Hello, Lovely Readers!

Happy New Year! Hope you had great holidays!

I've decided to mark this as the first half of a chapter (23a) because the action flows into the next installment. I will be posting 23b VERY soon.

Thank you to all those who have commented. I haven't replied to any comments because I've been busy, busy, busy! But thank you all the same for posting them! And thank you to everyone who has subscribed to and/or upvoted this or any other story of mine.

But again, special thanks to the commenters! Reading comments really makes my day!

Chapter 23a

That night, after they'd made love and lay in each other's arms, JinYoung felt a feeling of foreboding.

It had begun in Runaway, but the truth was, when they were alone together, particularly when they were intimate, it was worse.

Ever since the first time, he'd had an inexplicable feeling of distance from Mark. Their lovemaking had taken on a feeling that it never had before.

It was a feeling of desperation.

Somehow, it felt as though, no matter how close they got, no matter how tightly they held each other, they couldn't get close enough. In fact, it almost felt as if the closer they got, the further each was slipping away.

And JinYoung wasn't the only one who was having this feeling.

"JinYoung-ah," Mark called softly, lying in JinYoung's arms as his lover laid in his.

"Yes," JinYoung answered.

"How do you feel?" he asked.

He looked at Mark. "What do you mean?"

Mark took one of JinYoung's hands and and played with his fingers.

"I mean . . . it's different, isn't it?"

JinYoung didn't answer. But, Mark almost seemed not to notice. He just continued on.

"It feels like, no matter how much I try, I can't feel the feeling of quiet or of contentment that I used to when we were . . . together before. I almost feel like you're somehow leaving me," he confided.

Slipping away . . . that's the feeling, isn't it, Mark?

JinYoung just lay in his arms, snuggling closer, willing it all not to be true.

So, it's not just me . . . he thought miserably.

"Maybe it's because of my dreams," Mark said.

"What dreams?"

"I used to have dreams about you every night. We were always in different places doing different things, but one thing never changed."

JinYoung looked concernedly at Mark's face.

"What never changed?"

"You always disappeared. I would run after you, call out to you, reach out for you in the darkness, but you were always gone and I could never find you . . . you never came back."

JinYoung held Mark tighter.

"I'm here now," he said in an effort to calm Mark's fears.

But the truth was, he was having the same fears. And even worse ones.

He feared that this, was just something temporary. They would never, ever be able to be together again as they once were. And at the thought of this, panic began to rise in his chest. He began to kiss Mark forcefully as if he was trying to shut out the truth. With each kiss he defended their love; walling them in to protect them against the shadow he could feel descending on them; the darkness insinuating itself between them; seeping into the narrow spaces in an attempt to separate them.

It can't be . . . I won't let it be . . . I love him . . . I love him so much . . . it won't happen to us . . . it can't . . . I won't let it . . .

And Mark, overcome by the same anxieties, returned his kisses and loving touches with equal force as their mutual fears of the ominous drove them to one another.

But no matter how much they frenziedly clung to one another kissing each other with deep, hard feverish kisses pressed against mouths and necks and shoulders and faces while whispering desperate 'I love you's' into each other's skin; running their hands over the other's body . . . to feel . . . to claim . . . to possess: anything that would cause this dreadful feeling  to abate . . .  it would not . . . it did not . . . go away.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"Hyung, you didn't have to bring something. I could have cooked," YoungJae said as JaeBum walked through the front door as he held it open.

"It wasn't any trouble," JaeBum returned as he stepped out of his shoes and headed for YoungJae's dining table.

For once, YoungJae and JaeBum didn't have to work in the evening. They'd finished recording at 5pm and after going home to clean up a little and then stopping to pick up some dinner from his favourite restaurant, JaeBum made it over to YoungJae's.

The two had been spending a lot of time together ever since JinYoung had come into town. Not only did they have a lot of work together at the studio, there was something about the curiosity they felt about Mark and JinYoung's situation that was drawing them together. Just having someone to bandy ideas about with about what might happen between two of their close friends was comforting.

While JaeBum unpacked the food and drink he'd brought, YoungJae got the plates and utensils. Soon, they were sitting down enjoying a warm meal together.

"This food is really good, as usual, Hyung," YoungJae complimented.

"That aunt is a very good cook. And when I told her I was going to eat with you, she put in a few extra side-dishes I hadn't even ordered. I think she likes you," JaeBum smiled.

YoungJae felt his cheeks grow warm at his words. He was embarrassed that no matter what JaeBum said to him, as long as it was kind or sweet in any way, even if it was just conveying someone else's feelings towards him, he would immediately heat up.

I promised myself I would stop feeling this way about JaeBum-Hyung. A one-sided love is too painful . . .

But he couldn't seem to stop himself.

Especially the way that JaeBum was looking at him as they ate together.

So often when they were together, it felt like a date. YoungJae had to almost constantly remind himself that JaeBum only saw him as a dongseng and absolutely nothing more. But at times like these when JaeBum seemed to be looking straight inside him, he found it hard to fight his feelings.

But fight them, he must. So he just smiled and looked down, continuing to eat with relish and offered no more in the way of eye contact until the meal was finished.

"Would you like some tea, Hyung?" YoungJae asked as JaeBum cleared the table.

"Yes, thank you," JaeBum answered, glad that he would be able to extend his visit by drinking something together after the meal.

Once the tea had brewed and been poured into cups, they sat comfortably on the sofa.

"When do you think JinYoung will be going back?" JaeBum asked.

"I have no idea. Jia-Noona told me that Mark-Hyung took JinYoung-Hyung to the café, and that he even started to do some work there."

JaeBum mused. He was glad for them, but what about their problems? Were they suddenly all solved?

"So do you think he might be staying for good?"

"I'm not sure, but it looks like he's at least thinking about it."

And so they went on gossiping for a while about Mark and JinYoung's relationship, until they ran out of new information to share. Then the subject went into another direction.

"Hyung?"

"Yes."

"I was wondering why Fei-Noona hasn't been coming around for lunch that often. Is she uncomfortable that I'm there?" YoungJae asked.

"No! Why would she feel uncomfortable that you're there? She likes you," JaeBum answered.

"I know she likes me, but women like to spend time alone with their boyfriends, at least sometimes or else they feel neglected. I thought maybe I was getting in the way."

JaeBum almost spit out his tea.

"Boyfriend? Do you mean me?" he asked, in shock.

"Yes . . . of course."

"I am not Fei's boyfriend. We are very close friends, but that's all," JaeBum said definitively. "You thought we were in that kind of relationship? What made you think that?" he asked.

"You brought her to the engagement party and you seemed close. And . . . she's very pretty and nice and I just thought . . . "

Jae Bum laughed.

"If Fei could hear this, she'd think it was the biggest joke . . . " he said before laughing even more. "She's not . . . well, let's just say she's not my type . . . "

If Fei-Noona isn't Hyung's type, what is? She's so pretty and nice and friendly and . . .

"No, YoungJae-ah . . . she's definitely not my type . . . " he chuckled.

*                                 *                                 *                                 *                                 *

"What do you have planned for this evening?" YuGyeom asked as he removed his apron.

"Nothing except studying," BamBam answered.

"What are you going to eat?"

"I have some leftovers I'm going to heat up. I usually cook enough to last for a couple of days. I can spend more time studying if I don't have to think about what to eat every day."

"Is that all you ever do: just work and study?"

"Pretty much."

"I think you need a change."

"What kind of change?"

"A break."

YuGyeom summoned up some courage and then asked:

"Would you like to come out with me somewhere this evening?"

"Where?" BamBam asked hanging up his apron and getting his jacket.

"It's a surprise," YuGyeom answered.

It took a bit of persuading, but then YuGyeom and BamBam were headed, not in the direction of the dorms, but instead deeper into the city. They walked through the marketplace and sampled food at stand after stand. But whenever BamBam reached for his wallet to pay for his food, YuGyeom would insist that it was his treat.

"It was my idea to come out. If you'd gone home, you could have eaten those leftovers and wouldn't have had to spend any money, so it's only fair that I pay since I nagged you into coming out with me," he explained.

After the first couple of times of attempting to pay for himself, BamBam gave up. YuGyeom was adamant about taking responsibility for their night out. And whenever BamBam wanted to refuse food because he didn't want YuGyeom to spend so much money, YuGyeom would insist, saying that he'd need his strength where they were headed.

"We're going somewhere after this? Where?"

"It's a surprise," YuGyeom responded slyly.

BamBam's eyes lit up when he saw where YuGyeom had brought him.

It was an arcade!

He hadn't visited one in ages! He wasn't the type of person who believed in treating himself when he had responsibilities to fulfil. YuGyeom had been right: with him, it was always either studying or working. He somehow couldn't bring himself to spend time or money doing something as indulgent as playing at an arcade. But now, thanks to YuGyeom, here he was.

And he was so happy.

"How did you know?" BamBam asked.

"You said you liked games, so I thought you'd like it here. Hey, there's my favourite game and it's free. That's lucky. There's usually someone on it," YuGyeom said, running towards the machine.

It was the dancing game.

BamBam watched as YuGyeom played. "Your feet are so fast," he said.

YuGyeom smiled.

After he'd played twice in a row, he asked BamBam what his favourite game was.

"Shooting hoops," he replied.

"Then, let's go there," YuGyeom suggested.

They played round after round and then sat side-by-side as they each played some racing games, finally rounding out the night by playing several rounds of Air Hockey, most of which BamBam won. When they finally stepped outside, they both noticed how cold it had become.

"Would you like to go with me to get a warm drink?" YuGyeom asked.

"Only if I pay," BamBam said.

"Nope, I already told you, if you hadn't come out with me . . . "

" . . . I would have been at home eating leftovers . . . I know . . . but . . . "

"No 'buts'," YuGyeom insisted. "If you pay I'll feel really guilty that you had to spend money you hadn't planned on spending. It wouldn't be fair."

BamBam sighed. YuGyeom didn't seem to budge once he'd decided something.

"Okay, fine," BamBam said giving in.

"Is there anywhere you'd like to go?"

"Yes," BamBam said right away. "I've got the perfect place in mind. Follow me."

"You've got to be kidding," YuGyeom said once they'd arrived.

"No, I've always wanted to come here," BamBam said, smiling.

"But . . . we were just here a few hours ago. We work here," YuGyeom said sounding a little exasperated.

"That's right. We work here, but I've always wanted to come here as a customer. It's the nicest café I know of, so why shouldn't we come here?"

YuGyeom could raise no reasonable objections, so . . .

Come on," BamBam said, hooking his arm through YuGyeom's, "let's go in."

23b will follow . . .

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