Baekhyun walked into the kitchen and headed straight to the small overhead cabinet, paying no heed to the person listlessly eating a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. He took the small box of Panadeine Forte, which was the most that stingy hippie was willing to give him for free back in first year when they were dating, and casually popped a tablet into his mouth before taking another two for Jongdae. He shook the box to get the other person’s attention. “Want one?”

Tao lifted his gaze from the bowl of cereal, a deep frown on his face. “How do you live with yourself?”

Baekhyun gave a slight shrug. “If you don’t want one, that’s cool.” He placed the box back in the cabinet.

“I don’t know why people flock around you. If you want to up your own life then go right ahead, but you up other people’s too, and it’s revolting how your life just goes on without a hitch while everybody else’s go up in flames.”

“A bit overdramatic, I see,” Baekhyun mumbled, taking the box he just replaced in the cabinet back out. “Some codeine might help you calm down.”

“I don’t want your drugs,” Tao spat. “Have you ever gone through a day with a clear head?”

“I’m clearheaded now, thanks to you,” Baekhyun said, putting the box back into the cabinet and walking over to the sink to fill a glass with water. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be in bed with a hangover right now.”

“I didn’t do it for you, I did it for the people around you,” Tao said, angrily stirring his bowl of soggy cereal with a spoon. “But of course you managed to effortlessly everything up without drinking a drop.”

Baekhyun took a sip from the glass, thinking that statement over, before giving an approving nod. “That makes me sound so accomplished.”

“Don’t you feel anything? Don’t you feel the slightest hint of guilt when you treat people like , when you up people’s lives, when you up your relationships, when you puree anybody who tries to be nice to you?”

“I didn’t realize I did so much last night.”

“Have you ever stopped your single-minded mission to the whole world in more ways than one for a second and thought about someone other than yourself?”

“Hey, I do think about other people. I can’t do my mission by myself, can I?”

Tao stared at him with disgust. “Don’t you look in the mirror and wonder how you became such a pathetic creature?”

Baekhyun looked at his reflection in the stainless steel faucet. “I think I look pretty good.”

“A pathetic creature who preys on other people’s loneliness just so you can have a good laugh.”

“Well, a laugh is not exactly what I’m looking for.”

“I pity you, I pity the people you sleep with and I pity your friends.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun said indifferently. “Aren't you one of my randos though?”

“I wish that night never happened.”

“What number are you anyway?” Baekhyun asked, putting the glass of water on the kitchen counter to take out the phone he had shoved into his pocket. “I should add you to my list.”

Tao frowned. “I’m not a notch in your bedpost. I didn’t sleep with you.”

“Yeah, number 429 was a guy too,” Baekhyun said, scrolling through his list of contacts. “Well, he’s number 430 if I add you.”

“Four hundred-” Tao sputtered. “What the hell?”

“I’ve slept with more but not all of them gave me their numbers. What’s yours?”

“How are you not incontinent?” Tao asked, aghast.

“You know that’s a misconception, right?” Baekhyun asked, glancing up from his phone. “I do the bending just as often as I bend over anyway.”

“How are you not riddled with disease? How are you not dead?”

“I’m lucky I guess,” Baekhyun mumbled, putting his phone back in his pocket since he was obviously not getting Tao’s phone number.

“And I had your mouth on-” Tao grimaced, too horrified to finish his sentence.

“If you’re worried about old germs, then I don’t think you want to know what I did on that,” Baekhyun said, gesturing at the kitchen table. “A whole bunch of times with a whole bunch of people too.”

Tao quickly got off the seat, picking up his bowl of cereal from the table.

“I used that too.”

Tao frowned. “What the hell can you do with a bowl?”

“I was talking about the spoon,” Baekhyun said, retrieving the glass of water and walking out of the kitchen before what he said had completely dawned on Tao. He headed back into Jongdae’s room just as Tao let out a disgusted groan followed by a clang, and pushed the door closed. “I don’t think I like our new housemate.”

“He’s paying a third of the rent,” Jongdae said, voice muffled as he lied in bed with his arms cradling his head. “What took you so long?”

“He’s a shaming crusader,” Baekhyun said, nudging Jongdae’s arm with the glass of water. Jongdae took it from him and he handed the tablets over.

“Just don’t talk to him,” Jongdae said, grimacing as he sat up to take the tablets. He swallowed the tablets one at a time and handed the glass back to Baekhyun.

Baekhyun placed the glass on the small study desk in the room before sitting himself down on the edge of Jongdae’s bed. “He goes on rants out of the blue.”

“It doesn’t matter. We can’t afford half the rent.”

“Let’s find someone else to move in with us.”

“We can’t kick him out.”

“He doesn’t want to stay here, right?” Baekhyun said, pushing Jongdae’s legs aside so he could shift further onto the bed to rest his back against the wall. “We’ll tell him to find his own place and let him stay here while he’s looking. In the meantime, we’ll put up notices around campus to look for a housemate.”

“That sounds fair. Go and tell him about it.”

“No, you do it. Do you know what he said to me? He said I make people’s lives go up in flames.”

“Huh. I was just thinking that you make people start shovelling on the spot when they’re drunk.”

“That reminds me,” Baekhyun said, a smile of amusement slowly forming on his face. “You’ve said some pretty overdramatic things yourself, haven’t you? Like when I took some Prozac and you acted like it was the end of the world.”

“I was worried about you.”

Baekhyun chuckled. “It was just Prozac.”

“It wasn’t just the expired Prozac, I was worried about all those sickos you were sleeping with too.”

“I think you take the substitute mum thing a bit too seriously sometimes,” Baekhyun said, giving Jongdae an odd look. “I know how to take care of myself.”

“No, you don’t. That’s the problem.”

“I’m alive and well, thanks.”

“You don’t even know what safe is,” Jongdae said, shifting to sit up on the bed. Apparently the painkillers were starting to kick in. “For someone who sleeps around so much, you should at least know the basics.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot you’re a shaming crusader too.”

“I’m not shaming, I’m educating.”

Baekhyun frowned. “You think I didn’t go to school?”

“Didn't you go to Catholic school?”

“You think we don’t have ed? How do you know that anyway?”

“I did my research.”

Baekhyun eyed him contemplatively. “You’re still hung up on my family, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jongdae said simply. “I’ve been trying to track down your parents.”

“Just go to the care home. Obviously my mum’s still working there.”

“I called the care home and found out that there are plenty of Sister Marys there but no one by the name of Mary Byun.”

“She goes by her maiden name.”

“And what’s that?”

Baekhyun hesitated. What was his mother’s surname? He racked his brain to find that one detail but failed to come up with anything. Had it really been so long since he last saw his mother that he couldn’t even remember her name? What kind of son was he? He shook his head. “I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember your mum’s maiden name?”

“Not off the top of my head.”

“Okay,” Jongdae said dubiously. “Then let’s go to the care home and find her.”

“No, she doesn’t want to see me.”

“I thought your dad’s the one who doesn’t want to see you? Anyway her supposed near-death experience might have changed things.”

“My dad still doesn’t want to see me and he doesn’t want me to see her,” Baekhyun said, getting off the bed and walking over to the study desk to take Jongdae’s laptop. “Remember that phone call he made when she was still in hospital?”

“Yeah, the one about changing your mobile plan. What are you doing with my computer?”

“Let’s make that notice,” Baekhyun said, plopping himself back down on the bed and switching on the laptop.

“What notice?”

“To find a new housemate.”

“Aren’t you supposed to tell Tao first? What if he doesn’t want to move out?”

“He definitely does,” Baekhyun said before frowning at what he saw on the computer screen. “This is somewhat creepy.”

“What?”

“‘Baekhyun health care card’, ‘Baekhyun high school certificate’, ‘Baekhyun passport’,” Baekhyun read the file names on the desktop.

“They’re for research purposes.”

“‘Baekhyun resume’ and ‘Baekhyun student ID’ for every year that I’ve been in school. I think you have a slight problem with obsession.”

“No, I just took those from your room and scanned them.”

“That’s even creepier.”

“They come in handy when I’m trying to find your parents.”

“I don’t get your fixation on them,” Baekhyun said under his breath, placing the laptop on the mattress beside Jongdae and moving to settle on his stomach in front of it. “So how do we start making that notice?”

“Let’s post something on the uni accommodation listings website,” Jongdae suggested. “That’s easier than stapling notices around campus.”