Kyungsoo traced a hand over the surface of the water, letting his fingers ride the gentle ripples forming on it as Chanyeol shifted slightly. The skin on his fingers were starting to wrinkle and Chanyeol was probably freezing to death behind him judging from how much of him stuck out of the small alcove bathtub, not to mention that he also probably had severe cramps in his legs, but Kyungsoo was still not done ruminating. He sighed and leaned back against Chanyeol, who began to idly scoop water onto his shoulders.

“What’s on your mind?”

“Us,” Kyungsoo said simply, stopping Chanyeol from scooping any more water and pulling his arm to wrap it around himself instead.

“You still think one of us is going to die?” Chanyeol asked, gladly enfolding Kyungsoo in his arms.

“Worse.”

“What’s worse than death?”

“Guilt.”

There was a momentary pause before Chanyeol replied, “I’m not sure I’m following you.”

Kyungsoo tightened his grip on the arms Chanyeol had around him, mentally grasping onto this moment like a lifeline. Was lying really the best option?

“Wait, let me guess,” Chanyeol said before he had a chance to decide. “Are you having second thoughts about throwing out your dad’s things? I can always take them back out of the bin.”

“No, that’s one less thing for me to worry about.”

“Okay. Did Tao say something to you?”

Kyungsoo hesitated. “Why would he?”

“I’m just guessing. I didn’t know you’re close to him, to be honest.”

“We’re doing the same course.”

“He sees you more often than I do then.”

“Maybe I should change my major."

“So you can be tied up with group meetings too?”

Kyungsoo nodded. “If I didn’t have so much free time then…” He trailed off with a sigh.

Chanyeol studied him for a while. “Fess up, what did he say to you?”

“Nothing.”

“My gut feeling tells me that he’s that annoying friend who keeps badmouthing me.”

Kyungsoo sighed again. “I’m sorry about what happened. If I knew he was going to be so… snarky, I would’ve asked someone else to help.”

“He got the job done,” Chanyeol said dismissively.

“He holds petty grudges but he’s a nice guy.”

“I don’t think grudge-bearing and nice go together.”

“He told me to be nice to you.”

“Did he?” Chanyeol said dubiously. “I’m pretty sure I overheard him telling you to dump me.”

Kyungsoo whipped around to look at Chanyeol, paying no heed to the water sloshing over the edge of the bathtub. “What?”

“Someone should remind that guy to use his indoor voice.”

“What else did you hear?”

“That’s all.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I didn’t want to eavesdrop. Maybe I should’ve. What kind of top secret discussion did you have with him?”

Kyungsoo simply shook his head in response and turned back around to face the foot of the tub.

“Okay, so I’m not supposed to know,” Chanyeol said, fixing the arms he still had around Kyungsoo. “Whatever it was, it’s the same thing that’s eating you up, right?”

“Nothing’s eating me up.”

“If you're not so preoccupied, I think your teeth would be chattering along with mine.”

Kyungsoo sighed and gave Chanyeol’s upper arm a rub to try to warm him up. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“What if I-” Kyungsoo paused, considering his next words. “What if I told you I cheated on you?”

“You wouldn’t,” Chanyeol said, planting a casual kiss on Kyungsoo’s left shoulder.

That blind trust felt so much like a burden it was suffocating. “What if I did?”

“Did you really?” Chanyeol asked, sounding mildly amused. “With who? Tao?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “It’s a hypothetical question.”

“If you cheated on me,” Chanyeol mused. “I’d still love you anyway.”

Kyungsoo stiffened. This wasn’t the best time for any of them to drop the L word. “You shouldn’t.”

“Well, you better have a good excuse ready if you want to cheat on me.”

“I’m serious. You shouldn’t love me.”

“It’s a tad too late to tell me that, but why not?”

“What if I killed someone?”

“What kind of double life do you lead?” Chanyeol asked, chuckling. “The you I know wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Hypothetical question,” Kyungsoo repeated. “What if I cheated on you and I killed the person I cheated on you with?”

“Then I’d visit you in prison.”

“You don’t think it’s possible.”

“No. Murder is one thing but I know you’d never cheat on me.”

Kyungsoo frowned. “I don’t get it.”

“What?”

“Why is it so inconceivable for me to cheat on you?”

“Because you don’t let anyone into your pants. Not even me.”

Kyungsoo hesitated before shifting around in the cramped space to face Chanyeol. “Do you want to sleep with me?”

“Nope, not falling for that,” Chanyeol said, easing Kyungsoo back into his previous position and wrapping his arms back around him. “There’s no right answer to that question.”

Kyungsoo flopped back against Chanyeol, sighing. “How much can you take?”

“We’ll have to see. I think I can put up with you being a two-timing murderer. It might spice things up a bit.”

“You think I’m boring?”

“I think you’re great,” Chanyeol said, punctuating his mechanical response with a firm kiss on Kyungsoo’s cheek. “It wouldn’t make a difference if you’re a student or a serial killer. You’re still you.”

“What am I?”

“The person I love, of course.”

Kyungsoo fidgeted slightly, discomfited by that statement. “So it doesn’t matter what I do, you’re okay with it?”

“Probably. What are you planning to do?”

Kyungsoo shook his head. “Nothing.”

“Whatever it is, I need two weeks notice if you want to dump me. I’d be homeless otherwise.”

Kyungsoo frowned. “That’s the only thing that bothers you?”

“I think I’d have a higher chance of winning back your heart if I wasn’t a hobo.”

There was a momentary pause before Kyungsoo spoke up again. “What about if you want to leave me?”

“Why would I want to?”

“If.”

“I’ll think about it when it happens, which is unlikely.”

“I don’t think it is.”

“Did you do something else in your secret double life?”

Kyungsoo turned around to look at Chanyeol directly. “Yes.”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said, seemingly unperturbed. “You cheated on me, you killed someone, what else did you do? Rob a bank? I think I can handle that.”

Kyungsoo hesitated. “I told you about the elephant, didn’t I?”

“You can’t still be tripping.”

“What?”

“Nothing.” Chanyeol gave a low groan as he shifted around Kyungsoo to fold his knees up to his chest. “My legs are killing me.”

Kyungsoo placed a hand on his knee to get him to focus. “The elephant.”

“Yeah, what about it?”

“I think it’s tangible.”

Chanyeol paused before responding with a dragged out “Okay. I don’t see it.”

“No, I’m talking about what it represents.”

“And what’s that?”

Kyungsoo hesitated, absently tracing circles on Chanyeol’s damp knee with a finger. It was too late to back out now but was it okay to take Chanyeol at his word and tell him the truth or was it better to heed Tao’s advice and lie? “Do you remember that time when you said there was something wrong with me?”

“I don’t think I’ve said anything of the sort.”

“Last semester when we had lunch together.”

“That’s a bit vague.”

“When I didn’t feel like kissing you.”

Chanyeol seemed to think that over for a while before apparently recalling the day with a quiet “Ah.”

“Do you remember now?”

“Is that why you blew up at me? I thought you were stressed out about assignments or something.”

Kyungsoo frowned. “Of course I’d get angry if you say something as stupid as that.”

“Wait, what did I say again?”

“You asked me if something was wrong, if something happened.”

Chanyeol paused. “And?”

“You don’t think that’s insensitive?” Kyungsoo asked, voice rising with irritation.

“It’s insensitive of me to ask you if something’s wrong?” Chanyeol asked, obviously puzzled.

“Look at the context. Why should there be something wrong with me if I don’t want to kiss you? Maybe I just don’t feel like it. Have you ever thought of that?”

“Okay,” Chanyeol said hesitantly. “So I said something stupid.”

“It’s the same kind of bull that I have to listen to again and again. You can be gay or straight or bi or whatever you think you are, but if you’re aual then there must be something wrong with you.”

“Whoa, that’s not what I said at all,” Chanyeol said, reaching over for one of Kyungsoo’s hands to give it a soothing rub.

“I’m so sick of people making assumptions about me.”

“Okay, I apologize on behalf of all the ignorant people you’ve met. What did you want to tell me about the elephant?”

Kyungsoo hesitated. “Well, later on that day, I went somewhere with someone. It was late at night and I was angry and I- I kind of did something.”

“Right,” Chanyeol said slowly. “That’s extremely informative.”

Kyungsoo was so close to blurting out the truth, but found himself unable to utter his next words, choking on the breath stuck in his chest instead for long enough to make him dizzy. “I can’t do it,” he finally managed to say on a shaky breath.

“You kind of did something but you can’t do it?” Chanyeol asked, confused.

“I can’t tell you what I did.”

Chanyeol regarded him with what appeared to be mild curiosity before dismissing it with a shake of the head. “Baby steps. Let’s get out of this bathtub. I think my skin’s falling off.”