~The First Heartbeat~
Autumn Leaves Once Again

Love?

I always hear people describe it like it’s the best feeling in the world because it’s what you feel when you meet the best friend who fully understands you; the companion who’s always willing to stay by your side; and your other half who makes you feel alive and complete. It’s been said you only encounter your true love once, hence the once in a lifetime description of it. I'm guessing the feeling's similar to how one floats on cloud nine, or however the saying goes. You unknowingly fall victim to Cupid’s arrow and become hopelessly stuck to them. But what they don’t realize is that the deeper the arrow is, the bigger the wound becomes.

Have I ever fallen in love? I sometimes wonder about that.

We used to do everything with each other and were inseparable. She made stupid jokes that only the two of us hysterically laughed at; she was the consoling shoulder I leaned on whenever I was going through a hard time; she was the comforting warmth that I felt whenever we hugged, and she was the sweet innocence I felt in every kiss we shared.

It wasn’t love, it was an irrational and blind crush. I was naive, perhaps due to how young I was at the time; I stupidly thought that we'd be together for many years to come, despite what others would tell me. They tried to open my eyes, but I was stubborn and never listened. It was only when the arrow dug deep enough, to the point of no return, that I finally realized what they meant. She ripped the Cupid’s arrow right out of me, and took my heart with her.

I’ll never see her again, nor get my heart back. It disappeared along with hers, and I’ve closed myself off from love ever since.

 

The summer's heat finally passed its recently, signalling the start of a new school year. Instead of bearing the sun's ridiculous rays, a chilling autumn breeze flew through the air, bringing about the sight of our school’s winter uniforms again. It seems like autumn’s already started to settle in, just in time to welcome the upcoming winter as always.

I rubbed my shoulders in hopes of keeping myself warm as I continued down the cobblestone pathway. Each breath I took became miniscule clouds that lingered around upon contact with the cold, while white spouts of water continued to gush from the fountains that lined the sides of the path. The brittle leaves that clutched onto tree branches turned into a vibrant nimiety of red, orange and yellow rainbows that scattered along with the wind, only to end up landing at my feet. It felt nice listening to the satisfying crisp crunch of every step I took.

I was now a senior. I had repeated it to myself countless times by now, but no matter how many times the words came out of my mouth, it all felt too surreal. Not that it mattered anyway; maybe it was a sign that time was starting to catch up to me. I always lived in the present, while never really wanting to delve into the past. I hadn’t thought much about the future either. I guess you could say I was living in the moment and going through life just as it was. Because of this, I happened to pick up an interest in observing my surroundings. I like to describe it as appreciating the scenes that each season painted as they passed by. Even when the same season came again, things were never exactly the same.

Surrounding me were lots of couples, walking hand in hand while smiling at each other like retards fools. They were showing off their relationship a little too much for my liking, and imagining a time when I used to be like that made me feel terribly uneasy. I forced myself to keep a straight face while holding back that morning’s breakfast, but it was somewhat hard to keep my composure while walking in the shivering cold. I assumed a fair amount of people had hooked up over the summer; that would explain all these random lovebirds.

On the other hand, I remained single. It wasn't time for me to fall in love. If I did end up catching feelings, it would only mean that I was a who loves being heartbroken… or that I was finally starting to move on. As much as I’d hate to call myself a masochist, the first reason seemed more likely to happen. It wouldn't ever be the second, not even in a million years; I knew that all too well. It wasn't as if there was anybody was into me anyways; I wasn’t the least bit interested in a relationship either.

I soon approached the Charice Square, which was the school’s main courtyard. It had a grandiose water fountain at the centre, with elaborate and intricate designs carved into its ceramic walls and glittering hints of coins, scattered underwater along its tiled base. There were four pathways that stemmed from the Charice Square, each leading to different locations on campus: the western pathway, which was directed towards the school gates and student dorms; the eastern, the headmaster’s office; the north, the Faculty of Mathematics & Science; and the south, the Faculty of Arts. The Charice square was also a favorable spot for seasonal flowers to grow. At the moment, the square was decorated with bunches of tender pink dahlias, violet crocuses and ivy-leaved cyclamens that grew in abundance. The grand array of flowers lining the pathways was so students could enjoy looking at them as they walked along. It was another aesthetic aspect that came with the campus that I liked in particular.

The thing about Saints Academy was that even though the administration was divided into 3 divisions of elementary, middle and high school, the campus was enormous beyond imagination, even for a private school. It was almost too easy to get lost around here, but the Parisian architecture, evergreen scenery and historical context behind each structure always made up for its gargantuan size. For example, there were “Les Jardins de Lavandes,” or otherwise named, ‘the Lavender gardens’. They were dedicated to the late headmaster’s wife, who adored the delicate flowers. She used to be the original headmaster, a French-Japanese lady famed for her kindness and gentleness but met an unfortunate end due to a car accident years ago. Her husband had taken over her role to carry on her legacy, which I thought was interesting. After a little bit of curious exploring these past few years, I’ve also accidentally come across a couple of secret campus spots that I would often go to whenever I felt stressed. A convenient spot was the 3-C music classroom. Since the classical music students would lock themselves in the practice rooms around then, it was often empty by 4 pm. It was helpful that nobody but myself knew about these places, so I could be alone whenever I wanted to. It wasn’t that I hated interacting with people; I enjoyed it at times, but once in a while, nothing ever beats having some time to myself in a nice, quiet spot. Even patient guys like me can only take so much noise after all.

Checking the time on my wristwatch, I saw that it was 8:27 am. I still had a good 30 minutes before class started. Waking up this early was pretty excessive, especially considering that I lived in the dorms and could have woken up much later, but I could never bring myself to sleep past 7:30 am every morning. My body clock was just annoying like that. At the very least, there was still some time to review my timetable one last time before the day started. I made my way over to a wooden bench and plopped myself down, placing beside me the pastel blue backpack that held my school supplies: a laptop, binder, pencil case and a bunch of other stuff. I found the backpack in the back corner of a small, secluded store and was instantly hooked. I don’t usually get so hyped while shopping; once in a while though, I would get drawn to something, then proceed to buy it without a second thought. It was a guilty pleasure of mine that I never liked to admit.

Digging deep into my bag, I pulled out a relatively crisp timetable that listed all my classes for the school year. After reviewing it, I heavily groaned. My first day would be filled up with Advanced Calculus in the morning; English, after lunch; and finally, Honours Chemistry at the end of the day. English and Chemistry, I didn't have any problems with, but calculus in the early morning was always really rough to get through. My class schedule wasn’t even fully complete yet; I still had to choose two electives, but I couldn’t make a decision between Vocal Techniques, Contemporary Dance, Culinary Arts and Acting.

“...Hello there.”

“WHA-!” Out of nowhere, a hoarse whisper crept into my left ear, scaring me less. I snapped my back around only to see two familiar faces with rigid smiles, shivering in the cool autumn breeze.

“YAH MIN YOONGI!! For ’s sake, you’ve gotta stop appearing out of nowhere like that, you know how easy it is to startle me!” I shouted at the shorter one of the two, smacking him on the shoulder as both of them began laughing their asses off. Min Yoongi, a senior majoring in music composition, was one of the few people in my life that somehow managed to stick around since elementary. We didn’t really talk a whole lot when we first met because of his introvertedness. And that’s not to mention how intimidated as hell I was from his cold gaze, but after some twists and turns, he turned out to be a pretty decent guy with a sense of humour. He never really looked like it but behind his sharp eyes, he had a caring side to him which stemmed from his soft little heart, something he rarely revealed to anybody he wasn’t close to. Somewhere along the way, we managed to become best friends, almost to the point where we would roast each other whenever we had the chance to. Generally, whenever I was having a hard time dealing with something, he was usually the first one I consulted since he was the emotionally mature one between us. And despite being a few months younger than me, I’ve always admired his burning passion for music. It was basically his girlfriend at this point.

I could pretty much say the same about the other guy that came along with him, Kim Namjoon, who was currently nuzzling his face into the knitted scarf that wrapped around his neck like a fluffy boa constrictor. Like Yoongi, he was also a senior majoring in music composition but was the youngest among us. He was often known for his trademark dimples that enhanced his smiles and confidence that naturally oozed from his personality, which made him stand out from the crowd. Not many students around here had leader-like charisma that rivalled his. He was relatively well known among our classmates, being that he was quite a talented intellectual and was especially fluent in English, despite having grown up in Korea all his life. Given that the two of them were both music majors and roommates, it only made sense that they were always together. The only difference was that Yoongi focused more on rap while Namjoon composed pieces from all sorts of genres.

“Not so handsome now, are you, Mr. Worldwide Handsome? You shoulda seen your face, your eyes were literally about to pop right outta their sockets!” Yoongi sneered, still clutching his stomach from laughing too hard. Namjoon stood behind him, nonchalantly snickering into his scarf as his breath formed white clouds that dispersed into the air.

“Ugh, leave me alone you guys. It’s too damn early for this.” I grumbled, shoving my timetable back in my bag. I couldn’t help but act a bit cranky; the morning was supposed to be a quiet and peaceful time of day. I wanted to enjoy mine undisturbed, but then these guys decided to scare me less by deciding to suddenly pop out of nowhere.

“Hey, you know what they say. We aren’t best friends unless we annoy the out of each other right?” Namjoon grinned, showing off his dimples and revealing a pearly white set of teeth. After a brief scoff, I got off the bench and stood up, resting an arm on Yoongi’s left shoulder.

“Sorry, best friend who? I can’t be friends with someone I can’t even see,” I smirked deviously, stealing a quick glance at Yoongi who did not seem the slightest bit pleased by my comment.

“Ah, shut up already would ya!?”

We all laughed. If there was anything that got on Yoongi’s nerves, it was people commenting on his height. He wasn’t exactly short per se, as he stood at a fine height of 170 cm, but with me and Namjoon around, he often looked like a midget. Namjoon was the tallest, being a couple inches taller than Yoongi, with myself following behind by a single centimetre or so. It was honestly sort of amusing to see sometimes.

“Anyways, I’ve got something to ask you guys. Do you know what classes are worth taking in arts? I still have to choose my electives for this semester.” I questioned, attempting to change the topic.

“What? You still haven’t done that? Hyung, you were supposed to choose your courses ages ago! What if you get into a ty class because you decided so late?!” Namjoon exclaimed, his face peeking out of his scarf. He usually preferred to call me Jin instead of my full name, claiming that “Seokjin” was too much of a hassle for him to say.

“It’s not like I intended on procrastinating! I was being indecisive and you guys were too busy with whatever to show me around the arts faculty. I could easily get lost there and never find the light of day again!”

“Jesus, stop being a drama queen you idiot, it’s not as complicated as you make it out to be. Here, how ‘bout this? It’s only the first day of school, so we’re bound to be free from homework and . Namjoon and I could meet you at lunch and we’ll show you around like you wanted. Sound good?” Yoongi suggested, casually placing his hands in his pockets.

I nodded, “Sure that’s fair enough.” Taking another look at my watch, I noted the time. There were about 10 minutes left until class started.

Damn, time really ing flies.

With a sharp intake of air, I looked back up at Namjoon and Yoongi, who were busy complaining amongst themselves about how they were freezing their asses off.

"Alright, I gotta go now guys, I’ll meet you guys later then?”

Yoongi groaned, “What, it’s already that time? Ah , we gotta head off too Namjoon. See ya later Seokjin.”

I chuckled as I waved them off. Yoongi wasn’t a very big fan of school in general. He would rather chill in his room composing songs, but he hated the idea of being branded as a troublemaker even more. His personality was always like that, confusing and hard to understand, but also somewhat amusing to see. Once the two of them were no longer in sight, I turned and hurried along the northern pathway to the science building, hoping that I would make it to class on time.

Although Advanced Calculus sounded intimidating to others, it wasn't actually all that difficult. Then again, it probably might’ve been easy for me since my parents already taught me everything beforehand, being the math teachers that they were. That didn’t mean I enjoyed it though. Sometimes it was a serious pain in the , since a single mistake on a test usually meant heavy consequences on my mark so I couldn’t really relax too much on assessments. It really wracked my brain a lot. Not only that, but the class was being taught by Mr. Heinrich, who had a reputation of being hard to impress due to his unbelievably high expectations. His classes were always the ones with the highest dropout rates in the entire school and being an honours student myself, that didn't entail much good for me. Why is it that out of all the teachers I could have gotten, I just had to get him? Ugh, damn my luck.

A/N: First chapter up! Enjoy ;')