than a promise of a happy ending, he was ongoing. The present of the present. She was happy.

The movie ends and so does their Valentine's date, and Seung hyun still was uneasy and aloof. He was so weirdly jittery. It was a lot like he was consciously trying to not run away.. She couldn’t really blame him, her family, her friends, his friends have been giving him a hard time lately. They have been pointedly been dropping bombs on him.

“When are you marrying my sister?”

“So when’s the wedding?”

“If you like it then you should put a ring on it, Seung hyun.”

She was beyond embarrassed, and to be honest worried. What if he decides to bolt on her? What if he thinks that she put everyone up to it? What has she been doing? Telling everyone that she doesn’t mind not marrying. Hasn’t anyone been listening to her? Because she was reaching thirty soon, now everyone was panicking for her? Why don’t people just mind their own damn business!

She likes Seung hyun, even sans the wedding bells. She does.

She takes his hand and he looks back at her with narrowed brows, like he was reaching breaking point.

“You know I love you, right?” He asks, his breath turns to steam in the cold wintery night. It bothered her that he sounded so unsure

She nods, “That’s all that really matters to me.”

-oxo-

When they got back to their apartment, Seungri was there and was very, very drunk and throwing a tantrum because Chaerin has, for some reason, broken up with him. He was incoherent most of the time, and Seung hyun suggested they just throw him out, or something. Maybe Chae will have the conscience of picking up her mess because Seungri, Seungri heart broken in their apartment was littering. Seung hyun even said maybe they should bill Chae for a fine.

Sandara on the other hand had tried sobering him up and had offered comforting words to the sobbing man. She said she believed that they’d work it somehow because she believed in them, believed in their love and that they belonged together.

“I believe in your future.” She said, a little wistful, and Seung hyun did not miss the longing in her voice. He takes a hard swallow.

“Oh, noona.” Seung ri had dramatically taken Dara’s hand. “What about you, noona?” Seung ri bawls. “This man.” He points at Seung hyun. “He takes more than he can give,” He punctuates his statement with a ‘hic’. “…and when something gets too complicated, he runs.” Seung hyun’s eyes went wide. Sandara notices his grip on their sofa. “He's the poster-boy for commitment-phobes of the universe.”

No. No. No. Sandara al