Chapter 12

For the first time since they met, JinYoung dreaded the thought of seeing Mark in the morning.

He didn't know how he was going to explain what happened during his 'date' with MiRa to his lover. He had only fleetingly said 'goodnight' to Mark through the door last night before hurriedly retiring to his bed. He was glad Mark's door had been closed because JinYoung couldn't even look him in the eye. That had never happened before. Not even when they were fighting. He could only imagine what Mark must be thinking.

But he needn't have worried. By the time he got up, Mark was long gone.

His bedroom door was open. His bed was empty. His closet doors were open. JinYoung felt a thud in his stomach as he noticed that Mark's clothes were missing.

"No . . . " he whispered as he sank to the floor.

JinYoung raced to the office that morning to see if Mark was there, but the secretary informed him that Mr Tuan had called in saying that would be taking a few days off.

That was when the bottom fell out of JinYoung's life.

The first thing he did was phone all of their friends to find out if anyone knew where Mark was. He tried not to sound panicked and they tried not to sound worried, but no one fooled the other. JinYoung and all his and Mark's friends knew something very important about Mark: he wasn't the dramatic flourish type. If he left, he'd meant it, so the chances of him showing up after 'having taught his boyfriend a lesson' weren't very high.

Wherever he'd gone, Mark obviously didn't want to be found. So, as hard as it was for JinYoung, however tortured he felt inside, he decided that it might be best to leave him alone for a while. Mark probably needed time and space to sort out whatever he was feeling before he would be ready to speak to him. This was what JinYoung was hoping was the case. He couldn't believe that Mark would leave him for good without having talked to him about it. He wasn't dramatic, but he also wasn't the sort of person who would leave loose ends hanging, and that included leaving without saying goodbye. At the very least, Mark would contact him to tie up those ends, so JinYoung just had to be patient. He had to wait until Mark was ready. He knew that no matter how hard it was, or how long it took, there was no other choice left to him.

But he soon found that he couldn't take the pain.

He hadn't ever been separated from Mark from the moment they started their relationship, except when it had been forced on them. And during those times, he'd found that being apart from Mark was almost unbearable.

Now that Mark had left him, with no indication of when, or if, he would return, it was truly agonising.

One question, one torturous question, kept rattling around in his head: why hadn't he just talked to Mark last night? If he had known that the consequence would be that that would have been the last time, had he known that Mark would actually leave him, he would never have disappeared, hiding shamefully in his room. He'd just come in and barely said a word to him; barely a word to the man who was the love of his life. The recollection made him feel sick. The thoughts of how Mark must have felt in order for him to take the drastic step of leaving, tormented him.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

He tried to keep busy, but work did little to take JinYoung's mind off Mark. He knew he'd decided to leave Mark alone by not pursuing him, but he couldn't stop altogether. Wherever he went in Escape, in the office, on the grounds he could only see Mark. They'd built everything together. It was theirs together. Every wall, every floor, every detail; they had done it all together. And now . . .  Mark was gone.

JinYoung felt like he was going out of his mind.

That night, he lay on Mark's bed drinking as he held his pillow. His grief was so overpowering that he could only groan and weep. He called his lover's name over and over until his voice was hoarse. He was hoping the alcohol would put him to sleep, so he could escape his thoughts, his regrets, his pain for a while, but that hadn't happened. He didn't think he could bear the suffering for another moment without hearing Mark's voice.

That's when his phone rang.

In his desperation to hear Mark's voice, he answered the call rashly.

"Annyeong," he whispered desperately, sounding hoarse from crying.

"Oppa, what's wrong with your voice?" MiRa asked.

"Nothing, MiRa," JinYoung responded disappointedly, when he discovered it wasn't Mark. "I'm just not feeling well."

"You sound terrible. Are you taking any medicine?"

JinYoung looked at the bottle in his hand and chuckled croakily to himself before answering. "No . . . no medicine."

"You sound strange, Oppa. I'm coming over," MiRa said worriedly.

"No! Don't come over. I'm fine . . . I'll be fine. I just need some rest," JinYoung insisted.

"I'll be there in a few minutes," MiRa declared and then she hung up.

"MiRa...MIRA!" JinYoung shouted into the phone painfully.

But she was already gone.

JinYoung sank slowly down into Mark's bed and hugged his pillow tighter, his tears seeping into the fabric.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"Thank you for letting me stay here for a while, YoungJae-ah," Mark said. "I'm really sorry you had to lie for me. Sorry for putting you in the middle. I'll take care of this soon. I just can't see him right now . . . "

"That's okay, Hyung," YoungJae comforted.

Mark had called him late the night before and then appeared at his door early in the morning with not much more in the way of explanation: only that he had left JinYoung. He didn't seem to want to talk about it, so YoungJae, being the friend he was, didn't push. After, they'd sat together: first at the table drinking coffee and then on the sofa with YoungJae's arm around his friend's shoulder to comfort him. He offered to stay home with him, but Mark decided that wouldn't be a good idea.

"If you don't go to work, JinYoung might figure out that I'm here. I'll be okay staying alone," Mark assured him.

So, YoungJae went to work. And other than a frantic phone call from JinYoung later that morning, he didn't have to get involved any further between the two. But when he arrived home that evening, he could see that his hyung had been crying.

He held Mark in his arms, his back as he wept wordlessly. No words passed between them. YoungJae simply comforted his friend.

Later, he'd made some dinner, but Mark couldn't eat. He didn't have an appetite.

"You have to try to eat something, Hyung," YoungJae encouraged.

"I don't think I could keep anything down, right now. I'll try later. I promise . . . "

So, YoungJae just sat next to Mark with his arm around his shoulder, prepared to listen anytime his friend decided to talk.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"I told you not to come," JinYoung said harshly to MiRa as she stood in the doorway.

"After the way you sounded on the phone, what else did you expect?" she asked. "Now let me in."

He continued to block the way resolutely. MiRa might not have intended to cause trouble between him and Mark—how could she? She didn't even know they were together—but the truth was that her actions had caused all this, whether she knew it or not. It was hard for JinYoung to look at her without thinking about the pain they'd both caused Mark.

"I won't stay long. I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"I'm okay," JinYoung stated.

"Have you eaten?" MiRa asked. After receiving no answer, she said, "Look, I don't want to stand out here having a conversation. Could I just come in, please?" JinYoung didn't move. "Just for a moment, please?"

JinYoung wearily stood aside and let her in.

"That's better. Now, have you eaten?" she asked again.

"I'm not hungry,"JinYoung answered.

"Have you been drinking?"

JinYoung didn't answer.

"I see. Well, you should at least know better than to drink on an empty stomach." She surveyed him closely. "You really look terrible. I prescribe food and rest. You sit down and I'll make something for us both," MiRa directed.

JinYoung didn't have the strength to argue. He went and sat down heavily on the sofa. Soon, too tired to even continue holding his body up, he lay down on his side, with his head propped up on the armrest. He sighed as he closed his eyes wearily thinking only of Mark.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

YoungJae was packing the dishes away while Mark showered. He wondered what his hyung was going to do. His life was entirely wrapped up with JinYoung's: they were like a married couple . . . no, closer. They lived together. They worked together. Each day of their lives had been woven together like a tapestry. And now, this . . .

"Don't worry, YoungJae-ah. You'll get lines," Mark said as he walked into the kitchen.

"How do you feel now, Hyung?" YoungJae asked.

"A little better. Tired, though."

"Maybe you should try to sleep. You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch."

"Actually . . . if you don't mind, YoungJae-ah . . . could we both sleep in the bed together? I know I'm asking a lot, but I don't want to be alone . . . "

"It's okay, Hyung. You go lie down. I'll be there shortly."

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

So, although they were apart, both Mark and JinYoung slipped into sleep around the same time that night.

JinYoung's was a sleep brought on as the byproduct of being in a drunken stupor. After having eaten very little of the supper MiRa had prepared for him, he'd dragged himself into his bedroom and changed into his usual sleeping outfit of pyjama pants and a white tank top, before continuing to drink as MiRa cleaned up the kitchen. By the time she entered the bedroom to check on him, he was well and truly drunk.

I can't leave him alone, she thought to herself, and within a moment, she determined to stay the night. She didn't know what was wrong with him, but she did know that he couldn't be left alone. Who knows what he might do in his state? she reasoned.

She looked in his drawer for some pyjamas she could use for the night. She found the top that matched the pyjama bottoms JinYoung was wearing. It looked as though it had never been worn.

Since it seemed he'd never worn the top, it felt less like she was imposing on him by using his things.

Also, to be honest, the thought of wearing the matching top to what he was wearing made her feel sort of like they were finally a proper couple.

For one short, fleeting moment, she could even imagine them married.

This is the sort of thing young married couples do, don't they? Sharing pyjamas? she smiled to herself.

The two of them wearing pieces of the same outfit carried with it a sort of air of romance that made her feel close to JinYoung, as though they were sharing something intimate. He hadn't yet confided to her why he'd begun to drink so heavily, but she could at least stay close to him and make sure he was okay. Maybe if he knew she was there for him, he would confide in her sooner or later, and that would bring them even closer.

She resolved to be there if he should need someone to talk to, or just be with, when he awoke.

She walked gingerly over to the bed and looked down at JinYoung's face. He was so handsome, even in this state. His eyes were closed but his expression, pulled into a grimace even in his sleep, made him look as though he was in pain.

All she could think of was how much she wanted to soothe that pain.

She sat down and lifted his head carefully, positioning it on her lap. She then began to run her fingers through his thick, black hair, while singing to him in a low, melodious voice.

In his inebriation, feeling somewhat comforted, he reached out and hugged her legs, mouthing the name 'Mark' soundlessly just before he completely passing out.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

As JinYoung lay insensible on his bed with MiRa watching over him, Mark lay with his head in the crook of YoungJae's arm with his friend holding him close. He wept silently as YoungJae his hair and sang him a lullaby; sweetly and softly.

And as he sang, Mark felt himself slip slowly into a fitful sleep wrapped tightly in YoungJae's arms.

And the thought of JinYoung; his lovely face, was the last picture in his mind.

Oh, MarkJin . . . T_T

I just wanted to say that I know things are looking pretty bleak, but if any of you are watchers of K-Drama, you'll realise that just when things seem as though they can't get any worse . . . they do. Still, I hope you'll trust me and stick with the story.

I plan to update again by the end of the week!  ^_^

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