I never told anyone about my feelings for Donghae. I kept it to myself for I consider Dara as a friend of mine. I don't want to lose her just because of Donghae and the forbidden attraction I have for him. 

 

 

I loved him the first time I laid my eyes on him. Dara talked about him all the time before but at that instance that I saw him right infront of me, proved why Dara loves him deeply. 

 

 

He is Handsome, that's a plus that isn't a mere myth. He's totally caring and kind, especially to Dara.  He is every girl's dream man. Who wouldn't love him?

 

 

But that man already loves someone. I'm not that dense to notice the attraction he also has for Dara but my, my selfishness took over me. 

 

 

I didn't tell Dara about how Donghae feels for him and ignored the feelings of both my friends. 

 

 

I'm a bad person right?? 

 

 

If I just told them both before on how they have feelings for each other, Donghae wouldn't be hospitalized!

 

 

He would be in Dara's arms, enjoying each other's company. 

 

 

I was too selfish. 

 

 

I shouldn't be her bestfriend! All I thought about was myself. I didn't think about her, my bestfriend that would always take care of me. 

 

 

I should just die!! I don't deserve to live!! 

 

 

But that would be more selfish of me.. I should be here for Dara for I know that she needs me now, more than ever. 

 

 

 

-----

 

 

 

Days went by and truly, Donghae has Amnesia.  He remembers his bandmates and other friends and families except me. 

 

 

 

How unlucky can I get. 

 

 

At first I didn't believe him, but the way he treated me was different than how he treated me before. I asked the doctors about his conditions and was said that he experienced a great thrauma. He said that the pain I left him was too grave for him to bear. 

 

 

 

"What pain did I cost him?? He was the one who left me!!" I shouted at the doctor, the pain I have been hiding deep in me exploded. The others took hold of me, afraid that I might kill the innocent person infront of me. 

 

 

"Dara, actually.. the reason why he left is because of you." Siwon said, making all of us turn to his direction. He looked up and looked at me. His eyes filled with sadness. 

 

 

"He left, because of me.. that's absurd Siwon." I answered back, my voice falterring into a whimper. 

 

 

"Yes. The main reason why he left is because he wanted you to be happy. He thought that you loved Jiyong and him leaving would be the best decision he would make for he told me that he couldn't take seeing you happy in someone else's arms." he ended. 

 

 

I broke down. Hearing that Donghae left mainly because of me and also, because he thought that I didn't love him. 

 

 

Why didn't I just confess?? 

 

 

Why am I such a coward?? 

 

 

If I just told him straight-away, he wouldn't be in the hospital right now. 

 

 

He wouldn't have forgotten about me. 

 

 

We should be enjoying the time of our lives. 

 

 

Enjoying the company of each other.

 

 

 

 

--------

 

 

 

I hate seeing Dara in this state. I hate to see her cry and shed tears. 

 

 

The more pain it brings me that she is crying once again because of Donghae. 

 

 

Why Dara?? 

 

 

Why does it always has to be him?? 

 

 

Am I not worthy enough to replace him in your heart?

 

 

Why?? 

 

 

What if you met me first. 

 

 

Will you choose me and love me like how you love him? 

 

 

This is driving me crazy!! 

 

 

I gazed at her once again. 

 

 

She just cried all day, blaming herself for the accident that happened. 

 

 

I couldn't bear seeing her cry further more. 

 

 

Every tear drop is like a knife stabbing deep within my aching heart.

 

 

"Dara, please stop crying." I pleaded once more, but all she did was cry further more. 

 

 

I had enough of this torture!

 

 

"DARA, STOP THIS!! " I shook her, shouting at her to wake her up and be the strong Dara that I know, the Dara that I fell in love with.

 

 

"Please Dara.. stop this. Crying would do you any good." I told her. Holding her shouders for support. I looked deep within her eyes. All I can see are remorse and regret. 

 

 

There really is no chance for her to love me back, for she would only love one single person, Donghae. 

 

 

I fought back the tears threathening to fall. I couldn't appear to be weak. She needs me now more than ever. 

 

 

"You should just be there for Donghae. Help him remember who you are. Please Dara. Be strong." I told her, my voice croaking due to the fact that saying these words would only erase my chances of having her. 

 

 

But I know. Even if I have her, her heart would only be for Donghae. 

 

 

I should have done this way before but selfishness ate me, and I won't do the same mistake ever again. 

 

 

"I know you love Donghae, so go. Go to his side and be the strong and willed girl I know." I pushed her and dragged her to Donghae's room. I closed it and headed off. 

 

I rushed to the parking lot and drove off, fighting back the tears until I reached my destination. 

 

I arrived at Han River. The place where I first met Dara. 

 

She looked so alive and bubbly. She was a beauty. 

 

I admit I loved her since the first day I met her. 

 

We became friends and my attraction towards her deepened further more. I already knew she liked Donghae and I used that advantage. 

 

I planned everything out. 

 

I knew that Donghae loves her but he was much of a coward to admit his feelings for her. 

 

I told him that I was going to confess to her and ask her out. 

 

The look on his face says it all. 

 

He lost hope and went to Japan. 

 

I'm a bad person. 

 

All I thought about was myself. 

 

I thought that if Donghae was out of the picture, she will love me back. 

 

But Donghae's departure crushed her.

 

She cried everytime, she never spoke to anyone for a month. 

 

I realized that I was too self-centered. All I cared about was myself. 

 

I should do the right thing now. 

 

I won't repeat the same mistake once again. 

 

"Be happy Dara. I'm... letting you go." I said to no one in particular. 

 

Saying that out loud made my burdens be lifted of  my shoulder. 

 

I should have done this before, because of me the person I love the most is crying. 

 

But now, I'll ensure that she would be happy. 

 

I felt a tear escape my eye, followed by another. 

 

"Please be happy." 

 

-----

 

Author's note:

Here's the 5th chapter of this so-called story.

As @daydreamgurl_08 has said, it's utterly getting more complicated. Hahaha. Sorry bout that!! Maybe the next chapter will explain the situation or maybe make it even more complicated. Hahaha!

Hope you liked it!

 

P.S.: I already bought an external keyboard for my laptop since, you know.. I somewhat broke it due to my excessive writing and barbaric ways of typing. Hehehe. I hope that I won't destroy this one also.

So if there are mistakes in any way, blame it to the keyboard since I'm still adjusting myself to it. LOL (;