He didn't even know exactly how he'd have behaved in front of the man who caused so much pain to his fiancé. He just ignored which strong and almost animal drive pushed him to barge in to the apartment without even waiting for someone to welcome him inside.

By the look of it, nobody was at home, not that Jiwon and her mother's presence might have influenced him into change idea. It was just so sickeningly perfect: the circumstances, the timing... he was so blinded by hatred, wrath and revenge, that caressing the idea of turning into a murderer for the sake of Ryeowook's wellbeing, wasn't a repulsing idea.

"Kyuhyun-ssi!"

Hearing his name being pronounced with such easiness, as if they were actually long-dated friends just catching up after many years spent apart, drove him crazy.

Kyuhyun pushed the main door open and shut it again at his back with one ferocious snap. He walked a couple of steps further into the living room before halting, not even knowing why.

There he was: Eric, the young man with an outstanding ability for finance that had assisted Siwon's father in business for almost ten years. Many even assumed that the Chois' empire would be handed to him, instead of the two legitimate sons, and that was why he was doted on no less than a true family member.

Abandoned son of a mixed racial couple, thus his icy blue eyes, he was found in Hong Kong after some episodes of bully in the same school Siwon used to attend, but Kyuhyun, despite being told about him, didn't really remember much more of his personal story, since he had always tried to avoid his presence - not to mention the one of his young lady mistress, as Eric liked to address Jiwon - and kept for himself a curiosity the undeniably devoured him from the inside, one that he had understood as being dangerous after all. How much he wished he had been wrong, while thinking so.

Setting his eyes on the only person that guarded the small apartment gave him a new revolting sense of nausea: how was this man able to keep calm and face him with that twisted, erted smile of his plastered on the face that was about to become his punching ball soon enough?

Eric stood some steps away, arrogantly defiant, while he sipped some water from a plastic bottle after what seemed a workout session at the gym, considering his sportswear.

He cleared his voice while sealing again the bottle with its own cap, and said: "I'm sorry but miss Jiwon is not here at the moment, she's attending a check up visit for the baby with her mother. Would you like to wait for her? Or, I can pass on to her a message, if you want" he freely suggested, clueless as for the reason that pushed Kyuhyun to get inside the lion's cave.

That was what finally drove him insane and pushed him to get a hold of Eric's hoodie to harshly shove him on the opposite wall with a loud thud, careless for the knick-knacks and books that fell on the floor from their respective shelves.

"So funny that you don't know what the reason for me showing up here is!" Kyuhyun gritted teeth, his face wrinkled in rage close to the other man's "Perhaps you're putting on a show, just to get ulteriorly on my nerves, is this it?"

"Oh, oh...slow down" confused, Eric smiled as he tried to free himself of those hands firmly gripped on his clothes, attentively watching them getting paler for the strength applied "What are you talking about?"

"Don't ing give me the look of confusion, because I perfectly know what happened at my house only three nights ago!" Kyuhyun began to raise his voice, as he was continuously losing his precious patience.

"Your house?" the other man frowned in the middle of his efforts to remember recent past events "Ah!! - he then exclaimed, enlightened at once - was that your house? I really didn't know it, I'm sorry" he let out a small innocent laugh "I didn't know you two lived together!"

"Bull!" with a move, Kyuhyun pulled him from the wall and threw him down on the floor, where Eric landed on all fours, before he could lift his head and look up at the towering man: "Okay, maybe I knew a little bit" he scoffed, still amused by the events and not at all scared.

The taller one then lifted a leg to kick Eric in the hips, not too violently, he just needed the other man to lay flat on the floor and perhaps taste the fear that crept in one's senses when keeping the disadvantaged position of the victim: "Yeah, maybe you knew" Kyuhyun repeated, spiteful.

"Why so hyper for a little like him? You deserve better! You can build a family with..." still laughing, Eric ended up holding his stomach and stopped talking, because Kyuhyun had just decided to unleash those brakes that refrained him from involving any kind of physical violence towards the other man. Why would he spare violence, when Ryeowook had literally been whipped by Eric in a moment of pure folly. And therefore he didn't put a limit to his second kick, not to his third, fourth and fifth one before Kyuhyun could squat down beside the other one and grip his hair, pulling back his head: "I beg your pardon, what did you just call my fiancé? I think you might want to repeat it, because I wasn't paying attention to anything but your hurt wailing" he admitted, as his other hand slowly clasped Eric's neck and pressed on the flesh.

"I don't know what someone like you find in a little like him" Eric couldn't smile anymore then. He gritted teeth while being focused on how to keep breathing under Kyuhyun's grasp around his neck. His face was dangerously getting of a vivid scarlet shade.

"Oh, someone's worried about my reputation? What I do is my business and you shouldn't in something that doesn't belong to you! What the hell did you think to achieve while abusing him, you piece of ?!" Kyuhyun punched him right into the face, leaving him with a trickle of bright red blood running from his nose "Human waste, you answer when I ask you a question!!" he once again grabbed him by the collar and shook him on the floor, demandingly.

Eric kept silent and didn't even bother to wriggle free, which surprised Kyuhyun at first, exposing him uncertain when the other man pushed himself up from his lying position, just to block Kyuhyun, who tried to back off from the grip on his shoulders, unfortunately landing with his back behind the couch.

He desperately tried to fight for his breath, which resulted impossible since Eric had just grabbed a heavy silver candlestick from the nearby table and pressed it against Kyuhyun's neck to prevent him from move further: "My only purpose in life is serving this family! I just want miss Jiwon to put a stop to her sufferings, and if that is possible only by marrying a rich snob like you, then I'll help her to get what she wants!" he shouted back, betraying a flicker of lucid madness in his cold eyes as he wiped his nose blood with a sleeve of his clothes "Repent your sins and take care of that child! What you did is wrong! No one should ever play with nature, two men cannot love each other and think they can live happily ever after! It's just so wrong and twisted, you'd deserve to die!"

Even swallowing down had become difficult since his throat was dry and all his focus was on the candlestick that prevented him from breathing. Already tired and probably on his way to collapse, breathless, Kyuhyun squeezed his eyes shut and tried to process one thought: his only chance to set himself free of the freak's imposing weight. He faked a wriggle of discomfort when he moved to his right and shifted Eric as well, who followed him on the side. But what he actually did, was sliding his left foot on the floor and bending his knee up so that he could plant another kick in his assaulter's stomach. 

Surprised by the act, Eric was thrown on the floor, letting go of his improvised weapon, which rolled back at Kyuhyun's feet. Though not totally satisfied by his lack of strength while pushing the other man away from himself, Kyuhyun panted for air and tried to take a short rest for brief seconds, as he massaged the bruised neck on the area that had to deal with the strogest pressure of the metal against his throat.

"Oh, cool! I've just met the nth homophobic who much preaches about my love being unnaturally twisted and wrong, but who's somehow entitled to force my future husband into a ual he's clearly opposing to. Aren't you saying that we're disgusting for being two men loving each other? Now, I gotta dig further into it, because I can't understand what makes you so different. Pray tell me, you didn't feel like committing a sinful action while him? No, it felt completely normal, even fun, when he screamed for help, scared and defenseless in your hands, while you used him to relieve your urgent needs of feeling what being with a man is like. You are sick, and you'd deserve to die here on this very moment, so just that other people don't ever run into a monster like you in the near future." 

Kyuhyun pulled himself up, exhausted, physically strained of whatever energy he had stored in his body while getting ready for such a meeting. But his own words about Ryeowook's pain made him realize that he had one chance only to comply with what his conscience told him, and he better exploit it while he was still at it, before it was too late.

Therefore he bent to pick the heavy candlestick, gripped it tight in both hands while staring intently at the object and, biting lips with a ferocity that was surfacing in him like an animal drive that was caged somewhere deep in his irrational side of the heart, he began to hit the other man, repeatedly, until this one looked terribly worn out. He looked like a ghost, if only he still preserved that pearly glow that came with his pale complexion, now turned into a ruby red with spots of violet, earlier bruises easily recognizable under the blood stains.

"Don't tell me you did it for her, don't tell me you thought that what you did could pull us apart and force me to abandon him, because it's not like it. I'm proud of my love, I'm proud of him, but even if I were to explain to you what love truly is, you'd never understand it" Kyuhyun exhaled, panting for the efforts just put into his doings.

In the meanwhile, a shocked Eric lifted his head from the floor, where he laid messily sprawled with both arms and leg spread open, and took a look at his opponent, laughing at himself for having underestimated Kyuhyun's stubborn willpower and perseverance: "She's giving you the chance of a change, you should be grateful and take it." he gasped to inhale any air he could.

"She's giving me an undesired child!" Kyuhyun coughed, before he could kneel down next to him and in a matter of seconds, he was once again releasing in bloody fists all his anger, all the pain concealed in his heart at the fresh memory of the scars that Ryeowook was still wearing on his skin "What do you two want from me? From us? Haven't you already ruined our lives enough?!"

"Miss Jiwon is just asking you to take on your duty as a father and not leave her and the child alone. That's what a normal man would do, not a spineless one like you, moreover half a man since we need to take into account your very questionable tastes..." Eric's mouth twitched in a macabre smile, tinted of shiny blood that trickled from both his nose and the swollen gums that still held his stupid, irriverent grin together "What I did to your lover isn't even comparable to what he might suffer if by chance he were to be sent to prison" he profited of a small break from Kyuhyun's raging fists to exhale, this time a bit more difficultly than before.

Kyuhyun couldn't hold his uninterest and obviously widened eyes at the strange revelation: "Wh-what?" his hands loosened around the collar of the man's hoodie, and Eric took it as a sign he could go ahead and speak further "You probably already know that gay men aren't quite as welcomed in this country as somewhere else. Not to mention the harsh life they could lead in prisons. He might end up constantly abused or beaten, it depends on which liking the other convicted take on him."

Kyuhyun laughed, bitterly, as he tried to wipe the cold sweat from his forehead with his coat sleeve, not minding to get the garment dirty in the other man's blood that still painted his knuckles as a horrid decorative trophy: "Why would I need to listen to your constant bull? Ryeowook would never end up in prison, unlike you..."

"Really? I think you probably need to spare a couple of minutes to recollect your past memories, or do you want me to help you?" in another cough Eric answered, comfortably lying down on the floor, before Kyuhyun could pull him up and hold him sit against the nearby wall. He was really given some time to think about Eric's words clearly, but no memory ticked in Kyuhyun's mind, except for...

...but that couldn't be, could it?

Kyuhyun gasped in horror: "You wouldn't dare! He's innocent!" he spat, alarmed.

"He's not, the moment I'll ask to re-open the case and present legit proof to accuse him - the other man smirked in a displeasing way - Try to think about what would happen to worldwide famous pianist Kim Ryeowook, the little prodigy. His career will be over as soon as the news is spread among the press, and nobody will ever dare to look for the truth behind Cho Ahra's accident, as long as one person is put under spotlights to carry the weight of public opinion's blame" the grip Kyuhyun had firmly on Eric's shoulders loosened as a result of his disbelief.

"In your fairytale-life life you could perhaps even breed unicorns, have pink skies and colorful rainbows at every time of the day, but not in the real world. In the real world it's the stronger who survives, and I'll prove to you that this is how the world truly spins" Eric continued in his foul explanation, happy to know that his words could make Kyuhyun waver that evidently.

"Look, you insane psycho! I don't know how you dared to gather info on my sister's accident, the mere idea disgusts me, but if you did, then you also know that the real culprit was Ryeowook's classmate, not him - now was Kyuhyun's turn to laugh, sincerely unconcerned about Eric's speech, feeling strong and safe for knowing the truth - He's interned in some mental facility, I can even bring you there if you want!"

Sure, with a grin, Kyuhyun was perfectly aware that whatever argument Eric could have used in his defence would only result invalid: "You only dare to accuse Ryeowook of something he hasn't done, and you'll wish you could have died today!" he offered, keeping calm behind his gritted teeth. He didn't take into account that there was no way he could have won the confrontation, while trying to reason with a psycho.

"I won't have any wish of that sort, I'm sorry. I'm too attached to the joy of living, that I am physically incapable of imagining myself on the verge of dying, least of all by your hands" Eric laughed, his blood stained lips and clicking his tongue, savouring the irony taste: "Do you take me for a fool? I'd never have thought of this briliant backup plan, if I didn't make sure the real culprit was alive and easy to be found"

Eric looked more and more amused to notice the terror depicted in Kyuhyun's eyes, how that sense of fear crept inside his mind, unbalancing, and manifested all over his face in pure shock: "Don't worry, I didn't kill him - he rushed to add, clarifying - He did, apparently he was tired of living in that cage and used his bed sheets to choke himself four months ago, luckily for me. Plus, I don't even need to forge proofs, because Ryeowook's digits were really found on the gun which shot the only deadly bullet, and since the culprit of that case was never caught, I only need to present that paper to have him gone for long, very long. Have you ever thought of a lifetime without the person you love? No? Well, I suggest you to begin from this very moment."

Until that moment, it was Kyuhyun's sole desire for revenge that pushed him to look for Eric.

That led him to caress the idea of staining his hands in the man's blood, and in a certain sense he really achieved that part of his plan, though through a very meaningless act, one that little satisfied him, but now everything was completely different. Now, even the simple act of breathing brought him such a discomfort. He was struck in shock and paled, while slowly, inesorably slowly, all the puzzle pieces were put together, presenting him with a new reality, he had never really imagined to be dealing with before..

Roles exchanged again, and even though he could convince himself of overpowering that snake's subtle tactics for a brief moment by acting the courageous lion, in reality the cunning, sly opponent always had new, unknown ways to creep back to the original source of his evil. When he expected it less, his enemy had simply bit him with poisonous fangs, waiting for the paralyzing effect to somehow show itself on the clueless victim.

This time Kyuhyun's rushing plan to get revenge for Ryeowook and redeem his lost dignity failed, crushed under the insistence of the wrong; suddenly he felt at loss, too small to face what those chanted consequence could mean for his relationship and his lover. He understood that all his courage was worth as long as it was kept as a mere word, one that could be read on books, and not transformed into the reckless attempt of playing the hero. Not when his efforts could lead to the very opposite effect. 

"What do you want me to do?" Kyuhyun's voice could be heard thinner than before, by then a discouraged blow while still trying to understand the speed of how things changed all of a sudden: "Tell me, what the do I need to do in order to have him left completely alone?!" since Eric didn't reply right away, too amused at enjoying the gallant knight finally losing his valor, Kyuhyun shook him by the collar of his hoodie, this time neither too strong nor too weak, that geasture was simply meant as a request for a reply.

"You will arrange your wedding with miss Jiwon and save her baby from the shameful future of living without a father. You know that Korea still doesn't accept single mothers, right? She will be contentedly married and have her baby live a safe and happy life. If you do consent, I'll never get close to Ryeowook again, you have my word on that" Eric nodded, clasping Kyuhyun's hands still dirty in his blood.

"I don't trust your word"

"You better do, because your time is ticking, you have got a week to decide" while saying so, he strongly pulled the other man's hands away from his collar, freeing himself of Kyuhyun's hold once and for all.

Eric stood up after pushing away the other man. Though he looked about to fall on his knees for being beaten to a pulp, he still preserved that semblance of defiance and was totally unconcerned when Kyuhyun, still keeping his place on the floor, moved to grab him by the trousers and knelt at his feet, shamelessly begging then: "Give me some more time! I need at least...a month! A month to deal with some urgent things, and you can tell your beloved mistress that we can start planning this damn wedding!" he asked, aware that he ended up being deprived of all his principles by doing so, but right then nothing else than spare Ryeowook a miserable life could make him behave in a different way. 

After all, either in good or bad times, Kyuhyun would have done anything, just anything for his lover, that included lowering his self-esteem to the one of a worm, assuming those little, slimy creatures had one.

He understood what Ryeowook meant with being that keen to sacrifice.

"That seems a promise" Eric lowered his eyes on the man at his feet and smiled, devious "Once said, you can never back off again, or you know what would happen"

"I know" Kyuhyun gulped, looking down at the floor as he released his grip of the other man's clothes. Sliding his dirty hands on his knees to finally retract his arms, he took in a sharp sigh: "Don't ever get close to Ryeowook and I during this month, or I'll screw up everything and kill you, this time I'm serious. I want him safe!"

"And safe he will be." 

"Kyu?"

No reply, the silence was so appealing. But the room was filled of that annoying clicking, his brain was about to explode if he took in even just another one of that sound. It was funny to think that once, long time ago, he used to be so addicted to that same clicking; even keeping the tv volume up somehow comforted his younger days and fueled him with a new wave of accomplishment, while he engaged his virtual alter ego in mortal fights with zombies and other monstruous creatures.

Between the two of them, only the fictional character still resulted victorious when defeating enemies...or was it way before Ryeowook's character could unexpectedly knock his out? 

"Kyu!"

Kyuhyun shook his head and snapped out of his thoughts: dreadful memories of a conversation held a month before. He slowly turned to his left side and lowered his eyes to the petite figure that sat cross-legged on the coral pink carpet that covered his bedroom floor.

Ryeowook looked at him with half a smile, one of his genuine token of happiness, and large puppy eyes while almost entirely wrapped in a thick blanket that was placed on his shoulders too, though he didn't remember when or how.

"Did you see?" Ryeowook asked, allowing his small hand to poke out of his warm hideout to point at the flat tv screen and the results of a videogame. Apparently his lover somehow managed to defeat his way more experienced, favorite character for the first time in his poor life as a videogame player. Because Ryeowook at handling certain things and some people were better left to their own field, instead of practicing something new only to fail at it. And he looked happy about his victory, though his smile almost immediately vanished from his mouth when Kyuhyun still held his dumb poker face, the one that made him appear as very oblivious to the surrounding reality.

"You didn't see anything, did you?" Ryeowook's shoulders slumped down. He looked afflicted, after all he was playing videogames just to meet his fiancé's hobbies, which were not entirely condivided by him, truth be spoken.

"Oh?" Kyuhyun looked carefully at the score and immediately twitched his mouth in a grimace, soon released in a sigh of relief when Ryeowook's improved record didn't reach any of his previously set ones, but still made it 8th in the top ten "You did well!" he rushed to say, placing his warm hand on top of Ryeowook's, which still held the controller tight.

"No, I didn't!" Ryeowook pouted "You weren't even playing! That's why I found it too easy, you made it on purpose to let me win, isn't it?" 

"I was just overthinking and didn't follow the game, that's all" Kyuhyun smiled, now moving his other free hand under Ryeowook's chin to lift it up and make their eyes meet mid-air. Before he could lock eyecontact with the other man though, Kyuhyun discreetly glanced at the faint pinkish sign that still threatened in a circle Ryeowook's thin neck.

The sign of the rope that was put around his flesh was slowly fading away, like any other bruise that marked his abused body, especially the thin on his back were now gotten less than scratches and would be gone in no time. But still, even though Ryeowook could get rid of the physical scars, nobody could really help him pushing away the ghost of his fears, the spirit that haunted his mind and hovered so close, as if following him like a shadow.

In a month, the nightmares that used to creep at night and disturb Ryeowook's sleep decreased, but the few that still appeared in his subconscious persisted in their scaring actions.

Kyuhyun could tell himself lucky enough to witness such prodigious improvements in Ryeowook's condition in just a month. He had set some goals to follow while helping his lover with his self-esteem issues, confidence and of course the attempt of trusting his sentimental feelings once again.

"Are you sure?" still pouting, Ryeowook asked, letting Kyuhyun to gently cup his face with a hand.

"Yes, I'm sure" he smiled "Why would I lie?"

"Because your face says otherwise" Ryeowook leaned in the caress and closed the gap between their faces, now studying Kyuhyun's eyes "Tell me what's going on in your mind, please?" he blinked, letting his lashes flutter in that innocent fashion that Kyuhyun liked so much. The gesture soon convinced him to release the worrying thoughts all bottled up.

His fingers found their way into Ryeowook's hands and grabbed the forgotten controller to move and leave it somewhere else, hoping that Ryeowook could use them for better purpose, like hugging for example. Hugging was good, anyway, and after what happened one month before, it was the only mean for the pianist to show his love, except for some small kisses here and there. Things never deepened, much to Kyuhyun's displeasure.

"I was thinking of you" Kyuhyun replied, his heart pounding and almost exploding when Ryeowook moved his legs and scooted in his fiancé's arms, stretching a little bit to entour Kyuhyun's neck, not caring that the blanket could fall from his shoulders "I was thinking of you because you fill my entire self. Especially, I was thinking of how much I'm going to miss you from tomorrow" he concluded, pulling the blanket back in place around Ryeowook's shoulders, while this one snuggled under the crook of his neck.

"You will be having tons of meetings at work, how will you find the time to miss me?" Ryeowook's nose brushed against Kyuhyun's neck, while his hand gripped on the man's shoulder.

Meetings... or better known as the latest, persuading lie that Kyuhyun had to come up with in order to cover the true reason of their needed separation.

Kyuhyun had tried to enjoy that month together with all his heart, even though he knew which kind of finale his lovestory would have encountered at the end of March.

Many people waited with anticipation for spring to come, it was the season of love, maybe because flowers blossomed again after a long frozen sleep, skies cleared and the bright sun shone mighty up above and altogether set the perfect romantic atmosphere. Spring was when he wanted to crown his dream and marry Ryeowook, but now he would only remember that season as the one when he had to give him up, although unwillingly.

That was why he waited so long before disclosing the news. Of course Kyuhyun's brain overworked itself in order not to sound too suspicious, but then it came, and it was so simple and automatic, that he was sure Ryeowook wouldn't have suffered heartbroken, not even the tiniest bit. Even if he were to understand Kyuhyun's intentions, Ryeowook would have been too far and it would have been too late to recuperate things.

It wasn't new that the pianist wanted so bad to go back to France, where home was, Kyuhyun just convinced him to depart on his own and gave him a reason to leave him behind. Of course that reason was work: the work-aholic Kyuhyun never failed to sound persuasive, as he poured much - perhaps too much - of himself whenever leading the company he had established.

Blaming some urgent meetings to be held directly at the company to pursue the American investors' plans, the young architect simply reassured Ryeowook that, once done with work, he would have followed him to the other side of the planet to be finally together.

Ryeowook didn't find it strange, and accepted.

Lying never seemed as painful as in that occasion. He'd have given up everything he possessed in order to tell Ryeowook the truth, warn him, shake him to life and escape together on a little deserted island, only the two of them. However, thinking about it, in a certain sense he was already giving up his most treasured possession right when he needed to keep it safe. Once again, Kyuhyun would have done anything for Ryeowook, but the thought of having him most likely nurturing hate towards Kyuhyun for being casted aside, was making the younger man frown in endless unresolved concerns: if only he could explain to Ryeowook why they needed to break up. Perhaps if Ryeowook could totally shift his loving feelings to hate, the attempt to carry on would have resulted easier.

"You said you just needed a couple of days to settle things here, before coming back home" Ryeowook's lips spoke right on Kyuhyun's skin, in a ticklish attempt to leave a small, timid peck "I've already called Zhou Mi. He sounded happy to know that I'm going back, when I asked him to pick me up at the airport. I think he was truly happy at the thought of having you around as well"

"Who? Zhou Mi? Are you kidding me?" Kyuhyun couldn't hold a grin at the thought of Ryeowook's best friend left behind in Paris to protect the sacred place they all shared and called home.

He grinned when memories of how little consideration Zhou Mi used to reserve him at first encounter. After all, the Chinese man did know him only through Ryeowook's tales and somehow had come to think of Kyuhyun being a big, bad wolf for having mistreated Ryeowook. Contrary to what he imagined, and after getting rid of his prejudices, he immediately bonded with his roommate's boyfriend and couldn't imagine his life without the iron couple around. 

"I'm not kidding!" Ryeowook emerged from his little hideout and pulled Kyuhyun down to kiss him on a cheek "He said he was relieved to know we are heading back. Three months away did make him feel at loss, the house was empty and he didn't have you to bicker with"

"You seem excited only by the way you speak about it" Kyuhyun smiled, masking his deep sadness when Ryeowook energically nodded in reply.

Don't do it, you'll regret getting aboard that plane tomorrow...

"I am! I can't wait to check in, take off and feel more welcome over there, though I'll be counting the days that separate us until you come back to me" the pianist poked Kyuhyun's chest with his forefinger, drawing nonsensical circles.

What if I'll never follow you back? Would you still be this happy?

"Uhm, yes. That was what I needed to remind myself earlier, that's why I wasn't paying attention to the game" Kyuhyun revealed, of course faking. He swept Ryeowook's forehead of his hair fringe and kissed him there, before standing up and turning off the videogame consolle.

"If I were you, I'd never underestimate the speed of a pianist's fingers!" Ryeowook scoffed, momentarily speaking about the earlier game, as he supported his upper body weight on both arms, after planting hands at his sides on the soft carpet.

"Yes, sure, as you say" Kyuhyun laughed, arranging all the stuff at its own place and picking up some trash, empty snack bags, little boxes, plastic plates from the take-away, tissues, whatever was left on the floor "I'll go get other things to eat, do you want something in particular? Do you want to go out for dinner? Shall I invite the guys too?"

Ryeowook pouted while keeping his eyes on Kyuhyun's figure, who was slipping on his slippers and approaching the door. He slightly widened eyes in confusion to digest what Kyuhyun had just said. He was sure his younger fiancé had expressly stated that he wanted to be alone with him on the last day of his stay in Korea, therefore he could consent to dinner out, but why bother to invite the guys? Not that he didn't feel good in their company...

Ryeowook shook his head: "No, let's order pizza later and enjoy the night with a romance movie. I don't feel like sharing you either with our friends or with the rest of the world" he grinned, thoroughly fixing some strands of hair out of place.

Kyuhyun sighed: "You never eat take-away twice in a day, what's up now?" he asked, only to get a shrug of shoulders as a reply.

"I guess it won't kill us. Plus, starving you of my cooking will make you more eager to get back home as soon as possible, just to taste heaven through my dishes. I promise you plenty of food to welcome you in Paris."

At those words, the taller man simply exited the room, not able to contain his disquietness. Was Ryeowook doing it on purpose by reminding him of their upcoming separation?

He suffocated a groan purely made of stress and ravished the kitchen cupboards of crisps, cookies and any other kind of junk food could have helped him to calm down.

Usually food worked wonders as a stress reliever, and Kyuhyun was planning to stuff himself...not that he had much to do, after all. He loved to be with Ryeowook, of course, but after the 20th time watching another one of his favorite romance movies with more or less identical plots, the most patient men could see all their resolution strained and crumbling. And Kyuhyun wasn't known for his patience, for sure.

He leaned against the high table, where just a month before, on his birthday, Ryeowook let him find a fabulous fruit cake to celebrate his twenty-nine years, and sighed again. This time he felt lonely and nostalgic, and the fact that his hand automatically went to his jeans pocket to fish its content didn't help at all.

Kyuhyun sadly looked at the velvet sachet in his palm. He felt it and allowed his fingers to slide on the soft fabric, playing with the strings that held it closed, before he decided to slip inside forefinger and middle finger to take out the thin silver chain of a necklace.

The shape of that elegant, little silver "K" recalled in every aspect the one of the "R" pendant that was always hung at his neck and accompanied him throughout all the lenght of the day, every day, since he never took it off.

The only difference was the gem mounted on the corner: not a purple amethyst, but a glowing red ruby, sign of the love passion that awoke in his heart every time he glanced at Ryeowook. It was hard to find a jeweler's who could understand how to duplicate the same pendant, in another letter shape, but Kyuhyun's perseverance made it in the end.

Not knowing if his contact could finish the work on time, he wanted so bad to give the little necklace to Ryeowook so that he could have a little part of his "Kyuhyun-being" with him before the departure.

However, whenever he looked at the pendant, hidden desire of lust surfaced in his mind.

It wasn't a secret that Ryeowook usually played with the "R" necklace after making love, it was his personal habit, maybe a way to remind Kyuhyun that he was the pianist's property, or simply that the chain fit extremely well around his neck and he liked how it swayed with each of Kyuhyun's move. He always paid attention to the way Ryeowook's finger held his name's initial, the gesture was so small yet withheld a kind of sweetness, respect and reciprocated desires that incredibly Kyuhyun. It was as if Ryeowook actually asked to be noticed during their after love moments, pleading to be cuddled, to be protected, to be loved.

He could only imagine Ryeowook feeling good while asking for that, replacing the importance of the precious metal with his physicality.

During the past week - just as much it took Kyuhyun to consider the possibility of presenting his fiancé with that gift - many fantasies crossed the man's mind, they could differ in modality but all of them led to the tenderness of making love to Ryeowook, to the aftermath of that act, to the spoken renewal of mutual feelings.

He craved to see Ryeowook sweetly moving under his body, gripping his shoulders, responding to the pleasure by his name and much more, he absolutely wanted to witness his lover's frail, outstanding beauty embellished with the jewel caressing his skin, tingling the smooth planes of his chest and fiercely showcasing the ruby between his defined collarbone, damp with crystal drops of sweat. That was what his fantasy led him to imagine, when he thought about how Ryeowook used to touch the jewel on his own chest with a hand, while the other usually either doodled with his fingers on Kyuhyun's shoulders, or rubbed his s, or grazed his upper arms. That was what Ryeowook undeniably liked, and that he craved to do on Ryeowook.

However, what Ryeowook had to deal with during the past month changed everything. It changed the perspective of Ryeowook's love, and made him fear the simple fact of exposing his abused skin for cuddles or kisses, for loving caresses, not to mention deepening things and spend the night together in a way that didn't involve the use of fluff pajamas or any other kind of clothing.

Violence changed him, and made Ryeowook shriek in horror at the mere idea of sharing himself with the only person that could never harm him in any way.

When he consented to help Ryeowook, which was only right for him to do, Kyuhyun thought of being ready to take in his lover's pain and absorb it as his own, but in truth he wasn't, simply because he couldn't pretend to prfectly know the nature of Ryeowook's pain, to claim it as his and help the other man feeling more relieved of burdens. 

On one hand he could understand Ryeowook's point: which kind of sane person could think of love under such conditions? Which kind of person that still held a bit of self-respect and cherished himself could throw it all behind that prematurely?

Kyuhyun didn't want to sound selfish, or not understanding of that particular, delicate situation, but he missed the way their bodies fused into one, the way both their heartstrings threaded, inseparable; he missed waking up at dawn to the regular breathes that hit his chest whenever Ryeowook snuggled to sleep on his body, because then, after waking up, sleep couldn't creep in his senses anymore and steal him away from the precious sight of his lover resting by his side. This only led him to spend great part of his early mornings watching over the splendid creature dozing off, not a tiny bit fed up with caressing him, he could do that endlessly without stopping at all.

But...men had their needs, and it was so shameful the way, for so many nights, he had needed to sneak out of bed in order to get rid of evident displays of lust on his body, to suffocate the impulse of burying Ryeowook in kisses and caresses and not being any deluded by the other man's behavior - wriggles, silent wails, tears - now perfectly aware that his desires weren't reciprocated or any wanted.

The only thing he wanted was for Ryeowook to accelerate the assimilation process of his pain and allow himself a little improvement on a constant basis. Only accepting what had happened to him - and not forget in any case - could allow him to move on. Acknowledge violence and still overcoming it with great willpower was the key to finally close an old book and write another brand new chapter of his life.

That process of course would have included Kyuhyun as Ryeowook's privileged lover, but time had just officially ticked its end, unfortunately expiring on the morrow, and with Ryeowook's upcoming departure, also Kyuhyun's hope to love and feel close to his soulmate again was about to be gone...forever.

Feeling bitter about the unfairness of circumstances, Kyuhyun hid the necklace and gathered in his arms all the food packages, disappearing upstairs.

"You took too long" the lecturing voice of Ryeowook came somewhere from the carpet, where the man had just sent his last text to Zhou Mi and put away his cellphone. As soon as he heard the door sliding open, he lazily stretched under the blanket and opened his arms, eager to signal Kyuhyun to leave all the stuff on the floor and get back to his original place in each other's embrace.

"Right, I'm sorry" Kyuhyun smiled, leaving all the food to surround them in a vast choice and immediately pulling Ryeowook in his arms "But I grabbed what was left in the kitchen, we might end up ordering pizza and other things earlier than expected, because I'll probably eat all this up in very little time" his stomach lightly growled, making Ryeowook heartily laugh. He was already opening one of the pepero sticks boxes and picking a chocolate stick to share with Kyuhyun.

"So grumpy!" Ryeowook then lightly smacked Kyuhyun's shoulder "Are you trying to get me sorry for not cooking for you?"

"Not at all" Kyuhyun munched his stick, already picking two more from the translucent, silver bag "I'm stating a fact, I'm hungry and you're gonna witness me stuffing my stomach with junk food"

"Yes, you're too good at making me feel guilty for not feeding you" Ryeowook narrowed his eyes at Kyuhyun, smirking before turning away to open another bag of cookies, since Kyuhyun had got his pepero sticks completely stolen: "Luckily, you'll be staying at your parents' when I will be gone." 

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and quickly grabbed the side of a cookie trapped in between Ryeowook's lips, breaking it in two halves just for the fun of teasing the other man for what he had just said and eventually earning a bad glare. To ask for forgiveness, he placed a pepero stick in his mouth, ducked his chin down towards his lover and, opening his legs to make enough room for the other man, Kyuhyun poked Ryeowook's firmly shut mouth with the other side of the stick, suggesting to eat it together until the short gap between their faces could totally be erased.

At first Ryeowook seemed to consider the request a bit too childish, but in the end gave in, he couldn't resist Kyuhyun's large eyes pleading for another tender display of affection, not when he was almost totally restrained in front of the prospect to do other kind of cuddles and felt guilty for neglecting his duty as a lover. Ryeowook lifted himself on his knees and ended up looping both arms around Kyuhyun's neck while he slowly accepted the sweet in his mouth. In the silence, only the light crisp of munching could be heard, briefly though because the stick wasn't that long to keep both lovers apart, and soon their lips encountered each other in a quick peck as soon as they ate it all.

"Come on, that's not how you do it!" Kyuhyun complained when Ryeowook pulled away too early "I used to like doing this with you during high school! Here, and don't think of pulling away again, or I'll be forever angry at you!" Kyuhyun replied, offering another stick to put in place, before starting the game for the second time.

"You're also complaining like a schoolgirl, Kyu" Ryeowook giggled behind his hand, then consented to give another try and began eating his side of the chocolate stick, until it was soon gone and left them glued to each other's lips.

This time the kiss seemed to be feeling way better than a simple, shy peck. They first sloppily pressed their mouths together, just to adapt to the familiar sensation, but when their lips perfectly combined, and Ryeowook even gladly followed each tilt of the head to get a better taste of his lover, Kyuhyun lost it all. 

It was a simple kiss, not even too deep, but he felt like he hadn't been savoring those lips enough, always restrained from some invisible brakes that Ryeowook imposed on himself. Obviously, Ryeowook's position didn't help at all, because he was standing on his knees, straddling Kyuhyun's left thigh in a comfortable position while leaning against the man's chest and getting a hold of his neck with both hands. His sweatshirt frictioned against Kyuhyun's cardigan and shirt, making it useless for the man to be fully clothed when he could feel everything from underneath Ryeowook's clothes: from his pouding heart, to the ribcage pressing in Kyuhyun's embrace.

What bothered him the most though, were Ryeowook's casual - and surely not purposefully done - slow grinding moves on his thigh, with which he tried to get closer to Kyuhyun's body as soon as this one had grabbed him firmly by the waist. 

Torn between his urgent necessity to look for air and calm his erratic heartbeats, and feel Ryeowook's body straddling his own, Kyuhyun fell to drown in to the vast sea of his lust, one that, for respect of his fiancé, he had learned to lock up in the deepest bottom of his heart and leave untouched for many weeks.

He felt all his urgent needs surfacing from the little nook in his stomach and exploding with a loud bang when his jeans unexplicably felt tighter and tighter, blocking a hardness that often manifested but that wasn't properly taken care of. His flushed face was burning hot for the illicit thoughts that Ryeowook's body in that position was making him consider.

Slowly his hands grabbed the man by his hips and lifted the pianist from his lap, turning the both of them so that Ryeowook was now sitting on the carpet and Kyuhyun knelt in between the man's legs. Ryeowook simply followed that kiss, cosidering it just one of the many sweet displays of affection the two were so used at exchanging. He was totally oblivious to what was happening between them, since things were escalating and still he felt safe and loved in Kyuhyun's arms, while the taller man gently laid him with his back on the carpet.

Occasionally exhaling some short breaths or sharing shy moans that climbed the back of his throat, Ryeowook couldn't help but feeling pleasantly overwhelmed by the trail of kisses that had moved from his lips and Kyuhyun directed under his neck, wanting to move further down as he pulled the collar of Ryeowook's sweatshirt on a side and revealed his left bare shoulder.

The younger one was surely happy when Ryeowook's hands moved from the front of his shirt to the back of his cardigan, gripping the soft fabric somewhere near his shoulder blades. It meant a little change, it meant that Ryeowook was feeling the intensity of the moment, but still that wasn't enough to tell himself completely satisfied, not until he had successfully made his lover feel good at the idea of making love together.

He shifted his weight on his right knee and with small movements aimed at not arousing suspicions, Kyuhyun popped open Ryeowook's jeans button and ped its fly, pulling apart the two halves that still hid Ryeowook's boxer briefs from his sight.

"Shhh, everything's okay" Kyuhyun's rasp voice reached Ryeowook's ear in a quick attempt to calm him. He had just stirred in Kyuhyun's arms after feeling a hand, that clearly wasn't his own, tracing the light lines of his abdomen and rubbing his stomach from underneath the clothes "It's okay, I'm not doing you anything bad" Kyuhyun had to say to further convince him, when Ryeowook tilted his head to dodge Kyuhyun's whispers in his ear and worriedly looked down at their bodies practically tangled together.

Uncertainly, Ryeowook nodded, not fully convinced, and let out half a suffocated whine.

"We are just kissing. Kissing is good, do you remember?" Kyuhyun lifted his head, just to stop on his way directed to look into Ryeowook's eyes, too scared to spot the man's frightened refusal in those dark wells he loved. Stubbornly, he dove again in Ryeowook's arms, this time lifting almost completely his sweatshirt to reveal his upper body, where he planted some chaste pecks, perfectly aware that Ryeowook had just lifted his whole weight on both elbows to take a better look at what was being done on his body.

It was right when the pianist seemed to be convinced by Kyuhyun's words and partially got rid of his tension, that Kyuhyun moved in the wrong direction and screwed it up: his hand naughtily slipped past Ryeowook's underwear elastic band and began to explore what was hidden inside, grazing the skin and occasionally squeezing the warm flesh he found there.

From what he could tell, it was clear that Ryeowook appeared as as he was, but this one tried to refrain himself from showing his enthusiasm too much, ruining it the atmosphere in the end: "N-no, no, no!" Ryeowook wriggled, swinging on his hips to slip away from Kyuhyun's hands.

"I can't!" he shrieked in fear, as a click of realization made him abruptly widen eyes in horror, when he understood the place where Kyuhyun's hands were aimed at: "Please, Kyuhyun stop it! I don't want it, please!" he pleaded with eyes full of tears as he pushed away Kyuhyun, who ended up rolling with his back on the carpet, not able to open his eyes before the unwanted reaction coming from Ryeowook.

The pianist sat away from Kyuhyun's body to fix his clothes once again, making sure that no inch of skin was uselessly unconvered, and for that purpose he wrapped the blanket around himself, this time holding it tighter in his hands as if to shield his body from Kyuhyun's sudden hunger.

"I-I'm sorry, Ryeowook! I didn't want..." Kyuhyun rushed to say, trying so bad to lie and mask his disappointment for that last rejection. He stood to sit and stretched his arms again in Ryeowook's direction, sad to notice how the other man was now shivering while keeping distant.

During a month where almost any kind of physical contact that wasn't initiated by the pianist ended up in desperate tears of refusal, Kyuhyun was incredibly used to deal with such a response, and knew that the only way to calm the other man was to forcefully grab him into his embrace and lightly rock him against his chest until Ryeowook's sobs dissipated into fewer and more silent ones.

"Everything's going to be alright" the younger one shushed his lover and tried to comfort him, after successfully trapping his smaller figure in a warm hug.

"Kyu..." Ryeowook sobbed on Kyuhyun's shoulder. Fewer were the tears that streaked his face now, compared to the ones that helplessly decorated his cheeks some weeks before, but all the same it was painful to deal with such a situation, where two lovers couldn't show one another their feelings because one of them had to change his views on physical love: "Nothing is going to be alright! I want you to make love to me, I really do, I desperately do! But everytime I'm about to let my fears go and you touch me, I think of him! I can't help but think that you're going to do what he did to me, although I prefectly know that you won't! It's my subconscious, I fear..." he sobbed.

When pain usually was nothing more than a needed, little initial stage to bear with, before feeling the mounting pleasure of Kyuhyun's movements inside his body, Ryeowook now put in first place the fear of having his senses blocked on another kind of pain, that wasn't replacable at all, but if anything could only, incessantly increase.

Although he knew Kyuhyun wouldn't harm him anyhow, Ryeowook feared that he couldn't be able to stop the other man on time before Kyuhyun deepened things between them, which was something he wasn't ready to face yet.

He didn't want to disappoint Kyuhyun, but he was scared that the tiniest undesired move could turn into yet another torture that he wasn't willing to face again.

"I'm sorry for surprising you, I shouldn't have but..." Kyuhyun stammered, not wanting to sound mean and disrespectful. After many attempts to get Ryeowook to speak about his insecurities, when he managed to reveal what troubled his heart, Kyuhyun fell in a well of despair.

His lover, the same person he was used to share everything with, due to a fear that penetrated under skin and in his mind, could no longer differentiante between feeling his fiancé's sincere attention and remembering the tragic violence. And now he didn't really know how to act.

How could you tell your scared fiancé, who had suffered an abuse, that you miss making love to him as badly as being deprived of vital oxygen without sounding selfish at all? You simply couldn't, but Kyuhyun tried the same: "To protect you, I want to say that I didn't want to start anything, but the truth is that I miss our bond, Ryeowook. I miss making sweet love together, and I'm going crazy knowing that you still have issues about normally facing our ual life. You need to carry on! No one will ever harm you again, and you can trust me, my love, because even though the first time will be emotionally hurting, it will help you to heal your scarred heart until you'll be ready enough to leave the bad and wrong behind. Do you understand this?"

Ryeowook nestled on Kyuhyun's stomach, nodding while being caressed on the hair: "I'm not him, Ryeowook. Damn, if ever tried to take you by force, no matter how frustrated I am right now! I don't want to be compared to him!"

Every word spoken by Kyuhyun he knew better, because every day he was on the other side, looking at how frustrating could be for his fiancé to deal with a lover that stubbornly refused his attention, and even painfully whimpered at the mere thought of abandoning his body to Kyuhyun's tender affection.

Ryeowook was scared while imagining their first time together in bed after what he had suffered.

What would happen when, with his lover, he had to face the moment in which he usually closed his eyes to try and savor the moment of Kyuhyun's kisses, his touches, the final release? He would probably strive to push out of his mind those pictures of the night when his personal horror show took place.

How could he be supposed to let himself be pushed on the brink of pleasure and at the same time impose his rationality not to think about the man who took him by violence, instead of feeling Kyuhyun by his side, on his body, under his skin and inside his soul? He despreately didn't want to fall asleep and dream of that beast, while the strong arms that held him tight were in truth Kyuhyun's. He didn't want his mind to be blurred in confusion and mix up the two men's identities.

In fear of that, and hoping that time could heal him somehow, he plainly stated: "I know, I'm sorry. Just give me more time."

After today, I don't have any more time, sunshine.

Kyuhyun didn't reply, preferring to keep his thoughts locked in his mind, a place that was by then becoming too narrow to be filled with all his pressing concerns.

"I thought about it a lot and I remember that Mimi has got a friend who works as a psychologist" he tentatively spoke "Perhaps if I seek for her help, she'll fix me sooner that way. What do you think?" Ryeowook shyly popped up from his soft improvised pillow on Kyuhyun's stomach, and looked for his eyes, trying to get a hint of a helpful reply in his lover's dark orbs.

Kyuhyun smiled and nodded, brushing both hands up and down Ryeowook's arms to share a bit of strength in his half-empty body. He had contributed to fill the first half with his love and devotion, but now it was Ryeowook's turn to fill the missing half of his soul with his efforts to reach normal life, his friends, work and the biggest, purest passion a person could ever nurture: in his case, music.

"Are you asking for my opinion?" he asked, looking at Ryeowook slowly nodding and sniffing to hold back the last tears "I think it's a great idea. Perhaps, sometimes talking with a stranger about things concerning your loved ones is actually easier than opening up with friends. You won't be left alone to fight against this problem, so if she can help you figuring out a way to deal with your emotional pain, I'm all in for it"

Ryeowook's puppy eyes looked at him intently and, not grasping anything but Kyuhyun's earnest sincerity, he straightened his back and renounced to his hideout, immediately hugging his lover tight and feeling a lot calmer, now that his hold was reciprocated in a more innocent, safer way: "Thanks for your understanding" the pianist murmured, quickly reaching Kyuhyun's cheek with his lips, before pulling back.

Kyuhyun sighed and didn't even do it the way he wanted to express all his mixed feelings about that situation, so in the end most of his sigh stuck in the back of his throat. By then all his lust had already, completely extinguished. He remembered about the necklace, still securely kept in his jeans pocket, and thought that it might have been a nice way - perhaps the only way - to get rid of that heavy veil of sadness that wrapped Ryeowook.

If it were to be his last gift to his best friend, his companion, his confidant and lover, Kyuhyun would have preferred the little, meaningful jewel to be left in the hands of a happier Ryeowook, as a token that was meant to bring him back his smile.

"Wait a minute" Kyuhyun announced, pulling away from Ryeowook as he inserted a hand in his jeans pocket. His fist soon opened in front of Ryeowook's eyes to reveal the "K" pendant and its necklace resting in his palm, excited to witness the look of delighted wonder that slowly spread all over Ryeowook's face, illuminating him in a brand new fashion, as if he were a little child in front of an abundant pile of Christmas presents.

"How did you..." Ryeowook began, but was soon cut off by a kiss left on his forehead, while Kyuhyun entoured his neck with the chain and neatly tied the necklace to its rightful place.

"I liked the idea of treasuring our two necklaces with each other's name initials, so I toured all Seoul to look for someone who could duplicate yours into a K shape. Do you like it?" 

"I love it!" suffocating a last sob, Ryeowook managed to squeal in sincere happiness.

Kyuhyun cupped his cheeks and held his face high so he could scrutinize all the tender candor conveyed through Ryeowook's eyes, only to find some remaining tears that veiled those dark orbs and rested their crystals on his lashes. He immediately leaned towards the other man and covered him in short, but repetitive kisses everywhere on his face, after wiping away the tears.

Ryeowook, while Kyuhyun still kissed him on a temple, shyly looked down at the little pendant that he was holding between thumb and forefinger, and studied it with much appreciation: "It's wonderful - he whispered, lost in adoration for the new gift - Now I can always bring a little bit of you wherever I go!"

He had just dived in Kyuhyun's arms, that he had to part a little bit so he could speak again: "This will also motivate me to do well with the psychologist. I miss you so bad, Kyu. I want to be yours, I need to feel yours again" he pouted, disappointed with himself, but very much reassured to have his meaningful other by his side for unconditional support.

"Besides, I'd never want to ruin our first night together as a married couple, I want it to be special" Ryeowook couldn't help then but giggle like a schoolgirl under the effect of her love crush.

Kyuhyun gulped, trying to behave and sound as normal as possible, when in truth he was paying dear the cost of his added mistakes.

The consequences he was dealing with were just a chain of events occured with his ever so strong stubbornness. He had always tried to imagine the two of them quietly discussing the wedding preparations, and right when Ryeowook was so convinced that their union was the only right thing happening in the world, was Kyuhyun's turn to back off in complete silence, one that was actually louder in its unwavering emptiness, because he would soon be fighting the despair that his choices would be bringing together down the path of his loneliness.

A life without Ryeowook. Who would have been able to imagine it?

The pianist quietly slipped further down the embrace and rested his head on Kyuhyun's lap, always keeping his eyes locked with Kyuhyun's curious ones. He didn't expect Ryeowook to take that comfortable place and couldn't help but stare at the other man in complete awe: Ryeowook's hair fell messily back, revealing his forehead, a kissable smooth plane to which Kyuhyun's lips normally felt attracted to.

He would have liked to freeze the time and fed himself with the appeasing sight he was gifted of, but he wouldn't have been too easy with his own self, if, bending down in order to kiss him, Ryeowook were to move from that position and break the spell.

That spell had lasted for long, always unconsciously pulling him towards the pianist, since when his eyes met him - at the age of 17 - near his sister's piano and, swearing something like a sacred oath to his younger self to fight for love, Kyuhyun had met in Ryeowook the missing half that could complete his heart.

Therefore, he simply took his time to thoroughly study the man he loved: the way Ryeowook was nestled in between his legs; his hands loosely fisted on his other thigh, the contact almost burning on his jeans; his dark almond shaped eyes that even upside down never failed to look bright and smiling.

Wanting to look at him as long as he could, he hoped to take in his mind the most of Ryeowook's features, just to be sure to cherish forever the vivid memory of that beautiful man, one of a kind, a species that he was so lucky for meeting, but that was to be pushed away for a greater aim.

And who knew, perhaps in a few years that very same special creature might have found his true love in someone else, someone better, someone who could protect him with a vibrant life instead of running away like a coward. 

Often, they even used to joke about finding a better party for Ryeowook, but when the risk of that joke turning out to be true increased, Kyuhyun cursed himself for being so broken inside at the thought of crossing paths again with Ryeowook and find him in another man's sheltering embrace, happily smiling in a near, but also dark, future. His heart bled in pain at the mere imagination, but if that was what could keep him safe from dangers, Kyuhyun promised he would have behaved like a true man and accepted with dignity his deserved defeat.

A hand moved on Ryeowook's face. The touch was gentle while focused at recognizing under his fingertips the pianist's defined jawline, the soft lips that he loved to steal in several different occasions, whenever needed, whenever he was hungry of Ryeowook, whenever he felt like owning his daily breath of life, but Ryeowook stopped him, and Kyuhyun frowned for a while, not getting why he couldn't caress him further.

Ryeowook delicately stopped Kyuhyun's hand in his and pulled it away from his face, he wanted to lose himself a little bit more in Kyuhyun's eyes, and his lover's hand was kind of interfering with the locked eyecontact.

However he thought the better of it and, instead of simply pulling the hand away, his fingers made their way between Kyuhyun's and threaded with those of his lover, in a firm hold aimed at never letting go. It was a linking chain that meant they could lean and always depend on each other, like a prelude of life-lasting vows: in bad or good times, in health or sickness, until death, together right before the very end.

"You really look so desperate to send me off" Ryeowook casually stated, looking at how his thin fingers grazed Kyuhyun's back hand and how Kyuhyun's longer ones touched his, in perfect combination.

Once again shot deep inside, Kyuhyun sadly smiled: "And I forgot that you could read me like an open book"

"No, you're wrong. You're not an open book for me, not anymore. You're like the tale of a book I've learned by heart, that's why you're so predictable" much calmer and relaxed Ryeowook corrected him, with a responding smile that curved on his lips.

"And you still want to marry me..."

"Of course I do!" Ryeowook bent up both his knees and pushed himself to rest better on Kyuhyun's thigh, this time rolling on his stomach, so that he could play with Kyuhyun's hand in both his, when suddenly he realized something was missing, right on both their hands: "You should buy me a ring too - he suggested, focusedly - Or do you want me to choose? No, let's do this. You pick our engagement rings, whatever, as long as you are sure to pick what could suit us better. Then we'll go together as a couple to choose the wedding ones, what do you think?"

"That's totally useless" Kyuhyun blurted out as he looked at his fingers threaded with Ryeowook's, not caring of what his words sounded like, but when he realized that the petite man in his lap had lifted his head and was looking at him, suspicious, he rushed to add: "I mean, it's useless because I've already picked our rings."

"Why don't I have one yet, then?"

"Because I left them in Paris, well hidden at home" he revealed, perhaps speaking the truth for the first time in that month.

"You didn't tell me what happened with Jiwon, though. Does she know we are leaving soon? How are you supposed to be near her when she'll be giving birth to your child?" 

Words that resulted sharper than blades, hurtful like the point of stabbing knives, reached Kyuhyun directly at incredible high speed, not caring to carry more a final destructive effect than a curious one instead. 

"I know we promised never to talk about it again, since when I told you I didn't care about your night together, but we're talking about a little child. I think you should keep a certain kind of contact with her, just to be sure of being present in your child's future. That's what a responsible man would do, right?" Ryeowook spoke and sounded as if he had already dealt with such a truth in a very mature and lighthearted way, not at all annoyed by the fact that his future husband was about to become father of a kid had by mistake with another woman.

In reality, while approaching the topic, the pianist still held his eyes lowered on their joint hands, worried that, if he were to lift his head to meet Kyuhyun's questioning frown, he would have crumbled down in despair.

He spoke as if he could manage to mantain a certain level of maturity, but he couldn't deny that the mere fact of sensing this child's presence getting scaringly close disturbed him very much and made him still feel too sensitive to restore a chat about a future together that looked rather fogged up.

"I somehow sensed this was your view on it, though you never told me directly"

"It's not bad, and I know you'll make a great father in the meanwhile" Ryeowook mustered up all his courage and looked up at Kyuhyun, while this one had his chin ducked and tilted his head to follow Ryeowook's playful moves on his hands "you'll have plenty of time to practice, before we can adopt a baby ourselves, wouldn't it be nice?"

"What are you talking about? I'm still a baby myself, don't you like taking care of me?" Kyuhyun asked, but soon his heart melted. He knew he had to flip out immediately at the mention of Ryeowook's dreams to have a baby to raise, while he was still rather childish to deal with in the first place - which didn't differentiate him much from a true kid - or because he was aware that he couldn't make any of Ryeowook's wishes come true, just like the pianist asked, but the look of tenderness that spread all over his fiancé's face was truly mesmerizing, he wanted to instantly cry and securely rock Ryeowook in his arms.

"Well, you're my big, grown up baby, of course I like taking care of you, but rasing our child would just be a natural step to take for us to grow closer in our married life, don't you think?" 

Too tired for all the contrasting emotions he was dealing with deep inside, Kyuhyun shook his head and pulled his hands away from Ryeowook's, placing them on the man's shoulders in a squeezing touch, beginning a light massage while Ryeowook still looked at him intently, sighing in contentedness as he was now releasing some muscular tension: "I think I'm tired to talk about babies right now, to be honest. Let's switch topic"

Ryeowook nodded, closing eyes while the relieving touch made him feel lighter and cuddled in the softness of a cloud: "Sure. It's still too early to think about it, I'll be ready only when we'll be into our first year of marriage, otherwise it'd be just too messy while settling into our life as newly-weds. Plus, I want to enjoy the excitement of being together in complete freedom for a while" he snapped open his eyes and looked again up at Kyuhyun, deciding to sit up and scoot closer to his lover.

Lika a baby koala, he slipped his arms under Kyuhyun's and wrapped the taller man in a tight hug, while he rested his head on the other man's shoulder and brought his hand on his lover's chest, brushing his palm onto it: "In the meanwhile, I think it would be right to move the wedding date sometime near the upcoming summer instead, in order for me to fully recover from my issues, and for you to meet Jiwon's needs"

"I don't want to. I only want to meet your needs" Kyuhyun pouted, loving how the little gesture instilled a profuse warmth, that he rarely had the chance to feel lately.

"But she's the pregnant one, not me!" Ryeowook stopped a while to share an inquiring frown, that worked as a lecturing look for the mistake that Kyuhyun had done.

"Good for me that you can't get pregnant everytime we make it, or we'd be talking about rasing a whole nursery of kids on this very moment" Kyuhyun grinned, lovingly pinching Ryeowook's nose and earning another bad glare for that.

"Are you gonna be like this even right before marrying me, aren't you?" Ryeowook smacked him lightly on the chest, before his little massage could soothe the hit spot "Oh no, you'd probably be even worse than this. I can only imagine you throwing a fit for being imaptient to wait alone at the altar. You'd probably be rambling nonstop with friends, both to vent your very low limit of patience, and for your overexcitement for tying the knot with me, until I magically appear at the end of the aisle accompanied by Zhou Mi on my side" he laughed, teasingly pinching Kyuhyun's hips to get revenge for earlier.

"Have you planned everything this earlier? Even what you'd be feeling that day?" Kyuhyun asked, mouth wide in surprise while Ryeowook looked contagious in his little fantasies.

"No, I haven't. As I said, you're just so very predictable, that I can tell you'd be showing off too much when we will be proclaimed married and there will be the final kiss."

"Like...how?" Kyuhyun challenged him and trapped Ryeowook's wrist in his hand, pressing the petite man's back towards him, so that their bodies weren't saparated by any little gap in between.

"See? You'd be grabbing me with a bit too much strength, like you just did, and look for my lips to kiss me, eager and greedy to show everyone that I'm your husband" he placed his free hand behind Kyuhyun's nape and slipped some fingers in his soft hair, demanding that he tilted his head to the right angle. When this one had moved just as Ryeowook wished, the pianist lightly sprung in Kyuhyun's arms and reached his lips, where he first planted a couple of pecks, before feeling the renewed passion that took over Kyuhyun as if invested by a strong sweeping wave that gave the latter one the same control he had just finished talking about.

Ryeowook found his face just a breath apart from Kyuhyun's, who was now looking intently in his fiancé's eyes, before a little smirk could enlarge on his lips and become a proper smile: "Like this?" he asked, panting a little bit, still too surprised by the intensity of the kiss. With a few little nods Ryeowook gave his confirmation, he was now focused at biting his bottom lip to keep from laughing "Yes, like this"

"So, after this you need to remember me that I will have to kiss you with more strength and passion on the day of our wedding" Kyuhyun found his way to trap Ryeowook in a tight hug and planted his lips on the man's neck. Right on the curve of the smooth, white skin he pressed some other words, a whisper disguised in a kiss: "Tell me everything you want to do that day, so that I know how to make up for my being too full of myself" he asked, knowing that his death sentence was coming up next accompanied by the sweet words of a plan that Ryeowook had never voiced, but that he died all the same to hear being pronounced by him, even though what was concealed in Ryeowook's dreams couldn't possibly happen anymore. Not with Kyuhyun, not by his side at least.

"You're spoiling the surprise with great advance!" Ryeowook giggled, retreating his neck at the ticklish touch.

"Come on! Can't we indulge into thoughts of our lives' happiest day like pretty much every other couple in all over the world? Do you know that while we speak there surely are plenty of couples declaring their love at the altar right on this very instant? Not to mention those that are showing off their feelings by making love..."

"I really didn't want to know that last detail" Ryeowook scoffed and rolled eyes, but right after he cupped with both hands Kyuhyun's face and held it close to his again, smiling affectionately: "Do you really want me to tell you?"

Kyuhyun nodded, with a lump in his dry throat though, because he was just thinking of what he had soon to give up, after all.

"Spoilers coming, don't argue with me after I'm done" Ryeowook commented, looking straight into Kyuhyun's eyes and sighing, ready to recollect all his thoughts: "First of all, I want to dance"

"Dance?"

"Sure, we will be celebrated all day long by our family and closest friends, the least I want to do is dancing with you" Ryeowook nodded, feeling Kyuhyun's hands pressing on his hips and turning the petite man around, so that Ryeowook was now sitting comfortably between Kyuhyun's legs, which were soon closed at his sides, after Ryeowook had backed in the offered hug.

"Don't worry about not knowing how to dance, we might take lessons" Ryeowook continued, overlapping his arms on Kyuhyun's, which were looped around his torso.

"I don't want to take lessons..." Kyuhyun grunted, bending his neck to rest his chin on Ryeowook's shoulder then.

"Well, you will want to someday, or I may leave you right before the wedding takes place. Consider it as a way to spend more afternoons together instead of working. I really want to dance with you on that day, and no matter what you say about it, I'll have you on the dancefloor to sway me slowly in your arms, that's final."

"Oh! That dance!" Kyuhyun sighed in relief, finally understanding: "Okay, I'm all in for hugging you koala style all day long then" he smiled, placing his lips on his lover's nape and covering him in short, but repetitive pecks.

It was clear that he had been very good at faking and lying at that point, because his genuine smiles were needed to cover the true nature of the emotional thunderstorm that was sweeping past his heart, leaving his deepest parts messed upside down. As long as his act was believable, he would have kept pulling through, instead of giving in to that tormented state of mind.

"What were you thinking of? Of course it was that dance! I don't want to embarrass myself and force the guests to watch you struggling to move while following the rhythm of whichever upbeat song, you clumsy hippo!" a bit indignated, Ryeowook pushed his elbow in Kyuhyun's stomach, hearing a suffocated whine from somewhere behind his back.

"Hippo?!" Kyuhyun cried out, unsure that what he had heard were truly Ryeowook's words.

"Yes, hippo! Why? Don't you like it? You really at dancing in general, that's what I meant" the petite man leaned to his right side and once again had no difficulty at grabbing the nearby bag of choco chips cookies, in which he plunged his hand to fish and stack some of them in Kyuhyun's hand. When he didn't feel Kyuhyun moving to begin eating his portion of cookies, Ryeowook turned around and lifted a brow in a questioning look: "What's up now? Did you want somoething else? Chips, perhaps?" Ryeowook asked, trying to lean towards the three bags of chips available, taking his time to decide between paprika or cheese flavor.

"No, forget it. Cookies are fine" Kyuhyun pulled him back and used his left arm to entour his lover's waist and never loose the hold again. Every sudden move Ryeowook was taking, left Kyuhyun in a sort of lost bewilderment at the thought of being separated from the other man. He wanted to savor the moment of feeling their two bodies close until the very last: "Anyway, go on. I want to listen to your whole list of things to do."

"Well, I think it'd be more appropriate to call it list of predictable events, rather than that. It's more like me trying to imagine whatever thing you'll do on our wedding day" Ryeowook quietly replied, bringing a cooking to his mouth, but before taking a bite, he added: "Besides dancing, of course. That's something I'll force you to do" he smiled to himself.

"Okay, so...where were we stuck at?"

"Uhm, I think somewhere near the part that saw you chasing me all the party through to seduce me and lure me way earlier than the supposed time" Ryeowook shrugged, giggling as he rested his back against Kyuhyun's chest.

"I'd never dare!" Kyuhyun exclaimed, earning this time a loud smack on a thigh for his nerve.

"You would and we both know" Ryeowook sighed "Not that I'd try to put a stop to that, let's be honest"

"Now you're speaking the truth" Kyuhyun quickly brought his hand to the place that suffered Ryeowook's hit and massaged his poor thigh in a circular motion to soothe the pain.

"You'd try to shamelessly sneak your hands on me whenever possible, for example with light squeezes on my thighs from under the table, when sitting to eat, or..."

Kyuhyun briefly interrupted "My hands are not aimed at your thighs only, and you know..." he scoffed, hoping not to be heard and in the meanwhile his hands were automatically roaming over Ryeowook's legs, making the other man sigh deep and tiredly.

"I like when you are inconsiderate, because you would drag me in those little hideouts, everywhere, just to snatch at least a kiss from me when we are in public and can't do certain things. Your greed for me is not only physical and I know that. Your sole touch can make me shiver in pleasure and I long for those moments, when I melt in your arms" Ryeowook grabbed Kyuhyun's hand from his own thigh and placed it right over his pounding heart, acidentally blocking the "K" pendant under Kyuhyun's palm.

"Can you feel it? My heartbeat. It's running so fast, I'd die inside at the thought that I might eventually push you away for not being able to recover from my issues. If I don't, then my silly little dreams about our wonderful, magical honeymoon somewhere on a private golden beach don't have any reason to exist if you aren't with me" Ryeowook kept Kyuhyun's hands on his heart and gripped it firmly with his smaller hand, while he described one of his most fervent dreams.

"That day, on our first honeymoon day, I want to snuggle together on the beach and look at the sunset, sipping champagne before you could rock me against your chest and dance privately, intimately, without anybody to disturb us as we feel the thin, cold sand under our bare feet and the dying, orange sunlight wraps us both in a warm hug. And when the sky finally turns darker and the first stars begin to quilt it with their sparkling glow, we'll bathe in the lukewarm, crystal clear ocean water, we will make love on the shore all night long, just you and me and the moon above will be present as our only witness. When we will be too tired, I want to sleep on your chest, and listen to your heartbeat in harmony with the cold rolling waves crashing on the shore. I know you'd wake up earlier than me, because you like watching me while I sleep, but on that day you'd try hard to wake me up so we could watch together the pinkish dawn, the cotton candy clouds and a brand new sun rising before us"

An awkward silence fell in the room. Ryeowook moved just to slip his fingers through Kyuhyun's once again and hold his hand against his heart in a stronger grip, while the other man was left in surprise to touch his lover's heart and listen to all his whishes being listed in a succession of tender whispers.

"I really don't want to miss this chance..." Ryeowook broke the silence and exhaled a bit too difficulty, conscious of the tension that could be felt after his words.

"Neither do I, my love" Kyuhyun was about to tear up, too emotionally involved in Ryeowook's romantic plans, that he could almost feel an imaginary summer breeze tingling his skin under the burning hot sun of a tropical island, and see himself while tasting the salted water on Ryeowook's body through the multiple kisses he would have been glad to share with him.

The description totally matched his imagination, since Ryeowook had always been a helpless romantic, his helpless romantic in truth, and he wasn't ready to let go of him. His mind told him to be as cold blooded as possible and give up on the man, if that meant no threat and no violence for Ryeowook anymore, but his heart screamed to be heard.

Pained and bleeding, Kyuhyun's heart knew the wisest choice was to fight besides Ryeowook and not abandoning him because one bastard with a very wrong consideration for homouality - that didn't actually prevent him from having fun at Ryeowook's expenses - said so.

"I don't want to miss this chance" Kyuhyun repeated, more as a self-reminder of the choice he had opted for, than for reassuring Ryeowook that everything would have gone according to his wishes, because it wasn't so, just Ryeowook still ignored it.

"I don't want to screw it up between us, I'm frightened that you might walk away if I can't go back to my old self, I'm frightened of being alone, without you my world crumbles" the pianist murmured, again trapped in his fears.

"Listen, Ryeowook. I'm gonna say it once and forever: I'm with you because I love you as a whole, with your best qualities and your worst flaws" Kyuhyun's fingers held Ryeowook's chin up, while he leaned in to look at the petite man once again shivering, hostage of his deepest concerns.

"I love your smile when we wake up at morning; I love how you tease me because that's something only you can do without having me being an and throwing a fit for it and I love you because you can stand me being an and still don't care if I occasionally flip out on many daily things. I love your cooking and your piano, especially when you play lullabies for me late at night when I can't sleep and my eyes, even in the dark of our room, can still distinguish your figure sitting on the stool and graciously move hands on the keys. I love when you pamper me, though I should not abuse too much of your precious patience, but you know I lack of it, so you never complain about it. I love you when you side with me when I occasionally bicker with Zhou Mi, but in the end, since you love us both, you would push us to make up with tasting your dessert, one that despite your tiredness you are always willing to prepare, even last minute,  if it can help us making peace"

Kyuhyun listed some of the daily things that were impregnated of their mutual love, while saying each one of them out loud, he tilted his head to leave a peck on Ryeowook's nape, shoulders, neck and jawline, before continuing with his list and setting his eyes again on the other man.

Until his mouth reached Ryeowook's ear, the one which hid the hearing aid got during a delicate surgery to almost fully recover from an otherwise bothering impairment. It was another fragility that Ryeowook had to bravely hide from the world, a secret that very few knew about him and that Kyuhyun tried to respect with high consideration: "My list could go on and on and I'd never be done with telling you what I love the best in our relationship. As you can see, it's not only your body, though I truly enjoy making love to you. You're beautiful in every aspect and I am one damn lucky man for having you, but is not relevant, it's not something I'm dependent on like I'm addicted to your whole self, therefore you should snap that awful idea out of your mind. I'd never grow distant from you only because you can't fill your physical presence in bed beside me, I don't care!"

Kyuhyun slowly grabbed Ryeowook by his shoulders and turn him around, directing the man's head under the crook of his head. that soft, silky hair while he held Ryeowook against his body, Kyuhyun couldn't keep from torturing his bottom lip in a regretful bite. With eyes squeezed and chin lifted up to the air, he was trying to find the last source of strength to convey his final speech to the only person he had loved so dearly, so faithfully, and that cherished more than his own self, who was now experiencing what a sacrifice could mean.

"Ryeowook, it's very touching that you think of me as your world...but, perhaps you should give yourself a bit more of consideration. You shouldn't depend on me that way, or you'd fail to distinguish the reality all around" his tone was wavering at the very beginning, but he forced himself to steady his voice in that attempt to sound serious, yet not too much: "I love being at the center of your existence, but think about it. What if I were to prematurely die, for example? You'd be too attached to the memory of me and won't be able to carry on, and although I'd hate seeing you with another man, I'd never forbid you to find your happiness. Can you get what I mean?"

"What are you talking about now?!" Ryeowook parted from the hug, agitated to hear such words from Kyuhyun's mouth. Why was he brining up such a topic? His brain was already wildly running towards the worst of ideas: "Die? Kyu, is there something you should be telling me about? Are you...are you ill and you're keeping it from me?"

Kyuhyun lifted both his eyebrows in a look of shock, even his mouth dropped open at such hypothesis but he hadn't be given the time to process the thoughts, because Ryeowook was yet again crying a river at the idea of losing Kyuhyun to an illness: "What?! N-no, no baby! Ryeowook, I'm not ill! I'm perfectly healthy!" he stammered still in disbelief, rushing to cup Ryeowook's cheeks and wipe away his tears with both his thumbs "What is making you think I might be ill?"

"Y-you just talked about dying! I don't want you to die and leave me, a-and...and" he began to sob, reaching his usual sobbing mess when he was too upset.

"Oh, my lovely, little idiot!" Kyuhyun pulled him tight in his arms and felt Ryeowook's tears wetting his shirt; his muffled, hot breath hitting him directly on his chest, somewhere above his heart, and finally he felt also the man's sobs, which caused Ryeowook's chest to widen and shrink at each shallow hiccup drawn into his throat "I'm not ill, I'm not dying and..." he wanted to add the part about not leaving him, but Kyuhyun knew that was a lie, so he just omitted it and changed topic "...see? This is what I was referring to. I'm not dying, but what if I were? I'd be leaving you behind and you would spend the rest of your days crying over your dead boyfriend"

"Fiancé" Ryeowook corrected him in a broken sob.

"Right, fiancé" Kyuhyun nodded, busy at Ryeowook's back.

"N-no...almost husband" Ryeowook shook again his head and corrected himself, this time smearing Kyuhyun's shirt with another trail of tears while doing so.

"Fine, almost husband" the other one sighed deeply, patting Ryeowook's shoulders in the most delicate way to calm him down.

Kyuhyun felt already too much guilty for witnessing what could only be the most likely reaction which would have shaken Ryeowook from the following day onwards, when they would be separated: "Promise me that you'll try to change that, okay? It's important, Ryeowook!" Kyuhyun murmured, trying to talk him into rationality "I want you to think about yourself, be selfish! Love yourself! And let no one near your fragility anymore. If I were to disappear from your life, you need to be strong and carry on, just like you did nearly twelve years ago. Don't trust too easily, don't love with too much of yourself, but draw clear distinctions with people that love you back or those that need you for personal profit. Fight and be brave because no one is truly immediately granted any help, no one lives this world like you would love to. It's not a dream and people betray too often"

"You will never do such a thing to me, though... I've nothing to fear, if you're by my side" Ryeowook insisted, apparently not affected by Kyuhyun's suggestions at all, so that Kyuhyun dared to rise his voice in a brief moment of deceived anger: "Ryeowook, I'm talking about times without me! This is what you need to do if I'm not by your side anymore! Please, try to understand me..." his voice got thinner then, merely a blow in the air, with the same speed and strength that before made the man almost shout with his loudest and fullest voice. 

Ryeowook whimpered in Kyuhyun's arms, too shocked to admit to himself that Kyuhyun had just actually dared to shout at him. Under other circumstances, he would have shouted back at him, fought him and his arrogance. But he felt so small, so defenseless, which was an aftermath of what violence had done to him and to his mind, he was too shaken and worn out to actually try for a change, attempt to resurrect from bravest ashes. He shut his eyes tight and gripped strongly Kyuhyun's clothes with a force that threatened to mark the man's chest with red scratches from his nails.

"Promise me. I beg you my sunshine, only then you'll be able to reach your lost splendor" Kyuhyun, a bit exasperated, went back to his soothing mission "I just want the best for you, always...no matter what happens, please...try to understand me"

Kyuhyun finally bent to kiss him on the top of his head, inhaling the sweet vanilla scent of that shampoo that too many times got wasted for nothing while Ryeowook insisted to shower together. As he closed his eyes and let the scent in through his nostrils, he immediately felt his senses terribly overpowered, weakened, but with that he could perfectly recall each single time, each single memory spent with the petite man, whose smaller figure he was dearly holding against his heart.

As in a long flashback, a chain of one in a lifetime chances already long gone, Kyuhyun found himself surrounded by the upcoming loneliness of broken promises, empty words and a necessary break up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Oh my God! Sorry for the wait, you may want to kill me, I know..don't do it yet, or you will never discover how this story ends! lol I took almost half a month to review, correct errors, erase paragraphs and add other necessary details to have the chapter flowing in a better way! BUT...here it is, and I hope you can leave me your comments and opinions as always. I like to hear from you all, and I'm feeling a bit neglected, so...fuel me with your love/hate/whatever as long as you comment! XDD

While I was reviewing this chapter, I also found a little bit of time to write my first ever oneshot (Kyuwook themed, I can't help but love my otp more and more with each passing days T-T) and you can find it here: Diamonds - just foolish in love. I hope you can jump over there and take the time to give it a try, if you want :D

Thank you, and..I'll keep you updated! xxx