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Chapter 8 - The Engagement Party Part II

"YoungJae," JaeBum called quickly closing the space between them with long strides. His date had a little bit of a hard time keeping up, as she tottered inelegantly in her high-heels. As soon as he reached YoungJae, JaeBum pulled him into a tight embrace. "It's so good to see you again," he said in his ear. He pulled back and looked at YoungJae's face, smiling while still holding him in his arms. As soon as YoungJae looked into JaeBum's eyes, he felt all those emotions he had felt the last time they saw each other come rushing back. The effect of which he felt were heating up his face and ears turning him an embarrassing shade of pink. Nonetheless, he couldn't look away from those perfect eyes.

"What's the matter? Can't believe your eyes? Say something. I've missed your voice," JaeBum said, embracing him tightly again.

As he felt JaeBum's body press against his, he closed his eyes, remembering the feel and smell of him from years ago.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"Well, that's the last of it," JaeBum announced as he closed the trunk of the car. YoungJae was one of a crowd of friends who had come to see JaeBum off. He was going to start his job as a studio musician.

It was a job that he'd dreamed of having for all the years they were at university. Most people wanted to be idols, but JaeBum was realistic: he didn't think that would ever happen for him. He'd gone to a few auditions when he was younger, but the rejection had been to much for him, so he'd stopped.

Plus, who'd want to be followed around all the time, hardly ever getting time to eat or sleep? Also, the constant digging into someone's personal life and the resulting judgement from armies of fans and anti-fans and whomever else: people who didn't even know him. That was something that a private person like JaeBum really couldn't stand the thought of, so he had given up.

But, being a studio musician was a chance to be involved with music full-time and maybe he would have a chance at being discovered as an artist, he often joked. He still wanted to be a successful singer, just not an idol. That dream had never truly died. He didn't really have much hope of that happening, but it wasn't impossible, was it?

He started saying his goodbyes to Min, JoKwon, Mark, Jia, Jackson, JinYoung and the many others he'd befriended over the years they'd studied together. As he stood there watching, it seemed to YoungJae that he was being passed over. Several times, JaeBum would seem to be heading in his direction, just to embrace someone else and tell them how much he would miss them. After a while, YoungJae had started to feel invisible. Maybe JaeBum had forgotten him already. . .

After he had said his farewells to everyone, and YoungJae was stepping away from his car so he could open the door, get in and drive away, JaeBum grabbed his hand and asked, "where do you think you're going? Isn't my favourite dongsaeng going to say goodbye to me?"

JaeBum looked at YoungJae and smiled. But his smile didn't reach his eyes.

His eyes held a sadness and an intensity that YoungJae had never seen before. It made parts of him begin to pound savagely. He stood there for what must have been only a few seconds looking into JaeBum's eyes, but for him it felt as though time had stopped.

"I'm going to miss you," JaeBum said, never breaking his gaze as he stared into YoungJae's eyes.

"I'm going to miss you too, Hyung," YoungJae returned.

JaeBum pulled him into a hug. One arm encircled YoungJae's waist while his other hand went to the back of YoungJae's head as he held him close. He his hair and asked, "You won't forget me, will you?"

"How could I forget you, Hyung?" YoungJae replied softly next to his ear.

JaeBum continued to hold YoungJae. He began to rock him in a slow, small motion, as though he wanted to comfort both YoungJae and himself. He breathed against his neck as he leaned his head on YoungJae's shoulder.

Then he did something YoungJae remembered to this day.

JaeBum pressed a soft, sweet kiss on his neck.

Afterward, he slowly let him go.

He looked at YoungJae one final time, and the dongsaeng thought he'd seen a faint trace of tears in his hyung's eyes. JaeBum then quickly tore his eyes away from YoungJae's and took a last look at everyone else who was standing there. Sadly, he waved to everyone one last time.

Then he got into his car and drove away.

In the beginning, YoungJae and JaeBum had kept in touch almost every day. They would share what was going on in their lives at their jobs and talk about how they would meet up when they got time. But then as they both got busier, their contact grew less and less. Then when JaeBum went into the army, their contact waned even further. Just before JaeBum finished his service, YoungJae went in and their contact, which was then only occasional, seemed to drop off almost altogether. After that, they only really got in touch on birthdays and holidays and then it was usually only a short text with a promise to call, which they never seemed to get around to keeping. When one had time to talk, the other didn't. They'd grown apart.

But YoungJae had never forgotten that last day and how it had felt to be in JaeBum's arms, held close to his body, and the feel of the light press of JaeBum's lips against his neck.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"This is Fei. Fei, this is YoungJae. I told you about him. We went to university together."

"It's nice to meet you YoungJae-ssi. JaeBum has told me a lot of good things about you," Fei said.

"That's nice to hear," YoungJae said. He was waiting for JaeBum to tell him something more about who Fei was to him: girlfriend? fiancée? wife? No, he was pretty sure he would have been invited to the wedding or at least have heard about that through the grapevine, but nothing. So, JaeBum didn't mention anything. But YoungJae had seen Fei's arm through his earlier, so as far as he was concerned, that said it all.

He excused himself before any more could be said and walked away.

He didn't see the look on JaeBum's face as he stared after YoungJae as he left the room.

They didn't speak to each other for the rest of the night.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"How are your feet?"

"They're killing me. Thanks for letting me lean on you at the party. God, I just HATE wearing high-heels! This always happens to me. I see a pair of shoes and think, 'Oh, those're pretty; they'd go GREAT with my outfit and then . . . they assassinate my feet. Well, never again. From now on, it's casual all the way and whoever doesn't like it, can lump it. By the way, you don't think YoungJae got the wrong idea about us, do you?" Fei asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't give me that. I saw the way you looked at each other. I thought music was going to start playing in the middle of your romantic reunion," Fei laughed.

"It's . . . it's . . . nothing like that. He was just a special dongsaeng to me at university. He used to sing . . ."

" . . . like a dream, I know. He had a great voice. I know. You really enjoyed singing with him. You really liked listening to him sing. I know. You've mentioned him often enough. Look, I'm your friend, right? So, just come clean and tell me. You like him. A lot."

"Of course I like him a lot. I told you, he was my favourite dongsaeng . . ."

"Yeah, okay. I'm going to use the shower first if that's alright with you, Romeo."

JaeBum threw a pillow at her as she darted to the bathroom and shut the door.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"We're not supposed to give out personal information, Jae-Jae-ah. Not even to our friends," JinYoung told YoungJae as he followed him into the office behind the front reception desk.

The party was over and everyone had retired for the night. The guests from out-of-town all had rooms, except for Mark's parents: they were staying with the Paks. They had been good friends for years and were looking forward to catching up. Once they were off the subject of marriage, Mr and Mrs Pak could actually be a lot of fun. And they were especially fun around the Tuans. Both couples had so much in common, they had become fast friends years ago. That was why, in a way, Mrs Pak sometimes felt bad about wanting Mark to move out. But, JinYoung's future 'happiness' was her greatest concern, and especially after tonight, she was sure he would find that happiness with MiRa. Once they were married, she reasoned, Mark and JinYoung could go back to being the close friends they always had been, so, in the end, no harm done. Right?

JinYoung and YoungJae were the last ones wandering around. JinYoung had to check on a few last things before he finished for the night. YoungJae accompanied him as he made his final rounds, just because didn't want to go back to his room and be alone.

Plus, he needed some information.

"Can't you just tell me if they're sharing a room?" YoungJae pleaded.

"No. I can't just tell you that they're sharing a room," JinYoung hinted.

"Wait? Does that mean they're sharing a room?"

"Did I say that? I didn't say that."

YoungJae looked downcast. He wasn't sure if he'd heard right and JinYoung didn't seem as though he'd be repeating it.

"You didn't hear anything from me. Remember that. I'm going to bed now. See you in the morning," JinYoung said.

"Wait, Hyung," YoungJae called grabbing his friend's arm.

"What is it? I'm really tired," JinYoung grumbled with a pout.

"Could we just talk for a bit? There's something I want to talk to you about. Can you come to my room for a minute?"

"Just one minute?"

"Come on, Hyung," YoungJae whined. "It's nothing to kid around about. It's serious."

JinYoung could see that YoungJae was meant what he was saying.

"Okay," he agreed and they walked to YoungJae's room.

"What's going on between you and Mark, Hyung?" YoungJae asked as soon as they sat down.

"Nothing's going on. What do you mean?"

"I'm worried. Mark-Hyung looked so miserable. Then he disappeared for most of the night."

"I think my mother was a little much during the party. And once his mother started in on him, I think he just wanted to get away."

"But Hyung, don't you think he was hurt by the way that woman, whatever her name was . . ."

"MiRa . . . "

"Yeah, MiRa. Don't you think he was upset by the way she was hanging all over you all night?"

"He knows why we had to do that. We've already talked about it," JinYoung answered defensively.

"Well, he seemed upset to me. And, to be honest, Hyung, it seemed as though you didn't even notice."

JinYoung realized that what YoungJae said was true. He had been so caught up in trying to make everything seem real to his parents that he had to admit he had taken little notice of his partner. He had been a little bit annoyed at how MiRa seemed to be going overboard with her performance, but all-in-all everyone seemed to buy the act. But, did they all end up buying it a little too well, too fast? JinYoung just hoped that his mother's constant hints about his proposing to MiRa were just an unfortunate symptom of Jackson and GaYeon's engagement. There's no way she could think that after 'dating' for such a short time he could even be considering marriage already?

Could she?

"Hyung, you know how much I love both you and Mark-Hyung. I just don't want anything going wrong between the two of you. Are you sure that this is the best way to go about solving the situation? It seems that this solution you've thought out could actually be causing more of a problem," YoungJae counselled.

"It'll be alright, YoungJae-ah. Don't worry. It's a bit rough at the moment, but this whole engagement thing has everyone behaving out of character. I'll talk to Mark and make sure that everything is alright. I'm doing all this so that we can stay together. I'm not trying to upset him. I'll make sure he understands," JinYoung promised.

"I hope so, Hyung. I don't want Mark-Hyung getting hurt . . ."

"I wouldn't do anything to hurt him," JinYoung assured him, "I love him way too much. I always have," he smiled thoughtfully. Then he mussed YoungJae's hair to lighten the mood a little. "Don't worry, YoungJae-ah. Really, don't worry about us, we'll be fine. Anyway, time for bed I think," JinYoung sighed as he got up to leave. But just before he opened the front door, he turned back and said, "their room has twin beds. JaeBum requested that especially, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. But, remember, you didn't hear it from me. Goodnight, YoungJae. Sweet dreams," JinYoung said, and winked at his precious dongsaeng before he left him alone to ponder that piece of information.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

The apartment was dark when JinYoung walked in. He slipped off his shoes and went to his room to get undressed. Once he was ready for bed, he walked to Mark's room. The door, was closed, which wasn't typical at all. Even when he'd gone to bed before JinYoung got home, he'd always left his door open so that JinYoung could come in and slip into bed beside him. JinYoung's brow creased in confusion. Was YoungJae right? Was Mark that upset with him?

"Mark," he called softly as he opened the door. He called again, a little more loudly this time.

There was no answer.

Thinking Mark was fast asleep and that he probably shouldn't disturb him if he wanted to be alone, JinYoung quietly closed the door and retired to his own room for the night.

JinYoung lay in the darkness staring at the ceiling, like he had done all those years ago when he and Mark had returned from that trip to Jeju; the trip where they had slept wrapped in each other's arms every night. Now they lived on Jeju. Together. But he felt the same ache he'd felt when he longed to have Mark next to him the night they'd returned to their dorm after that trip long ago. He wished that he could just call Mark to his bed and he would crawl in next to him like he had that night, the first real night of their love. He wanted Mark so much. He missed him. Had he been neglecting him? Was YoungJae right? He didn't want him to be right, because if he was, that would mean that he had hurt the person he loved most in the world.

And as he lay there in the darkness and loneliness of his bed, he resolved to talk to Mark the next morning. He would make sure that he knew how much JinYoung loved him. And then, step by step, they would go back to the way they were all those years ago.

Next up: Remembering . . .