“Please! Let it be me.”

He whispers those words, while laying on the grass that tickles his neck, driving him insane, but he forgets it because Kim Kibum has more to his mind than the grass beneath him (even though he is scared that it might contain any type of insect).

He’s scared and worried and it’s only been a month since he has arrived in Seoul, still getting accustomed to the people and the occasional stares they gave him because he was different. Kibum was always different though, he was loud and he said what was on his mind and his beliefs included that he was the best.

He hums a melody that travels through the night, his eyes never leave the star that he wished upon and he tries to communicate with it. There’s a slight breeze that sends a shiver through his body and he closes his eyes and tries to count the breaths that come in and out.

In and out.

He reaches into his pocket and takes out the letter that keeps him motivated and alive here, alone, in Seoul, and reads it. He reads it in less than a second because he has it memorized, how the words are shaped and the spaces between them. The letter lays between his hands, crumpled and has tear stains on it because every time he just looks at it, just thinks of it, it has to make him die a little inside.

His grandmother always did that to him, she was his motivation and the reason why he is even here even though he tried to persuade her to come along but she gave him a lecture on how old she is and she really can’t come along. But she promised that his uncle would take care good of him and that Daegu was always so close and it wasn’t like he was gone to another continent or something.

But it still made Kibum worry, that maybe she might leave this world when he wasn’t next to her or that she might get sick and he isn’t there to take care of her.

It made him stand on edges, and his nerves were never stable making him grow rather harsh and brutal, just to remind the people around him how much reality hurt, because he personally couldn’t escape it.

Kibum found ways to escape the world though, through his singing and dancing talent, which shone in mild ways and of course the reason why he was here in Seoul. But Key wasn’t just that but his talents grew with the way things turned out, he was beginning to window shop every now and then trying to gather as much patterns he could find and going back home and sketching what he remembered (which was mostly all of them, his observation skills were limitless) in his sketchbook.

He was lucky to have moved to a city of fashion and music, so he used all opportunities that fell into his hands and used them. He would send daily texts to his parents and update his social networking accounts to insure people back home how great he was doing. A wind casts through the field and he lifts his body up, spreads his legs and places his hands behind him, using them as support and takes an audible breath in. His head falls backwards as he breathes out, opening and closing his eyes on the night sky and thinking about the possibilities of tomorrow.

Maybe, someday I’ll be able to show everyone what I’m all about. Maybe I’ll meet people who are just the same. I’m not alone that’s for sure, grandma said so. Yeah, I’m definitely not alone.

Kibum gets off the grass, leaving it wet and cold, and walks his way home. As he’s making his way through the lights and the people he thinks that the only way he’ll claim this is by speaking up and showing everyone what he’s made of.

He sleeps that night thinking of tomorrow and dreams of his grandma’s voice.

“You are what you want to be. Be the best, the boldest and the biggest and make that what you want to be.”

~~

Monday morning comes quickly and Kibum slides into his skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie. The sun is directly shining into his room and his uncle is already out for work, so he just pours some cornflakes for himself that morning, devouring it as fast as he can. His brain is if full concentration, unlike the other days where he’d just feel groggy.

He is walking past his apartment building and into the cool morning street, the air bashing his skin-music loud that can be heard if you were walking too close to him. He might’ve looked like a rebel but that was one of his least concerns because he had a wish to grant and someone to make proud.

His head held high because he has every matter to, his legs taking him to his destiny. He starts humming to the tune that invades his ears, trying to hit the correct notes. He makes sure that he’s got the correct dance moves, replaying them in his head and he starts to feel confident through every step.

The building comes into view and that’s when he feels the butterflies in his stomach, doing anything but keeping him calm. He stops in his tracks, takes a deep breath, and starts walking again, as the song restarts all over again.

Images of everyone he has loved  and has been accounted with flash through his mind. Glimpses of everyone and everything and suddenly he feels content. He thinks that maybe if things do go wrong or if he doesn’t make it, he’s got a family behind him and people that care for him. It won’t be the end of the world, he reassures himself, as long as he’s happy and satisfied with everything around him.

He looks up from his feet that were hurridly taking him away to the glass doors in front of him, pink wallpaper visible inside.

His favourite color.

That must be a good sign, he thinks.

He take the palms of his hands and pushes that glass doors, cold and solid feeling like doors of iron instead. He closes his eyes and the breath he takes is the last before his lungs are filled with inhaled butterflies.

 “Mirror, Mirror on the wall. Which of us is the fairest of them all?”

~~

I'M BAAAAACK!

Soo happy and exciteed right now! I really do still have an exam tomorrow but it's only a practical and really short so i'm officially over.

My holidaaay is gonna begin which means I can finally continue my story! Sooo excited really and I hope we enjoy this christmas together!

Em.♥