~The Sixth Heartbeat~
Childhood Siblings

“Wow sunbae, your room’s so warm and cozy!”

I blankly stared at the girl wandering around my room like a lost child as I buried my face underneath my bed covers. Hwang Ga Eul, my weird desk partner, was now exploring the precious privacy of my room, her eyes literally b with curiosity.

We were back at the boys dorms, nice and dry thanks to her umbrella that miraculously managed to fit the both of us. The entire walk hadn’t been the greatest time of my life, considering I had to crouch down (which hurt my lower back a bit) and walk really closely to her to avoid being caught in the rain. It was a level of intimacy that was a bit beyond my comfort level, and I wondered why people thought sharing an umbrella in the rain like this was supposed to be romantic. In reality, I just found it super uncomfortable. And cold as hell too. Damn. Freezing. cold.

I’ll admit that it was pretty nice of her walk me back to the dorms though. Most people would’ve just let me be at the convenience store, and who knows how long I would’ve been waiting there for if she hadn’t come by. I was about to see her in a new light and forget how quirky she was, but that thought had immediately vanished until she invited herself into the dorms. She justified herself by claiming she had to make sure I would be alright, but I didn’t buy it.

“Okay Hwang Ga Eul, thanks for walking me back to the dorms and all, but isn’t it about time for you to get back to the girl’s dorms? You know, visiting hours are gonna be over in like half an hour and I don’t think the dorm supervisor would appreciate seeing you randomly wandering around my room. Especially considering there's nobody except the two of us here.” I blurted out from underneath my blanket, wishing desperately for her to get out.

I couldn’t understand why she was so fascinated with how my room looked. It was just a normal room like any other guy’s, with a few extra features like a balcony and a personal bathroom. Nothing was special or out of the ordinary here. At least, I didn’t think so anyways. Much to my disdain though, she brushed off what I had said as if it had just been a flea breathing on her and continued on. She was now staring at my family pictures that sat on the edge of my desk, focussing most of her attention on the picture of me sitting together with my brother.

“How adorable!! I didn’t know you had an older brother, you two look so alike! How old were you guys in this photo?”

“Uhh… honestly? I don’t remember. Maybe when I was around 5 or something? Hyung is older than me by 2 years, so that would make him 7 there.”

“Oh wow, you guys are pretty close in age huh? I bet you must’ve looked up to him a lot as the two of you were growing up then!”

“No. As a matter of fact, we weren’t close at all.  We fought like bulldogs most of the time because he always picked on me for being such a sensitive crybaby. And also for being my mom’s favourite. Nowadays, we’re okay though. I talk to him every now and then. Usually whenever I go back during the holidays to visit my family.”

“Hmm, I see. Well you know what they say about that. The more you fight, the closer you guys are to each other! Although if I had to be totally honest with you right now, I’m a little envious of you and your brother.”
 

“What? Why, what do you mean?”

“Hearing you talk about your hyung, it reminds me of my family. You see, I also used to have a sibling, an older sister. She was also 2 years older than me, but got more attention from my parents because she was the bright genius in our family. She was always more mature and kinder than me, but I was never jealous of her because any attention that I didn’t get from our parents, she conveyed to me tenfold. She was my role model and best friend growing up.”

“Oh.”

“Was"...? Why’s she talking in past tense?

"Did… something happen to her? What’s with the past tense?”

There it was again, the change in the glint of her eyes. I sat up from my bed and faced her, as she turned around and leaned on the corner of my desk. She stared off into the wall, silently deciding on how to structure her next words and clearly hesitating to go into any details. It was apparent that whatever it was that happened to her family, she didn’t like to talk about very often.

“I… We were a low income family. Eventually my parents couldn’t afford to keep us, so they put us up for adoption when I was around 5 years old. We were separated when an elderly couple took me in while a rich family chose to take my sister. It’s how I got my current surname, Hwang. That time was the last time I saw either of my parents and my sister, because after that, I lost all contact with them.”

When she finished her last sentence, I took a deep breath and noticed I was unconsciously holding my breath. Ga Eul looked up to make eye contact with me, and I was taken aback to see her staring straight at me with an innocent expression. If I wasn’t so observant, I would’ve been convinced that she was already over the entire affair and had moved on, but the longing look in her eyes told me otherwise.

“They didn’t even think to call or visit you? No news or anything from your foster parents?”

She shook her head.

“The only news I received involving my biological parents was that they committed suicide a few years back due to crippling debt. You’re a smart guy, so I bet you’d be able to imagine how devastated I must’ve felt hearing that.”

I widened my eyes, dropping my head upon hearing the word, “suicide.” She would’ve been in middle school around then. An innocent middle school student being told her parents were dead. I tried to imagine myself in her shoes, but no matter how hard I tried being in her position, there was no way I could have even come close to what she must’ve felt back then.

The sole idea of being separated from the ones who gave birth to you and raised you, then finding out that they had committed suicide was unimaginable to me. Sure, there were times when I had it rough with my own family members but overall we always managed to make up afterwards. Listening to Ga Eul made me realize I was the lucky one who was spoiled with love as compared to her situation, and I couldn't help but feel ashamed of myself for asking in the first place. She then walked towards the window, staring out into the dreary sky as the pitter-patter of the rain became awkwardly audible throughout the room.

“But you know, I don’t blame them. Not at all. They had meant to be good parents; they just wanted me and my sister to have a good life and be happy. After all, that's why they put us up for adoption in the first place. The only unfortunate thing was that they just didn’t have the ability to care for us like they wanted to.”

“...That still doesn’t explain your sister. Aren’t you still in contact with her?”

“As for my sister… it was like she disappeared off the face of the Earth when she got adopted. Nobody knows anything about where she is, what she’s doing, or anything relating to her. But for me, I believe she’s alive out there somewhere, perhaps looking for me. I’ve made it a life goal to find her and live together again, just like how it was during the good times.”

She looked over back at me, the longing look in her eyes vanishing away. It was barely noticeable, but her lips formed a legitimate smile nonetheless. But it was different than her usual cheerful one because this time, it was pride and strength that was behind it.  Her gaze strangely captivated me; I could see that underneath her weird, overly friendly self was a solid strong will to change a mere dream she was desperately chasing into her own reality. It was astonishing how determined she was, even when there could’ve been a possibility that her sister might’ve have forgotten all about her, or maybe she wasn’t even a part of this world anymore. I opened my mouth, about to say something but she cut me off before I could even get my voice to work. Then again, I wasn’t sure what I was going to say in the first place.

“Well, that’s enough of that sob story of mine. Anyways, shouldn’t you be taking your medicine right now sunbae? I’ll leave your room as soon as you take it. Wouldn’t want you skipping out on it and have your cold get worse.”

“O-oh that’s right. Thanks for reminding me.”

“No problem! I’ll go get you a wet rag for your fever and a glass of water from the dorm kitchen. Be right back!”

As Ga Eul left my room, I let out a breath of relief and relaxed. Having just the two of us here along was starting to make me edgy, especially after talking about her family’s past. I hadn’t realized how rough she had it until now; how was she able to still retain bubbly personality of hers all this time? I guess Hwang Ga Eul was indeed a strong girl.

If only back then, I had that strength myself…. then maybe my heart would still be beating instead of bleeding as it is now.

I then proceeded to lay myself down on my bed and decided to take a little power nap while waiting for her to come back. Feeling quite dizzy from how hot my forehead was, I ended up dozing off into the dream world within seconds.

A/N: Oh Hwang Ga Eul you precious gem ;-; Where could your sister be?