year 9 part 3

a sad korean drama

 

Tablo scared the living hell out of me. I had just finished taking a shower from coming back from school and was sitting watching the Grudge at what time the phone rang next to me and I jumped for a second.

‘Hello’ I answered the phone but no one answered me. I got up and pressed the pause button for the movie and listened properly but I could only hear breathing on the other side.

‘Boo!’ I screamed like a little girl and swung around and punched Tablo with the phone and he nearly flew across the room if it wasn’t for me holding him back from his black shirt once I recognized his clothing.

‘Don’t ever do that again’ I screamed at him and slapped him again even though he was already hurt. He was laughing at me and was also in pain so I helped him to the couch.

‘I came over to bring some cake my mum baked for you guys. Where’s Mimi and that?’ he looked around him

‘Mimi is sleeping over a friend’s house and her mum went to her friend house for tea.’ I tried to hold back my laugh when we both noticed the cake. It covered the entire wall and floor of the left side of the lounge room.

‘Well, do you want to do anything tonight?’ he asked me looking hopeful and I snorted with embracement and pushed his face away.

I was starting to feel like he was been too close so I used cleaning up the cake as an excuse.

‘Maybe another day’ I said with my back to him. When he didn’t respond I looked back and caught him staring at me with a smile. I felt myself going red so I disappeared to the kitchen.

 ‘Do you have school tomorrow’ he asked, so I guessed he followed me

‘Tablo, it’s uh a Friday’ I laughed still having my back to him.

‘Well I’m just trying to have a conversation.’

‘Well you’re doing pretty badly’ I admitted, I walked past him after his attempts to block my path and cleaned up the rest of the cake. After I cleaned the whole lot and washed my hands I sat on top on the counter in the kitchen and watched him as he looked at a family portrait on top of the dining room.

He walked back to me and I almost stopped breathing when he suddenly stood right in front of me and he seized my hands and held them.

Looking at our entwined fingers, I felt him leaning towards me but I suddenly looked away moving back a little.

‘Are you going to look at me?’ he whispered not looking hurt and I shook my head trying to hide my growing grin. He tried to get my attention but I kept looking away from him in embarrassment so he grabbed me by my chin and forced me to look at him.

‘I want to kiss you’ he whispered again looking at my lips

‘Then kiss me’ I couldn’t hide my smile again. I have been acting corny but I couldn’t help it. If this is going to be my first kiss then I wanted it done now before I regretted it.

He leaned in and looked into my eyes urging me to complete the distance between us and I leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips like a peck and I pulled back and looked at him properly before kissing him again only this time he kissed me back.

I couldn’t believe I was having my first kiss and I loved it. I wanted more and my hands had a mind of its own. I was touching his chest and grabbed onto his shirt making him come closer and I closed my legs around him. He was caressing my back and broke the kiss, annoyed I wrapped my arms around his neck and brought him closer again and continued our kissing. He noticed that I wanted more so he pushed me down making me lie down on the counter and he supported himself.

He kissed the sides of my face to my checks and my neck and I sighed in delight. If I knew it was going to feel like this then I would have kissed him when I first met him. I felt like there was a large amount of clothing stuck between us. I was touching his stomach and he giggled into my ear.

‘You’re going to get me killed’ he whispered and I felt myself grow goose bumps. He took off his shirt and I couldn’t stop my touching and staring.

Both our breathing was deep and we were suddenly panting. My night dress was suddenly brought up to my waist and he was my stomach and I watched him look at my scars, pressing his lips on it and I grew warm with love.

‘I need you’ he mumbled on my lips

‘Me too’ I gasped

We both heard the front door open and we jumped away from each other and made ourselves appear ordinary.

Mimi found us sitting on the dining table playing snap with a set of cards that were already there but she noticed my hair and Tablo’s red face.

‘Ok isn’t it a bit awkward right now’ she asked standing there leaning on her hip against the counter

‘No why do you say that?’ I said with a tight voice

‘Well it is obvious you guys made out, Park your lips are really big all of a sudden’ she said stating the obvious then she laughed and walked upstairs.

I put the cards down and blew out a deep breath and burst out laughing when Tablo’s face went redder.

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---BaboMich #1
Hi! I'm here to review your story c:<br />
<br />
First of all, the plot is average, but nonetheless, unique in a way. Secondly, your punctuations. Always remember to put an apostrophe when combining words. So instead of "theyre", it's "they're." Always remember to capitalize the first letter of the word if you're starting a new sentence. Also remember to capitalize "I". It's not "i". Not only that, but too many commas. Waaay too many commas. Try slipping in some periods here and there.<br />
<br />
For example, in your foreword;<br />
<br />
" Couldn't remember the day i was truthfully happy, perhaps i was by no means ever happy, so that would indicate all those moments whenever i laughed among friends and family or achieved something really huge in my livelihood. "<br />
<br />
This sentence is ridiculously long. To cut it down, like I said, we need to slip in periods in here. So I'd change it to something like this;<br />
<br />
" Couldn't remember the day I was truthfully happy. Perhaps I was by no means ever happy. Maybe that would indicate all those moments whenever I laughed among friends and family, or achieved something really huge in my livelihood. "<br />
<br />
That looks, and sounds way better. I removed nearly all of your commas and replaced them with periods. I also added in one comma after 'family'. Just one. There's not need to go overboard with the commas.<br />
<br />
Also, when your character is talking to someone, always remember to add periods (or commas, depending on what the character is saying), to end the sentence. <br />
<br />
All in all,<br />
<br />
Punctuation: 6/10.<br />
Grammar: 7.5/10.<br />
Spelling: 8.5/10.<br />
<br />
Good luck with your story c:<br />
I hope my review will help you along the way.
Bungsky
#2
Big fight(s) is on the way...
bommielove
#3
I feel bad about bom and tablo T___T
laiitee
#4
yea, sorry about top, i got confused with this story and my other one. Maybe i should change it to TOP
Bungsky
#5
I prefer Bom with Baekjae than Tablo. Hmm, if I'm not mistaken, I saw "top" too in the tags, but now it dissapeared.
Bungsky
#6
Awww, if she's with Tablo, how's with Baekjae? And I wonder why this fic has a few subscribers, this is pretty good. Update soon :D
melon-bun
#7
kekeke you almost made me ship Bom with Baekje<br />
but woah! nice moment with Tablo! Hmm But I feel a bit bad for Baekje :( oh well!
bommielove
#8
whaat tablo and bom fighting??? omooo T___T
melon-bun
#9
Ah! I really didn't expect it to be Tablo! Big surprise! but omo! the preview! Is Tablo going to turn out to be a jerk?! dun dun duuuuun!
Bungsky
#10
Ohhh, romanceee. I've guessed it that it was Tablo from the start :D