Time is set on 2013, at the time for Who is next: WIN filming. 

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The short hand was pointing towards two but the lights of one room were still on and music sounded muffled from outside. The trainees were burning midnight oil once again, pushing themselves to their limits for perfection. Once the music ended, everyone broke away from their position and dropped themselves on the floor, caring less about their image. They were perspiring hard and only sounds of deep breathings could be heard.

Hanbin was the only one moving to the video camera to see how well their dance was this time. He then met the hopeful eyes of s and nodded in satisfactory, everyone cheered and dragged themselves up, ready to go back to rest.

Bobby immediately made a beeline out of the practice room and headed towards the locker room. After punching in the code, he ped his bag and rummaged for his mobile. It had always been a rule of not having mobile phone or any distracting gadgets anywhere along with them when they entered the practice room. And he had not checked his mobile since 8 in the morning.

His expression morphed from anticipatory to disappointment. He sighed after checking his mobile for the third time, making sure that his mobile wasn’t broken. He scrolled through the text messages. No new text message was received.

“Hey, everything alright?” Jinhwan made his way to his locker and keyed in his code while looking at Bobby.

Bobby let out a sad smile while holding onto his mobile real tight.  “Yea…”

Jinhwan smiled a little before getting his things out and closed his locker door. The other team members came in soon after to retrieve their belongings and they walked back to their apartment together.

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Bobby showered and settled himself on his bed. He was waiting again. He was waiting just for a message from a certain someone. He scrolled through the text messages from the very recent ones to those two months ago. There was a noticeable decreasing trend in her replies. He felt like he was talking to himself most of the time. She rarely replied now. If he was lucky, her replies would be in short sentences instead of just one or two-word answers.

Jinhwan entered their shared room and noticed Bobby had his eyes glued to the screen with a slight pout. He sighed and made his way towards him.

“Still no reply?” He sat across Bobby on the bed.

Bobby raised his head up to meet Jinhwan’s worrying eyes, before shaking his head.

“She’s not replying anything.” Bobby dropped hands by his sides and rested his head against the headboard.

“Well, perhaps she’s just busy. She did say she would be, didn’t she?” Jinhwan had known about Bobby’s relationship with his girlfriend for a long while now. He could still remember the gleefulness Bobby would emit everytime he talked about her. However, that expression was replaced by a forlorn smile now.

“I know….but…she isn’t even replying any of my messages now.”

He understood that she was busy with her academics and knew how a perfectionist she was. He completely understood that but he couldn’t help but feel neglected recently. All of his sweet text messages were not reflected and there was no more warmth in her responses now. Their conversations were usually cut short. However, he never took the initiative to ask her about that.

They usually had a video chat date every night before he went to bed. He always made sure to make time for her. Even when he was involved in the survival program and all the hardcore practices that came with it, he always made sure to have time for her. But, things had changed. Video chats were practically just wishful thinking now. It seemed like she didn’t have time for him anymore. He frowned at that thought. Even, exchanging of texts had been greatly diminished recently. They said these were the red flags for a change of heart. All the negative possibilities had emerged in his mind and he couldn’t hide his worry from his face.

Jinhwan placed a hand on Bobby’s thigh in an attempt to give him strength and comfort. He didn’t have much experiences with relationship either and thus advices on this was totally out. But he couldn’t stand seeing Bobby so helpless and sometimes distracted during practices. And that did earn Bobby an earful from Hanbin and their trainers.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Jinhwan hyung.” Bobby ran his fingers through his hair and bit his lips.

He couldn’t take it anymore and he felt the need to ask her clearly about their relationship status. Their relationship had been going downhill since the beginning of the year. He had been always so enthusiastic and excited to talk to her about his days and asked about hers as well. But the reply he got was always so simple and short that made him felt like she didn’t want to engage in a conversation with him. He had always brushed it off and convinced himself that she was just busy with academics but it was getting too overwhelming for him to handle now. He needed her. No one could give him the affection he wanted from her; the attention, the comfort and the motivation.

Jinhwan ruffled Bobby’s hair. “Why not talk to her?”

Bobby laughed and it sounded so broken that Jinhwan felt like crying.

“She isn’t replying my texts, how am I supposed to talk to her?”

Jinhwan sighed and asked Bobby to look at him.

“We need you to get focus during our practice to have the best performance we could deliver. And I could see that this problem is bothering you. Think of a way to talk to her and have this problem solved before our next competition.”

Bobby lowered his gaze before letting out a long sigh. He knew his condition wasn’t the best recently and that was hindering the progress of his group.

“How?”

Jinhwan shrugged before getting out of the bed and towards the door.

“I don’t know. You know her the best and you should know what can annoy her enough to stop you.”

With that, he left the room, saying that he would be sleeping in the living room.

Bobby looked at Jinhwan’s retreating back before focusing back to his mobile. An idea struck him and he quickly moved his fingers to the keypad on screen.

He typed a sentenced and clicked sent. After five minutes, he re-sent the same text again. He did that for a couple more times and he wouldn’t stop until he got a reply. After sending the message for approximately 20 times, a short “alright” was received.

He immediately jumped out of his bed. After making sure the door was locked, Bobby immediately his desktop and signed in his skype account. Once he did, he stared hard at the screen, waiting for a certain person to appear.

He nearly flinched when he heard the video calling tone. He straightened himself and ran his hand through his hair before accepting the call.

A girl manifested on the screen.

Dark brown hair tied into a messy bun with a few loose strands framing her face. She was in pastel blue long-sleeve cotton and that brought out her fair skin tone. Only now, he knew how much he had missed her. He met her eyes and smiled.

“Hey.”

His voice came out softer than expected.

 “What’s with the sudden video calling?” She arranged the papers on her desk in an attempt to clear a space on her messy table.

“Nothing.” Bobby shook his head with the smile still on his face.

He didn’t miss the flash of annoyance on her face.

“Right. I thought I told you I would be very busy this week and we agreed on not calling. So what happened? ” She narrowed her eyes and tilted her head a little towards the right, trying to dig any hints from his facial expression.

“Can’t I just see you when I feel like it?” Bobby’s face dropped and quivered his lips.

A string of melodic giggles was emitted and Bobby smiled in respond to that.

“Well, as much as I want to talk, but I really have to go.” She showed him the assignments she had and her drawn schedule with red writings on them.

Bobby mood went lower and lower. Instead of listening to her talking, his attention was on her face. She had definitely become more beautiful. It was a pity he could only see it through the screen. Her hair looked so soft today and he wondered how it would feel to have his fingers run over it. He didn’t even notice that she had stopped talking and looked at him questioningly.

 She waved her hand towards him.

“Kim Jiwon!” She yelled and that snapped him back to earth.

“Yea…what happened?” He blinked and focused back to him.

“Nevermind. Is there anything you want to say before I signed off?” She glanced at her assignments and mentally calculating the time needed to complete the task.

Bobby opened his mouth but no words came out. He tried to suppress his sadness inside of him.

“What is it, Jiwon? You looked like you are going to say something.” She flipped through the books in front of her before glancing up at him.

He bit his lips.

“Alright. I have to go, so…” Before she could finish her sentence, Bobby cut her out.

“Do you not have time for me anymore?” The sadness he felt was replaced by irritation and anger instead.

She stopped what she was doing and looked back up at him weirdly.

“What do you mean?”

He sighed and rubbed his face with his hand. Since he had initiated the conversation, might as well just follow the flow.

“Do you know how long has it been since we last had a video chat?”

“Of course, it was…well, it was…” She tilted her head, trying to recall that piece of information.

“Exactly. This is the first time since May.” Bobby had been counting the days since their last video chat. It was the beginning of August now.

“Well, okay. But we agreed to text each other to replace that.” She frowned as she tried to reason with him.

“We did. But it is not enough.” Bobby rubbed the back of his neck with his left hand and casted his gaze down to the floor.

“What do you mean by that?” She supported her head with her left hand and looked at him questioningly.

Bobby sighed before raising his head again to meet her gaze.

“Did you even read the texts I sent?”

“Of course I did…well…most of the time..” She avoided his piercing gaze and looked at the bottom of her screen instead.

“What was my last text about?” He raised one of his eyebrows. Instead of looking angry like his voice was, he was more disappointed and sad.

“Jiwon…” She whispered.

“Exactly…as I thought.” He rubbed his face with his hand before throwing his head up to face the ceiling.

“I have always tried to make time to text you. To make time for us. But I didn’t get what I expected.” 

He looked at her, sadness evident on his face.

“Are you….” He breathed in before continuing his sentence; voice was a little shaky from how emotional he had been recently.  “…forgetting me?”

She looked at him confusedly, trying to understand what he was saying. And he seemed to get it as he continued to tell what his worst fear was.

“Tell me baby. Have I lost you?”

“Jiwon ah…”

She frowned. She had already noticed out of the ordinary when he first appeared on the screen but she couldn’t pinpoint where the problem was exactly.

She sighed. “Talk to me Jiwon. What’s wrong?”

Bobby lowered his head, contemplating if he should be honest. 

After what it seemed like an hour, he raised his head to meet her gaze. He bit his lips before initiating the conversation.

“ I dreamt of you a few weeks back.” A sad smile was plastered on his face.

She dropped her masked expression and looked at him with concern and curiosity.

Bobby avoided her gaze and looked at the other corner of his table before lowering his eyes to meet the ground

“You were holding some guy’s hand. I called out to you but you didn’t turn to look at me” He stopped a while before continuing.

“So I ran. I ran to you but I never get to reach you. You were so far away from me. No matter how hard I try, the distance still remained…I didn’t know what to do…”

She could hear the change in his voice and knew that he was near to tears. His trembling voice was soft but laced with sadness.

“Jiwon ah…” She felt that thoughts were taken out of her brain. She didn’t know how to respond.

“…And I was crying when I woke up. I…I…”Tears once again cascaded down his cheeks and his shoulder started to shake.

She looked at him sadly, knowing quite well what he was feeling. She reached her hand out to touch the screen, trying to comfort the shaking figure on the other side of the screen in any possible way she could.

“Jiwon ah, please don’t cry.” She bitted her lips while trying to think of comforting words.

Bobby couldn’t control his tears and sadness. He was so pumped up when he left US four years ago with a promise to help his family. His girlfriend was reluctant of his decision initially but had supported his decision soon after. However, regret and guilt were what he felt now.

He knew his girlfriend was an independent lady and he loved her for that. However, he couldn’t help but think that one day, she would not need him anymore. They hadn’t met each other for three years now. Not being able to physically feel her beside him was taking a toll on him mentally. As he saw how she grew up into a charming lady, his anxiousness only kept on increasing.

He had always had a positive attitude towards a lot of things but his confidence almost always diminished when it came to her. Eventhough it seemed like she was only a stretched hand reach from him but they were so far away geographically.

He loved her; there was no doubt about that. But he knew there were other guys—better guys who were courting her as well. His brother had accidentally mentioned to him a few nights ago and that had kept Bobby up the whole night. Insecurity was knocking hard on his heart. Call him selfish or whatever, he really didn’t want to let go.

Bobby finally collected himself and rubbed his tears away. He lifted his head up to meet her worry expression. He laughed before casting his eyes to the floor and then towards her again.

“…I know I have not been a very good boyfriend to you. I haven’t bring you out for a date in years, haven’t been there for your birthdays, your award ceremony…..”

“Jiwon...” She leaned towards the screen. Bobby’s guilt was eating him up.

“…haven’t been there for you when you need me to, haven’t treat you like how a boyfriend should…” He kept on mumbling on and on.

“Jiwon, it’s okay. I am alright with that.” She placed her hand on the screen. Never in her life had she wished she had the power to travel through the screen to give him a hug.

“No, it’s not okay. I am not alright with that.” Bobby casted her a sad look with hints of guilt.

“Not being physically there by your side hurts me every time that I doubt my initial purpose to leave my family and you.”

She pressed her lips into a line and shook her head.

“We have our own lives at different part of the world. The time difference is a hindrance to us as well. When I sleep, you just wake up. When I am awake, you are sleeping.”

“But we have made it through those, didn’t we? We have been doing it for 3 years now and we are alright with it.”

“You have been so busy lately that I couldn’t help but felt you are fading away. I understand you have other commitments and I respect that, but I couldn’t help but feel insecure. I’ve heard….I’ve heard there were a few new guys trying to get your attention recently…and that got me thinking again. Should I let you go to get a better boyfriend? One that could be by your side…..but I couldn’t convince myself. I’m sorry…”

“Jiwon ah.”

“Tell me, have I lost you?” Insecurity crept up his mind and heart. He couldn’t bear to hear the answer he didn’t want.

“You are an idiot.” If he was here right now, she would have hit his head so hard just to make sure his brain was functioning well.

“You didn’t lose me, Jiwon. My heart is still with you.” She adjusted her sitting position so that she was closer to the webcam now.

“I am sorry I make you felt neglected but this semester has been really busy. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t try to make time for you. I love you. A lot.”

He cracked into a smile through tears. “I love you a lot too.”

“Don’t think about things like that anymore alright. I couldn’t bear to see you so sad.” A sad smile crept up her face as he wiped his tears away.

“So you’re still with me?” Traces of insecurity were still heard from his voice.

“I’m still with you.” She had her right hand on where she thought her heart would be before letting out a beautiful smile.

Bobby nodded and smiled. His eyes disappearing into a crescent shape.  “I want to hug you.”

She laughed and gestured him to hug her.

Bobby stretched his arm out wide and hugged his desktop, earning more laughter from her. He smiled and rested his head on top of the desktop. He closed his eyes to prevent his tears from escaping again.

He sat back down a few seconds later and smiled brightly at her.

“Feeling better now?” She placed both her palm against the screen, pretending cupping his face.

“Much better.” He nodded. He had felt so much better now with the reassurance she gave him.

“Good. I promise I will reply your texts from now on. And if you are still feeling guilty, then work even harder to come and see me and your family.” She folded her arms over her chest and looked at him teasingly.

“Definitely. I have been working my hardest.” He suddenly felt the motivation to work even harder than he previously had. And he was sure his team members would be more than happy to see this side of Bobby.

A cheerful ringtone disrupted their conversation. He saw her stretching her right hand to one side of the table before a mobile appeared on the screen. She read the texts for a few seconds before sending him an apologetic look.

“What?” Bobby tilted his head up as if he could see the text messages if his head was angled high enough.

“Just some things that I should work on for tomorrow’s lecture. I really want to stay and chat but I have to finish this.” She smiled apologetically and bit one side of her lips.

“Oh.” He tried to hide his disappointment but it was clearly portrait on his face.

“I’m sorry.” She let out a bitter smile. She didn’t feel good leaving him like that as well but she had to prioritise certain things as well.

“It’s alright.” He shook his head and gave her his killer eye smile, trying to convince her that he would be alright eventhough his heart said otherwise.

That forlornness aura didn’t escape her eyes but she could only play along and gave a small wave.

Both parties exchanged a string of love phrases before decided to end their date.

“Wait!” Her cursor was so close to the ‘close’ button when Bobby exclaimed.

“Yea?” She looked back at him with confusion written on her face.

“Can I watch you?”

She knitted her eyebrows and wondering if she had heard him correctly.

“What?”

Bobby noticed that his previous sentence sounds weird.

“I mean can I watch you do your assignments or whatever work you have?”

Her eyes softened. She knew he just wanted to spend as much time he had with her and she appreciated this approach.

“But it will be really boring and I won’t talk as much.” She had a habit of paying full attention to her work in order to present a favourable result to increase her GPA score. She couldn’t do her work and talk to Bobby at the same time. She was sure that her attention would go straight back to her boyfriend.

“I don’t care. I just want to accompany you. Even if we are not talking, I am fine with that as long as I get to see you.” Bobby knew he sounded desperate but he could care less about his pride. It had been too long since they had seen each other on screen. He needed something to fill his emptiness and longing for her.

She smiled and nodded. “Alright. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

She took the papers from the other side of the papers and started to indulge in her work. She couldn’t help but felt happy that Bobby would be there to accompany her.

Bobby rested his head on his folded arms on the table and admired her beauty. To him, she was most beautiful when she was concentrating on work. He could spent hours just looking at her and that was the closest he could get for now.

He glanced at the clock and noting that it was 4 in the morning now. He could care less about sleep. His girlfriend would be enough to drive him up with motivation and energy for practice later.

“Don’t you need sleep?” Bobby turned his head towards her and saw her giving him a confuse look.

Bobby shook his head. “You are all I need.”

She giggled before coaxing him to rest and eat well. But when Bobby had set his mind on something, he would be very persistent and thus her attempt of asking him to sleep was futile. She could only sighed and shook her head before continuing what she was working on previously.

He let out a broad smile at the thought of her worrying about him. He promised himself that he would work harder from now on to give her the happiness she deserved eventhough they were miles apart.