These updates are getting longer...  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

Even though it's longer than usual, I hope you'll like this chapter.

Chapter 35

The cork popped loudly, causing everyone to cheer. He had done a good job: only a smoke-like tendril of mist twisted upward. Not one drop of champagne was spilled.

After everyone’s glasses had been filled, Jackson made the toast.

“To the greatest fighter and the greatest partner in the world!” he announced proudly.

Everyone agreed with a loud “cheers!” as they downed their drinks.

The evening of celebrating GaYeon’s most recent MMA win was now officially underway. Everyone congratulated her heartily because every last one of her friends had been aware that her last opponent was one against whom she had lost two prior matches. Also, this fight had been for a belt that she’d coveted for so long, but, although she never admitted it, thought she would never win. So for her to finally be victorious against this fighter and win the once-elusive title was the biggest and greatest accomplishment of her career so far. She was truly happy.

But soon something else dominated her thoughts. Once everyone was seated, she, sitting at the head of the table, with Jackson beside her, had a choice view. So, from her vantage point, she could clearly observe two very special guests.

Mark and JinYoung.

This was the first time the two had been together since that night under the streetlamps almost two weeks ago. After that night, both men had just got on with their lives. Mark continued to work at Runaway, moving both DaeHyun and RyeoWook up to the positions of manager. It hadn’t really made a huge impact on their general responsibilities, but they did get an increase in pay and when either did work as the only manager on a shift, they finally got the chance to use their administrative training. Things were going so well with the café that Mark had started to consider what his next move would be.

As for JinYoung, he’d been able to find a flat and move in, within that time. It was still rather bare, but he was taking his time, slowly acquiring pieces that suited him and suited the layout of the flat. He had looked at many flats: most were new buildings, but he found that they weren’t really his style. They had a lot of conveniences, but the most important things for him were lots of sunlight and warm feeling once you walked in. He didn’t like anything cold and museum-like.

On his third day of searching, he found it. When he first walked in, it just felt like home. There was a warm feeling in the amount of wood that was part of the flat’s structure and decor; the slightly rustic feeling captured his heart. So, without further ado, he took it.

It turned out that there was one thing he disliked about it, and that was, ironically, also the thing he loved most about it: it was almost equidistant between two places which, in the past, had been very important to him: Runaway and Mark’s flat.

At first, he was tempted not to take it, but it fulfilled his expectations so perfectly that he simply didn’t want to live anywhere else. And, the truth was, that no matter how bleak things seemed between them at the moment, JinYoung still had an ember of hope burning inside him that he and Mark would someday be reconciled to one another. Then, living there would be more of a blessing and less of a curse.

Escape was on the market, but JinYoung hadn’t sold it yet. He was waiting for the right offer by the right person. He had been offered his asking price by two different companies, but he’d turned them both down. Their plans had been to incorporate Escape into their chains; changing the décor and running it without much in the way of heart. But he and Mark had come up with the concepts themselves; they had designed and built it all from its very foundation. He wasn’t about to let it land in what he considered to be the ‘wrong’ hands. No, he would wait for a buyer who thought of it as more than a business. A buyer who would treat the employees and customers with respect: not cutting quality and cutting pay. He would wait for the right person, making the right offer. He could afford to.

GaYeon knew exactly what was going on with her two friends: Jackson had kept her informed as he massaged her aching muscles every night after her strenuous training sessions. But although she was well-aware of all the recent developments in the lives of her two friends, those were not on GaYeon’s mind as she watched them. What she observed had nothing to do with flats and businesses. From where she sat, she was able to see how, even when they were talking to other people, their eyes seemed to wander back to one another; but only when they thought the other wasn’t looking. They were keeping tabs on one another, stealing glances whenever the opportunity to do so without detection presented itself. And GaYeon watched them play this game.

“Hey, you’ve been quiet. Are you enjoying yourself?” Jackson asked.

“Yes, it’s great, Jackson. Really. Thank you,” she said leaning over to kiss him softly on the lips.

Even after all this time together, Jackson felt his face warm when she kissed him. That was probably because PDA was not at all GaYeon’s thing; for her to kiss him in company like that was very . . . quickening.

So now, even though he had planned the entire evening, he suddenly couldn’t wait for all this to be over so that they could have their own private celebration . . . later.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

He did it again.

When was JinYoung going to learn how to eat?

There was just a bit of sauce, just a daub at the edge of his lip.

How can he not be aware of it? Mark wondered.

In the past, Mark would have done any number of things in a situation like this: he might have taken his serviette and wiped it away . . . he might have wiped it with his thumb and then the sauce off, all while looking deeply into JinYoung’s eyes; or . . . if they were at home, alone together, he would have simply kissed and it away and that would have led them in almost no time, from the table to the bedroom.

But now, all he could do was sit there and watch as the splotch of sauce called to him. He couldn’t stop staring at it.

Once he’d lifted his eyes from the provoking spot, he found his eyes locked with those of Pak JinYoung. He’d been caught in the act.

Mark, who had determined to try to be friends, motioned to him that he had something on his face. That’s something a friend would do, right? But what followed was anything but friendly. JinYoung understood the sign and tried to wipe it away, but, his first attempt only smeared it more. This had an instant effect on Mark. A fleeting thought shot through his mind of his leaping across the table, grabbing JinYoung’s face and kissing and tonguing the offending sauce savagely away. That thought had only flashed in his mind for about a second, but it was disturbing in its vividness. He shook it away inwardly and just signalled to JinYoung again. This time, he was able to wipe it away successfully. Mark smiled a short, polite smile at JinYoung before averting his eyes.

It wasn’t much, but JinYoung felt a gladness in his heart. Mark had been looking at him. Mark had noticed him. Mark had, in a small way, communicated with him. And yes, he did look away, but he had looked in the first place. That was the point.

JinYoung was really enjoying being with his friends this evening. Having so many people to talk to took his mind off of his situation at the moment. But, seeing Mark . . . having him so near and being unable to just reach out and touch him . . . that longing returned to him over and over throughout the evening.

He thought of how lucky he’d been in the past. Whenever they’d been with friends, the fleeting touches, the looks, maybe even a stolen kiss they would exchange when no one was looking; that had been their lives. Those moments had given evenings like this an added . . . spice. On those evenings they could flirt with each other almost . . . painfully. They would circle each other throughout the evening as they mixed with the others, feeling the ache build up between them as they let their eyes linger on each other just that bit longer, or touched each other lightly as one passed the other by. It was like being in the room in an attractive stranger, not knowing how things would end. By the time they joined each other in bed after everyone had gone home, their desire would have built up so strongly that they could hardly tear the clothes from their bodies fast enough. Their lips would fasten on each others’ passionately, working furiously together as they tasted each other deeply, almost feeling as if it was the very first time.

They would take each other and be taken by each other wildly and intensely until that moment . . . that moment when they stared into each other’s eyes, bodies convulsing with desire as they hit the peak before crashing down.

JinYoung watched Mark talking and laughing with Min. He was glad to see him happy, but part of him wished Mark could look at him with the look in his eyes he would have had if they were still together.

Then just as JinYoung was about to look away, Mark’s eyes met his. Just for a brief moment, but it felt like a lifetime. For that one moment, as their eyes locked, JinYoung felt something like an electrical pulse surge through his entire body. He felt Mark inside all that was himself. Then he turned away, breaking their connected gaze.

Everyone was getting ready to go on to the next place.

Karaoke.

Just as he was putting his coat on, Mark’s scarf slipped to the floor. JinYoung, standing right there, bent, picked it up and handed it to him. As he reached out and took the scarf awkwardly, their fingers touched briefly.

It was the second time that night that JinYoung felt an electric rush bolt through his body.

But, he wasn’t the only one.

As their eyes met, for a split-second Mark’s eyelids fluttered just a fraction as he felt it too.

“Thank you,” he muttered quietly before walking away.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

Almost everyone had sung. Mark had decided to rap with Jackson to a favourite Dynamic Duo track, neither feeling confident in his singing ability. Things were beginning to wind down as the group of friends, quieting down with the lateness of the hour, sat together drinking and talking.

It was then, in a moment of relative quiet that JinYoung chose to look through the songs.

He found what he was looking for.

He surprised it was still in a karaoke collection, but it had been a popular song in its day. It was one of JinYoung’s favourites and he used to sing it every time they went to a karaoke room during their final year of university.

As the opening notes began, Mark, who had been listening intently to JoKwon talking . . . stopped.

He knew this song.

This was the song. The song that made him think only of JinYoung. It was the song that said all the things he’d felt in his heart towards JinYoung since the moment they’d fallen in love with each other. But it wasn’t soppy like so many love songs. The words were the ones he would have whispered into JinYoung’s ear had he been creative enough to write them.

Everyone’s conversations stopped. They all knew this song. And except for newcomers like SeulOng, they all knew what it meant to Mark and JinYoung.

JinYoung started out easily, just the notes with his voice, putting expression in every word. Then as the song began to build in power, so did his voice.

By the time he sang the final notes of the song, Mark’s eyes were glistening. He felt a dull ache in his stomach as he remembered everything this song had meant to them. And what it could no longer mean.

As JinYoung returned to his seat, Jia put an arm around him and he laid his head on her shoulder. Mark was looking down, but it was obvious when he lifted his hands to his face, that he was wiping tears away before they’d had a chance to fall.

He knew that the first time he saw JinYoung after they’d decided to be friends would be hard, but he just hadn’t realised how hard.

JoKwon, good friend and resident party animal, decided to change the atmosphere by selecting an upbeat tune as the next choice. By the time it got to the chorus, he’d succeeded in getting almost everyone up and dancing.

Almost.

“Come sit with us,” Jackson said as he hung over Mark’s shoulder.

After that song was over, virtually everyone flopped back down into their seats. Jia put on something that would be suitable as background music and then everyone started their own conversations.

JinYoung was sitting within earshot of Mark, so he was able to clearly hear his conversation. He didn’t intentionally eavesdrop, but what he heard ended up making him wish he had moved far enough away not to be able to listen.

“So you went to see your grandparents? How are they?” JoKwon asked.

“They’re fine. I think they’d like more visitors though,” Mark answered.

“I think we can arrange that,” JoKwon smiled. He, like the others, had visited Mark’s grandparents in the past and liked them very much.

“It was a good visit. I . . . finally told them,” he told them all.

“Finally told them what?” Jackson asked.

“You know . . . about . . . being gay,” Mark responded.

“You told them?” JaeBum asked. “ How did they take it?”

“Really well,” Mark replied. “My grandmother apparently had figured it out a long time ago, and so had my grandfather. I never knew. My parents both cried a little. My mother was upset that I’d kept it to myself so long. They felt like they’d left me alone, somehow,” he continued.

JinYoung wished he hadn’t heard any of this. Because, although he knew that he should feel happy for Mark, all he could feel was . . . envy.

Mark’s parents . . . even his grandparents, accepted him. While his parents . . .

It just wasn’t fair.

Mark was just able to do what he wanted. Yes, he was a good son, but basically just because he was a good person in general. He had never gone out of his way or bent over backwards to please his parents. But JinYoung had. He had done so many things just to make his parents proud of him. Even that horrible situation with MiRa was all because he’d wanted to make them happy.

He’d even lost Mark.

And even though they’d always been at the forefront of his mind, they discarded him so easily. Why hadn’t he just always done what he wanted without any regard for them? He might have lost them back then, but he had ended up losing them anyway. If he had thought more of his own life and less of them earlier, at least he still would have had Mark.

It wasn’t fair.

“I guess I’m lucky,” Mark smiled.

Then he realised.

JinYoung hadn’t been that lucky.

Immediately he felt like an insensitive jerk. Here he was talking about how tolerant his family was, when JinYoung’s . . .

The smile slipped from his face.

He didn’t know what to do to take back the words he’d just spoken. He immediately wanted to stop the entire conversation.

But it was too little too late.

He glanced at JinYoung and saw, for the briefest of moments, the hurt in his eyes just before he turned away.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

It was only a couple of hours before daybreak when the party finally broke up. Everyone started filing out of the building, promising to meet up again soon.

“JinYoung, don’t forget to tell us when you’re going to have your housewarming. The present I got for your is burning a hole in my pocket. Well, figuratively,” Jia announced.

“I will,” he promised. But truth be told, he didn’t really want to have a housewarming party. Whether or not he invited Mark, it would just serve to remind him that he was living there alone, without the man he loved.

Everyone had already moved off in their own directions, when JinYoung felt a hand on his arm.

It was Mark.

“I just wanted to say, I’m sorry about before,” he said humbly. “I didn’t mean . . . “

“I was just . . . surprised to hear about it that way,” JinYoung said. “You’d wanted to tell them so many times, and now . . . you have. I’m glad it went well. Really, I am.”

“They asked about you,” Mark volunteered quietly.

“Oh . . . “ JinYoung said. He felt a little hurt that he was only hearing about this now, for the first time. But he tried to smile.  “I always liked them,” he responded. “Give them my regards when you talk to them again.”

“I will,” Mark promised.

They stood together in silence until JinYoung asked, “did they really realise a long time ago?”

“Yes,” Mark answered softly.

“While we were together?” he asked, torturing himself with the question and what he knew would be the answer.

“Yes.”

They continued to stand facing each other, but without looking each other in the eye. They both wanted to leave, but at the same time didn’t want to break the connection between them, even if it was only one of guilt and sympathy. They weren’t together, but just being able to be in each other’s company with no one else around, was both a pleasure and a deep pain that seemed to bind them, one to the other.

As he stood there, JinYoung realised bitterly that if he’d allowed Mark to tell his family earlier, even after his parents’ rejection, he would still have had a family: namely Mark’s.

But now . . . he was alone. And it was no one’s fault but his own.

One question tormented him: why hadn’t Mark’s love been enough for him? Until they’d moved to Jeju, they were happy. Alone. Together.

But when he was faced with a choice between his parents and the man he loved, he’d chosen them. And he had chosen wrong.

If only he could turn back time. If only he could do it all again.

JinYoung raised his eyes from the pavement.

“I guess I’ll be going now,” he said.

The sound of his voice in the silence that surrounded them startled Mark out of his reverie.

“Oh . . . okay,” he responded, feeling an unwelcome tug at his heart at JinYoung’s words. He was still so sorry about what he’d said, but there was nothing more he could do about it.

As he looked for the last time that night into JinYoung’s eyes, Mark just wanted to comfort him. He wanted to let JinYoung know that even though they weren’t together, he still cared about him and it mattered to him how he was feeling. But before he could figure out how he could show him without confusing the situation, JinYoung whispered a soft, “goodnight” and hurried away.

Mark just stood there for a moment before he murmured in a voice only he could hear, “goodnight, JinYoung.”

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

“Have I told you how proud I am of you?” Jackson asked as he lay in GaYeon’s arms.

“About a million times,” she said, kissing his forehead. “But I never get tired of hearing it.”

“Good, because I never get tired of saying it.”

GaYeon slipped lower in the bed until they were looking into each other’s eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“For what?”

“For every meal you prepared for me and for even dieting with me so that I wouldn’t feel alone. Without your support, I wouldn’t have won this match,” she said, kissing him lightly.

“I cheated when you weren’t looking,” he confessed.

“I know,” she replied. “If you’d been following the same diet the entire time, you would have lost a lot more weight,” she smiled. “But, you didn’t eat that other stuff in front of me, so I was still grateful.”

“I love you,” Jackson breathed, against her lips before kissing them.

“I love you, too,” GaYeon responded breathily.

Then, her eyes changed.

In a moment, she went from a love-bunny to a wildcat, flipping Jackson onto his back and then climbing atop him, straddling him with her powerful legs.

“Still have enough energy for that?” Jackson asked, reaching for her as he smiled.

“Always,” she said.

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

Afterwards, as he lay in GaYeon’s arms, Jackson decided to raise a question that had been on his mind for a while.

“Now that you’ve won that match, maybe we can set a date for the wedding?” He kissed her lovingly on the cheek. “I want to marry you as soon as possible, Song GaYeon.”

Her brow furrowed slightly at his words. The truth was, that although she loved Jackson, whenever she thought about it these days, she found she wasn’t altogether enthusiastic about the prospect of becoming his wife.

When moments passed and there was no response, Jackson became concerned.

“Is something wrong, GaYeon?” he asked nervously.

“I’m just . . . do we need to get married? I mean, we’re doing okay, aren’t we?” she asked.

Jackson was dumbfounded. What did she mean? He’d asked her to marry him and she’d said ‘yes’, so where was all of this coming from?

He looked into her eyes and saw worry.

“Of course, we’re doing okay,” he said gently. “But I thought we both wanted to get married.”

“I did . . . I do . . . but . . .”

“But what?”

“I’m worried . . . “ she confessed.

“What about?” he asked. This was getting more and more unsettling.

“I’m not a housewife, Jackson. I’m a fighter. I’m not even sure that I ever want to be a housewife,” she said.

“Who said you had to be a housewife?” he asked her.

“It’s happened to virtually every female fighter I know who’s got married,” she said. “Boyfriends expect...“ she began.

“ . . . fiancées . . . “ he corrected.

“ . . . fiancées . . . expect different things than husbands expect from their wives,” she continued, “and I don’t want to go from fighting and running the gym to being in charge of housekeeping and cooking, waiting for babies to arrive,” she said.

“Is that what you think I want you to do?” Jackson asked incredulously. Now he was getting a little angry. How could she think that of him? Didn’t she know him at all?

“Don’t you remember why I liked you in the first place? Don’t you remember when I first saw you? Well, if you don’t, it was when you were fighting. That’s what first attracted me to you. Your fighting, not pretty dresses and painted fingernails. I liked watching you in the ring. I liked watching you outsmart your opponent with your tactics. I liked how strong you looked.”

“Jackson . . . “

“Let me finish. Do you know when I’m proudest of you? When you train for a match. That’s when I see how determined you are. The way you stick to your schedule and your diet no matter how tough they are. And all because you want to win. GaYeon,” he said her hair, “when I see you in the ring, there’s no one prouder of you than me. And it doesn’t matter to me if you win or lose, because I know that you always give your best. So I’m always proud of you. I admit, I’ve fantasized a lot about us being married, but, hand on heart, I have never once imagined you in the kitchen or cleaning anything up, especially not after me. I’ve just thought of us, going on the way we are now, with you in your tracksuit, running; in your gear, training; or even sitting around having a drink with the guys when you’re not training for an upcoming match. I first saw you in the ring, GaYeon. That’s where I always imagine you,” he finished.

GaYeon looked at him thoughtfully.

“Now I have something else to worry about,” she said.

“What now?”

“What’s going to happen when I want to retire?” she smiled.

“Well, other than training other fighters at the centre, we’ll just have to make sure that I can imagine you in other places,” he said kissing her neck, “like where we are right now.”

As he continued to kiss her with increasing passion, the last thought GaYeon had before she gave herself completely over to her desire was, which month would be best for a wedding?

*                                *                                *                                *                                *

That night, as Mark lay in bed, he kept seeing JinYoung’s face before him. Or better said, JinYoung’s faces.

The sauce as it hung on his lips.

The moment their fingers touched and their gazes connected.

JinYoung, as he sang the song that had meant so much to them.

The hurt in his eyes at Mark’s unthinking words.

The look in his eyes as he said ‘goodnight’ and left Mark standing alone.

It had been a night of ups and downs. More than he had imagined there would be. But he comforted himself with the thought that as they grew accustomed to their new relationship it would inevitably get easier.

Wouldn’t it?

But for now, no matter what the future would bring, for tonight, it just . . . hurt.

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