Your comments encourage me to update this fast (within 4 days)!! Hadn't it been for you, I wouldn't have updated in another two weeks O.o Also if you find something interesting/suspicious in this chapter, let me know!

17. The Villains Within

Somin spotted Hyun Joong leaning to the wall once she had stepped out of the building. A smile immediately formed on her lips as she walked towards him and he noticed and straightened up.

“Hi”

“Hey,” The guy replied coolly while shifting his feet as if he was uncomfortable being looked at.

When she saw he wasn’t going to do anything, Somin took a large step towards him, grabbed his collar and guided his face to meet hers. Out of instinct, she also put all of her weight on her tippy toes right before their mouths met. His strong cologne was mixed with something else that burned her nose. It smelt like……. campfire? No, smoke. Had he been smoking? She has never seen him smoke, and therefore made a mental note on having to talk to him about this. Cigarettes weren’t healthy, he should quit.

Somin kissed him happily, not minding his lack of enthusiasm. He was tensing rather than calming down into the kiss, and for a second she thought maybe she was forcing herself on him, but then he parted his mouth slightly and kissed her back tenderly. So many thoughts were running in his mind and he felt guilty for responding, but what else could a man in distress get himself to do? The price should at least be a kiss. He deserves this like never before.

She smiles when his minty taste and breath mixes with hers, he has been eating those mint drops. She loves it when he kisses her after he has eaten those; it gives their kiss a special flavour. It makes her want to pull out the packet from his jeans and empty it in her own.

Hyun Joong’s hands are clenching and unclenching in his pockets. He feels cold despite being so close to the woman he had admired so much, and it is strange. It looks like she no longer holds the ability to warm his insides. The sight of her makes him unsure and empty within. What is this, he asks himself. I don’t want to feel this.

With that thought in mind, Hyun Joong pulled away from her and looked straight ahead of them. “Let’s walk.”

He didn’t even offer her his hand, too afraid her touches would freeze him in place, but she didn’t catch the hint and intervened their hands lovingly. All of these small gestures mean so much to her, she likes being close to him. And especially now since she is about to get THAT close to him. He’ll touch all of her, just as she will of him. It was a strange thought to her innocent mind, but it sure created butterflies in her stomach. It’s unsettling to think of giving yourself away, letting another person see you like no other has seen, but that thought wouldn’t stop her, because she was excited and curious just as much as she was nervous and scared. He’ll be her guardian in exploring and she’ll let him guide her to unknown parts and depths of life.

Both walked silently, they were lost in their own minds. Both were thinking how they could convey their messages in the best manner. The girl’s cheeks were heating up, she feels so embarrassed. How is she going to tell him she is no longer unsure? How is she supposed to force those words out of ? What were those again? I am ready, or I want you, or I want you to make lo-

Ottokae, ottoake, Somin was screaming inside her head. This is not easy, is there no way she can give him hints? Is there no way she can tell him without saying it directly? No, there wasn’t, because he had made himself clear: He was not going to touch her in that way unless she asked him to. Those words need to leave somehow, and they will, tonight. She promised herself that she was not leaving him without announcing she was ready. Ready for him to love her. Ready to fulfil his, and now also her own, wish.

The man’s heart was leaping. It was hammering nervously in his chest. His throat was dry, how is he supposed to tell her? Unlike her - he wasn’t embarrassed, he was just sad. Depressed and confused. He didn’t even know whether he had made the right decision or not. It was a tough decision, but it must be worth it. He had used the whole week coming to this conclusion and even though it could tear apart a heart, he was still going to go through with it.

He feels guilty, because he promised to take their relationship seriously. He shouldn’t have made promises he couldn’t hold.

The pair walked and walked in the darkness. Minutes passed, and they finally found themselves on the bridge. It was lightning in different colours and looked beautiful. But it was cold. Not only the weather screamed of iciness, the atmosphere between them was no better. It was chilly, and nerve wrecking, so she broke the silence.

“You wanted to talk?” Somin asked sweetly. Patiently. She had been so busy with sorting out her own thoughts that she had forgotten they were here mainly because he wanted to talk.  This was about him more than it was about her. He should have all of her attention, that’s why she stopped walking and turned to look at his face.

The view of the river in front of them was beautiful, but the things they were going to say wouldn’t be. Couldn’t be.

“Yes,” He breathed out and turned to look at the water and the easy-going of it.

“I also want to tell you something, but you can begin. Is there anything specific you wanted to talk about?”

He plucked on the buttons of his jackets. “Yes, but you speak first, you might not get a chance after I’ve said my part.”

She wasn’t the least suspicious of his wisely chosen words, and he wanted to scold her for not noticing his hinting.

“No, it’s alright” She smiled at him. “Tell me, what is it?”

Somewhere in her heart, she believed he was going to give her bad news. That’s why she saved her GOOD news. When she tells him her news at the end, she will create a balance to the feelings. He’d get happy and stop being so sad and tensed.

“Okay,” Hyun Joong started in a stern voice, as if he was going to say something very serious. The girl nodded her head and waited impatiently when he focused his gaze on her face. His expression was cold, hard. Void of any emotion. Eyes were not filled with love, nor softness. He was different, it reminded her of the look he had when they first met. Had he gone back to his old-self?

“I don’t want you.” He told her with confidence. Arrogance in his voice. Cruelty on his face. 

Somin blinked. Once,

Twice,

“Uhh…. What?” She asks stupidly. What did he mean he didn’t want her?

“I said,” Hyun Joong repeated with an irritated expression “I don’t want you.”

Somin wiped her hands on her jeans, still not understanding the situation. “You don’t want me to what?”

She was sure he was going to say something in the league of “I don’t want you to do this, I don’t want you to do that”, but when he rolled his eyes at her stupid mind and uttered his next words, fell agape.  

“I don’t want to be with you.” He declared, venom oozing out of his nose. “I don’t want to have to do anything with you.”

Somin felt hurt. It was like a blow to her stomach. She bit her lip and looked at him through her thick lashes, still trying to deny reality. “Umm…….” She mutters after some time, unsure what to say or do. “You are not serious, are you??”

It felt like a joke to her. Was he kidding? Trying to get her to cry just so he could laugh at her later? But Hyun Joong wouldn’t do that….. He didn’t like to see her tears. Or did he?

"What do you mean I am not serious?" He snaps angrily. He doesn’t have the time or energy to stand there the whole night and discuss their ties. “Of course I am serious, I don’t have time to be joking with you woman.”

He is talking to her as if she is a stranger… A stranger who had done something bad to him. “I don’t believe you.” No, she doesn’t believe. Not after how they have been kissing each other so feverishly. It must have meant something, she is sure.

“What the ?” He is shocked she is still talking to him. Shouldn’t she just say a few curse words and run off? That’s what he had wished for at least. “It’s over, get that in your little pea of a mind.”

The girl swallowed the insult and blinked several times to stop the stinging in her eyes. “Why?”

He didn’t reply, only stared at her in irritation.

“Why?” Somin repeated, not giving up until he explains. She won’t let her first and only love get away this easily. She needs to know what went wrong between them, because as far as she could see: there was nothing wrong in their relationship. Yes, they fought a lot, but they’re used to it. They had many disagreements, but could easily find a way to cooperate.  “Tell me why and I’ll believe you.”

Hyun Joong wasn’t expecting her to ask him the reason why he was ending their relationship, but he was prepared nevertheless and gave her the answers she needed. “Look Somin,” He uttered her name with disgust and further admitted shamelessly “The thing is; I never wanted you.”

“That’s a lie,”

“I only wanted your body.” He ended his sentence to put out a hand and move his eyes up and down her physique.

“Y-you wanted my body?” Somin repeated after him. He wanted her body? What does that mean? She still didn’t understand.

Hyun Joong saw the confusion in her eyes, and decided to ease it, solve it. “Meaning, I wanted to you.” He spat and she flinched at the word. He wanted to her?

She gulped painfully. It hurt. It hurt like hell. But what can she say?

“I wanted to you senseless,” He continued, not the least bit ashamed of his confession or alarmed by her pained expression. “The moment I saw you and you opened your mouth, I just wanted to pounce right into you. I wanted to see where that tough act could lead you, I mean, it would have been such a sight to see tigress Somin in my bed,” Hyun Joong laughed humourlessly and she saw how much he was enjoying insulting her. She was frozen to her place, lost of words. This was the man she had cared for. She had loved this man with all her might. The man whom she wanted to make love to. He was speaking so lowly of her.

“But I found out you weren’t easy. It would take time to convince you, so I waited.” He explained further, pressing in evil smirks at some points “I ing waited for four whole months! But who knew you were such a stuck up ? Four months passed and I told you about my life, my past, included you in everything just so you could trust me. But you ing never trusted me, not even now!”

Had their relationship been a joke for him all along? Had he acted that he loved and cared? Was he really this monster?

“So I figured out you weren’t worth it,” The man started finishing off “ I had dozens of bombs around me, Yujen, Maeri, Tiffany, willing to me the moment I flick my fingers, but I wanted you, because you were so keen on being Holy Mary. I wanted to taste your holiness, ruin you, but I figured out I couldn’t keep this act any longer. It’s tiresome to act like a love-sickened puppy, so I am just stopping. You weren’t worth my four months, and I am happy I realized, or else I would’ve wasted more time on you. Someone so worthless and insecure as you, Somin Jung.”

Somin choked back a sob. What did he want her to say? He has insulted every knock and cranny of her being. Is she even in the position to say something back?

“S-so” Somin started stuttering “You o-only wanted to have s- with me?”

He confirmed her hidden accusation by an evil smirk. “Of course, why else would I want you?”

Somin clenched her fists, controlling them. She wouldn’t hit him. She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of knowing she was hurt. Broken. Torn apart. “You never loved me?”

“Never”

"Then what was all that over-protective thing about? It must have meant something?"

“It was an act, I’m surprised you didn’t notice.”

“You know what?” She stepped away from him, and spat out his taste from . “You are a bastard.”   

When she looked at his smirking lips, she wanted to throw up. She had claimed those only moments ago. She had kissed him so feverishly. She had mixed his DNA with her own. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve to be loved!

“So I have heard,” Hyun Joong chuckled, not at all affected by her tough act coming to display. 

“You are a worthless worm and I am happy things didn’t get too far. I would never have with somebody like you.” Thank you God, she thanked in her heart. Thanks for saving her from this beast. Thanks for giving her the idea to not speak before he had spoken. God knows, if by chance she had declared she wanted him, he would’ve ed her, used her and thrown her away. He would’ve used her like a garbage bag.

“Oh yeah?” The man raised his eyebrow, and she couldn’t recognize him as the man who had helped her, kissed her, loved her for the past months. She had never met upon a being so cruel and immoral. “I am sure you would’ve given yourself to me if only I had waited some more. But luckily for you, I might not be patient enough for somebody like you.”

He was right, but she wasn’t going to boost his ego by admitting it.

“I would never have given myself to you,” She spat angrily and wished she had brought her pepper spray. It would have been great to end things just like they had started: To hurt him in some physical way, because she was sure he couldn’t get hurt emotionally. He wasn’t capable- simply because he was a heartless jerk. “I hope I never come across you again. That would be a waste of life.”

He brushed his hair back before replying. “The feeling is mutual.”

Somin had never loathed in her life, but what she felt for her ex-boyfriend, was the closest she could get to hatred and venom. He was the person she disliked the most in this world, so she cursed him openly, loudly, for she believed angels would hear her and fulfil her wish. “I wish hell upon you, Kim Hyun Joong!” She screamed at him, but he only chortled.

“Sadly, I don’t believe in hell Jung Somin,”

She ignored him and continued with her cursing. “And I curse you. I wish that someday you’ll meet your match. You’ll meet the true love of your life. You will love, but your love will destroy you. You’ll get wrecked and you’ll cry tears of blood.” Her words held so much power, she felt powerful, because he was suddenly stunned, astonished that she culd wish him this bad.

“And when you cry tears of blood, you will remember that Jung Somin is a strong believer and good companion of God, but Jung Somin won’t be there so save your sorry or undo her curse. And you will be tormented, and – that you so strongly believe in, won’t help you ease your pain.” She breathed harshly and took in details of his face, as if trying to memorize each and everything of him. “And with that I wish you luck in your misery filled life.”

Then she her heel, held her chin high and ran off, never looking back, not caring about why he had been so quiet through the last part.

Somin’s hair whipped her in the face while she ran. It hurt, her eyes stinging, but she wouldn’t cry. She had already decided he was not worth crying over. He was simply disgusting. Her fist boyfriend turned out to be a player. He had used her so badly, but she still held pride.

Was this heartbreak, she asked herself. But she thought she’d be crying if someone broke her heart. Yes his words had been painful, but she wasn’t going to cry. She had wished to slap him, but she didn’t. Lord would take him, he’ll do justice. He’ll suffer for his doings, she knows.

But at the same time, she can’t help but dread for him. She wishes he’ll get shaken up some point in his life, but not punished severely. Maybe she was crazy for wishing him well. Maybe she was just madly in love. But that was the only proof she had been in love, that she was in love. And she wanted to live with it, because even though his love had been fake, it still taught her several things. Like how beautiful love could be. Like how interesting life can be.

Her life suddenly feels empty. She knows he won’t be there anymore and it will go back to how it used to be. It will consist of only her, Mira and Haera, but if that’s her fate, then so be it. She is sure she can't keep in touch with his friends, especially not in university- he'll be present around them. And they're his friends before they became hers, so he'll get their support.

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